Stage 1

"Oh my adorable students, you went shopping without me!" I shouted as I slipped my arms over Naruto and Sakura's shoulders.

Both of them had already transitioned into armor grade fabric clothing over their ninja mesh, but the pair had taken it a step further with the same Root style flak jackets I was a fan of, and Naruto copied my Iron Bull style harness for his kanabo, but then the dude did some extra credit and got some Last Tower upper body and neck protection and a pauldron over his shoulder harness that I didn't even know you could get in this village.

"Is that custom?" I asked about the additional armor he was sporting.

"Nah, I saw this stuff in an old catalog." Naruto answered with a big grin.

"So the student becomes the master." I smirked at the kid, "Alright team, meet my lover, my son, and their brother."

"Isn't that the guy I beat up yesterday?" Naruto asked while pointing at Kankuro, "Wait? Son? What the hell, Kiba? Are you a time traveler?"

I looked at Gaara and I looked at Naruto and with a straight face I answered, "Yes."

"Freaking awesome!" Naruto shouted in glee, "So when do I become Hokage?"

"You're Lord Seventh." I told him, not bothering to tell him that I'd have been in the past and not the future.

"What, that sucks. I should be Lord Fifth!" Naruto whined, completely ignoring the confirmation of his dream.

"Naruto!" I barked, bringing the boy back to the present, "I am Lord Fifth."

Naruto looked at me… constipated? The boy looked like he had to get something out, but held it in. Then it came all at once, laughter. Naruto laughed in my face.

"Good one, Kiba." Naruto guffawed, "I needed that laugh to break through these nerves."

"Dude! I am Lord Fifth!" I shouted at him.

"It's okay, Kiba. I'm good now. I don't need to laugh anymore." Naruto clapped a hand on my shoulder, "Let's go kick some ass!"

"I am Lord Fifth." I declared, but no one listened.

I followed Naruto and the teams into the Academy and the blonde menace stopped on the second floor were a big crowd assembled around room 301.

"Did I miss a floor?" Naruto whispered to Sakura who looked around and whispered back to him, "It's a genjutsu."

"Cool prank." he grinned and we traveled up to the third floor and into the real room 301.

We entered a room full of Chunin hopefuls and Naruto scanned the whole lot before picking his nose and flicking his findings on the nearest person.

"What a pack of losers." he declared with a smirk on his face as the guy's teammates held him back.

"Sakura? Is that you?" Ino Yamanaka shouted and dragged her team over to us.

Standing next to Ino really drove home how far Sakura came in the last six month. She stood over an inch taller than her former rival and looked almost two entire weight classes bigger. A small tattoo on her wrist stored her spear, ready to come out in a puff of smoke and deliver a bad time straight to anyone that pisses her off.

Home girl would have needed steroids in my last life to blast up as quick as she did, but bodies are built differently here. I am to this day fascinated with the raw weight we can lift here, the damage we can take, then we sleep it off and come back for more the next day. You start really tracking your protein synthesis and hit the medical jutsu at the right time and you can shred a muscle group like a julienne salad five times a day and recover no problem.

Gains five times a day. Not twice a week for natties, not the every day for those dousing their body pasta in the premium sauzle, but five fucking times a day maxed out gains.

It's no wonder I can swing Kubikiribocho around like a side sword.

I could see Naruto narrating the introduction of each member of our graduating class as they arrived in his head, and at this point he pretty much hates them all besides the ones that are too quiet to have an opinion on except Sasuke, who upon arrival nearly sent Naruto into ballistic rage at the immediate shift in Sakura's attention.

"You Leaf Ninja are really loud and obnoxious." Temari commented on the powwow going on between the kids who graduated together.

"I am pretty sure the ninja in Iwa and Kumo are pretty loud and proud too." I smirked at her, "Fringe benefit of living in a village that doesn't totally suck ass."

I said that last bit loud enough to throw more oil on the burning hate of all the other gathered Genin in the room. The foreigners for hitting them right where they live and the Leaf Nin for stirring up the anti-Konoha sentiment.

