Loss

All my life I have lived diligently, believing I was living a life my mother would be proud of.

I have never asked anything of the world nor desire anything from it as I believed that I was alone, that the world was not going to help me, that only I can help myself.

So why?!!!

I was lost, confused and enraged.

A feeling kept welling up inside of me like my heart had been gripped by a hand and slowly being squeezed.

It was suffocating!

Never had I felt this way before. No, there was once a time I had experienced this uncomfortable feeling.

That time I lost both my parents.

On that day, I understood what it meant to be in excruciating pain.

I felt my whole world crashing down, everything I loved and admired crumbling to dust and ashes before my very eyes.

Four years ago after I lost my parents, a part of me died. I however never got the chance to discover what part. I was too busy living diligently, trying to survive the world alone.

The thoughts of survival were what occupied my mind, and I never even got the chance to properly mourn.

The promise and belief I decided to abide by turned me into a hypocrite.

It masked my real side under the influence of an ignorant fourteen-year-old.

Now?! Now that devastating feeling had returned, striking harder as it took my last direct family member from me!

What am I to make of this?

Could this perhaps be nature's way of telling me that I am destined to live a life of loss? Of mourn?!!

"You have to stay strong kid. That is what is required of you in situations like these". He advised, standing by my side with his wide palm on my shoulder.

Mister Ripper stood by my side after he had paid his due respect to the body of Aunt Linda placed in the opened coffin.

It was open for everyone present to see, to come to her and do their dues as guests of the burial ceremony.

I was the one who stood in front of the coffin, attending to the guests after they had paid their respects.

"Especially for her. You are the only one she has left as a family. For her, you have to be strong if you both want to get through this".

Says Mister Ripper, glancing his gaze to the left where Anita stood weakly.

In normal circumstances, Anita was the one who should have been in my place receiving the guests, but I proposed to switch roles out of consideration for how she would feel.

She had just lost her mother and her family. I does not intend to burden her more than she already is, knowing that her pain is worse than I.

"Thank you Mister Ripper. I will take your words to heart". I responded, my eyes set on the closed lids of Aunt Linda.

I had a lot to be thankful for with Mister Ripper. Without him, the burial process of Aunt Linda would not have been made possible.

I still remember clearly when the news was broken to me by the two officers, and how devastated I felt after that.

It happened on a Thursday afternoon. All three family members were at home when the husband went nuts as usual.

He beat his wife to a stupor, and when he was not satisfied with just beating, he grabbed a knife and stabbed her to death, three times!

"Tch!!". I clicked his tongue as his face turned cold with rage.

Their child, Anita was lucky enough to have escape the scene before the husband came for her.

According to the testimony given by Anita, she had run out before the father stabbed the mother.

The husband beating the wife was a normal occurrence in their house, but that day seemed especially swollen.

She testified that the way her father was on that day, was unlike any other he had been on other days.

His expression, and demeanour. They all hinted to her that something troubling was going to happen if she did not act fast.

That was what prompted Anita to act, the child who would have otherwise stayed still and watched the scene unfold before her.

She went out during the beating moment to call on the attention of able neighbours.

When she came back with help, the husband was nowhere to be found. He had run out of the house, leaving the cold corpse of the wife lying in the living room with a knife embedded in her stomach.

The aides were quick to call the attention of the cops, and with a swift response from them, the husband was caught before he could go far.

Thorough investigations were carried out and he was no doubt convicted as the perpetrator as hard evidence was found linking him to the murder.

His prints were all over the murder weapon, and also on the body of the victim. Also, it was concluded that he had drunk before he came home that day.

That established his motive as being under the influence of alcohol, thus committing such a nefarious act.

He was jailed with immediate effect, and as for the child? They had to find a way to settle her case.

The officers proposed taking her to an orphanage. No family showed up to claim possession and was almost concluded to be without active family members.

However, Anita was quick to come up with a suggestion of her own. She claimed to have a relative she was in contact with, and that was when my name came along.

l was surprised to hear that Anita mentioned my name, or would even suggest living with me.

That narrows down the events leading to the death of Aunt Linda.

When I was informed, I did not know what to feel. My head was distorted, my feelings scattered around like puzzles.

Still, amidst the chaos, I had to think about doing the necessary. After all, I was the only one left to stand for Aunt Linda as an active relative.

I took out of my savings and went to Mister Ripper for help on how to set up a burial procession.

Of course, Mister Ripper refused my money, but I insisted. This was a family matter and as such the expenses should be carried by a family member.

With Mister Ripper's help, the ceremony went smoothly. The coffin was bought along with a site to peacefully bury her in.

The guests consisted only of the officers in charge of the case, Aunt Linda's neighbours, Mister Ripper and Anita.

Hence the moment to lay her body six feet underground.

It seems as though it was just yesterday when she was urging me to eat!