56 Clark Kent: Oscar-Winning Director?

I can't tell if this is incredibly arrogant or very obnoxious or both: Since I provided all of the articles I wrote for the Daily Planet up until 2009, my past self was bored and decided to write and direct Batman movies as Clark Kent. He thought that writing and directing the Superman movie was a little too on-the-nose, so he retained the same staff as those who worked on the movie in the original timeline.

It seems I am a shameless plagiarist at heart because I ripped off Batman Begins and The Dark Knight by completely copying those films, except for the edits made to protect Bruce Wayne's identity as Batman. I was the writer, director, and producer (shared some production credits with the people who helped on the Superman movie). I got Hans Zimmer to score it like he did on the Superman movie.

MY PLOT FOR BATMAN BEGINS:

Bruce Wayne's name has been changed to Anthony "Tony" Stark. His parents are wealthy inventors who were murdered when he was a child to stop the production of their clean energy solution: the arc reactor. The group that ordered the assassination is the Court of Owls (I have a feeling they're going to be angry with me), wealthy rich socialites who are like the illumanti, they control everything that goes on in Gotham. Many members of the Court of Owls have stakes in fossil fuel companies so clean energy solutions would disrupt their financial dealings; they decided to kill the creators of the arc reactors and destroy their research.

After his parents were killed in front of him, Tony escapes at his parents' pleading for him to run. He runs until he finds a cave to hide in. He shines his flashlight looking around when he is swarmed by bats, scratching at his face and clawing at him. Tony goes into catatonic shock due to his parents' deaths, being in the dark, and being attacked by bats. Jarvis finds Tony, saying he followed his trail and they need to get out of there before someone comes looking for you - he couldn't be sure they wouldn't murder Tony, too.

Tony Stark (Bruce Wayne) was raised by the family friend Jarvis (Alfred the butler) after his parent's death. Jarvis (an ex Marine) trains Tony in hand-to-hand and teaches him survival skills. Tony decides to leave the country while Jarvis investigates the nature of his parents' murders. Tony finishes his schooling in a boarding school in Europe under an assumed name. He then begins travelling and gets in some trouble and lands in a Bhatanese prison. He is recruited by a man calling himself Ducard who saw potential in Tony. He trains in a group called the League of Shadows. Tony gets gauntlets like in his Batman costume, is trained in the art of misdirection, and learned to overcome his fear of bats and use fear as a weapon (it's where he gets his idea of Batman). Tony was asked to kill a man as part of the final test, so he destroyed the base and left the man he believed to be Ra's al Ghul to die then saved Ducard, his teacher while in the League. Note: My past self was hoping exposing Ra's al Ghul's name in a popular movie would piss him off. Cocky, I know.

After many years of leaving Gotham, Tony returns to get vengeance on the Court of Owls and to purge Gotham of it's criminality and corruption. As Batman, he uses the League's lessons in stealth, intimidation, and theatricality. He invents the Batmobile, sets up operations in the cave he encountered the bats as a child, sets up his Batcomputer, and all his equipment. He goes around taking down the Court of Owls and says "You have failed this city!" - gift wrapping the socialites by hacking into their info and revealing all their crimes to the police. Meanwhile, the League decides to try to destroy Gotham because the Court of Owls was the only thing preventing the League of Shadows from doing so. The League planned to use The Scarecrow's fear toxin to the entire city, but Batman stops it in time, leaving Ra's for dead on a train that crashes.

The movie did really well. Because the Superman movie saw so much success, they were clamoring for the next big thing.

MY PLOT FOR THE DARK KNIGHT:

I was able to get Heath Ledger to star as The Joker. The film was identical to the movie from my universe. Basically, it was a shot-for-shot reenactment. Harvey Dent's name was changed to Barry Stiles to avoid a lawsuit, along with other names. Rachel Dawes is Pepper Potts. Pepper is killed in a bomb set by The Joker and Barry's left side of his face and body is hideously disfigured by the burns, turning him into Two-Face. The movie ends with Batman persuading the commissioner to hold him responsible for the killing spree by the dead district attorney and to preserve the DA's heroic image.

Clark Kent's The Dark Knight made over $2 billion. Heath Ledger won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor (not posthumously because he doesn't die in the DC universe for some reason). I won the Academy Award for Best Director, Best Picture, and Best Original Screenplay.

