8 Successor

"I am perplexed." I told Anko softly as she lightly snored while sleeping on my chest, "The bath set up in this place is fantastic. But if I bathe and then go home, my mom and sister will still be able to smell that I was out all night drinking and fucking, and they would think that I was trying to hide it, like I'm ashamed of it. I am not ashamed of it. I am fucking pumped. I want to run around the village shouting that I fucked Anko Mitirashi from two in the morning to noon. I want to go to school, a first for me, and find Iruka so I can scream at him how awesome your pussy is. And he would ethier high five me if he'd been there too, or bow down to my expert accomplishment. I want to jump through the Hokage's window and tell him when I was inside you… I felt hope. But also deep despair. You know, cause I'm a complex guy like that."

"Don't talk about how you live with your mom." Anko growled as she buried her face into my pillowy man bosom.

"Yeah, that's about the only subject more sore than your downstairs." I fought down the chuckle.

Pro tip, never make sex a joke. Being a funny guy will help you keep a partner happy, but but you got to turn it off when its time to fuck.

"This is definitely a new low for me." Anko signed but kept snuggling with me.

"So ah, hssssss," I sucked my teeth as I tried to work out some way to word this but then just mentally said fuck it, "Do you know anyone that fucks like you do, cause I tapped the hottest chick in Konoha last night and she fucks like getting the nut is her true calling in life, and I am like fifty percent sure that isn't going to happen again anytime soon cause I'm thirteen, and how the fuck am I supposed to work with a regular chick after that?"

Anko sat up and stretched her spine and shoulders, giving me the most tantalizing view in the village besides her on all fours from behind, or her on her back with her legs spread. You get it. Anko looks spectacular from all angles.

"Nobody fucks like me, kid." Anko smirked and got up to head to the bathroom with a swaying ass that makes Mandy Muse seem pedestrian.

She turned slightly as she slid the door open and paused, "Cept the Hyuga girls. The silence and repression and tradition they always have to put on drives most of them fucking crazy and the only place they get to vent is the bedroom."

With that sage advice boiling down to 'the quiet ones are the wildest in bed' the Snake Goddess of Konoha left me alone in the room and increased my temptation to take things to the bathe, but the protesting of my cock practically screaming 'NO MORE' settled it and I got dressed while covered in the finest perfume in the Land of Fire.

Est de Fucked Anko Mitarashi All Night.

"I'll pay for another two hours!" I shouted to her, "I'm outta here."

I moved down the hall to the stairs as another door opened and Naruto came out with a pair of hands stuffing a wad of cash into his pocket before slapping him on the ass and telling him to come back for more anytime.

"Dude." I greeted the blonde who jumped at the sound of my voice.

"KIBA!" Naruto shrieked then patted his chest to calm his wild heart beat.

"Did you do some gigolo work last night?" I interrogated the nervous young man.

"No way." Naruto denied while waving his arms across his chest, "They said I didn't have to pay after what I did."

"Dude." I nodded then continued walking to the stairs, "Pancakes just became a whole lot more essential. I'll expect a written report on this operation. Heavy on the details, spare nothing."

Whoever designed this place should be shot, because the stairs from the third story only went down to the second, meaning we had to cross a whole nother floor to get to the stairs that got to ground level. And on the way we saw a couple making out in front of what I assume is their suite. I didn't pay them much mind.

"Is that Sakura?!" Naruto shouted and I actually looked at the people, recognizing that pink head of hair anywhere, but also the failed Genin stripper that damn near lit the stage on fire with how hot her dance routine was last night.

"Did you do this just to be cool?" I asked the girl as she pulled back for air.

"Yeah." she nodded and pinched the ho's ass, causing the bitch to squeal.

"Is this pride?" I tilted my gaze to the floor as I clenched my fist in honest to God pride in Naruto and Sakura, "We really are the greatest Genin Team to ever walk the face of earth and sea. From the East to the West, from North to South, no eye has ever beheld a more baller trio than us. We murder scumbags, fuck hot chicks, and look damn good doing it."

I pulled Naruto and Sakura to my sides in an almost group hug, "I was wrong, and I am sorry."

My words caused their jaws to drop.

"Kakashi is still a has-been, but you two are the greatest teammates a man could ask for." I announce with full conviction, "I'll take on the whole world with you two. Cancel the Apocalypse. There's nothing out of our reach. But first, pancakes and the most important debriefing of our young lives."

____________________________________________________________________________

That night changed me. I'm man enough to admit that. Naruto and Sakura were now ranked above Baru's steaming shits in the chain of command, and I went full on fix it fic with training them in the months prior to the Chunin Exams.

