stalemate 003

EISUKE AND I SPENT THE DAY HANGING OUT TOGETHER. It was a lot of fun. Being with Eisuke is always fun. I remember having a big crush on him when we were in highschool but I was contended with the relationship we have, that's why I never thought about confessing to him. In the end, he found out about it anyway. He knew about my preferences and he still accepted me, he let me stay by his side. Somehow, my feelings for him gradually subsided.

Before we parted ways earlier, Eisuke asked me the real question.

'Say, Youjin… Is there something going on between you and that guy, Keita?'

I found my words stuck in my throat, I don't know what to tell him. When I told him that I'm not really sure if there's something between us, he didn't say anything but instead he gave me a worried look. I understand why he's worried. He knows all about my past love circumstances. How I always end up falling for straight guys, how I was always told disgusting, how I always had my heart broken. He knows everything because I always confide in him.

I have no idea how this will turn out with me and Keita but I know for sure a happy ending is out of sight. That's why I'm scared to ask, because I don't want to end whatever this is, this soon. Just until he's tired of it, or until he clears his mind, or maybe until he finds a new girlfriend.

'Hey, Jin. Still awake?' I received a text from Eisuke.

I quickly replied back. 'Yeah, why?'

'About my question earlier… Can you tell me about it now?'

I stared at my phone for a second, wondering why.

'Can I tell you in person?'

After I pressed the send button my phone suddenly started ringing. Keita's name flashed on the screen. I hesitated for a second before I answered the call.

"Keita?" I waited for him to say something but all I heard was his fast breathing. "Keita? Hello? Are you okay?"

"Youjin…" He said in a low voice, whispering in my ear.

"I-Is there something wrong, Keita?" Worry started to wash over me. He sounded so down.

"Uhm… I'm in front of your house… Can I stay over?"

I stood up in surprise. "Ha?! You're here?"

"It's fine if I can't spend the night, I'll just go home. Sorry for bothering you..." It bothers me how his tone sounded so lonely. Did something happen to him?

"No! Wait. I'll be right there." I ran as fast as I could, stomping down the stairs, to Keita. And when I opened the front door, there he was standing in front of our gate looking up at me as if he's eagerly waiting for me to open the door. I unlatched the gate for him.

"Here..." I said as I studied his face. It was dark outside plus he had his hoodie on, it casted a shadow on his face making it hard to see what expression he's wearing now. Keita followed me inside the house.

"Why were you running down the stairs late at night, Youjin!" It was my mom. I might have ruined her sleep. Her expression changed when she saw Keita. "Oh, Keita?"

"I'm sorry for coming over this late, Auntie. Can I stay over tonight?"

"Eh? That's fine. Just… be quiet, okay?"

"Thanks."

"We're heading up."

I brought Keita to my room.

"What happened? You can tell me about it, Keita…" I said as I locked the door.

I was surprised when Keita suddenly hugged me, squeezing me tight, without saying anything. I have my back on him because of that I can't see his face. He pulled me closer, my back pressed on his chest, his head leaning on my shoulder facing my neck. I can feel his ragged breathing.

"Keita?" I reached to hold his hand.

What I felt next was his lips touching my neck, planting kisses on it. I thought he's going to be gentle with me tonight until I felt him bite the skin on my neck. I yelp in the sudden pain. Then he started licking on where he just bit. The touch of his tongue on my skin sent pleasure straight down on my lower half. I arced my neck inviting him more.

He came here just to do this?

Keita took his hand from my grasp then they started running from my stomach up to my chest. He stopped to play with my nipples, pinching on them hard.

"Ahh…" I let out a soft moan as he sucks on my neck and teases my nipples at the same time.

"Youjin…" He whispered in my ear. "Can I?"

Before I could process his words, I felt his hand slide down and stop at the waistband of my shorts. I held my breath as it occurred to me what he wanted. I bit my lower lip as I anticipate what is going to happen next. I gave him a single tense nod.

Instantly, his hand was inside my shorts touching my erect dick. His warm hand wrapped around me. Then he started to move it up and down my length. I had yet to breathe in to take what he's doing.

Keita is touching me there.

I closed my eyes as I threw my head back from all the pleasure. The warmth of his right hand on my thing, while the other was still playing with my nipples was all too much. For me at least, I had to cover my mouth to keep my voice down. For goodness sake, my parents are just downstairs.