Batman was infuriated that I would make the first movie, but he became apoplectic when The Dark Knight came out. He was more popular than ever, and even though I painstakingly made efforts to change names and facts about his life (I even put disclaimers in the movie that the background of the characters were changed with creative liberties to protect their identities - any similarities to real life people are purely coincidental), he felt that his ability to strike fear into the hearts of criminals was hampered because I've removed all the mystery from his alter ego.

The truth was that criminals were still afraid of Batman. The way he was portrayed was that his parents were murdered, his only love was killed, he has nothing to live for except for vengeance, he was trained by a group of assassins, and he has high tech inventions to blow away his enemies. So even though the mystery was tarnished, the criminals were almost more afraid now than ever. Now that they know he has no family to go after and has virtually no weaknesses to exploit, they were now less concerned with his true identity.

PAST CONVERSATION WITH BRUCE WAYNE AFTER THE DARK KNIGHT CAME OUT:

Batman slams me (in my Clark Kent form) against the wall and yells, "What the hell were you thinking by making this movie!? It threatens everything we do here!"

I smiled and said, "Are you kidding? I've made you a hero celebrated by the masses. You're no longer a myth, you're a legend. Little kids will dress like Batman now instead of just Superman."

Batman yelled, "I didn't ask for that! The point of Batman is to be in the shadows!"

I replied, "There was already news footage out there about Batman even before my movies. And it was only a matter of time before your activities were further illuminated in the media. With the explosion of smartphones, everyone has a camera. Do you really think people wouldn't capture footage of you even if you tried to blend with the shadows? Your fights often involve loud explosions and gunfire. If you haven't noticed, people tend to either run away from the explosions or towards them so they can post evidence of the big fights on social media."

"You've threatened my secret identity! There are enough clues in there to lead to me. A wealthy man being behind the suit? Someone who dated an assistant DA?!" Batman shouted.

"And who couldn't have figured out you had access to money? You drive a multi-million dollar tank. You have fancy expensive gadgets, drones, helicopters, planes, etc. So either Batman is wealthy himself or he has a wealthy backer. I changed your wealthy philanthropist parents to inventors to help lead anyone who would guess about your identity away from the trail. But now that people know your parents were murdered, the love of your life was murdered, and all of your ties were overseas, who's even going to be interested in your secret identity beyond fanatics? If anything, I've helped secure your secret identity by leading so many false trails! The speculation as to who you are was already out there on superhero forums discussing how you could afford all those gadgets! I made it out that you were the inventor and you owned patents that made you wealthy!" I replied passionately.

Batman began to calm down.

"I never asked for this. You're glorifying what we do. First, the Superman movie. And now, Batman gets TWO movies about me and my greatest adversaries for the entertainment of the masses. I can't believe you've done this." Batman said.

"Bruce." I said. "You're missing the whole point of these movies beyond helping fund the Justice League with box office proceeds and DVD rentals/sales."

"And that is?"

"I'm exposing that superheroes are real people with real lives. Now, people know that Batman isn't some vigilante because he wants to beat up criminals. They know his loving parents were murdered in front of him and his childhood and life were ruined by criminality. You've dedicated your life to fighting crime because you don't want another kid in an alleyway to watch their parents get shot in front of them after leaving the movie theater showing of The Mark of Zorro."

"How could you possibly know all that?" Batman asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you, but trust me. Your secret's safe with me." I said.

Batman looked disgruntled.

"Just think, Bruce," I said. "The story of your life has grossed billions of dollars, will likely win Academy Awards, and be watched over and over by millions. You'll be a household name like Superman."

Batman grunts.

"So...be honest now, please?" I said.

"What?" Batman asked.

"What did you think of The Dark Knight?" I asked.

Batman looked reluctant to answer but said, "It was...adequate."

"Oh, come on! Adequate!? Stop lying! Just tell me the truth. Did you enjoy the movie? Was it better than the first?" I pestered him.

"Fine! I liked it a lot. It was a great movie! Satisfied!? Batman said.

"Very." I said smugly. "Now, what did you think of The Joker? Was he as good as the real thing?"

Batman said, "Psh. This is exactly what The Joker needs. To be seen on the big screen." He rolls his eyes. "I bet he's loving the attention."

"So was his portrayal accurate?"

"He's not as terrifying or entertaining as the Heath Ledger portrayal which will definitely piss off The Joker. Are you prepared to be targeted by him in revenge?" Batman said.

"If the League of Assassins hasn't got me yet for how they were portrayed in Batman Begins, then The Joker isn't going to get me for The Dark Knight." I responded.

Batman said, "Be careful, Clark. You're swimming in dangerous waters."

"I knew that when I signed up for this." I said.