day four : Ivan's dream

I ran back inside, hiding my face from Jaycee. I could feel his gaze in my back and it felt like a knife in my heart. The more I stayed with Jaycee, the more it's gonna be painful and I was sure. So I have to run from him before it's too late.

"But hasn't he already wedged his way to your heart?" Ms Kay asked. She sat by the bed with me while I drowned my sorrows under the blanket. "I mean, you wouldn't be like that if he hasn't right?"

"But I can't do this anymore." I mumbled under the sheets. 

Ms Kay patted my head before standing up. "Think about it, hon. Make sure your decision is something you would not regret."

I sat up and looked at her as she pulled out her wallet from her purse. 

"Want me to get you some food?" She smiled at me.

Suddenly my vision started to blur. The pain in my head shoot up and I could not keep myself upright. 

"Ivan?" I heard Ms Kay called, but I couldn't respond, my body wouldn't respond. 

In my blurry eyes I could see Ms Kay getting to the phone, but I couldn't hear her, there was a ringing in my ears that keeps getting louder and louder until finally something snapped and I heard silence. And I saw darkness. 

I faded in and out of consciousness. I could hear someone talking, then I felt my self being carried. The sound of the ambulance wailed then I drifted once more.

Then I had a dream. I was feeling lonely and afraid, the road was quiet and the pavement was wet from the rain. I was barefoot and my feet was all muddy. I looked around but the place was unfamiliar. There was only one lamp post open which was directly above my head. I sat down not caring if my clothes will get dirty. The sun had set and the light above me cast a faint, warm light. But I don't feel warm, I was shivering, shaking. Then I heard my name being called.

"Ivan" the voice said.

"Ivan." But I couldn't find the source

"Ivan.." beep.

Beep.

Beep.

And my eyes flew open. I scanned the room and found myself at the hospital, an oxygen mask as strapped to my face. I caught a glimpse of my mom and dad by the door talking to the doctor. I saw mom cry and my dad held her, comforted her. Watching her in pain caused a pang in my heart. If only I could stop this then my family wouldn't suffer. 

I closed my eyes again, trying to decide if I should quit living.