Let them get fucking pissed, its not like any of them are going to make it passed the second stage.

"You guys have really riled them up." came the voice of Kabuto Yakushi.

God I hate this guy. All that build up then he gets fucking wrecked by pre time skip Naruto.

"Fuck em." I snarled, "The one's dumb enough to pass the first stage will be lucky enough to leave the second with their lives, let alone their teeth."

"Testy." Kabuto sassed right back to me while his round Harry Potter glasses did that whole evil light reflection gimmick.

Kabuto went on to do his whole schtick about doing the Exams seven times, but rather than whip out the ninja info cards he just talked about his previous experiences with the different tests. Guess the guy was smart enough to not reveal his possession of intel above his pay grade with me around, but he did make me laugh when he talked about how each of the participating villages sent their 'outstanding Genin' and were 'well respected' and 'home to some formidably powerful shinobi'.

"I'm sorry is something I said funny?" Kabuto snapped at me.

"Fuck yeah it was." I laughed in his face, "I can't believe you just said that Taki and Kusa are home to powerful shinobi and didn't burst into flame or get struck by lightning. I didn't know God could tolerate so much hyperbole."

"Alright that's fucking it!" A Kusa Genin shouted and charged me with a kunai in hand only to get punted through the ceiling for his troubles. It looked like a gag with his legs sticking out, so I probably didn't kill the guy, but the room was shook on account of - like Naruto and Sakura at the beginning of our time together - I 'moved too fast' for them to see.

Fucking armature ass shuriken chuckers.

"Quite down, you worthless bastards!" shouted Ibiki Morino as he and his team of proctors for this testing stage appeared in a burst of smoke standing at attention in formation behind the black coated man for maximum dramatic entrance power.

The man explained the first stage of the exam as a written test, causing Naruto to mentally crap his pants - something that played out beautifully on his face.

"Dude, are you a scholar or a ninja?" I verbally slapped some sense into the boy, "If you don't have the answers, find them. And even if we fail out we still get promoted so chill out."

"But Kiba, this is my chance to show all these people how awesome I am." Naruto whined, "And then they made it a stupid written test. Even if I ace it no one is going to care. Why can't they just throw us in pits and make us fight our way out? That'd be a cool test."

"I feel you Naru-bro." I agreed as I took my spot in the line to get tests, "But some people in this village get their rocks off watching people fill out test forms. There are all sorts of perverts in the world, my man. These are just some of the extra weird ones."

"We do not get our rocks off watching people take tests!" One of Ibiki's Chunin helpers growled but a glare from the man shut him up from any further breaks in decorum.

"I believe you, dude." I told him in my best I-Believe-You-Dude face.

I don't get why he didn't believe that I believed him after seeing that totally believing face.

I sat down with Baru behind me and we listened to Ibiki tell us the rules and start the test, and I put my name on the sheet, turned it back over, and started doodling a portrait of Baru pissing on Ibiki and his crew and them absolutely loving it.

You see, Ibiki explained it all plain as day. You start this exam out with a full score, and you lose points if you answer a question wrong, or if you get caught cheating. So by leaving your test blank you have not put down a single wrong answer, nor have you done any cheating, and thus you maintain your perfect score.

EZPZ, it was all in the directions.

But the sound of furious pens moving across paper announced just how good people are at listening.

By the time the hour passed and Ibiki worked the room over with his tenth question bullshit my test looked like Kentaro Miura did his damndest to capture every detail of Baru pissing on the proctors, I turned to the Chunin plant next to me and asked him, "Do you think they'll let me keep this?"

He didn't answer, but he did bust his gut laughing at the full page of obscene dog piss play.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

So I have to preface the next chapter by stating that the only character that ever fought his way through Naruto actually using a full blown clone attack with bad intentions is Kimimaru due to his dope Kekkei Genkai.

Many characters have dropped a lot of his clones, but when Naruto drops two thousand clones people wind up like Mizuki.

Keep that shit in mind.

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