15 What Matters

- VANESSA -

The day has been so lovely with friends and family of Raya and Rory visiting in the backyard, eating fruit and pastries, and playing silly games that mom insisted are necessary for any proper baby shower. I even caught Dad visiting with someone and was able to steal Dex Jr. from him for some much needed hide-and-seek in the garden. 

Now I'm recording all the gifts Raya and Rory are opening and who they're from so they can write thank you cards later. It's turning out to be a hard job to keep up with. 

Raya tried to tell everyone not to get her and Dex anything since this is their second baby, but that didn't stop anyone. She and Rory are both surrounded by piles of sweetness. Outfits, blankets and swaddles, toys, diaper cakes, bassinets. It's enough to give anyone baby fever. And apparently everyone remembers the avocado theme that Raya and Dex had for Dex Jr.'s nursery, because there's a lot of avocado toys and clothes in Raya's pile again. 

"Oh, that's from me," I tell Raya when she grabs the box I wrapped in gold paper and tied with a satin bow. "You and Rory need to open them up at the same time." 

Rory finds the box from her pile that looks the same, and they both unwrap them while Dex and Luciano watch. I share a smile with Mom and giggle when they each hold up the onesies. 

"Zia's little cannoli." Luciano reads.

Rory holds it up so everyone can see before turning it around to look at it herself. There's a cute little smiling chocolate chip cannoli with hearts on either side. 

"It's so cute, Vanessa," she smiles. 

"I love it!" Raya says, and gets up to hug me.

"There's another one in there," I giggle. 

"Al dente," Luciano chuckles when he reads the next onesie. "That's perfect." 

"Isn't it?" I clasp my hands together. "I can't wait to see my little nieces or nephews in them." 

"Well you won't have to wait much longer." Raya grimaces and holds her belly when she sits down again.

"Can I get you anything?" Dex asks her and rubs her back. "Would you be more comfortable standing?" 

"No, I'm okay." She forces a smile even as little beads of perspiration begin to glisten on her forehead. 

Raya has had sciatica for a few weeks with shooting pains down her legs, and she has a really hard time getting comfortable. Dex has even taken time off work to help look after Jr. so she doesn't have to lift him while she's home alone. Mom and I offered to come hang out at the house and watch him, but I think Dex appreciated the excuse to stay home anyway. 

Dex pulls up a chair and sits next to her, grabbing the next gift so she won't have to lean over too far. It's just another example of all the genuine love I'm surrounded by. To me, romance is in the little gestures like that. When a couple can anticipate what the other needs and just does it out of love. 

When the gifts are all open, I start helping clean up. It's unlikely that Raya and Dex will stay long when she's uncomfortable. 

"Why don't you leave Dex Jr. with us tonight?" Mom asks Raya. "We can watch him, and you'll have a night alone. There won't be many of those after this next one comes." 

Raya smiles at the offer and turns to look at Dex. "What do you think, Daddy?" 

"Jr. loves sleepovers at Nonna's." He rubs her back reassuringly. "You haven't gotten much sleep. You need some." 

"That has nothing to do with him," she chuckles. "He's not the one sitting on my sciatic nerve." 

"Well, I think we can safely say it's a girl then," Dad says, walking up to join the conversation. "Girls are the trouble-makers." He chuckles and winks at me. 

"He's not serious," I tell Raya. "Everyone knows Luciano is the trouble-maker in our family." 

"No," Luciano laughs. "The trouble I make is just more obvious. You're the stealth trouble-maker. Everyone just thinks you're an angel." 

"She is an angel compared to you, Lucia," Dad says in his gruff voice.

"Taking your baby girl's side," Luciano nods. "I get it. That's okay. I know the truth." Then he flashes me a wry smile. 

Yes, it's true. Luciano often took the fall for things I did when we were younger. I feel bad about it now, because Dad has always gone way easier on me than Luci. After all, I'm not the one who was being groomed to be the next boss of the Ricca family. 

It should have been the other way around. I should have offered to take responsibility for the trouble Luciano caused. But at the time, I thought of Luciano as my mean older brother who would surprise me with those rare moments of generosity. 

