stalemate 007 part 2

<< y o u j i n >>

My chest has been pounding vigorously, non-stop since last night. I know I have been waiting for this day but now that the day has come I want the time to stop. I know there's nothing to be afraid of, even Keita assured me that but I just can't help that I want things to go the way I want it.

Hearing the doorbell ring made me jerk from my seat. I can feel my hands starting to get cold.

Keita emerges from the kitchen. "It must be her."

I just nod, my anxiety is rising up.

Keita seems to notice my discomfort when he walks towards me and takes my hand. Smiling as he assures, "It'll be fine."

And with just that, his mere words and his smile, I believe that everything's gonna be fine.

He then went to fetch who was at the door.

"Babe! I miss you!" A sweet voice greets him, followed by, "It's been a while since we saw each other."

"I know."

The girl enters the house then stops when she sees me. Her brows furrow as she looks at me. "Hmm… You are Keita's friend from Uni, right?"

I nod.

Keita butt in and told her to sit, in which she complied. Mimi sits on the single seater sofa that Keita pointed at for her. And I see the surprise in her eyes when she sees Keita sits beside me.

She shakes off her confusion with a short, uncomfortable laugh. "Where's your brother?"

"He visited our parent's house. He's staying there for a week."

"Ah… Hmm…" Her eyes shift to me. "Sorry, what was your name again?"

"Y-Youjin…" I answer, almost a whisper.

"So, Youjin, mind me asking? What are you doing here this early?"

"Mimi?!" Keita says.

"Sorry. I didn't ask it in a mean way. I just wanted to ask since it's been a while since we saw each other and I thought we could finally catch up."

The room fell silent for a minute. Keita's gathering all his courage to speak, I am mentally fighting the anxiety, and Mimi is waiting for an answer for all her confusions.

"Mimie, there's something that I want you to know…" Keita starts off. I hang my head low in fear of seeing her reactions.

"Okay?"

"The truth is… I'm in love with Youjin." Keita confesses. I kept my head down as I shut my eyes, praying she'll understand us. I know that was too selfish but what else can I hope for than my own happiness?

"W-What? You love him, you mean as a friend, right? Like buddies, right?"

"No. I love him as a guy, Mimi. The kind of love you feel for me…" I feel Keita grab my hand and squeeze it, so tight it could break bones.

"No. You're kidding. Both of you are trying to make fun of me, right?" I could hear her voice shaking albeit her effort to conceal it. I looked up and found her staring at me with eyes asking for confirmation that Keita was just fooling around. But I can't give her that. I avert my eyes.

"I love him too, Mimi. I'm sorry…" I admit.

"What the fuck?" She whispers more to herself. "You're both gays? Since when, Keita?"

"Does it matter?"

"It 'does' matter, Keita… we fucked! You got a hard on, you're attracted to girls. I just can't imagine…" She shakes her head, tears falling from her eyes.

"That's not how it works…"

"Then make me understand. Tell me."

"I love Youjin. I've always felt I am home whenever I'm with him. I want to take care of him, make him happy. I can't afford seeing him with somebody else. I want him all for myself. I want to treasure him. That's how it is, Mimi. If you're going to ask me since when I've felt this way, I will be honest and say ever since I met Youjin but I was afraid to admit my feelings before and tried to prove to myself that I'm not gay by getting back together with you. I'm so sorry, I used you Mimi…"

"Bastard… Asshole… Son of a bitch…" She mumbles in between her sobbing. We let her take her time to cry. I could hear all her pain, and all her love for Keita. We hurt her, betrayed her and yet we're hoping she'll understand us.

Yeah, Keita and I are two selfish assholes.

It took her a good fifteen minutes to calm down. Her eyes are bloodshot and she's chasing her breath. We continue to wait for her to say anything.

"Is there anything… I mean, anything… I could do to make you come back to me?" She asks Keita.

Keita looks down as he shakes his head slowly.

"See, I've already lost the fight, there's nothing else I could do." She says in defeat as if humouring herself. "You asked me to come here just to tell me those things? You should've sent me a chat so you don't have to see me crying like that."

"Sorry Mimi… This is a serious matter that's why I wanted to say it to you personally…"

"Okay… whatever… that's what you feel, I have nothing to do about that." She stands up. "What should I say? Best wishes? Good luck?"

"You don't have to say anything."

"Okay. Can I use your comfort room, I have to fix myself."

"Go ahead." With that Mimi went to the bathroom, leaving me and Keita alone in the living room.

"I told you, it's gonna be fine." Keita reassures me.

"Still… we hurt her…"

"I was the one who caused her pain, it's not you. It's my fault." Keita pulls me to him and envelopes me in his arms. Feeling the warmth of his body calms me, it is the safest place I ever could be. "I love you Youjin…"

"I love you too…"

We stayed in that position until Mimi came out from the bathroom. She tidied herself up.

"I should leave..."

Keita stands up to show her to the door.

"It's not gonna be easy, Keita." I overheard her say.

"I know. I'm ready to face whatever for him."

"I guess, you're gonna be fine. Anyways, you're old enough to do what you like." With that I heard the door closed.

Keita stood motionless behind the door for a minute, as if watching Mimi walk away until she disappeared, and then he turned to look at me. I give him a gentle smile reassuring him that I'm okay, like he said 'we're going to be okay' and then I open my arms inviting him in.

Keita's lips curve in a big and relieved smile, like he finally found home.

Stalemate / END