All for naught

Today I got hit by a car and died. It pains me to think my life ended before I ever got to experience what it truly means to have a family and grow old. I never got a girlfriend and never even kissed a girl let alone lost my virginity.

I grew up with a single mom who had no idea what she was doing, for meals she would have to buy fast food or make 20-minute pasta every day since it was cheap and she didn't know how to cook. This resulted in me being a chunky kid. It always kind of bothered me when I was young but I never really cared until around middle school when it became clear that I was no longer able to blend in and felt like I stood out from the other kids. And I did, kids started to bully me, at first it was only harassment and embarrassing me in front of the class, but quickly escalated to physical altercations in which I defended myself from the barrage of fists and kicks from my classmates, and even though it was self-defense I would always get into trouble anyway.

By the end of 7th grade, I stopped going to school completely and developed an extreme case of anxiety being terrified at even the thought of going outside and meeting new people. At the age of 13, I had stopped going to public school and entered homeschool were instead of doing my work I played video games all day, I always enjoyed video games it was a place for me to be myself without worrying about being judged by my weight and could properly hold a conversation with all sorts of people without fear. My mother was not very happy but when you put a stubborn kid who became addicted to video games and a weak-willed mother who has to go to work every day while her kid is at home alone she ended up giving up and allowing me to stay at home and play video games for 12 - 18 hours every day. Deep inside I knew I was going to regret doing this but it was so easy to just continue down my path of instant gratification instead of trying to improve myself so I continued to do nothing but play video games for 4 years until I finally decided enough was enough.

I weighed 350 pounds, hadn't talked to anyone but my family in 4 years and had an education of grade 7. Although they had no choice but to push me into grade 10 since they cant fail a middle schooler without the parents asking for them too. I started to make changes to my life for the first time in 4 years, I stopped drinking 4 cans of soda a day, stopped eating out and went halfers on a treadmill with my mom. I quit playing video games and instead spent the summer working out, reading, and watching videos studying how to interact with people, and how to fit in. I vowed that I would go back to public school, lose weight, and get over my fear of people. But unfortunately, all was for naught because walking to school on the first day feeling nervous, scared, but also exited since I thought this was my first step in becoming someone my family would be proud of. Someone my mother wasn't ashamed to talk about, Instead, I was hit by a car.