10. Ghosts of the past

Just before sunrise I felt fury start to gently lift me off his chest. Before he could leave the bed completely I grabbed his hand. My eyes still closed not fully awake.

"Don't go!"

I felt him lean towards me his lips touching mine I clung to him my hand at his neck pulling him closer. My kiss was desperate my need for him almost animalistic. Before I new it I was on my knees while he stood beside the bed. His arms held me with such force it almost hurt. He pulled back putting a stop to my frenzied devouring of him. Burying his head in my neck he was panting his arms tightening around me.

"Your killing me here Shade."

I could feel his erection against my skin. My lips were at his ears.

"Then stay."

He shook his head his lips a gentle caress on my neck, his teeth grazing my skin.

"I can't."

I took his earlobe in my mouth nibbling the skin his low growl making his chest vibrate. Faster then even I could track his lips meet mine as we both tumbled back onto the bed. One hand cupping my breast while the other went between my legs. My pussy already wet he slid two fingers straight in my moan of pleasure muffled by our kiss. Freeing my lips he kissed his slow way down my neck his fingers pumping inside me the whole time. His thumb flicking my clit felt so good I was panting. His kisses reached my nipple gently biting the sensitive nub.

His fingers were so spot on I could feel my self getting closer with each second. Fury's tongue and mouth licked and kissed their way down to Join his fingers. The second his tongue touched my clit I gasped grabbing at his hair. He purposely slowed down to keep me on the edge of ecstasy. I growled at him in frustration making him chuckle. A second later had him speeding up as my body tensed. I cried out his name the orgasm setting my body on fire. He continued to plunge his fingers in and lick my clit stretching my orgasm til I begged for mercy.

"Fury please!"

In the blink of an eye I was flipped over and my arse held up as he plunged deep inside me. Another gasp escaped me on impact. His hand grabbed at my hair as he pulled with just enough pain each time he pounded against me. Each stroke forcing him deeper inside. Just as I was about to cum he slowed down. He was teasing me stretching it out. Almost like he was reluctant to let this finish. Then just when I couldn't take it any more he sped up using my thighs to pull me back he plunged into me with such force I had no doubts he was the shifter god. I heard his groan over my own moan as we both jumped into the abyss together. Both of us shaking with pleasure becoming one in that moment of pure happiness.

When it was over I felt him lean forward kissing his way up my back his hands coming around me to lift me up til I was flush against him. His touch was agonisingly slow as he swept aside my hair kissing my neck with an almost delicate touch. His hands a feather touch all over my body, my breast, my thighs. Tears came to my eyes as I realised what he was doing. He was committing me to his memory. Slowly taking in every inch of me so he wouldn't forget what I felt like. His face was at my neck, he inhaled deeply so as to remember my scent. Turning slowly tears still in my eyes. This time he didn't try to wipe them away but let them fall unhindered.

"Fury it doesn't have to be this way."

His beautiful blue eyes met mine his right hand at my cheek his thumb sweeping over my lips.

"Shade-"

I shook my head anguished that I knew he wouldn't listen but I'd never forgive myself if I didn't try. Both my hands were at his neck I used them to pull him to me one hand tangled in his hair the other clutching to his back.

"We can find another way! A way that makes it so the gods have no power at all, a way to make you all Just like the rest of us. That way you could stay here and not have to worry about them destroying the worlds."

Fury's head shook.

"It doesn't work like that. We are gods our creations will always feel compelled to follow us whether we have our powers or not. Your the one that will end the fighting and restore peace to the worlds. Your the only one that can stop the rest of us from using what we created."

"I can't do this, I can't! Not if it means never seeing you again!"

He gently pushed me back to stare into my eyes. I felt his finger touch my cheek to finally wipe the tears away. I quickly shut my eyes tight not wanting to see him leave me. I felt him get close his lips at my ears his cheek against mine.

"It's time, my little warrior god."

He kissed me like his life depended on it then touched his forehead to mine.

"I love you Shade don't ever doubt that."

When he pulled away I snapped my eyes open wanting to see him one last time but he was already gone. Curling up I hugged my knees to my chest And sobbed into my pillow my heart disintegrating in my chest. I had no idea if I would ever see him again. I mean he was technically a student here but something told me he wouldn't be there and was gone for good.

He'd said he'd loved me and I didn't even get a chance to say it back one last time. How could the world be so cruel. I'd finally found the one soul I could truly love and put my whole trust in and he was the one being that I could never be with. How would I be able to do what he wanted by myself? I needed his help. Needed him by my side to help me through the hardships this path for my life would undoubtedly hold.

