Day five: Jaycee's TGIF?

It was only four days but Ivan had sparked something inside me that I wish I had known sooner. I never hated homosexuals, just a little pissed at them. Blame it on my father who abandoned us after realizing he's gay. But he's still my father, I just blame him for my aversion of the lgbtq community. But when I saw Ivan at school for the first time, I already felt a tug in my chest. When he asked me out, I panicked. I brushed him off and even insulted him. He was insistent though, so when he asked me again, I said yes. Of course, I pretended that I was reluctant just so i could tease him.

Although he said he wanted to spend seven days with me till I changed my mind, he tends to skip class and hide away. It annoyed the hell out of me. Instead of him following me around, it was the other way . But I could honestly say I had a great time. I volunteered at a nursing home and a children's shelter for the first time. I went out on a date with a guy, I even brought him home. He even made me attend a Zumba class. 

I smiled at the memory. 

How amazing it is that at a mere four days can make me feel this way. Elated, satisfied. Especially after last night.

I couldn't understand his mood swings but yesterday I was dumbstruck. He reasoned that he was that way because he's starting to like me. I was happy, yes. But something still felt off. 

He passed out before I could press further. It was probably because of the rain. I couldn't blame him, he was so thin and frail, he might have caught a cold. I called Honey and got a hold of Ivan's address. She didn't make it easy, she nagged me all the way on the phone until my ears pop out. She really cares about her friend. 

"If something happens to Ivan I'm gonna make your life hell." She threatened. 

"I'll just drive him home, he's sleeping in my car." I explained. 

It's now day five, I'm late for school but I'm still in bed trying to make sense of what happened yesterday. Maybe I ought to get to school. I do want to see Ivan today. Shit. I feel like a schoolgirl. 

But he wasn't there when I arrived. The seat beside me was empty. I felt the same, like something was missing, someone. I found Honey at lunch and asked her. 

"He caught a cold." She sneered at me. 

After class I jumped to my car and drove straight to Ivan's. I rang the doorbell and his mom went to the door. 

"Hi, JC., "She greeted. Ivan's mother, although I have met her once, never cease to amaze me how much she looks young and so much like her son. . "Ivan's asleep, so he can't see you right now." Still, she stepped aside and let me in. 

"I need to talk to you." She said. 

The way to she said it was similar to how Ivan spoke to me yesterday. The feeling of dread suddenly came and it was getting harder to breathe. 

I sat at the sofa, and she sat in front of me on the love seat, her feet tucked under her. She smiled sadly.

"My son probably haven't told you anything, so I'm going to. Just don't let him know that we spoke."

I nodded. She clenched and unclenched her hands, then gripped them tightly together until the tip of her fingers turn white.

"Ivan is dying. His brain cancer is progressing."

I felt something heavy came crashing down on me. Now I understand, the sudden headaches, the fatigue, his frail, pale body, the sudden tears..

My whole body started shaking, from realization, from the pain, from her words.. Ivan's dying...

"W-why wouldn't he tell me?" I quivered. "I don't understand, why won't he?"

She looked down. When she spoke her words were shaking as much as mine. "He said it would be easier for him to die knowing only few people would mourn for him. Only Honey knows, then you. Not even the twins."

I sank on the chair and covered my face in my palm.

"He said he really likes you."

Without realizing, tears started streaming out of my eyes. Ivan's mom sat with me and pulled me in an embrace. I started to ask why didn't I meet him sooner? Who should I ask, then? God? Could I ask him to turn back time and let me and Ivan cross paths earlier? Should I ask Him to take Ivan's cancer away? Why now that he's in my reach but he's slowly drifting away. He wanted to me to forget about him, so it would not be painful for me when he's gone. Hell, just knowing that he's dying is killing me too. 

"I'm sorry, son." 

But all I could do was cry.