When I broke the centuries old vase that Mom inherited because I was running too fast through the house, Luciano said he did it. I watched in shock when he admitted to it and then disappeared into Dad's office, returning later with a split lip and a dark, shuttered look to his eyes. 

Dad wouldn't have punished me that way. I know that now. I just wasn't so sure of it then, and apparently my brother wasn't either.

"We don't care if it's a boy or girl," Raya says with a shrug, and Dex kisses her cheek. 

"Yes, as long as the baby is healthy," Mom says. "That's what matters." 

"Can we watch little Dex tonight?" I ask, clasping my hands together hopefully. "Please please please?" 

"Okay," Raya giggles. "Thank you." 

"Of course, sweetheart," Mom tells her, rubbing her shoulder. "Just let us know if you need anything else." 

Raya and Rory's parents walk up, and my dad quickly leaves. He doesn't care for them much, so he tries to avoid them as much as possible. He's not very good at hiding his feelings. 

The little comfortable family huddle we had is suddenly broken, and now it's polite smiles and pleasantries. I don't know how Raya and Rory can have parents they're not close to. It's so strange to me. My parents and my family are my whole world. 

I excuse myself and start cleaning up so that mom doesn't have to worry about too much. She could always have our maid take care of everything in the morning, but she won't. 

Luciano finds me in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. At first, I ignore him thinking he's come in to get something for Rory. But then he sets one of the black lavender bundt cakes on the counter and leans on one arm, staring at me. 

"Is that for me?" I glance at him before returning to what I'm doing. 

"Mom says you're not eating. Is that true?" 

I groan and straighten, turning to fully face him. "No, it's not true." 

"Then how come I didn't see you eat today?" 

"We were busy," I shrug with a frown. "Mom literally watched me eat a carrot this morning. And Dad saw me eating cereal. I don't understand what their problem is." 

"Alright," he says, pushing off the counter. "We all just love you, you know?"

"Do I look like I'm anorexic?" I ask, holding my arms out. 

"No, you look good. You look happier." 

I sigh heavily, feeling suddenly weighed down by this subject and the fact that Mom is whispering about how she's worried about me behind my back. 

"I am happier. But it's not good enough. It's not good enough that I do everything like I'm supposed to." I try to swallow past the ball of emotion, but I just end up fighting tears instead. "It's never enough."

"Hey, Vanessa," he says, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. "It's okay. Don't get upset." 

"And I can't get upset. I have to be the happy, smiling little principessa who does everything right and is never sad or angry or just having a bad day. If I am, they think something is terribly wrong, and then it's automatically, 'Vanessa's not eating again.'" 

"Okay, okay," he chuckles, squeezing my shoulders. "Get upset then. You have every right."

I wipe my tears and take a few deep breaths to collect myself before anyone comes in and sees me emotional. Luciano takes a step back to give me some space.

"So you're happier," he says, crossing his arms. "That's great. What's the reason? Have you met a guy or something?" 

"No," I scoff, putting another dish into the dishwasher. "Like that will ever happen." 

"Because of mom and dad?" 

"That and, you know. My thing." 

"That still going on?" He mutters. It's not a topic he's especially fond of. I don't blame him. His sister can read him like an open book. 

I shoot him a glare instead of answering. He acts like it's something I'm just going to grow out of. 

"Why do you think Dad never asked me to use it?" It's a question I've been wondering for awhile now. I know Dad knows about my shadow vision, but we've never talked about it. 

"No one wants to believe you can do that, especially Pa." He looks back toward the doors that lead into the backyard. "And if anyone found out, it would make you a target. You're already in more danger than the average person. He's not going to bring you into the business, use you as a secret weapon, and put a bigger target on your head. You're his baby." 

"There you two are." Mom walks in with more dishes. "Oh, aren't the bundt cakes good, Vanessa?"

I pick it up and take a big bite, giving them both my best glare since they obviously planned this. But the glare doesn't last, because they both smile back. Luci's smile is amused, and Mom's is full of nothing but love. How can I be mad at them for caring about me?