When it was time for me to get really for class's a knock sounded on my door. I wanted so desperately to ignore it but when I heard the panic in Sils voice I knew I couldn't. I sent my shadow to open the door while I started getting dressed. Sil rushed in like some tortured wolf so fast that I hadn't even got my knickers on.

"Fury's gone! I just went by his room to go to our first class together and his room is emp-"

She froze when I finally faced her fully dressed once more. I knew my eyes were red raw from crying and I probably would have cried more with her confirmation that he was indeed gone for good but I was literally all out of tears. Sil rushed forward throwing her arms around me.

"I'm sorry Sil. He's gone because of me."

She pulled back grabbing my hands as we sat on the edge of my bed.

"He told you who he was didn't he?"

I nodded. Of course she knew how could she not. One she had known him most of her life and two she was shifter born there was probably some unspoken connection between them that told her he was her god. At least now I know why they got along so well. I told her everything about last night, not the most intimate details of course those I kept for myself. I told her Everything that mattered though and she listened without judgment. By the time I'd finished Sil was crying the tears I'd obviously run out of.

"I know you don't want to hear this but maybe it's better this way."

I scowled at her.

"Better? How is it better?"

"Don't get me wrong Shade I hate that he's gone just as much as you but imagine how much harder it would be to let him go when the time comes if you'd spent the whole time together."

I know she was trying to make the whole situation seem like a blessing in disguise but now that I'd had my one night with him it just wasn't enough. There were so many things I still wanted to say, to experience with him. Now, he was gone and I had no idea how I was going to cope with the hole he'd left in my heart.

"I don't know what to do though. How the hell am I supposed to master this stupid god power with out him and not to mention rally all the races to turn on their gods. It's ingrained in their genetic make up to follow their every wish whether they know who they are or not. Nothing I say or do will change that."

"There must be a way. Fury wouldn't have suggested it if there wasn't. What were his words exactly maybe he gave you a clue?"

I sighed trying to remember them.

"He said I had to use my power and the power of all five worlds to banish the gods."

She sat back her mind turning as she thought about his words. A strange look was in her eyes like she was mulling on something.

"What is it?"

"Well it's seems he didn't actually say that you had to make all the races turn on the gods. All he said was you had to use their power. So maybe you have to gain the power of all five races add them to your own and only then will you be able to banish the gods."

I stared at her stunned. What she was saying was insane but in a weird way also made sense. Holy shit! She had a point at no time did fury say I had to rally the troops or whatever he just said use their power. I frowned, but how do I even do that? And why wouldn't he just tell me instead of the cryptic messages. Unless this was one of those rules that can't be broken kind of things.

"Argh this is just too much to process right now. All I can think about is the fact that fury's gone and that I might never see him again!"

Sil put her arms around me in a hug.

"If I know fury at all he won't be able to stay away for long. Have faith Shade if you are meant to be with him it will happen. There are things far more powerful keeping two souls together that even gods themselves can't fight if it's destined to be."

I sighed if only I believed that.

"Come on you need a distraction."

She grabbed my hand and started pulling me to the door.

"Hang on Sil I'm not even dressed yet."

It was true I'd only managed to put on a loose shirt with no bra and undies. She looked me up and down like she'd just realised this fact.

"Oops sorry got carried away. Come on hurry up and put your clothes on."

I stared at her like she'd just said the most disgusting thing in the world.

"Really Sil? My whole world just fell apart and you want me to go to school right now?"

She chuckled.

"I never said put your uniform on now did I?"

I just narrowed my eyes at her but she ignored it and started pushing me towards the wardrobe.

"Stop stalling, get in there and get dressed."

I groaned. I really didn't want to go but Sil was not taking no for an answer. So ten minutes later I was relatively ready. One look in the mirror when I'd gone to the toilet showed my red puffy eyes and drawn in face. Fury had only been gone for a few hours and I already missed his unique brand of icy dragons fire. The night we'd spent together just wasn't enough, it'll never be enough.

Sil left me at the entrance of the academy. I was dressed in my normal dark jeans and corset top with shift underneath. Sil had groaned in frustration that I'd gone for my normal warriors gear but didn't say anything. Then we'd walked here and she'd disappeared saying she was going to organise our ride. Whatever that meant.

"Shade?"

I was so lost in thought I didn't even hear hurricane approach. His green eyes looked at me with curiosity his head glanced between me and the front gates of the academy.

"Not going to classes today?"

I narrowed my eyes at him. Why was here? And what did he care if I went to classes? Was he spying on me? Was he planning on reporting my absence to Blaze?

