Chapter 9 - James

She ran away. I tried to confess my feelings and she ran away. She flinched, she froze, she hyperventilated, and she ran. Honestly, I knew something was wrong back then, but I always used to put it past me, saying I'm exaggerating and stuff. I should have let her knew that I cared! And I didn't!

I'm back at my house. Been back for an hour or so. After what Georgia said, I left my phone number on her kitchen table then left without saying anything. I knew it was partly my fault along, but after someone said it out loud... It hurts.

I know I shouldn't have done this. I promised myself not to do this again. But once again, I'm sitting on the bathroom floor with the fifth beer bottle in my hand. I don't even remember drinking five, I can just see the cracks of how many times I threw a bottle and it smashed on the floor.

I'm an idiot. I should have saved Alicia. I know I should've. It should be me in that damn grave buried five feet under not her!

I saw a sharp piece of glass on the floor, which reminded me of when I was younger.

*flashback*

"Fucking hell James! Where's the damn dinner I asked you to make?"

I came into to the house, to my father coming out of the kitchen, drunk as usual. Screaming at me, as usual.

I'm currently 15. However this has happened everyday since I became an age, so I could cook something and clean after him and stuff. My mother died at my birth, and my father drank ever since. He's an alcoholic. A violent one...

Smash.

A beer bottle landed on the door handle, and since I was holding it, my hand also got cut.

Cut? Well, not just one tiny cut... Lots of cuts, some deeper, some with glass in.... My hand was bleeding crazy, and after a minute the pain came too.

"Get up to the bathroom and sort yourself out!" Father commanded, and I quickly ran up the stairs.

I was in the bathroom and got the first aid kit out from it usual spot. I grabbed some alcoholic wipes, bandages and cloths. I started cleaning cut by cut, then I got to one, where it had a bigger piece of glass sticking out. The light reflected on it, and the colours of the rainbow were visible. It looked beautiful, even though it had my blood stains on it. Sounds stupid, but that's me.

I got it out of my hand, then actually saw how sharp it was.

Wow. This would cut through my skin anyday.

I had suicidal thoughts lately. Though I always pushed them away, saying I will get away at some point and achieve things. However, sitting here, covered in dry blood, it doesn't seem to change.

What would anyone do if I ended it now?

The answer is nothing.

Nobody would care.

*End of flashback*

Nobody would care.

That sentence kept repeating in my mind ever since that day.

Alicia. She had her reason of suicide. No-one knows that reason, but she did have a reason. It was not accidental.

I have reasons too.

-I have no family

-The love of my life suffered and died

-I dealt with an abusive father for 12 years

-My life is just messed up.... Etc.

Being drunk is supposed to make you happy. Isnt it?

Well it doesn't seem to work...

I picked up the piece if glass, examined it...