1 Chapter 1

They stated as much. The past is not the same as the present. The present is the outcome of the past, and the past is unchangeable.

"Karmie Carsoles?" inquired my proctor. Today's first topic is history. "Sir, yes. (Sir, yes.) "I stated. I was just sitting there staring out the window. I dislike history because, as the saying goes, "past is past, never discuss."

I don’t really listen every history class. I really do not want to. I don’t know why I’m not passionate about it.

The class just ended without me listening. I don't care what our Proctor says.

I'm in the hallway now, alone. Why am I alone? I became an introvert. From the beginning, the unexpected happened.

I was still in my first year of college when I was at a party. It was 12am at that time.

I did not say goodbye to Dad and Mom that I was going to a party of my friend’s. It's 3am, Mom says, I should be home by 10pm. But I didn't realize that it was 3am at that time, and I already had 58 missed calls on my cellphone.

I was drinking when Mom called again. "Ma?" I can only say "Where are you? You're the only one having fun there! What did I say? At 10pm, you're here at home! We're in the hospital right now! Your Dad had a heart attack!" Mom shouted. And at those times, my world seemed to stop and I did not know what to do.

I just stared in front of my father. I knew he was having a hard time. I know we have a lot of money. But I also know no matter how much money we still have. There is also nothing that can be done if the person is still struggling to survive.

In those circumstances. I went up to Dad. "My-my daughter, I know I'm not going to live long." I didn't finish what Dad was going to say, instead interrupted him. "No, no, no... noooo," I exclaimed as I hugged him. "Dad... noo," I continued, and he hugged me back. "My darling... Don't shed any tears. I'm still here." My father joked as I looked up and at Mom at the same time. It was clear that Dad was really ill.

Dad handed me something. It was a necklace engraved with the name 'Karmen' "W-what is this?" I asked. "My father gave this to me. It's from your great grandmother, Karmen Carsoles, "said Dad. While he placed it in the palm of my hand.

"Your Grandma Karmelena's sister is Karmen. She just gave it to my ancestor, Karmelena Carsoles. Because she didn't have children. And we don't know what the reason is. All she said was, "Give it to the only woman in the family." The next children of your grandmother Karmelena are all boys. Grandma Karmen ordered it to pass it on to Grandma Karmelena's eldest child. Grandma Karmelena's eldest is Grandpa Krame. And Grandpa Krame soon passed it on as well, to your grandfather, Karyong...Since I am also the eldest, I received the necklace. So now my daughter. I am passing it on to you, "said Dad.

"Now, my dear... Did you know that? I'm absolutely ecstatic for you. Why? Because you are our race's only eldest 'daughter.' Now I'm confident that your Grandma Karmen will be pleased with my eldest. And it was you, Karmie "Dad said. And I took the necklace and wore it.

A few days later, we went to the province to visit Lolo Karyong. Dad ordered it. So Mom gave in. Mom also drove because she was worried about what might happen to Dad if he was going to drive. Karlios and I also don't want to drive it.

Karlios is my younger brother. We are only one year apart.

"Oh my granddaughter." Grandpa said as I got out of the car. It looks like he really thinks differently of me. I was dumbfounded by him. I waved to him out of respect, and we immediately went inside the house.

"Later, we'll visit our house." Lolo said (Filipino word for grandfather). I was surprised by what he said. I also roamed my apartment. "Is this not your house?" I asked. And he just smiled. "It's just my house. But the one we're going to visit is the Casa de Carsoles itself." said Grandpa. And because of that, I was confused. I saw Dad and Mom busy greeting people here. As well as Karlios.

Grandpa spoke up after a while. "Oh, my dear child. Let's get go. If we don't plan ahead of time, the darkness may catch up with us "Grandpa explained. And I noticed Dad agreeing with what Grandpa had told us. "It's still three o'clock. Why? Is it far?" I inquired of Grandpa. And it only smiled. "Just come along," Grandpa instructed.

I have never been there before. So I was even more curious.

Three hours later. We have arrived well. The big gate opened for us. I was stunned when I saw a huge mansion. It seems to date back to the Spanish period. "Is this your house?" I stammered a question and looked at Grandpa at the same time. Grandpa rode with us. We used a van to get to his house. So this is also what we used to transport from his house to Casa De Carsoles. Grandpa immediately looked up and smiled. "It's not my house, it's 'our' house. ""The Carsoles' house," my grandfather explained. Wow! The house is really antique. So...? Are there antique items here? So? Can I sell? Just kidding! Haha!

