45 Liza: Pain

Liza: 19 years

Location: South Korea

"Here you go, spaced out monkey", Oppa grins, smacking my head with a book.

This positive attitude of his was something that I loved about his personality. No matter what hurdles were thrown at him, he always managed to survive. Oppa was strong and always tried his best to put on a happy face for his friends and family.

"Ahh!!! oppa that hurts" I say pulling a funny face at his cute gesture.

"Oh!!! Sorry... my chu chu" Oppa chuckles, squeezing my cheeks with his soft slender fingers.

"uhhhhhh lebe oppaaaa." I try to speak but it seemed to be a Herculean task.

I lock eyes with oppa. He glance at me with a sweet tender gaze like that of an older brothers. " Awww...you're cute.."

"I no kyuuu." I blush in embarassment.

Oppa lets go of his palms that cupped my chin and places the book on my hands saying, "The question you asked before... about my unrequited love...you will find your answer here".

"Really?" I ask confused.

"Yes...." Oppa says smiling sweetly.

From the first glance itself, I could make out that it was an old book riddled with memories. I see doodles of flowers, stars, a surfing board, a basket ball, a watch; portrait pen art of Eun oppa ; names such as 'Eun' , 'Kai', 'Jin' ; autographs and sweet funny messages like 'Eun the Great' , 'You go boy', 'Bed wetter', 'My best dork and I' , on the faded navy blue hard cover of the book.

I burst out laughing, "You are a bed wetter, huh?"

"NO...THAT...I have stupid friends. Don't give too much thought into it. I'm not a bed wetter."

"Okay, bed wetter." I smirk.

"Ahh great....I'm taking it back." Eun oppa grabs the book and holds it up in the air. I jump , trying to catch it but in vain.

"Okay...okay.....I won't call you bed wetter again. Please give it back...please...please...." I say finally giving up.

"You sure?" says oppa raising his eye brows.

"Yes...please..."

I snatch the book from oppa's hand and run to the table. I grab a chair and after making myself comfortable, I open the cover. I see the thick white pages adorned with polaroids of Eun oppa and many other faces unfamiliar to mine. I thought it was Eun oppa's diary but turns out, I was wrong. It was actually a photo album.

" Is this your school photo album Oppa?" I ask excitedly.

"Yes" Eun Oppa chuckles.

I brush through the pages filled with his memories, cross examining them to find the answer. I felt like invading his privacy but I wanted to know the answer.

"Wow oppa...you were so cute back then huh. You look like a pretty flower boy. Ahh cute...I bet you were very popular among the girls...even the boys." I say sticking my tongue out.

"Yeah right." Oppa nods in response. He then pulls a chair and sit beside me.

The photo album was a time machine, a return ticket, taking me on journey to Eun oppa's past life.

I see recurring images of two boys and a girl in particular. I'm guessing they were Eun oppa's best friends.

With every turn, I glance at oppa. He smiles fondly like a newly wed couple who had just found out they were pregnant.

I see him in a jersey, his face lit red by the rush of adrenaline. I see him surfing the waves, his eyes roaring with passion. I see him wearing an apron, baking , smiling like an absolute angel. I see pictures of him sleeping, curled up in a blanket like a lil puppy. Each memory filled page gave me the feel of reading a graphic novel, the polaroids whispering a beautiful story of oppa's past days.

There were many other photos too but the candid ones stood out the most. Whoever took them might have been a professional or.....then it dawned on me...the answer...

"Oppa...this..."

I take a glance at oppa once more. He seemed to be lost in thoughts, staring at a particular picture of him hugging a certain boy.

"Oppa...?" I whisper ever so softly, patting his shoulders in a attempt to grab his attention.

He scrub his eyes that were swimming with tears and respond, "Yeah?"

" These candid shots...um.....who took them?"

"Mmm..... my...uhh... friend, Kai. He ...um...had a passion for photography. Why???" Oppa asks, his curious eyes peering into mine.

"Is this him?" I say pointing to a picture of oppa hugging a boy.

"Yes...that's Kai... You're good at this guessing game aren't ya?" Oppa chuckles.

I stay silent for a moment. I close the book and brush through all the pictures once more. Then it hit me.

"Oppa....I...I think this person was in love with you."

"What? How ...how...do you know that??" Oppa shouts, his eyes wide open, surprised by my sudden revelation.

"They say a photographer or anyone for that matter captures moments of what he or she is passionate about the most...."

"So...what does it have to do with love"

" I see that this person was...Kai...He was passionate about you oppa...It's clearly evident in these candid shots...I mean just look at them..they were taken by someone in love."

I see oppa's lips form a downward curve. Glassy layer of tears began to take form under his eye lids making my heart ache in pain.

"This is your person right? The one you were talking about....The one you are in love with."

Even though oppa didn't respond to my question, but the answer was clearly evident on his face.

"Oppa what if he too were in love with you. what if it was mutual? "

Oppa looks at me, his eyes red with puddles of warm tears. I felt an arrow pierce through my heart as he clutched onto my sleeves crying his heart out." I should have opened upto him. I'm a coward and now it's too late to do anything....Kai..."

I wrap my arms around him and he sinks into my chest. The tears streaming down oppa's cheeks drench my clothes, making my heart ache in pain.

I wanted to console him, tell him everything's going to be okay but I didn't. There was no point in doing so. I sigh and look out the window. I see the rain falling in wild chaotic drops, the howling wind whipping and swaying it in every possible direction.

In a way Oppa reminded me of myself. I am also in love with my best friend and I just like him is also being a coward; hiding away my true feelings, faking a smile, just because I fear rejection.

I embrace oppa in my arms and stroke his forehead. He cling onto me like a lil puppy and cry himself to sleep. It must have been very painful to know the truth. There was nothing he could do. He missed his chance. He must learn to let him go.

Some days all you can do is just survive....letting go of what was and grabbing onto faith and hoping for the best future...

Breathe..... fight through the pain...survive....