Cannot Understand

I got out of the building and stood at the entrance of the complex.

I raised my head toward the clear sky and sighed as I tried to clear away all complicating thoughts from my head.

"I never should have interfered". I muttered as I began to take my careful steps, heading to the bus station.

All I wanted to do was help out, but even that did not go as planned.

When my aunt's husband keeled over, I was going to continue pummeling him to disfigure and render and a part of his body immobile.

Say? One hand or both legs or it could be both hands.

Whatever I did to him, I had to make sure it would not be up to the point where he would become a physical burden to my aunt.

At the same time, the damage should be done to a stage that never in his life would he ever think of hurting my aunt, ever again.

However, I could not do any of what I had planned.

That one punch that knocked him out was all I had the chance to do before my aunt stopped me from going any further.

Surprised that I was able to make her husband unconscious with one punch, she told me to stop and that there was no need to resort to violence from my side.

In anger, I stormed out of her place, leaving her behind to her fate.

I could never understand what was going through her mind.

"No need for violence?!!". I scoffed while I took my seat on the public bus.

For as long as they had been married, he had shown her nothing but violence. Beating her every chance he gets, scarring her body with objects.

And what does she say? No need for violence!!

I did not understand. No, I never wanted to understand her. Why would I? Why should I?

I am offering to help you punish a man who continues to beat and torment you. And what is the response I get?

Stop!

'Did she stop me from going any further because she was worried that I might be in trouble?'. I assumed.

I don't think that's it.

I mean she did see how I easily manhandled her husband. He was no threat to me.

'Then maybe it's because she is scared of what would become of her and her daughter?'.

Yeah, that seems more likely to be the reason why.

She is afraid that if I did anything to him, the retaliation might come back to bite her and her daughter hard! In that case, she could have just followed me back to the family building.

I can't make a one hundred per cent promise that I can protect her and Anita, but I can at least try. And if I see that things are getting out of hand than I expected, I can always stray from intervention.

'Can I... Really?...'. I questioned in my thoughts.

Four years ago, I ignored her suffering. I did so back then because I wasn't close enough with her to the point that I would be willing to risk my life for her.

Now? Times have changed. My mom and dad are no longer by my side. It was she who did her best to fill in that family hole.

Even though her husband has not been making things easy for me, she still did the best she could to help me adjust to life as an orphan.

Four years was enough time for me to bond with her. Hence the question; can I abandon her for the sake of keeping to my code?...

"Sigh...".

There is no use thinking about depressing stuff like that.

In the first place, I had planned on intervening but it was she who stopped me from doing so.

I don't know what her reasons her, but I am willing to respect her wishes nonetheless.

She doesn't want my help? Fine, I won't help her not in the least.

I am not so daft as to insist when the one I am trying to help openly rejects my help even though she so desperately needs it.

I... I won't help her, not in the least.

"Be still my heart, you did nothing wrong leaving her in that condition. After all, she is the one that refused you, not the other way around".

My heart is unsettling, heavy even. The guilt of leaving things the way I did continues to haunt me.

It continues to rip away at my conscience, leaving behind a hole in its tracks.

To get my mind off of the thoughts about my aunt, I dived into what happened to me after I slept off.

I did not get the chance to attend it immediately after I woke up because of the events that transpired, but now that I have the time, some things need to be considered.

'I... I ended up back in that world again!'.

I should feel happy, but I am not.

It was a total blunder on my part, one that almost got me killed!

What was I even thinking? How could I think so lightly of that world, that I would wish on myself that I end up back there again?

"Do I no longer cherish my life as I have claimed?". I soliloquized.

Carelessness was not what came over me and almost cost me my life.

Curiosity, Ignorance and arrogance were what overwhelmed my thoughts and almost drove me to the point of death.

I had become drunk on the changes in my body and voluntarily ignored the dangers lurking in the forest.

My arrogance to believe that my body had changed, and had become stronger was what led me to do things that were out of character for me.

A mistake, a perfect blunder on my part!

"What am I doing!!".

It was scary... I was scared!

The thought that I could have lost my life kept on ringing in my head, a constant reminder that I do not take my life as seriously as I had claimed.

I... I had to be more careful!!