As independently wealthy Genin we only needed to perform the bare minimum missions needed to qualify for the exams, so we had a solid three and a half months to work medical ninjutsu with Sakura and Elemental Jutsu with Naruto and his army of clones that never seem to melt his brains no matter how much training he does with them.

I'd also stolen Kakashi's library card, the little card that lets the Ninja Archives know he is an Elite Jonin and retired Anbu Captain, meaning the man had access to everything not ranked for the Hokage's eyes only. As our Jonin Sensei, Kakashi was free to teach us anything he felt was worthwhile, so nothing if it was up to him, but with his card and the excuse that Kakashi has better things to do than get reference material for his Genin, we had access to all the Jutsu and Training Manuals available in the village, and almost more importantly, mission and battle reports documenting every survived battle against foreign Shinobi and missing nin.

Not every scroll was a new vein of gold ore, but enough of them went into detail regarding enemy tactics, as well as successful and failed counters and in the latter case the successful method of retreat. The absolute best reports came from Uchiha, and for the first time I felt a twinge of regret that most of them are gone. Only for the quality of the reports they produced. In general the Uchiha were shit people, and I am glad to be rid of them.

But they made damn fine reports.

Damn fine.

Of course, I didn't actually spend my own time reading books and teaching kids, that's what clones are for. Clones are also for Ninjutsu and puppet training as well. I turned my workshop into a bit of a puppet factory during this time period, spending my dosh on metals and tools for the creation of my Puppet Menagerie, a series of animal style puppets made using the corpses of my kills from the Forest of Ddeath along with puppet grade woods and nasty metal surprises.

You see, I can in fact make a fuck ton of Shadow Clones. Not as many as Naruto when he is channeling that good Kurama chakra, but a bit more than he can make when cut off from the super massive chakra battery in his belly. Which is still like a thousand clones as we learned when Orochimaru sealed his connection in the Forest of Death, but if I were to train with that many clones my brains would leak out of my ears, as I am not a quarter space god incarnation ninja Jesus.

Over time my gray matter is getting more and more used to the feedback, so maybe one day I will be able to master an element in a few days to the point that I can make justu like the Rasenshuriken.

Not that I wasn't getting there soon anyways. I'd thus far avoided training the Rasengan despite that jutsu being arguably the best way to train shape manipulation, but I'd managed to get the elemental dragon jutsu down for earth and water - the easiest releases for that class of jutsu. Wind, lightning, and fire release are the hardest in ascending order, with only Sarutobi Hiruzen ever using the Fire Dragon Flame Bullet Jutsu on record by this point, but I believe my father actually has that jutsu in his pocket but doesn't bring it out to keep Lord Third shining bright.

The various jutsu that form dragons are mean mother fuckers, as the beasts move around and attack on angles other jutsu just don't, and often conduct multiple strikes unless hard countered. Dudes who can channel multiple dragons at the same time without burning out like a matchstick deserve the jump to S Rank as they can pin down entire sections of a major battlefield solo, even clear those areas if they are filled with nothing but scrubs.

I'd get there some day.

As for my physical body, I'd moved on from my trick kanabo to Kubikiribucho, not because the sword is more deadly than my beatsticks, but because the dork in me is still giddy about running around with a magic sword, and maybe if I get unlucky with Kaguya I'll end up in Fate and one day become the world's coolest Saber.

Not that it would make sense for her to send me there rather than just yeet me into space, but no one is accusing Kaguya of being smart.

The biggest reason I made the jump though, is the inherent likeliness of Chakra Flow techniques fucking up the machinery in my trick weapons, and I needed to master Lighting Chakra Flow to make the next jump in power for me easier.

You see, I am an excellent medic. I know the body inside and out from study and exploration via medical jutsu. Once I also know lightning chakra inside and out, take column A, add it to column B, and we should get something like Lightning Chakra Mode without too much risk of frying myself.

So I'm doing a lot more than running around pretending my giant sword is a crackling blue lightsaber and I am the sexiest Jedi in the Order sent on missions to seduce the bad bitches to the Light Side.

I am also training.

Naruto was the inheritor of my kanabos as he was the most likely person to have an encounter with Kisame Hoshigaki and his Chakra eating sword. I still posit that the best bet to deal with him is to first make Samehada quit from the pain of smacking into a heavy metal club. Then you just need to deal with a guy with the strongest shown water jutsu feats in the setting, who can tank Might Guy's Daytime Tiger attack and then break out of a Wood Style prison with just the power of his beat to shit body.

With the raw number of insane feats Kishi gave him in his very limited number of fights in the series you'd think the guy was an Uchiha.

Anyway, I was pretending to seduce Asajj Ventress with my super sexy ultra-greatsword techniques when an Anbu agent in a bird mask showed up.