And when I opened my eyes, I saw Keita leaning over my shoulder staring down on my exposed dick. I didn't realize that he already pulled my shorts down. I also look down, watching him jerk me. Watching his hand go up and down on me.

And when he pressed himself on me, I felt his crotch touch my back. He's hard. Because of me. Doing this to me made him hard. I'm such an idiot for being happy just because of that.

"Oh… You got bigger?" I heard Keita whisper. Keita's eyes were filled with lust and desire.

========

"Sorry…"

He continued jerking me until I'm about to reach my limit, unable to hold back, I came—his hand drenched with my cum. I want to touch him too. I want to make him cum too.

I brought my hand to his crotch. He's still hard as a rock inside his pants. I suddenly had the burning desire to taste him.

Not much to my surprise I felt him slap my hand away. It stung.

"I'll take care of it myself. Let me borrow your bathroom." With that he ran out of the room leaving me alone in my sorry state.

The room that was filled with restrained moans seconds ago was now covered with deafening silence.

I laughed at myself as I felt a pang of pain in my chest. I stared out at my hands.

"Why do you hate me touching you?"

***

AFTER I PREPARED THE BED FOR ME AND KEITA, I sat at the edge of it and checked my phone. I completely forgot about Eisuke. I had 4 messages from him.

'Okay. Tomorrow!'

'Jin?'

'I know you're awake…'

'Youjin, what are you doing?'

What am I doing? As if I can say that Keita was jerking me off, that's why I can't reply to his messages.

I sigh. 'Yeah, yeah… still awake.' I pressed send.

Keita came back and sat beside me. He glanced down at my phone. "Is that Eisuke?"

"Ah. Yeah... He's being clingy. " I laughed.

"Even though you're just together earlier?"

"Uhm… We've always been like this. It's nothing new."

"I see." He paused for a second. "What were you talking about?"

"Ha? Uhm… nothing serious…" I can't tell him that Eisuke asked about us. For sure, other people finding out about this is the last thing he wanted.

"Oh? Okay." I don't know why but his mood suddenly dropped. He moved on the bed to lie down. His eyes closed and his back on me.

I stared at his broad back. As always, he acts as if nothing happened between us. I can't believe that minutes ago, this person's hand was touching me and looking at me with lustful eyes.

How long will this kind of relationship last?

***

THE NEXT MORNING, KEITA AND I WENT TO SCHOOL TOGETHER. We both have morning classes and he would be late if he went back home just to take a bath and change clothes, so I just let him use my clothes.

"Do you have class this afternoon?" Keita asked as we walked out of the train.

"Our afternoon class was cancelled. But I'm going to Eisuke's place to prepare for a presentation… again." I chuckled. "Why?"

"Nothing…" He averted his gaze as he furrowed his eyebrows. I even heard him click his tongue.

We just left the station when I heard someone calling my name. Eisuke walked closer to us.

"Morning, Jin." He greeted me then he looked at Keita. "Oh, Keita? You're going to school with Youjin?"

"Yeah. He stayed over last night." I answered for Keita.

He gave me a knowing look. "I see… that's why you can't reply to me last night. You're playing with someone else…"

"Hey! I replied! I just… suddenly fell asleep…" Eisuke and I started mocking each other until we reached the school. We parted ways with Keita who never said anything since Eisuke joined us.

The second Keita left, Eisuke nudged me on my side. "You better tell me what happened, Youjin."

I laughed. "You liked tea so early in the morning, huh?"

He laughed too. "Naa. I'm just worried for you so you better tell me everything."

"Yes, master."

Eisuke and I were sitting in the lecture room waiting for the professor to arrive. Eisuke leaned closer to me.

"So, what's going on?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know."

His brows drew into a straight line. "I'm not buying that. Tell me honestly."

"I really... can't say for sure. At first, we're good friends. You saw that right?" He nodded. "Then one day, he started holding my hands. Sometimes, we would walk with our hands together when there's no one around. Then, from hand holding he started kissing me."

"In the mouth? Like, a peck? Or…"

"No... Like, a real kiss." Eisuke gasped. "Then from that kissing he started touching me too. And last night, he jerked me off."

"Does he like you?" Eisuke asked, full of worry on his face.

I shook my head. "No. I don't think so…"

"Huh? He's doing those sorts of things with you so why not?"

I took a deep breath. "He doesn't want me to touch him. It was always one sided."