Luckily I was saved the trouble of answering him by the arrival of Sil.....in a black SUV? What the hell?

"Sil? Where the hell did you get that?"

She'd parked up beside us the window rolled down as she eyed Hurricane with a not so nice look on her face. Turning to me her face happy again a big smile curving her lips.

"I have my ways now hop in and let's go."

I chuckled stepping forward to open the door however I barely got it open when I hand snaked out and closed it again.

"What the fuck hurricane!"

He put himself in between the car and me. Standing with my arms crossed I glared at him.

"You can't leave the academy."

"Like fuck I can't. Who are you to tell me what I can and can't do?"

I stepped forward to push him out of the way but it was like trying to move a mountain. Eventually he grabbed my arm and started pulling me back towards the dorms. Sil was out of the car in seconds yelling at hurricane to let me go. Furious at him I turned serious in my attempt to get away. Twisting my arm out of his grasp I shadow jumped to Sils side. She smiled smugly at hurricane linking her arm with mine.

"Tell Blaze if he wants to send his lackey to do his dirty work he's going to have to do better then you."

I chuckled at Sils words as we both headed back to the car. Surprisingly hurricane didn't come after us but as we were pulling away I did see him on his phone. I only needed one guess to know who he was calling.

"I wonder what all that was about?"

Sil her eyes still on the road shrugged her shoulders.

"Probably just some male ego thing. Hurricane does whatever Blaze tells him too. Blaze probably had him trailing you."

I stared at her shocked.

"Why the fuck would he have hurricane trailing me!"

"Shade, fury said your the one with the power to banish the gods so it makes sense that Blaze would have you trailed."

I groaned in frustration. Why couldn't I just have a Normal fae life? Why did I have to be the one stuck in the middle of a war between the gods? Sil must have sensed my thoughts because she grabbed my hand and smiled at me.

"Don't think about them right now Shade. Today is about having fun and forgetting all of them. Today is girls day out."

Squeezing her hand I smiled back.

"You know what your right. Let's have some fun."

It was then that I realised I had no idea what entailed 'girl fun.' I was too embarrassed to ask not wanting to seem more pathetic then I already felt So I turned my eyes to the window to watch the scenery go by. Even though I was trying to forget everything it wasn't long before the dark thoughts that were always close by to cross my mind. Fury's words repeating like a broken record. Use my power and that of the five worlds? What does that even mean? What was a meant to do here take each god down one at a time? How would I even do that? Not to mention there's only one time my power has even surfaced and that was only because of what those arse holes did to me. So was that it then? Am I supposed to suffer before I can use it?

Pfft like I haven't suffered enough already. What was wrong with these gods were we just play things for them to move around like playing a game of chess? I got that fury needed to remain neutral but to give up on us without even fighting.

"Here we are!"

Pulled from my dark thoughts I hadn't even realised that Sil had stopped driving. Looking through the front window my dark thoughts were banished, a wide smile spread across my face.

"You like?"

I nodded completely speechless at her choice of a girls day out.

"I think I know you well enough to know your not a girly girl that'll appreciate a shopping spree like outing so I picked the next best thing."

And she had. I couldn't believe my eyes we had arrived at what could only be classed as a supernatural rave. There was live music that was so loud I'm amazed I hadn't heard it through my thoughts. Sups of all clans and species were partying like I'd never seen before. To my surprise there were even dark fae in amongst the dancing bodies like there had never been a war. They danced and socialised with the other races like old friends it was an unbelievable sight.

"How long have they been doing this?"

Sils light chuckle was a welcome distraction from the mind blown state I was in.

"They started doing these monthly Raves ten years ago. Sometimes it's at night some times during the day but never in the same place. I brought you here partially to make up for our failed attempt to have fun at the back to school bash and I wanted to show you that not every sup has been involved in the war against your clan. It was a group of dark fae that started this whole thing they wanted to show the other clans that dark fae aren't the enemy that they've been lead to believe. To prove that they don't want this war."

"But how is this possible if queen bitch found out about this she would name them Shaki and kill them all including everyone in attendance?"

Here Sil took my hand, our eyes meeting a wide smile spread on her lips.

"Don't you see the fact that she doesn't know is prof that she is not as powerful as she would have everyone think. I've seen the shadows that haunt you when it comes to her. Maybe the reason you think you can't banish the gods is because your scared that you can never beat her. What she's done to you, things that I can't even begin to guess at all of it is just a ruse. Don't let her have power over you because in reality she has none. It's you that has the power not her and she knows it. It's why she has kept you close kept you fearful of what she can do. You can't let her, you must fight so that this... what you see before you can become a reality everywhere all the time. Believe you have the power because i know that you do and so does Fury."