"You are summoned to the Hokage's Office." the Anbu delivered his message and prepared to jump away when I shouted at him.

"You'd save time getting dressed every morning by just wearing a fucking turtle neck rather than those retarded arm sleeves!"

The Anbu agent stilled and then nodded, "You're not the first to make note of that."

Then he leapt away, leaving me to towel off before quickly roof hopping to my meeting with the big H. It doesn't do a guy a lot of good to keep a dictator waiting in his own seat of power.

Sarutobi waited in his office, reading reports and making decisions that affect life, death, and commerce for the entire Land of Fire and beyond as he'd done the last forty years bar the two year break he got with Minato.

People like to crack wise about the Kage being glorified pencil pushers, but Hiruzen did a majority of the decision making formerly reserved for the Daimyo - who in the modern era focus entirely on civil and economic development except for the Wind Daimyo who realized that he wasn't winning the economic game and decided to take back his military power while simultaneously defanging Sunagakure and providing them a target in Konoha who are just way too cost effective to not send missions too. Are your blinders on yet, Rasa? Konoha bad. Leaf Man Bad.

Not that Rasa could turn on the guy, because if he deposed the Daimyo every other Daimyo in the Elemental Nations would fund the other hidden villages to turn Sunagakure into a smoking ruin and a mass tomb. Daimyo can be deposed, but it better not ever come to light that ninja had anything to do with it. Checks and balances mutually assured destruction style.

The modern system allowed the most rapid rise in living conditions for the common man ever, with the Daimyos mostly concerned with amassing the largest fortunes possible by growing their tax bases with more people with more wealth. Everyone traded with everyone and hoped that the periods of peace between the major conflicts lasted as long as possible. A very why fight when we can get rich together mentality.

Of course, not everyone viewed the accumulation of wealth and prosperity as the endgame, mostly the people without much hope of ever competing in the increasingly specialized global economy.

So Hiruzen had a lot of paperwork and the world was a better place because he is the guy doing it. And the old man can't just fob off this kind of work to Shadow Clones. They aren't real people. They don't think like real people. They are very temporary chakra constructs, and the brief nature of their existence lends them to a natural tendency to give no fucks about the future. There is no bad idea to a Shadow Clone. You tell them to scout a location, read a scroll, train a jutsu. No problem. You ask them to make decisions with consequences that will pan out three years down the line, you are asking for trouble that expands exponentially with the number of clones you used.

Wood Clones would be a good choice for that as they are telepathically linked to the creator from start to finish, but Shadow Clones only send the information back to sender when they pop. That's how you find out you sent out five arranged marriages for your unborn son in one afternoon skiving work.

The old man put down his report and put his pipe down when I came in the room, "Kiba," he smiled faintly, "You've done marvelous work since your placement on Team 7. Better than I hoped for."

"Thank you, Lord Third." I nodded, surprised myself with how well things came together with the team.

"I've watched your progress for a long time, young man." the grizzled and gravelly voiced man announced, "There are rare few shinobi that ever show as much talent as you have, and fewer still that ever show any qualities as a leader and mentor."

The man chuckled at the thought of some of the wacky shinobi he has encountered over his long career, "All the ones that ever served under me were quiet, and I used to think that was a good sign in a shinobi. That austere seriousness of a professional about his business. It wasn't till I was an old man that I realized how much being silent can hide how screwed in the head a man has become."

I unironically allowed the man to continue his monologue in silence which gave him a little smirk.

"Your father always wore the worst parts of his character on his sleeve, and I always thought that it was a failing of his, but over time he proved to be the most steadfast of my students, the only one who could endure as a true shinobi. Both Orochimaru and Tsunade snapped, broke, and what is left of them is just an awful reminder of the vibrant people they used to be." the old man's face sunk with a bitter frown before he shook his head and cleared it.

"Even in your self imposed isolation you were always loud and proud, just like him, and it has made identifying and working through or around your shortcomings quite a bit easier than it is with the quiet ones, and that is a damn good thing when dealing with talented people like you." Sarutobi stood up and came around his desk, and I doubt a man of his continued prowess needed a closer look, "Putting you on Team 7 was both a test and an accommodation. I needed to put you with Genin you'd hate working with and a Sensei hands off enough that he wouldn't get your hackles up, yet tough enough to not be intimidated by you. The work you have done with Naruto and Sakura has been beyond my best expectations, and since you came back from Wave I've seen the final box checked on my list of things I needed to see from you."

The old man put a gnarled hand on my shoulder and smiled, "Which is why from now on you and I will be working very closely together, as you learn what it takes to be both a shinobi and a leader. As you learn how to be the next Hokage."

"Huh…" I sounded in surprise, "Neat."