4 Team of Woe

Baru and I walked a half dozen younger Inuzuka and their partners to the Academy. I knew all these kids from barbeques, but not nearly as well as they all knew each other, leaving me the odd man out of their conversations and that suited me just fine.

When we arrived at the academy and split up I entered my small auditorium style classroom and got to the back of the room before I had to talk to any of these annoying little preteens. Between my sunglasses indoors and my feet up on the workstation I did my best to radiate an aura of don't talk to me that worked really well right until Sasuke Uchiha - the boy in blue - saw me, saw the empty seat next to me, and damn near teleported to it.

He leaned forward to brace his chin up with his elbows on our shared table and we sat in silence while the girls down below chattered up a storm. One of them even going so far as to begin inking a boy's love manga about the tortured and sexy last Uchiha and the brutal and passionate dog man.

She put that ninja training to use as her pen flew over the pages getting a shocking level of detail and accuracy about what goes on under my clothes right as ink Sasuke knelt to service my cock.

Sasuke's knuckles turned white as he saw her work for himself.

"Girl's got talent." I murmured as Sasuke's blood pressure shot through the roof.

"You're not the one going ass to mouth down there." He growled in a low tone.

"It's those Uchiha looks. Slap some tits on you and no one could tell. But me, all Inuzuka man meat." I chuckled.

We were wildly different in height and build, the boy hovering under five feet tall and ninety pounds, while I stood five foot eight and a hundred eighty pounds built like Michael Chandler, powerful muscles from my ears to my toes.

It wasn't genetics even though my dad was six and a half feet tall, it was mostly diet. You see, when you feed Asian kids a western diet, they grow tall. Height is mostly a factor of high quality animal protein consumption. The tallest people in the world come from Iceland and Iceland also contains the highest dietary percentage dedicated to high quality animal protein. And yes, I mean it when I say animal protein. Vegan kids are on average three inches shorter than normies and have weaker bones.

So you can bet your ass I'd maximized my diet from a young age to make me a brick shit house because it is never an advantage to be the smaller guy in a fight. Big guys can be scary fast and acrobatic, it is all about body composition and my popping traps down to the bulging meat blocks that form my six pack abs to the teardrop quads to my blasting calves tell a story of brilliant composition.

If Sasuke wanted to comment on anything it was interrupted by Naruto rolling up shouting, "What's so good about Sasuke? More like Sasugay! Come on Sakura, I'm way cooler than that broody…"

Naruto's eyes bulged as he caught sight of ink drawing me railing Sasuke in a standing full nelson as his wiener fired off a blast of cum into the air.

"Is this for real!" Naruto shouted as he snatched up some of the finished pages, "DO YOU EVEN SEE THIS SAKURA! Sasugay and the dog guy are a couple. You need to respect the relationship and move on. TO ME!"

Sasuke's eyes opened wildly as if a revelation from the heavens descended upon this classroom. Down below the guy who would have knocked Naruto into Sasuke initiating The Kiss stood up looking like a mini Iruka.

"He's right!" Tobio shouted, "You girls need to respect the relationship! Otherwise how could you ever expect anyone to respect yours."

Tobio heralded a rising tide of twelve year old boys telling Sasuke's stalkers to respect our gay relationship, even if it only existed on the ink drawn pages of the girl now furiously at work unbeknownst to the other boys turning Ink Sasuke and Ink Kiba's relationship into a guiding light that caused all of them to drop trow and start a all dude orgy in the ending panels of her porno comic.

The girl quietly took back all her pages and ran out of the room, leaving her headband behind. Likely running straight to the nearest publishing house. The girl will have an entire series about the boys of class C-10 and their gay exploits drawn out by the end of the week with her crazy skills.

How the fuck did it come to this. Not even a single day as a ninja and I am already notorious.

"Sit down! All of you!" Iruka shouted as he entered the boisterous room and the kids took their seats out of habit.

"Alright. Now I have team announcements here. So pay attention."

The teams rolled on without me giving it much attention, even when Iruka announced the formation of Team 7 with Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki, and Kiba Inuzuka under Jonin Kakashi Hatake.

I didn't rouse much other than to smirk and chuckle at Sasuke, "Sucks for you, man. I'd hate to be stuck with those morons."

"What are you talking about? You are stuck with them." Sasuke cut back without breaking his iconic edgelord posture.

"You say something, Sasuke? It sounded like you said something crazy…" I mused while picking some wax out of my ear.

Then I heard Iruka announce Team 8 as Shino Aburame, Hinata Hyuga, and Sasuke Uchiha.

"Ahhh…" I sounded as my plans for chill questing with a quiet team till the Chunin Exams fell apart.

"Fuck this shit." I declared I stood to leave, the start of my departure bringing the team announcements to a halt.

"Where do you think you're going?" Iruka demanded as I descended from the top of the auditorium style classroom.

"To file for a transfer out of the Genin Cells to the Genin Corps." I told him, "I work too damn hard to be stuck babysitting a retard, a has-been, and Naruto."

"Hey!" My sensitive ears picked up an offended squawk coming from the tree outside the classroom window.

"What did you say about Sakura?!" Naruto shouted from somewhere to my left.

