30| cries

Melinoe

"But don't you think I loved you too much, to be used and disregarded." -Olivia Rodrigo, Enough For You

***

"Hey," I whispered. "Sorry for not coming earlier but a lot of things have happened since you've been gone and I wasn't ready to come and visit you Ma,"

"I brought your favourites," I smiled and placed down the sunflowers. "They were somehow your favourites, you loved them remember?"

"On a serious not Ma," I sighed. "I really miss you and I really need your advice because I'm struggling here. I'm in love with two men, and let me be open about it, their two brothers, you know them both so well and you always preferred  the other more than the other? You always said you wished I loved Damon and I thought you were crazy because him and I never got along for a full year. An entire year. And now your wish has come true ma. But I don't know what to do."

"Aaron has changed, and his so much more loving and caring. He makes time, it was a bit too sudden but I think I'm slowly getting used to it. Because it's what I've wanted for the longest time and now that I have it, it's strange, maybe it's because I'm not used to him being that affectionate. And then Damon, oh mom I don't even know. It was like an entire roller coaster that I simply can't wrap my head around. I didn't know how I felt with him before but it's clear as day. And- and he admitted in being just like him, but I didn't care, I didn't care. I just wanted to be with him but when he had the opportunity, he rejected it. And I was so hurt ma, I was so hurt. I poured my heart out to him, I gave him all I could but it wasn't enough for me to be with him. I don't know how I could forgive him for all that. I live with them both, I'll be married soon and I don't even know what to do. Please help me, "

"Mel," I jumped at the sound of the voice and I felt a hand on my shoulder. "It's me,"  I sighed and tried calming myself down.

"Baby girl I think it's about time you stop stressing yourself out. You know what Alicia would want right now? For her daughter not to be in pain, to be happy, not suffering. She would make you stand up, hold your head up high and tell you that everything will eventually be okay and you can cry for as long as you need to. She would be saying, 'I want you to be happy my child' because all that she wants is her little girls happiness. She wasn't going to decide for you, she was going to let you decide. And I'm here for you, to support you. You know I know everything, I still may not like Aaron but he seems to make more of an effort, but there's still Damon."

"Thank you so much Nichola," I cried in her arms and I felt her rubbing my back gently. "I know that this hurts you too and everything that happened in your past--"

"Shh, it's okay. Mine was a little different-"

"But you'll never be able to forget it. Nichola, I never saw you cry but I know how hurt you were," I stated and she stayed quiet until I felt a hot liquid on my top. "These will be first and the last tears I shed for one person,"

I broke the hug to face her and she was crying. "Gosh you're crying," I said in disbelief and engulfed her in another hug. "I am human," and even though I couldn't see her, I knew she was rolling her eyes. "I just- never thought I'd see the day,"

"When my best friend cries, I cry." She said and automatically, my lips curved into smile.

I was now back home after Nichola and I went out shopping and came back to feast in ice cream and watched a movie.

Nichola was on my right, sleeping on my bed, absolutely passed out. I on the other hand, was staring at the night sky, through the distance. I hadn't come out to look at the stars, the dark sky and the moon in ages. I did feel a little lighter, I talked to my mother, I spoke to Nichola, we cried and went out shopping, ice cream is the best and makes every body feel better.

I sighed and for the entire day, I had done a lot of thinking.

And I think I have made a decision.