day five : Ivan's battle

I heard a car pulled in the driveway. It wasn't  dad, because I was too familiar with the sound made by his old, battered Toyota. The car I heard sounded quiet. When I realized who it was, I stood up and fixed myself in the mirror. 

Before I even had the chance to go down the stairs, I heard mom opened the door for Jaycee. 

"Ivan's asleep, so he can't see you right now. I need to talk to you." I heard her say.

I hid myself at the top of the stairs, straining to hear. But the beat of my heart was too loud it drowns my mother's soft voice. But I knew what she would tell him. 

I was diagnosed with brain cancer when I was seven. I had an operation which was a success but I had a relapse a year ago. It was pronounced inoperable, so I had to live with constant headaches, mood swings and tiredness. I already convinced my parents that I will not go on to treatment, that I'd rather live my remaining life to the fullest. They reluctantly agreed. My oncologist told me I would live for another six months, that was three months ago. Lately though, the pounding in my head is becoming unbearable and very frequent. I was afraid I may die anytime. 

Only Honey and Ms. Kay knew of my condition. I asked them not to tell anyone because I didn't want to get any special treatment. I want to feel normal until my last day. Right now, school wasn't important because I have no idea if I'd even make it to graduation. I just wanted everyday to be fun. 

When I saw JC that day, I fell in love at first sight. When I asked him out the first time I thought he was playing with me. It scared me but I dropped the thought, His voice was too kind for insults. So I asked him out again.  But afterwards, I regret it. What's the point of bringing people in my life if I would just leave them? It would be easier for me to die quietly, rather than thinking of all the people that I will not see again. 

When I collapsed and was brought to the hospital, my  doctor immediately had me take an MRI. When my results came out, the doctor's face says it all. It was confirmed when I saw my parents talking with him and mom burst into tears. 

I called ms Kay. I was crying buckets while Ms Kay tried to console me. "I haven't told Honey, nor JC. He has no idea."

 "He deserves to know, at least let him know the reason you want him out of your life."she said which hit me hard in the gut. 

I cried harder. Just thinking of losing JC, not spending time with him makes my heart ache.

"But by the sound of it, you don't want him out of your life."

I sniffled.

"Think this through, hun, can you live your remaining life without him?" 

Of course she's right. I hardly know JC but he already made such an impact in my life that I can't just back down now. I even admitted to him that I liked him. It's true and it's going to be painful but I have to.

I stood up and washed my face in the bathroom. My eyes were puffy but otherwise I looked fine. My skin's paler than usual so I patted my cheeks a little. 

 I have decided to let JC know. If I'd die, then at least I'd die with no regrets. Am I ready? How can I know?

When i descended the stairs, My eyes met JC's. He looked tired and worried but he smiled at me. My chest tightened. That smile, that dimple in his left cheek, I'd definitely miss those.

"Can we talk?" It was him who asked first. Mom looked at me, then at Jaycee and gave him a rub in the shoulders. 

I led him outside in the garden. I sat down in one of the chairs surrounded by flowering plants. Jaycee leaned by the guava tree standing across me. 

"What happened to you ?" He started.

I smiled, hoping I could fool him "I caught a cold." 

He took a step forward and I raised a hand to stop him. "I can't do this." I bowed my head. The pain in my chest doubled I can hardly breathe. My eyes welled with tears and my whole body started shaking. JC suddenly pulled me in an embrace. My head rested on his shoulder as I  try to compose myself. "I'm dying." I whispered. "This is why I can't stay anymore."

I felt his body stiffen. His hands clenched and his grip on me tightened. "Let me be a part of your remaining life."

I lifted my head to look at him only to be greeted by his soft lips. He kissed me gently, as if his mere kisses would tear me apart. I kissed him back, letting him guide my mouth. His tongue traced my lower lips and I eagerly welcomed it. I was panting and my knees were getting weak. I held on to him for support. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me closer to him. 

The warmth of the sun in our backs, the stillness in the garden, the birds chirping, the neighbor's dog barking, all those do not matter. Not now, not at this moment. This is ours, a memory that both of us would keep until the end of our lifetime.