"Hey! Ugly old woman! Get down there!" Karlios shouted. I didn't realize that they had all gotten out of the van because I was staring at the size of the mansion.

We are now inside the house. When I saw Grandpa talking to an old woman. Around the 80's "Oh, Aleng Filla. Thank you. Because you ordered your grandchildren to clean the mansion." Lolo said.

And the old man smiled. "There's no problem. I also love this mansion." said the old man and looked in my direction.

"Are you Karmie ija?" said the woman as she approached me. "You have grown a lot. You look just like your grandmother Karmen." The old woman said. I didn't know what she was saying. I didn't see my great great great great grandmother.

And when she said that, she looked first in Grandpa's direction.

"Karyong, can I borrow your granddaughter first?" asked the old woman based on what I heard earlier whose name was Filla. So she and Grandpa talked.

When she got back, she held my hand. "I'll guess your age. You're already sixteen, aren't you?" said Grandma Filla. And it was as if she was looking at what was going on in my neck."That necklace is so beautiful," she said.

"You are right, Grandma. Uhmm..." And it suddenly crossed my mind to ask who our ancestors were.

"Uhm... grandma. How many years have you been here? Do you know what and who our ancestors are?" I asked.

But she just smiled. "Auh, grandma... Why? What's up?" I curiously asked. "You'll know at the right time," said Grandma Filla. and it piqued my interest.

A few days later, after we went to the place of our ancestors. Dad's situation worsened and he could not cope. And finally passed away. I can't even accept it, but I can't do anything else. I also know it hurts a lot on Mom’s part as well. She also lost her life partner in life. And Karlios and I are the only three left.

Because of that, the day that I went to that party. I blamed everything on myself. I knew I was really to blame for Dad's heart attack.

So I said just to avoid it. I don't want to socialize with people anymore. Especially with what I thought were my friends.

And on that particular day. The people who I thought were real friends didn't speak to me anymore.

They blame me for ruining their party. because the girl's boyfriend, named Reanne, likes me. That is my ex-bestfriend now. That morning Grane allegedly confessed that he only used Reanne to bring the two of us closer.

I am now 19 years old and about to graduate from college. I don't want to be near them any longer.

As I walk. My phone rang. And I answered it immediately. "Mom?" I said, It was mom who called. "Nak (Filipino word for 'my child'), what time are you going home? Let's visit your Dad's grave." says on the other line. Maybe later, mom. I am still going to study. Karlios and you will be there first. I'll just call if I'm going next there. " I said, "All right. Your dad will be glad to hear that you're studying well. Oh hey... Be careful there. I love you!" said Mom. "I love you too." I said and ended the phone call.

I simply put the phone back in my bag and went for a walk. I took a look around. They appear to be having a good time. Many lovers are also seated in the field. I suddenly remembered Mom and Dad as well.

I'm sure Mom is struggling to 'get out of bed now' that Dad is gone. Mom is someone I admire. Even if she is the one in charge of us and the company that dad left us.

"If only you were here, Dad." I just said and I also saw that I was close to the library.

As I take a walk. A girl ran into me and because of that, I stumbled.

"Aren't you looking where you're going!?" She shouted at me. I would have stood up when I saw who had hit me.

And it was Reanne.

"You're the one who hit me." "I clamor. "Until now, Karmie!?" I would have come closer, but she pushed me back immediately and shouted, "You know what!? You really are the one who is making my life miserable! You're already a lamp! You're not even looking where you're going! "She burst out again. And suddenly grabbed my arm tightly. "Ouch! What is your problem? Ah! That's why that guy didn’t like you: because of your habits! That's why he used you!" I shouted back as she stopped what she was trying to do to me and I saw some students gossiping about what is happening to us.

"Right! That's correct! You're just like that! That is why your father died! Because you're self-centered!" Reanne stated. And then she let go of my hand. And then I fell down.

"Filthy rat!" she yelled once more. I'm not sure. But I was in pain. And I had no idea my tears were already flowing.

'Indeed, I am. It's entirely my fault. If only I could get back to the right time and place.

If only I could travel back in time to a more peaceful and happy time. I long for the days when Filipinos' lives were idyllic. Very different from the issues we're dealing with right now. And, hopefully, if given the chance to go back in time and correct my errors, I will.'