Chapter 6

I ran my idea by Lexi and James when I got back to the room, but they both thought I was overthinking the whole situation. James thought I should just go with it and be glad that my grandmother didn't pull Micah from his bed to chastise him about how I'm way too young. While I did really appreciate the advice, I really couldn't help but wonder if it was all a ruse to get me to stop seeing him. Maybe my grandmother wanted to see if I would still be interested once the excitement of sneaking around has subsided. James stayed with us that night, though we didn't sleep. We stayed up and talked all through the night, all three of us way too scared of the images that would run rampant behind our eyelids. I suddenly had a broader understanding of why we trained as hard as we did – don't get me wrong I never once underestimated the seriousness of what we do, but I sometimes wondered if maybe our parents were overreacting just slightly. I also started to understand why so few guardians had monija marks – a molnija being the mark that gets tattooed on the back of your neck for every strigoi kill, it looks kind of like two lightning bolts forming an X. I was paralyzed with fear when I saw that strigoi in the hallway outside our hotel room and had James not been there, I would have probably died. I'd be interested to know how many guardians actually lose their lives in their first strigoi fight, it's depressing I know but at the end of the day it might be important information one day. While I was thinking I felt oddly comforted knowing that I'd at least survived my first, even though no-one would ever know – well except for the three of us and Micah. Micah, he was so brave and fought so fluidly that it was mesmerizing to watch, he's probably the only one that can make staking a strigoi look hot.

My birthday was a non-event, we didn't feel much like doing anything and even with my friends' loud protests I assured them that I'd technically already celebrated my birthday through celebrating theirs. They couldn't really fault my logic and since we didn't much feel the need to leave our room, despite having our door practically kicked down by other novices trying to change our minds. "Oh come on Lily, you only turn sixteen once." Tessa said and I narrowed my eyes at her. Tessa and Beatrix were the only other two female novices in my class and according to my knowledge they both hated me, so I was extremely surprised to see her our doorstep. "Besides we've been dying for one of the infamous Lilith Belikov parties. We just thought that maybe since it's the big sixteen we might get to witness it again." Tessa was pushing the idea of a party pretty hard until she really paid attention to my ghostly appearance. "Jesus, Lils, when was the last time you slept?" She questioned when I didn't respond to her incessant party ideas. James and Lexi had joined in the conversation, but they weren't actually speaking – just standing there for what I could only imagine was moral support. "About two nights ago, I think." Came my response and she widened her eyes in shock as she nodded her head. "Explains why you look so pale, all of you do." She motioned towards James and Lexi as she said this and I sighed. I was just about to say that Lexi was always pale when – in a rare show of attention – Tessa read my facial expression. "Well, Lex looks way paler than usual." I wasn't in the mood to keep standing in the doorway so I reiterated the fact that the three of us wanted some peace and quiet and no amount of pressure from her side will ever make me change my mind. We were staying in our room with James on the odd chance that we might just fall asleep on account of exhaustion.

Exhaustion did finally claim us, but it felt like I'd only been asleep for minutes when I was woken up by the most gut wrenching scream I've ever heard. It took me a moment to realize it was coming from Lexi, but by this time James was already shaking her so she'd wake up. The absolute fear and terror in Lexi's eyes, when she opened them, broke my heart – but we didn't have much chance to comfort her when Miss Sue ran into our room, a guardian hot on her heels – which I was surprised to see was Micah. "What are you doing in here? You're not allowed to be in here." She immediately said when she spotter James. We were all startled and she was starting to lead James away, but I knew – even with the nightmares – we'd never be able to sleep if James let. I grabbed his arm and looked down at me apologetically, then I shot Micah a pleading look. I could see his heart was breaking, because he didn't know what to do – it's not like guardians had the power to overrule dormitory rules. "Please Miss Sue, Lily and I have been having really bad nightmares and it helps having James around, can he stay – I promise it won't happen again. Just let his stay the rest of the night." I looked over at Lexi, surprised that she'd actually told at least half the truth. I was still holding on to James' arm and Miss Sue sighed, but it's like she only then noticed the three of us – really noticed. Her features softened and smiled a little giving the three of us each a mildly concerned look. "It looks like all three of you are having the same problem, it looks like you haven't slept in weeks." It's almost like Micah had just then taken in our haggardly appearances and he too was wearing that same concern. "Guardian Tanner, do you mind staying with them for just a moment?" Micah's head shot up and he looked confused, but nodded either way. Micah sat on the bed at my feet and placed his hand on my lower leg, it wasn't intimate or anything – but it's like he knew I could use a little comfort. I felt my body relax and I was just about to close my eyes and hope that that hand would keep the nightmares away, when Miss Sue returned with Dr. Olendsky. Apparently she'd also been the doctor here when my mom was still a novice, but I found it really hard to believe – she didn't look a day over forty. I secretly panicked, I didn't need sedatives to sleep – I dint need anything to sleep. I believed that if my body was tired enough I would fall asleep instantly. Micah felt me tense at the sight of Dr. Olendsky and he watched me in surprise, but I also knew he was watching me to see if he could decipher why I was acting this way. No I don't have an irrational fear of needles, I'm going to be a fucking guardian – if I was going to make my living by killing strigoi a needle shouldn't bother me in the least and they don't. It's what's inside the syringe that bothers me. It might be irrational as well, but I've never even taken an aspirin, I don't want them and I sure as hell don't need them. Micah looked at me with sincere concern as I stared at the syringe in the doctor's hands. He was at my side in an instant telling me to breath and I didn't need to be scared. Only then did I realize I was lightheaded and completely hyperventilating. As Dr. Olendsky came closer – likely thinking that the sedative would help with my obvious panic attack, the world started spinning and I tried to compose myself. In one swift move, James slapped the syringe from her hand and I managed to give him a smile through my panic. He nodded and joined me on the bed, sitting next to me – opposite Micah. He was gently rubbing circles on my back while Micah was whispering lowly that I'm safe and everything was going to be okay. Dr. Olendsky was irate, but Lexi handled the situation, she took them both outside probably to explain and left after Lexi had promised that the three of us would meet with a counsellor after school.

Micah stayed with us for the rest of the three hours before the school day started, but none of us could fall asleep after what transpired. Micah talked a bit and shared his first strigoi experience with us, in the hopes that it would help a little towards calming our nerves. I did feel a little better knowing that his first experience didn't go over so well either, which was a little surprising seeing as how fearless he had been. He proceeded to tell us that our training makes us capable to kill strigoi, but it also gives us all the tools we need not to die. Great guardians aren't made in the academy, they're made on the battlefield and no amount of training will ever prepare you for your first strigoi attack. It's something you grow into, while you're already a guardian and not something you could be expected to deal with while you're still a novice. He also made us promise that if any of us ever needed some courage or guidance that we know where he is and he'd try his best to help, no matter the time – day or night. Micah left shortly after, giving us privacy so we could get ready for yet another school day, but returned less than 20 minutes later, when we were all but ready to face the day. Micah didn't come in, instead his eyes looked sad, but he had that steely resolve on his face like guardians usually do, flanking him was my grandmother and she looked pissed. My blood ran cold when she spoke, but truthfully – we had to know this was coming. "Novice Lilith Belikov, Novice James Ivashkov, Alexandra Dragomir and Guardian Micah Tanner, the Queen requests your presence."