I was mesmerised by her words. I wanted so badly to believe all of it, but the shadows that swirled inside me denied every part of it. Sil sighed obviously seeing my doubt.

"Come on the best way to see the future you could create is to experience it."

With that said she dragged me out of the car and together we headed towards the crowd of dancing sups. As we approached a few eyes turned our way but otherwise none even bothered trying to stop us from joining. Gone were the death glares and the muttering of demon spawn. There was none of it as we made our way through the throng of sups towards the very crowded very busy bar.

The atmosphere was thrilling. No one even looked my way every sup here just enjoying the music and the energy flowing through the air.

"What's your poison girls?"

I heard Sil order demons blood just like we'd had last time.

"First timer eh?"

It took me a minute to realise the tender was addressing me before I tore me eyes from my surroundings to face the tender.

"Is it that obvious?"

He laughed at my words nodding towards the crowds.

"It's not hard to tell those who have seen what the war has done to our clan. It's in the eyes you see those who want so desperately to belong to something more. To not be tied down by what Queen shadow is forcing on us. It's in your eyes too more then I've seen in anyone. Here you'll find that peace you've been looking for I'm sure of it."

I smiled at his words. It was strange to here talk of peace from one of my own clan. The wink he gave me as he passed over my drink made my smile widen more.

"Enjoy yourself let your troubles fade away there are no enemies here I can assure you of that."

Sil grabbed my arm and dragged me away from the chat since I was clearly to stunned to move myself. When we were far enough away tucked in one of the few clear spaces around the crowd she clinked her glass to mine.

"Down the hatch girl today we are going to parrtyyyy."

I laughed copying her and downing the demon blood in one go. The buzz started just as fast as the last time I'd had this particular brand of drink. Before long we were both in amongst the crowd dancing with the other sups moving our hips to the music.

Before I knew it we were a bottle of demons blood down and day had turned to night. The rave in full swing and showing no signs of stopping. Sil and I had danced the whole time taking small breaks when we needed to catch our breath. No one hassled us nor did they try to invade our personal space almost like they all could sense I was new here just like the bartender had and were giving me a wide birth. Well at least that's what I'd thought had been happening. That was until Sil left me alone to grab yet more drinks and strong arms wrapped around me his hands resting on my hips.

Drunk on demons blood my instincts all jumbled i spun to met the eyes of another dark fae I had no ever seen before. He was taller then by at least a foot his red black hair pulled back in the traditional Viking style of the males. Beyond that I couldn't tell you much my eyes hazy. Hot to be sure but nothing that stood out through the fog. As he danced against me I get him lean forward his lips at my ear.

"Now what would the queens Rasash be doing here I wonder?"

Through my haze my eyes widened, my body frozen in place as he continued.

"A spy perhaps? Now the wars at a stalemate she has the time to finally take notice of what's happening around her?"

I tried to pull out of his arms but the demons blood had filled my strength. It was all too easy for him to keep me in his arms.

"I'll not let you destroy the one good thing we dark fae have done in all these years."

Sil returned at this distracting the male long enough for me to escape his arms. Quickly I grabbed her hand and dragged her as far away from the male as possible.

"We need to go now!"

She protested but with her weaker disposition she was no match for my strength as I pulled her harder. Luckily the music was so loud that no one else heard the males words so no one seemed to follow us. At least that's what I thought.

Just as we were nearing the end of the crowded expanse the sups thining out around us two dark fae knights blocked our path. I froze baring my fangs at the pair pulling Sil behind me ignoring her protests.

"I'd step aside now if you know what's good for you."

Both dark fae wore the tradition black and red warriors clothes of the dark fae knights. An elite sect of our army that specialised in deep underground warfare. They were the ones queen bitch used to infiltrate her enemies as spies feeding her information on there plans. Which was clearly the reason the queen didn't know about these raves. They were her most trusted warriors she took them at their word on all information given.

They stood unwaveringly still not moving aside but neither did they move to attack. Growling I let go of Sils hand and summoned my shadow swords.

"I said move!"

They eyed my swords but still refused to move some of the sups close by had turned to see what was going on. Their eyes widening at my drawn weapons stepping away from the stand off before them.

"Stand down she's not here because of queen shadow."

That voice.... it can't be! Slowly I turned to face the new comer my swords dropping from my hands disappearing before they hit the ground.

"No....your not real.....you can't be...."

"It's alright Shade, Nocturnal is the founder."

