Losses And Losses

Tiring, very tiring...when will this endless struggle end. When I die, even death is costly and unaffordable for a poverty-stricken ephemeral like me. As much as I hate the essence of life, I despise the thought of death.

Not because I hate the pain of it, but because I am certain that I will end up in hell. If what is considered to be life is like this... I wonder how hell will be: repugnant, virulent, rancorous and the full manifestation of pandemonium, I definitely...

"Mr Herman...! Mr Herman...! Mr Her-!"

"Ah...sorry, you were saying?"

"This is the fourth time you are being hospitalised this month, you really should be careful, you should at least think about the hospital bills, your insurance might not be able to cover them anymore." Her voice was piercing the calmness that in my ears. I don't know what her concern is, she nags every time I get admitted to the hospital, it's not as if I like getting into accidents.

"Mr Herman, you should really pay attention when you walk, or else you will get run over by a car one day."

Ehh?

"That is obscene nurse Katie!..."

I'm so making a big deal about this

"...What do you mean I'll get run over by a car. I can sue you for your statement nurse, no in fact I will sue you! You know where I work right?! I'm I'm a civil servant! I can guide you on a short journey to behind the bars, and trust me it's not going to be a delightful road down there... and after the journey a hellish penitentiary awaits you!!"

Althrough my loud vent, her demeanour fell, I could tell she was sinking in shame as my voice attracted attention from here and there in the reception of the hospital.

"I'm sorry!!" She yelled back, bowing her head and banging it on the reception table in front of her. I couldn't tell if she was just clumsy or that was intentional.

"Buy me lunch..."

My voice had to go low on this one, I couldn't risk being laughed at, after all the panoply I had shown.

"Uhh?" She raised her head slowly, doubting what she had just heard.

My hand rubbed my grumbling stomach while my face looked away, her face could not dare to behold mine at that moment.

"Ah!! Definitely! Will you wait until my shift is over?"

~Slam!~

She shivered as though a jolt of goosebumps explored the whole of her body, I really didn't mean to slam the table like that, because it attracted attention again and now the faces that are looking at me are beginning to get uncomfortable.

"I - I - I need to go to work, can't you make a transfer?" The reddening of her face as I drew nigh unto her to whisper was disgusting, why are you getting all flustered in front of this necessitous soul, you'll make a man misunderstand.

Right, I forgot to say; I'm a man, to put it plain for you; I'm a twenty-seven-year-old Virgin, never been in a relationship, never even perceived the odour. I've had friends talk about it here and there, and I've also tried approaching, but... it wasn't a happy ending, so I have an odiumful view of the relationship and anything related to it, I guess you guys can relate, there's always that time where you hate all girls just because of something one girl did, I'm still in that phase right now, quite shameful for a 27-year-old...

"Ah! Alright, then I'll have your account number."

Such delightful calmness her words brought to my entire body and mind.

"Thank you so much! Very much!" Her face was stricken with embarrassment as I seemed to worship her with my words.

I lounged outside with joy as the alert came in, one thing I never save money on when getting is food.

You can't tell when your last meal will be, hence eat dear friend! I say unto you eat! Eat that food you are craving, you'll be broke afterwards but... eat!

The high and bright signboard of my favourite food place gazed at me with an inviting demeanour, irresistible. I gallantly made my way into the home-feel restaurant...

Let's fast-forward this shit to when it all started.

So there's this kid, who kept jumping around with a stuffed animal in his hand. Very annoying, I hate disturbance no matter how insignificant because this brain of mine is always thinking, always diving deep into the essence of the world, working hard to find the truth that exists in the seconds of every minute. It's delicate and needs utmost focus.

But this kid won't just sit still, plus there was a zebra crossing ahead of us, we were all waiting for the green light. I subtly looked over to the woman standing next to me, who by their resemblance I could tell was his mother, she was on a phone call even so her eyes weren't on her kid. She was being careless too.

Humans for god fuxking sake are just vexatious.

"Ha, mama it's green!" His soft voice moved my feet. Was it because I was distracted or because I was in hurry to get to work after getting discharged and enjoying a graceful meal.

~HOONNKKK!!!~

My eyes widened as my ears picked up the loud horn of the delivery truck driving toward me. Reflexively...oh how I hate reflexes, my eyes involuntarily turned to the little boy who was already ahead of me, almost in the middle of the cross.

'I can't control my feet!'

'What am I doing?'

'What the hell?'

'Herman?'

'Herman?'

No matter how much I called out to myself, my body wouldn't listen. A sense of relief invaded my mind as I pushed the little boy further away. My surroundings suddenly went silent, it felt truly blissful, it was a strange moment of calmn and quiet, I wanted it to stay that way.

But the noise resumed as my body toppled to the ground, the noise came back with excruciating pain, my limbs hurt, my head, my back especially and my vision got blurry.

What is there to life? Really what does this life consist of? Everyone wants to get rich, wear designers and take a first-class ride anywhere, even if it's the backyard of their rough-hewn houses, or their spheres of comfortability.

I've not thought about my last breath but I never thought I'd die saving a careless kid, but then someone did die saving me like that too.

Perhaps it's the will of whatsoever divinity that exists as a guardian over this wretched existence called life that I should return the life I was given back then...Do live a good life kid, do not strive to be the best like everybody, neither should you be comfortable with staying at the bottom like the lazy lot. And you don't need to return the life I'm giving you. Live and die when you want...I don't fuxking care if it's suicide.

~Clanggk~

The sound of it annoyed me, the peace was already coming, and my vision was getting dark, why did a ring have to distract me from dying.

A silver ring at that... come to think of it, I hate rings, just like how I hate all-female, I saved my entire life to get that ring and she called it a fake... damn ring, let me die in peace.

My eyes closed slowly like very subtle darkness creeping into the day.

Fresh winds that hit my skin was chilly but for some reason, satisfying. I never imagined such a chilly atmosphere would exist in hell.

"Hey stooppid brat, lazing around!! Stop sleeping and get to work!!"