Past Mistakes

Neil took a deep breath as he stepped into the empty hallway of the holodecks, already anticipating the consequences of his loss of control.

The adjacent holodeck door slid open, and a visibly perturbed Captain Anzyl emerged, his demeanor serious and stern, clearly not pleased with the recent events. "What the hell is your problem!?" Anzyl's voice cut through the tension, his expression mirroring his frustration. "I know we've had our differences, but holy crap, Neil! It was just a game!"

The two leaders of the ship engaged in a heated shouting match, their voices echoing off the empty corridors.

"It's ALWAYS 'Just a Game' with you!" Neil shot back, his defenses crumbling as he unleashed a torrent of pent-up grievances. "Venturing out alone, abandoning your station on the bridge while the Fek'ihri invade and take over the ship! Skipping mandatory ceremonies to play games with others who also neglected their duties!" His accusations poured out, fueled by frustration and resentment. "And who's left to pick up the pieces and cover for you? Me!" His face flushed with anger, veins pulsing in his temples.

The exchange escalated as past disputes and differences in leadership style resurfaced, each word stoking the flames of their argument.

"Enough with the shortcuts and jokes, Anzyl! Lives are at stake!" Neil's voice boomed, his frustration reaching its peak.

Anzyl sensed there was more to Neil's outburst than met the eye, a deeper meaning behind his reaction. "When I said those words to you," Anzyl's tone softened slightly, a hint of concern creeping in, "you froze, and then you snapped. What do those words mean to you?"

Neil stood firm, his silence revealing the weight of unresolved emotions swirling within him.

Tapping his combadge, Anzyl addressed his next course of action with the authority befitting a Starfleet captain. "Captain Praxas to Diela, please report to my quarters."

"Yes, Captain. On my way," came the response from the older woman.

Turning back to his First Officer, Anzyl's tone was firm and commanding. "You too. Now."

Neil's nostrils flared in frustration, but he followed, his expression betraying a mixture of defiance and apprehension.

"That was not a request, Commander," Anzyl reiterated, gesturing toward the teleport pad at the end of the hallway.

—

In the private confines of the Captain's quarters, ship's counselor and telepathic Enaran,Diela sat poised in a chair facing Neil, while the captain occupied his couch, his curiosity piqued about Neil's troubled past.

"Enarans have the remarkable ability to unearth deeply buried memories," Anzyl reminded them.

"I'm aware," Neil responded, sitting upright, eyes closed, his grip soft on Diela's hands.

Anzyl gestured to Diela, indicating they were ready to proceed.

"Clear your mind, Commander," she began gently, "allow your thoughts to surface." Her hand softly resting on his chest.

Their breaths fell into a synchronized rhythm, and she hesitated, preparing to delve into a painful memory, "'Enough with the shortcuts and the jokes, Neil! Lives are at stake!'"

Neil's eyes widened, mirroring Diela's, as their minds connected, plunging into the depths of his repressed memories.

—

A young Starfleet Ensign in his early twenties stood in a lineup with other Ensigns as a very perturbed female Commander paced back and forth. "Alright… Who did it?" her face glared at each and every single Ensign.

Neil O'Reilly stood desperately trying to hold in a laugh. His curly red hair, uniform sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and messy shoes were a stark contrast to the man he would become.

"Do you think this is funny?" The Commander held her face inches from his. "Ensign?!"

Neil's mouth trembled, desperately trying to keep it together. He stared at the human woman whose red uniform and three gold pips on her collar displayed her rank and authority, but her neon glowing pink skin showed she was the victim of a horrendous prank.

"I think it was you," she glared, her skin radiating like a neon light, "You added… whatever it was to whatever I ate or drank to make me…"

"Glow Up?" he belted out, bursting into laughter.

Her face fumed with anger, but Neil couldn't tell, her skin was so bright and shiny.

"Grow up, Neil!" she shouted, "Although no one was harmed and the Doctor says I will be back to normal in a matter of days," she glared at him with fury, "Your immature pranks will no longer be tolerated! The days of your strutting just above the line for a dishonorable discharge are quickly coming to an end!"

Neil nodded in respect, "But sir… Don't you mean," he gulped and tried to hold it in, "Glow Up, Neil?"

The rest of the lineup burst into laughter and he let out a heavy belt as well.

"DISMISSED!" The Commander roared, leaving the lineup, lighting the dimly lit room with her radiant pink skin.

—

In a sudden surge of darkness, Neil and Diela found themselves swiftly transported to the next segment of the memory.

