1 Déjà vu

Whenever I hurt myself growing up, my mom would always say, "A kiss will make it better." I mean, what can I say, except she's right. One kiss from him and gosh, all my pain would cease to exist. But that's the very issue… you see? I don't think he knows I exist...

Okay, well of course he knows I exist, but he's never seen me beyond any platonic view. We're best friends, I bet he thinks of me as a brother. So, how could I ever cross that line and expect things to work out? I'm so confused. The only thing that keeps me from losing hope is how he interacts with me. Is he flirting with me, or am I that delusional for-- My thinking session was interrupted, for a voice I've known so well was calling out from behind me…

"Hiroki! Hiro-... Damn, are you okay? You look so stressed…" he questioned as he swiftly approached me. I turned around more to see Josai, face to face. Those eyes of his could glisten even in pitch darkness. We both continued to slowly walk along.

"Ah, It's nothing to worry about. I just couldn't get a good night's rest, that's all!" I let out a chuckle and glanced away. Who am I fooling?? I don't sound convincing whatsoever. Josai smirked and tilted his head ever so smugly…

He raised his hand to lift my chin, firmly meeting his gaze as he spoke, "Hey? Maybe I'll sleepover at your place tonight. I haven't visited there in a while, it should be fun. Don't you think so?"

I paused… Is this flirting? I mean, did he really need to lift my chin? I softly removed his hand from under my face. Don't start overthinking Hiroki…

"Yeah!.. It'll be great! I'll be sure to pull out both of our old controllers so we can game-"

"No need, actually, I'll bring my own controller. I haven't had the chance lately to show you how I customized it! A picture would do no justice." Josai grinned ear to ear, obviously very happy about his game modifications. I'd give anything to see him smile this way at least once each day.

"Well then, it sounds like a plan. I'll be leaving campus around one or two. Just meet me back at my place, the code hasn't changed from last time."

"I know I know, I remember. I'll pick up some food on my way there! But Hiroki, relax and try to have a nice day." Josai ruffled my hair and hurried away before I could attest to his actions.

Relax, huh? Maybe it would be more relaxing if you knew how I felt? No, Hiro, that would just complicate things. I should just enjoy our time spent as best friends…

As classes went by, I couldn't help but think about spending the rest of the day with Josai. Please don't make it weird Hiroki. We haven't hung out in forever, both closing in our final semesters at uni. Does Josai have a girlfriend? Could that also be why we haven't spoken much lately? My thoughts scrambled as I heard the commotion of class ending.

Ahh, It's only 12:40. I have time to swing by the bookstore… College textbooks are such a hit or miss. Either we use them all the time or never bother to flip a page. As we rush out of the classroom, I take my time and stroll down the hallways leading to the exit of the building. The bookstore is only a few minutes away and such a fond memory crosses my mind.

~~~~~~~~~

Wow… I met Josai at this very bookstore during our freshman year of college. I walk up the little steps with a slight smile on my face. Nothing could ever compare to that moment. We both reached for the same book which, of course, happened to be the last one in stock. I looked up and locked eyes with him. This tall, brown-eyed, and seemingly warm-hearted young man appeared to have leaped straight out of a romance novel. He hesitated and then flashed me the kindest smile I'd ever seen. He softly slid the book in my direction…

"Here, you should have it. You'll probably find much more purpose in it than I will," he stated while letting out a small giggle. He turned and walked away, but right before he left I called out to get his attention.

"Hey, wait!... " He turned around with an expression of curiosity. I continued, "Well since we both need this book for class, would you like to share it with me?" Ahh, am I being too straightforward??

I was not. His face lit up with glee. "Really? You'd do that for me? Thanks! By the way? I'm Josai, you are?" he questioned while fumbling through his pockets to grab his phone.

"Oh, I'm Hiroki, but you can just call me Hiro for short!" We finished exchanging numbers and he kindly waved goodbye before leaving the bookstore. Since then? Between the texting and book sharing, Josai and I became thick as thieves…

~~~~~~~~~

Damn it, I guess I needed that happy flashback right now…. They don't even have the book I need! I snap out of my daydream to go ask the bookkeeper if they have any more left in stock for me to buy.

"Hmmm, let me look at our system's inventory to see. Give me one sec…" She began to type and search but abruptly stopped. "Actually? I think your boyfriend bought the last volume of this edition. His name is Josai? Right??" My eyes go wide as I frantically try to explain without stumbling over my words.

"Wait, huh? No, no-- He's not my lover. We're just best friends. What made you think Josai and I date, did someone tell you that?" I asked nervously and begin to wonder: Is this a rumor? Did someone find out about my feelings for Josai? Who could I have told??

The lady softly laughed, "Oh no, no, no! Nobody told me anything! I just so happened to see you two in passing this morning. It looked like Josai was lifting your chin to kiss you… Silly me, my apologies for assuming." Ugh, I wish he would've done that.

"It's no worries! Josai and I are like brothers, though. We're just super close that's all."

She nodded her head in agreement and we wished each other a pleasant day before I left the bookstore to head home. My place isn't too far from the university. It encourages me to get a nice walk in every day. Hmph, I wonder if Josai has made it to my place yet… I pull out my phone to check if he has made it there. Then suddenly, I feel two strong arms pull me backward and embrace my waist from behind. Even though I'm startled? I already have an inkling of who it is. My Josai…

"Awww I see you've missed me, huh?" He sarcastically stated while gazing at my phone screen, our messages were the last thing I clicked on.

I let out a chuckle and rolled my eyes while trying to free myself from Josai's firm hug. He'd pull me in tighter each time I pushed away.

"Geez Josai-- Quit it, I can't breathe-" I strained to talk in a serious tone before breaking into laughter.

He can't help but laugh at me while his hands lingered slowly on my sides and he began to tickle me hard. Failing to contain my laughter, I started to fidget around, hoping to escape his grip. In one hard motion, I step and push forward to break free of his arms. Oh shit! My foot-- We're falling! The bags of food were flung from Josai's hand before I closed my eyes and fell hard on the side of my shoulder. I groaned as I rolled over on my back.

"Ahh- shit…," I winced in slight pain. I opened my eyes, shocked, but taking in the sight in front of me. This angel of a man, just inches away from my face. Josai shyly grinned. He started to lower his face even closer to mine. Is this it? Is this finally the moment? He's gonna kiss me! I hope my breath smells okay-- I closed my eyes and waited for his lips to connect with mine, but instead, I felt his soft strands of long, wavy hair brush against the side of my cheek. As he sighed, I felt the air slip from his mouth on my ear and he started to whisper.

"I didn't mean to go too far with the tickling… I just needed to see you smile today, every day…" He quickly backed away to get up and gather the bags of food he had dropped. I sat up as he extended his hand to help me stand. Gosh, I truly am delusional… Of course, he wasn't about to kiss me…

"Hey dude, don't worry about it. I was the one who made us fall... We should get going though! Wouldn't want that food to get too cold." I flashed Josai a comforting smile, we both shrugged off the fall and continued walking back to my place.