A fan's dilemma(3)

Rick stared into the void that he was in. 

Cards were floating around him. 

He sat down. He had to process some things. 

This one was long. And feeling all those emotions that he hadn't felt in such intensity was tough. 

"Phew...."

'Breathe in, breathe out. Remember what tiktok dr said. 

Breathing manually is connected vegus nerve and that is connected to calming down, or something. 

breathe in, breathe out.'

'None of that happened to me. 

None of that happened to me. 

None of that happened to me. 

phew...'

'Ok, so many cards. 

Well, gotta pick one of the golden ones. 

I'm guessing that one of them is his musical skills. Must be SS rank.

Another one is definitely the devil fruit. 

The third one must be his sword skills. 

I'm glad either way. '

He picked one of the golden skills. 

[Durable hair roots

Rank- SS

Even in death your hair will remain firmly rooted on your skull. A truly wonderful skill for anyone balding.]

"...."

"..ha ha."

"HA HA HA HA, 

KEYA HA HA HA

YES!!!!

THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED!!!"

He kept laughing.

"I'm so happy right now. 

I don't want to keep living even without a body. 

I don't want to experience that!

Again!

Also, I can already sing. My parents spent a lot of money on music tutors. Even if I didn't make it there, doesn't mean I can't make it here!

I don't need a damn skill to sing. 

Also, I can damn well learn swordsman on my own. "

(....clearly denial is strong in the grieving process for this one. Especially the part where he is balding.)

**

"Sigh, that was a rough death, that one. All that for some damn skill that I didn't need."

(...again, denial)

"So, what did you do afterwards Rick?"-Robin/God

"Well, I took a break. I spent the next 10-20 days with Brook. 

I convinced him that I was a dead ghost kinda like him and we just sang. 

That sort of became a tradition. Everytime I killed myself, or got killed by someone else, I would go to him and sang together. 

You know, what I miss the most is my headphone. 

 I used to have it around my head all day."

"Your headphone was nasty and dirty."

"Well, it was my dirt."

"No it was still nasty."

"Well, using a headphone for 5 years will make any headphone dirty. And I washed the caps."

"Once every two years."

"...Can we move on?"

"Sure. So, what did you do next?"

"Hmm, well not much really. Got killed by Luffy and got this crazy skill,

[Max Physique

Rank-SSS

A subskill from the Hito Hito no Mi- model Nika.

As long as you have energy, you will be at your peak strength. The more you fight, the faster you grow.

No growth limit.]

which basically meant that I was no longer a chubby guy. I got to my peak strength at each loop. It's basically seimei kikan on steroids. 

Well, the next stuff isn't that eventful. 

-Learned swordsmanship from Brook and a bit from Zoro. 

-Kept growing stronger until I could fight Oz (Oars) at his max strength. \

-Eventually awakened armanent haki and practiced on Kuma.

-Learned observation too. Kept fighting Kuma. 

I had to be extra careful to be not killed by Kuma, you know. Sure his fruit and physique is great. But I'm not suffering through his trauma. 

I'd be broken. There is a limit to how much I can take. 

-Well, eventually I beat Kuma fair and square. 

I couldn't really awaken conqueror's haki. Don't know why. I guess my will power is still weak. My assumption is that I need ambition. 

And currently as you can see, I have none. 

 I practiced and kept honing the fruit abilities. Got Absalom's fruit. Because I was hopeful that his trauma wouldn't be so bad. 

Yeah, it wasn't too bad. 

Thank God. 

I mean, thank you.

Anyways, that's all, got strong enough to beat almost everyone in One piece world. Well, as long as they are not Yonko level who mastered Conqueror's haki. 

There's probably 10-20 people like that in One Piece world."

"Okay. So, tell me now. 

Why are you still trapped here? 

Why do you still kill yourself everyday?"

"I don't want to change anything." 

"is that it? Is that all?"

Rick slightly flinched. 

"You know why."

"Tell me."

"I feel like an imposter."

"Explain."

"Sigh...I need more booze."

Rick got up and took another bottle from the bar shelves. 

"You know my childhood, right?"

God[Robin] raised an eyebrow.

"Right. 

Anyway, I've been with these guys since I was 12.

I was there before the time skip happened. 

These aren't manga characters to me. They are my childhood and adulthood. 

Every time I try to change things I keep wondering, 'What will this do to their future?'

'If I take away zoro's pain, would he become strong enough to support the crew?'

'If I defeat Moria, will Luffy be able to grow stronger?'

'If I tell them that I've been taking care of threats, will they become happy or become angry from being spoonfed and taken care of?'

I know the answer to all this. It just won't be a good thing. 

And I feel like an imposter every time I think of joining them. 

All of them have such dazzling dreams. They all want to change the world in their own ways. 

Me? 

I'm nothing. I want to do nothing, be nothing. 

I've read 10s of SI fanfics. Almost all of them are the same. 

Get into One Piece world, get OP, and practically either replace the straw hats or take away opportunities from them to become stronger. 

 Then rule the world or something stupid. 

I'm not like that. 

My entire life I've lived in the shadow of greater people. I've been average my entire life. 

I can't imagine being not insecure. 

I...I don't want this burden of having so many responsibilities. So much pressure."

"..What are you yapping about? 

That is all just yapping. Tell me what you want. The sole reason you were sent here was to remove that mentality of yours. 

You may be average, but that's only because you want to be average. 

You've never wanted to stand out. 

Isn't that why you're doing this?

You want all the fun but none of the responsibilities. 

You want to be seen as 'good' but not perfect or great.

Shut up. Stop lying to yourself. 

You don't want to change anything? 

Fine, I'll send you to a world that's already been changed beyond repair. That way that excuse of yours won't work. 

Good bye."

The entire environment started to twist and change. 

Rick was caught in a swirl. And soon he lost consciousness. 

When he woke up, he was in a small boat. Again. 

But this time, he was not in the dreary Bermuda Triangle. 

The sun was shining bright and he saw an island in the distance.

"Well, here we go again."

Rick couldn't help but smile. His weird wishes were all seen through and he was simply sent to another version of the One Piece world. 

"I wonder what's wrong with it for God to send me here.

I can't wait."