Eisuke pinched the bridge of his nose, I let him process everything as the professor walked in.

"Why?" He whispered. "He had a girlfriend not long ago. He's straight, right?"

I wasn't able to say anything because he's right.

"But it won't be too bad if he came to like me… I hope he will, eventually." I say more to myself.

***

After class, we decided to hang out somewhere with Keita and his friends. We were by the gate when a beautiful girl called for Keita's attention. I looked at the girl, who's smiling at Keita with bright eyes, and then at Keita, whose face turned pale as he shifted his gaze from her to me.

"Mimi?!" Toshiro screamed, looking surprised and excited.

"Hi, Toshiro." The girl greeted. She's wearing a uniform from a different university. She had long chestnut brown hair, a thin body, and white skin. Her smile is cute too. Who is she?

"What made you come here, Miemie?" Fumihiro stepped closer to the girl. She greeted him too with a big smile. "Do you need something from Keita?"

She smiles sweetly. "Oh, Keita didn't tell you?"

"What is it?" Toshiro and Fumihiro asked in chorus.

"Mimi!" Keita tried to stop her.

"Keita and I were back together!" She declared happily.

I felt like the world crashed right before my eyes. My hands were shaking, I couldn't feel my legs. It suddenly became hard to breathe.

====

This girl was the girl he's crying his eyes out that night when she left him. She already left him so why is she back here?

They're back together? When? Since when?

"Oh?! Since when? Keita never mentioned anything."

"Just last week, through text but we saw each other yesterday to make it official. We decided to start over." She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him closer, his body touching hers.

"Really, Keita?"

Keita glanced at me for a second before he answered. "Yeah."

I felt like someone stabbed my chest with a knife. Since last week? But this past week, not a single day passed that he didn't kiss and touched me. And last night… he did that to me. Why? Why? Now I want to ask him why.

"Wow! Really Keita? We thought you won't get back together again. Well after what happened…" Toshiro seemed unconvinced.

"That's what I thought too. But I realized how much I love Keita and he feels the same way…" I don't know why but this girl can't hear the sarcasm in these guys' tone. I can understand Toshiro and Fumihiro's remorse, after what she did to Keita, she has the guts to show her face again. Why now?

"Keita…" I turn to look at Misao. I caught him looking at me before his eyes darted towards Keita. "Seemed fine these past few months…"

The girl seemed surprised. "Really? Why? Was there a girl trying to flirt with him?" She said laughing. "I feel sorry for her. She can't steal Keita from me…"

I felt a hand touch my shoulder—Eisuke. "Uhm, Keita, Youjin and I will leave first. Let's just hang out some other time. There's a project we have to finish, right Jin?"

"Ah? Y-Yeah." I was still out of it but I managed to force a smile. I looked at Keita. "Congrats Keita. You don't have to get wasted again, your girlfriend is now here with you..."

"Wasted?" The girl asked.

"Ah right. Keita drowned himself with alcohol when you broke up with him, Youjin picked him up on the street totally smashed." Fumihiro said, introducing me, still with the unhappy tone.

I no longer have the interest to listen to their conversation, the whole time Keita and I were staring at each other. I could see in his eyes how troubled he is right now. It seemed like he had no intention of telling me that he and his ex-girlfriend are back together.

Maybe this is the end of this stalemate relationship.

Eisuke almost dragged me away from that awkward situation. My knees were too weak. I'm scared they'll give up if I try to move. He's pulling my arms until we reach his home. My time with Keita was just stolen from that girl. He was hers even from the start. He has always been hers. I have no other choice but to give him back.

I wonder if we can still go back to how it was before… normal friendship.

"YOUJIN, ARE YOU OKAY?" Eisuke asked as he handed me a glass of water.

I looked up at him and gave him a big smile. "Yeah. It was nothing." I reached for the glass with trembling hands.

He settled himself beside me, sighing. "That bastard!"

"Eisuke?!"

"What the fucks wrong with that guy?! How can he do those things to you when he already has a girlfriend?! Was he planning to play with you?!"

"Eisuke. I said I'm fine. But thank you for getting angry for me."

"Are you not angry at that bastard?!"

I was staring to nowhere, trying to take everything. The truth. The end.

"You like him?" He asked when I answered him with silence. He's looking at me intensely, he wants the truth.

"Yeah. I like him…"

chapter 3 / end