Other than that my departure was met with silence. The overall structure of the Konoha Shinobi Corps doesn't appear on any of the Academy's eight year long syllabi, but you'd have to have your head up Sasuke's ass to not understand that the Village doesn't waste the majority of its Jonin Corps leading Genin Cells on missions to chase down cats. That is a very small percentage of Genin, roughly a third of the trimester's top graduating class get that honor. The rest of the roughly nine hundred Genin a year required to keep up with the replacement rate for Konoha's near twenty thousand total active duty Shinobi experience a very different situation. They graduate and are independent, but have a mission quota required, and the vast majority of these young men and women sign up for six months at a time on a squad of twelve Genin led by a single Chunin manning bases set up around the Land of Fire in the wilderness going on randomized patrols and if they are lucky the Chunin Sargent will pass his knowledge and skills down to his squad.

The closest these guys will get to Jonin instruction is if they land duty at a base big enough to house three Squads as a Platoon lead by A Jonin Commander. He or she might see fit to teach the Chunin in the command, who might trickle that down to the Genin.

The odds of this trickle down occurring go up if you land one of the coveted spots in a major city where five platoons come together under a Jonin Captain to work as an emergency response slash counter espionage force. That guy brings his own Chunin staff plus the guys working under the other five Jonin leave an enterprising Genin with a lot of opportunities to impress people and form connections.

Not that I needed to do any of that as I do not need a Jonin instructor, nor do I want some Chunin who I could kill with both arms tied behind my back blindfolded in charge of me. Fuck that.

I can work the mission system alone and if I really put some ass into it I can qualify for Chunin promotion in just about four months, beating the dog and pony show that is the Chunin Exams by two entire months, at which point I'd qualify for solo B rank missions where the real James Bond type work starts.

Since the Hokage Tower is attached to the Academy I didn't need to go far and had my paperwork filled within half an hour of leaving the classroom. In a showing of incredible insight I attribute to Tobirama, any Cell Genin that files for a Corps Transfer is immediately removed from the team pending final authorization from the Hokage and can take in-village D ranks alone.

This removes the Genin immediately from any possible abusive Sensei's legal authority, and allows an avenue of income during however long it takes for the transfer to finalize. I'm honestly impressed with the well thought out process for a route rarely taken.

I left the Hokage tower with three D Rank delivery missions and by the time I got back the situation had changed.

"Genin Inuzuka. Report to the Hokage's office." The Chunin manning the mission desk ordered after he confirmed the completion of my missions and handed me my minor payout.

A quick trip to the top floor saw me enter the dreary office. Brown tiled floors and an olive painted wood slat ceiling with only a desk and mounts of incoming and outgoing paperwork interrupting my view of the windows.

Hiruzen Sarutobi sat behind his desk like a monument to stress and cigarettes, though you'd never smell him under the thick scent of marijuana. Man must have some killer glaucoma.

The rest of Team 7 stood before him with Kakashi Hatake next to the pink and yellow shrimps, the full grown man significantly smaller than me by just under forty pounds despite having an inch in height over me.

"Finally!" Naruto shouted, "I thought he'd never get here."

"Shut up, Naruto!" Sakura shouted with a fist clenched in front of her chest, "Can't you even behave in the Hokage's own office?"

"Come on, Sakura. The Old Man is cool with it, why can't you be?" Naruto whined to the girl.

"Enough! Both of you." Hiruzen put his metaphorical foot down and the pair ceased their worthless discharge, "Fall in, Genin Inuzuka."

With the man's command I took up the open spot between Sakura and Kakashi and stood with them while the Hokage sucked in a hit off his pipe.

"Genin Inuzuka, your request for transfer is denied." Hiruzen spoke after setting his pipe on a rest stand.

"Yes, sir." I barked in disappointment while Baru whined next to me, "Why, sir?"

"Because you are a willful, prideful, judgmental, anti-social brat, and I will not facilitate your further isolation from your peers." the Hokage spat causing Naruto's jaw to drop as the boy had never before seen the 'Old Man' demonstrate anything other than doddering enablism, "A good Shinobi carries a hard heart in his chest, a heart that enables him to both act and endure. It is through bonds with our peers that we overcome the baser impulses and selfish desires that tempt us. The worst Shinobi are those who have a heart that is always hard and closed off to others. Every day Shinobi fall from the path, and without anyone close by to reach a hand out to catch them, there is nothing to stop them from falling into the dark abyss. There is no one to stop you, Kiba Inuzuka, because your whole life you have refused to walk alongside your peers. You disdain children, you don't even like being a child yourself. And now I am going to make you. Think of it as a social trial by fire. You will be a member of Team 7 with the Retard, the Has-been, and Naruto." the old man grinned at my assessment of the team, his preference for Naruto apparent, "You will be an exemplary teammate and a thoughtful friend, or I will make you spend your Chunin years teaching at the Academy. Every single subject. Everyday. Extra tutoring hours and summer school. For years."

"Understood, sir!" I shouted at the top of my lungs, startling the people around me, "I will be the best friend and teammate these degenerates could hope for, DATTEBAYO~!"

Baru barked the last bit with me, doing a good job hitting Naruto's inflection.

"Hey, that's my thing!" Naruto shouted at me.

"Hey, Naruto," I grinned, "Want to see something cool that's my thing?"

"Like anything you do is cool dog boy!" the Ninja Jesus shouted with his arms crossed.

"My friend Ronald McMantis Shrimp might have something to say about that." I laughed with a tone and heart full of evil as Lord Fluff Fluff began twitching.