So Evidently I'm The Overweight Son of The Now Dead Sorcerer King

Hi, my name is Elias Vallamore I'm an over weight boy who's more useless than a porcupine in a condom factory, truly unimpressive garbage, with a none existent social life. No Good looks, no impressive skills, and bellow average intelligence. So imagine my surprise when this raven haired bastared, who randomly shows up at my house, tells me that my no show father has been killed, and my supposed aunt is now out to kill me! It looks like my lazy carefree days are over, especially with this new Raven Haired Life couch nagging on me all the time? OUCH! HEY! DONT HIT ME! AGHA! Will I ever be able to return to my normal life!? The real question being do i Even want to? So yeah...Evidently Im The Over Weight Son of the Now Dead Sorcerer King.