Cultivating Courage

That old man is really sly. He's charging triple. At this rate I'll buy three instead of two for one. The seller may use any means necessary to sell his wares, no matter what. I've never felt this upset before, nor could the scorching effect of the sun feel immediately searing the head, boiling in the marrow of the brain.

I was about to start a damn session if I didn't remember my first intention of buying this candy apple. Right, it shouldn't be like this. How can I go to him when I'm not in the mood.

Inhale, then exhale slowly.

Repeating such a course seemed to be quite successful made my mind rather calm. I'm not gonna let 11 bucks ruin the most mature plan I've ever made, albeit unexpectedly arranged about a few minutes ago. But I'm very sure. It's a good time, if not now, then.

I turned my head to find his jockeying figure with a few others.

'Ba—dum!'

Oh, shit.

How can his smile make my heart beat so fast? Not even one step closer to him, should I just leave it?

"No. Do not retreat. This isn't one percent of your fight."

It's so ridiculous when your mouth and your heart are all upside-down. My mouth boldly tried to energize, but the small heart knew exactly what was in the middle of my fear.

"You'll really never see him again if you waste this opportunity."

For a information, I don't have a split personality. It's as if we have separate thoughts and different thoughts of each other. Talking to myself sometimes I do to convince myself. It does sound strange. That's why I never do this with anyone, even Lucas is close enough to me. A habit that happens when I'm in the most indecisive position, unable to carry out the plan I'm supposed to. It started when he had to lead a prayer in kindergarten, then went backstage before he began to read the speech at the opening ceremony of the New Year, then at the raising of his hand to answer the teacher's question.

It happens a lot, I get caught a few times by other people. They least just whispered to each other, calling me a freak for talking to themselves. But the silly thing is that a child considers me a witch for thinking I'm reciting a spell. It happened when I was in the middle of a rollercoaster line.

Although sometimes —correction— is often considered strange, but this is an effective way to dispel anxiety. Just like now. I can move my feet, move even closer, with my heart still pounding.

"Exs.. Ekhem! Excuse me.."

I swore in my heart. Knocked out my voice suddenly getting out of control, hoarse like a new sleeper. It's a shame of course. Coupled with their complete attention to me.

"What's the need?" asked a young man in spectacles. He looked older than the blonde next to him, but his gaze seemed colder.

"That's..." Come to think you're a birdbrain! "My friend is your big fan," I waved to the blonde guy.

Oh, my god. My legs are starting to fall back. Seeing this face to face really makes me nervous. Heart, just hold on for a second, don't pass out here.

"Me?" said the blonde pointing to himself, making sure to come back. Which I responded with a quick nod.

Oh, no. What if I was immediately dismissed as a freak for being overzealous.

"We go first."

The bespectacled young man probably noticed what I was doing right now. He lured the others away, leaving me with a blonde. Alone together.

"Can I get an autograph for my friend?"

"Of course you can~"

The blonde answered with the sweetest smile. I've only seen him smile below the stage. Enjoying every inch of his face from the most distance possible to be thought of. My presence is like any other spectator, not even my voice can stand out in public. Now, I'm about to enter another world where there's only this blonde in front of me.

"Do you have a paper and pen?"

"Huh?" The young man's questions helped me out of the reverie. Hell, I'd be treated like a freak. "I—I have.." I answered with a nervous voice.

Of course I have. I prepared this before standing in front of the idol. It would be weird if I didn't even prepare anything when I ask him for an autograph.

Trying to smile as casually as you could while handing me a piece of paper and a pen. The kind of rigid smile that seems forced. Looks like a fool perhaps.

"If possible, please write your name under the signature."

He stopped checking the sheets of paper slightly off, the forced fold marks to fit into the pocket of narrow pants. Look up at my head, look right in my eyeball. Reflexively, I broke contact first, choosing to stare at the ground below me which should be nothing more interesting than his shappire blue eyes.

I can't help but feel the more palpable if I stare at that beautiful bead too long.

"My friend is also very curious about your name."

"Oh, yeah? Why didn't he just ask me?"

I was beginning to worry that my actions might arouse suspicious feelings that prompted the failure of an autograph. It's only natural for a stranger to come to you and ask for his autograph on the pretext of being a good friend. It's too suspicious actually. And I'm too much of a coward to admit it came from me.

"Eng... He's too embarrassed to ask you himself."

Makes it sound like I'm just the messenger. Handing over my loser parts to anyone who's innocent.

Fucking great.

Nice of you, Bryan.

"Hahahaha~ seriously? Why be ashamed?"

I shrugged as if I didn't know. "Afraid you'll think he's a creep, maybe."

"Your friend is cute~" I don't know how many times he has laughed so low, I don't know how many times my heart has gone out of his place. "Then what's your friend's name?"

My plan is kind of hurried, actually. A lot of things I didn't prepare in my own way. Like any answer I'd give to any question. Including in my current mental state. Anyone would have easily guessed that I was a loudmouth approaching someone he likes.

"His name? Bryan Stewart."

"Okay.."

His claw gently grasped the black pen's shaft, tracing a pointed edge that produced black ink on a smooth white paper surface. Every second that passed I spent admiring his handiwork. As if it were, my eyes could not turn to anything other than this figure before me.

"This is, for your friend."

"Um? Y—yes.. Thank you very much."

My mind seemed to move on to the other side, where there was nothing more to it than this young blonde. As if it were the center of the universe, he was so bright. It makes me lose my focus.

I was just turned around when he called me. I'd love to, without the slightest compulsion, turn my head. In that instant our gaze was again connected.

"How about you, what's your name?"

"Lucas templeton."