—-

In a desert world under the moonless night sky, several Starfleet officers crept across the barren landscape on a crucial mission. Neil was among them, clutching a phaser rifle tightly as they advanced. 

Beside him, his commanding officer, her pink skin still aglow, led the way with determination, but radiating like a beacon.

They were on the trail of a notorious Tzenkethi captain, responsible for the devastation of countless worlds with illicit Proto-Matter weapons.

Suddenly, the tranquility of the night shattered as energy weapons rained down from above in a surprise attack. Several officers were struck down instantly, their bodies collapsing to the ground amid the chaos.

Inexperienced and overwhelmed, Neil ducked and cowered behind a nearby rock, fear coursing through him as the sounds of battle echoed in the air.

"Fall back!" The commander's voice cut through the chaos, urgency laced in every syllable.

Young Ensign O'Reilly scrambled to his feet, heart pounding in his chest, and followed the remaining Starfleet officers as they sprinted back to the transport ship, energy weapon bullets zipping past them. 

Entering the transport vessel in a frenzy, the crew scrambled to their stations. "Get those engines back online and shields up!" The commander's voice rang out above the din.

Neil rushed to his station, fingers flying over buttons and controls in a blur of motion. Amidst the panic, he accidentally pressed a button he had secretly added to the system months ago, a simple button labeled "Party." 

Instantly, the bridge erupted into a cacophony of flashing lights and blaring music, transforming the tense atmosphere into a surreal dance floor.

Outside, the windows of the bridge lit up with a kaleidoscope of colors as the party lights spilled into the void of night.

The commander's voice pierced through the chaos, her tone laced with fury and desperation. "Enough with the shortcuts and jokes, Neil! Lives are at stake!" Her words were drowned out by the sudden explosion of flames as the Tzenkethi Battleship fired upon them.

Consoles exploded and flames erupted on the bridge.

Cowardly and panicking, young Neil tapped his combadge and yelled, "Computer, activate Plan G'mthoh!" (Get Me the Hell Out of Here!) He flashed a sparkling blue as the transporter pulled him out of the bridge.

On a ridge in the desert overlooking the valley, Neil materialized in a flurry of blue light, along with several backpacks of emergency survival gear.

Neil looked down into the valley in panic as the transport ship burst into flames and erupted in a superheated burst of destruction.

He stood there, alone in the darkness, realizing that his actions were responsible for every death on that ship.

If he had not played that prank on the commander, her skin wouldn't have been a beacon to his enemies. If he had never added the stupid Party button, the ship might have been able to get its shields up. If it wasn't for him, all those lives would still be breathing.

—

As the years passed, the events of that fateful day on the desert world remained Neil's closely guarded secret, buried deep within him.

He concocted a flimsy tale of survival, attributing his lone escape to a scouting mission while the rest of his crew perished in the Tzenkethi attack.

That experience left an indelible mark on Neil. It transformed him into a person of unwavering discipline, vowing never to stray from the rules again. Laughter and frivolity became distant memories as he embraced a stoic resolve, determined to face every challenge head-on and never abandon his comrades.

His steadfast commitment to duty and courage propelled him up the ranks of Starfleet. Yet, even as he climbed higher, Neil buried the painful memory deeper into his subconscious, eventually consigning it to oblivion.

—

Back in the Captain's quarters, Neil and Diela took deep breaths as their telepathic link came to an end.

"I had completely forgotten…" Neil gasped, physically and mentally exhausted. "I had completely forgotten the joking coward… I used to be…" His words left a foul, putrid taste in his mouth.

Neil and Diela recounted the entire story to Anzyl, leaving no detail unspoken.

Like lancing a deep, festering wound, Neil let it all out. He confessed how the Captain's personality reminded him too much of his old self, a fact he had been unaware of until now. He admitted to secretly harboring resentment towards the Captain, all the while unknowingly directing that hatred towards himself.

Sensing that this wound would not be mended in a single evening, Diela intervened. "Captain, Commander, I advise that we allow Neil to return to his quarters," she said gently. Turning to Neil, she continued, "And I am clearing my calendar. I will be seeing you again soon. For now, the Medical Officer's orders are for you, Commander, to get some sleep and rest."

Neil nodded in agreement, stood up, and made his way to his quarters.

---

Upon entering his personal quarters, Neil headed straight for the shower room. As he looked at himself in the mirror, the weight of the day's revelations and physical exertion hit him like a ton of bricks. Overwhelmed, he leaned over the sink and puked out the entire contents of his stomach.