A Needed Conversation About Care And Death

A few hours pass by. The priests have been non-stop casting and chanting spells at me. Probably given strict orders to do so. For the first 10 minutes, they tried to actively heal me, seeing that I'd just awoken from being unconscious for 2 days. Instead of continuing this pointless treatment, they noticed that my own regeneration is far more potent and powerful than their spells, and thus they began to focus on spells that soothe the pain. I appreciate their effort, but I can't say that having 2 unfamiliar robed priests standing next to you whilst muttering under their breath is a comfortable experience.

Eli has been strangely quiet, she stands next to Idrilth looking at me with sad eyes that even have some rage hidden in them.

"You look quite sad." I call out to Eli, having decided to treat the 2 priests like air and just think that they don't exist.

"Sad? Wouldn't you be sad when your sibling promises you something and breaks it afterward?" She answers in a prickly tone.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I reply sternly, not used to getting scolded by a small girl.

"Did you not promise you wouldn't get hurt?" She asks me whilst giving me a glare.

"I promised not to die, I don't recall saying anything about not getting hurt."

" That's the same thing!"

"No, actually there is quite the stark difference. Not everyone that gets hurt dies, but all those who have died will have felt hurt." I try to respond as vague and dramatic as possible, not really for any specific reason.

"You lost an arm!" Eli yells, frustrated by my lack of penance.

"Am I alive or not?" I ask rhetorically.

"I don't know! You looked more like a corpse these past days, so how am I to know what you are right now!" She yells, agitated and furious because of the situation.

The air in the room has gone colder, and the silence that follows has turned suffocating. The 2 robed priests that I've decided to ignore and treat like air are visibly uncomfortable. Idrilth is still as unreadable as ever. Something that probably has to do with the lack of having a head to make any noteworthy expressions.

"Well, I'm not a walking corpse. Blood is still pumping through my veins and my lungs still inhale breath. So I think that I've kept the promise, even if it was a bit rougher than expected." I decide to answer in a firm tone and not a consoling one. She's gotten tougher over these past years, but sometimes her childish naivety still shines through. Perhaps I'm unreasonable to expect such a young girl to mature in such a short time. But we simply do not have the luxury to keep this mentally alive, In this city, it's kill or be killed. Sometimes you and the people you care about will be injured. In some situations, it might be even worse, but for her own good, she has to realize this. I promised her not to die, and I managed to keep that promise, even if it was closer than expected. No injuries would have required a miracle, and she has to realize this.

"Do you know how worried I was!" She yells, tears forming in her eyes.

"..."

"How can you expect me to be calm right now?! My brother lost his arm in battle and lost consciousness afterward. You wouldn't wake up… Your body was getting colder and colder."

"..."

"I thought you were going to die! And then Cornelius decided to lock you in some room. Out of my sight, so I didn't even know if you were alive or dead!" Eli yells, her voice shaking more intensely with every word she speaks.

"..."

"What do you expect from me?! To act like it all doesn't matter to me! It does matter to me! So of course, I'm going to care!"

"..."

"Am I so wrong to care what happens to you?" She asks me here 3 eyes drooping with sadness and hurt. Seeing her hurt like this, I beckon her to come closer with my one arm. She walks closer and as soon as she arrives close enough, I give her a hug with my one arm.

"I'm sorry Eli, I know you care, and I also care about you. But you know what type of place this is, maybe even better than I do. This place will not allow you to lick your wounds, you have to move forward and show no sign of weakness. We've had it easier because Ergillaz has offered his protection, but we don't know if that will last forever." I say towards Eli, patting her head in a clumsy way as an attempt to console her. Idrilth shows some reaction to me calling out Ergillaz's name and the fact that I haven't given any of them my complete trust. Well, it's hard to see in what type of way she took my distrust, only a sudden tensing of the armor and fire is not much to go of.

"I'm not saying you shouldn't care. Rather, I'm saying that caring about someone may never become a weakness." I say to her in a soft and thoughtful tone, giving her the advice that I believe is necessary to survive in this city.

"What if someone you care about does become a weakness?" She asks me, her crying stopping after the embrace and instead replaced by her keenly listening to my advice.

"Then you have to stop caring about them. Either you die with them or they die alone." I answer, thinking about my time laying in a hospital bed, just waiting for the inevitable.

"Wouldn't it be nicer to die together, than to die alone?" Eli asks, looking at me as if I'm some role model who has all the answers.

I think for a few seconds before I reply, recalling many memories happy and sad before I answer her to the best of my ability.

"Eli, no matter how you live or how you die. You will always be alone in death."