Flutter

I've seen him for a long time. Watching in silence.

Glued to the same spot. Over and over again, every time. Most people would get bored doing this, but it's not that bad. I get bored, tired sometimes, but what I get will pay for all my exhaustion.

The cheers of the audience are hardly distracting, Not because I love crowds, not because I'm already immune to noise. It's just, my vision works better than my hearing. Especially when I see his figure on the stage. It's not big enough, it's not like the all-star concert. And yet somehow, it's more luxurious than anything in the world. Beyond the most expensive diamond. Floodlights pointed at him, giving him more of an eccentric image... like when you were staring ata medieval painting. Beautiful, dazzling, charming, to me, there's no word enough to describe how perfect he is.

The shappire's blue eyes brightened by reflecting the light from the spotlight, his white skin shining like a thunderstorm. The more it makes it beautiful, literally. Bright pink lips on the back of a big smile, sweet and unboring.

I feel like I've seen that smile a thousand times. Increasingly. Instead of being bored, I went crazy. One small fang protrudes from its neat rows, all the more evident when the wide smile appears on its face.

I'm pinned to the spot. The way he looks up there really makes me not think right. It was like looking at the most valuable artwork, displayed at the core of the museum in bulletproof glass. Not only was I stunned, he succeeded in getting the whole set of eyes caught in his charm. It was as if this world had been created specifically for him, whereas we were all just worthless extras.

For me it doesn't matter, at all. As long as I can still see it, even if it's too far and I can't reach it, it's okay.

That's what I keep telling myself.

His figure is so shiny, it's a whole different thing than me being nothing. It was evident from the excitement of the spectators after his performance. Almost the entire audience gave her standing applause. Just like me. I didn't even notice how my body was moving by itself, standing up and clapping without even blinking.

That's when something happened.

He smiled.

I could have sworn, that's when our eyes met.

The shappire blue iris is growing bright along with a very nice smile. It was the most amazing smile I've ever seen in my life. My chest stopped a few seconds later it pounded with tremendous force. A strange sensation spread over the walls of my stomach, quivering from within. Like the fluttering of thousands of butterfly wings, trying to escape.

This is crazy. So crazy.

My whole world revolves. The striking sound of the music in the crowd didn't make me take my eyes off of him.

He's like a star that I always look at across the cold surface of the pavement. At best, it makes me not afraid of anything else that hides in dark corners. It seemed to have a powerful magic to ward off my fears.

He never even spoke to me. We never actually met. In fact, he probably doesn't even know me.

To him, I'm just like a bunch of people under the stage screaming his name. Admire him.

I clearly know that his smile may not be on me. It's probably for someone behind me, or in the front, or anywhere that I've misunderstood that we've made eye contact.

It doesn't matter.

He deserved that.

He's a star.

"Bryan. Bryan... Hoy!"

A voice has penetrated my sense of hearing. I jumped for a while before I noticed the noise. There stood a slightly tanned young man, his relatively thick black brow. He's always bragging about those eyebrows, by the way.

"Here's your drink," the man handed me an orange liquid plastic glass. Grains of dew appear to be attached to the outside of a glass. "Don't wander in a crowd like this, you'll die trampled."

"Thanks." I received his gift without a lot of words.

"I don't know what makes you like this kind of dance. Isn't it strange to see a man in a kinky suit twisting his body in front of you?"

I never paid any attention to this man. It is his habit to scold things he considers inappropriate for his appetites. I never asked him to come with me. I knew how boring this would be for him. But, like a greenfly, he followed me all the way here just to utter a strong word.

"Look at the girls Shouting so loud. Aren't they afraid the vocal chords are gonna burst? Oh, my god, they're wasting their time on nothing.

"You can go home, Lucas. I won't keep you here, and it's not at all your watching."

I spoke without even looking at him. But from the corner of his eye, I could see Lucas's expression of dislike. His face stiffened with his eyes wide open. What would happen next would be a sharp protest, like a demonstrator in the middle of a protest.

"I won't go if you're here, too."

True what I thought. Well, it didn't happen just once. One might even say that this is our routine, or perhaps more specifically, Lucas's hobby of following me everywhere I go.

"You know I'm gonna be here, right?"

"Then so am I."

Lucas has a body not so different from mine, he's taller and more masculine if you must know. Tanned skin is what any man would want, just like me. But he was directly proportional to the impression he always gave when he first met. It's very childish for a young adult.

"Then don't complain."

"Like you don't hurt, huh?" Lucas is back in his protest mode. "What's so interesting about this disgusting show?"

Is that gross?

I can't interrupt Lucas. Well, come to think of it, there's a point. What's my purpose here? Really wanna enjoy the show? Or just look at the figure?

Sometimes when all this is over and I go home again, the sensation of disgust often comes back to my mind. What exactly am I doing?

"Hey, Lucas," the young man looked at me with his eyebrows raised next door. "Did you ever like someone who didn't think he'd like you back?"

Lucas seems pretty surprised by my question. His eyes were wide again but only for a few moments. He looked down, perhaps that was his thinking, and then his breath sounded quite heavy.

"Yeah, I have." he said slowly. "Why are you suddenly asking me that?"

"I thought I was going to study dance."

"The Hell! Have you lost your mind? You can't dance!"