I shook my head at Sils words because it was not ok. There was no way he survived what she did to him... from what she made me do to him.

"There's nothing to see here everyone go back to enjoying the party free drinks for everyone."

The crowd who stopped dancing to watch cheered as they rushed to bar for their free drinks leaving me to stare transfixed at what could only be a ghost.

Noct looked exactly like he had back then only with one major difference. A jagged scar ran across his throat the guilt drowning me in the darkness I embraced it knowing it was where I belonged. His long dark hair tied back Viking style much like my own only the male version of it. When we were no longer under the watchful eyes of the crowds Noct made to step closer. On instinct not trusting what my own eyes saw I stepped back right into the two knight guards behind me. The shock of their touch spurring me to spin and high tail it out of there and away from the madness dragging Sil along behind me.

"Shade!"

I ignored her cries for me to stop. I couldn't believe it. It can't be him. No one could have survived what we did to him. I admit that I never saw the body or saw him take his last breath but deep down I knew there was no way he had lived. Whoever that was it wasn't Noct.

"For fucks sakes Shade would you stop!"

One look back and I realised Sil was panting struggling for air. I stopped my breath coming out in anxious rasps, Sil instantly bent over gasping down lungs full of air trying to catch her breath.

"Shit Sil I'm sorry...I....I just..."

Her breath coming back she straightened up to meet my eyes a sad smile curving her lips.

"I knew you'd remember him. We were too young but Noct....at least he got to know you at an age when you'd remember what he looked like."

Her words confused me. I had no idea what she was trying to say.

"What..."

Sil stepped closer her hands taking mine.

"I'm not angry that you don't remember me. I mean how could you? We only knew each other for a short time when we were five. Even I had trouble remembering your face I never expected you to remember mine."

My breath caught in my throat. When we were five... no.... she can't be. I looked at her face, really looked at every detail. My memory of back then was so hazy, swallowed by the many years that came after, but as I looked into those innocent eyes a flash of recollection shined through the dark.

"Why..."

I stepped back from her betrayal in my voice.

"Why did you never say anything?"

"Because we didn't want to scare you off."

I turned to face Noct the scar on his neck tearing at my heart.

"Shade please don't run I've been waiting for this moment for so many years."

I couldn't stop staring at his scar. Couldn't get the images out of my head. The look in his eyes, a look that haunted my dreams for months after. His words that night, words that had me waking up screaming after what I'd done.

He reached for me but I quickly stepped out of reach.

"Don't..."

Tears welled in my eyes but didn't fall.

"Don't do that! Don't look at me like everything's fine! Like it wasn't my hand that gave you that scar!"

Noct tried to reach for me again but I stepped even further away shaking my head.

"It wasn't your fault Shade. You had no choice. It was either kill me or she would have killed them all. I gave my life gladly if it meant saving them."

"SHE KILLED THEM ANY WAY! WHAT I DID I DID FOR NOTHING!"

"I know but that was her not you. You tried to do the right thing. You tried to save them. You were put in an impossible situation and given an impossible choice. You can't blame yourself for what she did."

"STOP IT! Just stop trying to make me feel like I had no choice because I did have a choice. I could have refused. I could have fought her, tried to stop her from doing any of it."

"And you would have died trying."

"You can't know that. She would never have killed me. I have the one thing she wants."

"You didn't know that back then-"

"Stop...just stop please. I can't take this any more there's nothing you can say that will make any of this better."

"Shade listen to him we want to help you-"

"Help me! You can't help me! I'm beyond helping. His neck is prof that I'm a monster. I don't know why I even thought I had a chance of being anyone other then what she has made me! I should have never come to this fucking school. Ever since I've arrived everything I've ever know has been a lie. I want nothing to do with any of this. Both of you just stay away from me!"

Spinning I tapped into my speed using the shadows around me for power I ran faster then either of them could follow. I ran until the rave car park was left far behind. I ran until the school and town were a spec in the distance. I ran until I could run no more.

I was deep in the forest with no idea where I was. I had no idea what way to go or how to get back not that I wanted to go back. What is wrong with me? Why does my past keep coming back to haunt me? Can I never have any peace? I stood in the middle of a dense forest surrounded by trees and I had no idea what to do now. The dark was the only comfort as the shadows surrounded me like a warm caress. Picking the highest tree I started to climb jumping from limp to limp til I sat at its peak the stars visible through the trees.

Now more then ever I wished that I had fury to tell me what to do. But even he was a source for my suffering. Every time I let myself open up my whole world comes crashing down. One day that's all I wanted. One day to just be happy and I couldn't even have that. Just one dam day.