Naruto x Sekirei - Part 11

Sanada Nishi stared at Naruto and the bodies of three of his Sekirei in a state of shock, grief and rage.

Chiyo, Yūna, and Hatae had been near impossible to control lately, constantly looking for an excuse to kill someone and they'd finally snapped just a short while ago. Back when he'd first winged them, he would have usually gone to find them a Sekirei to fight so that they could work off the rage, but that wasn't an option anymore.

Ever since Uzumaki had taken over, fights between Sekirei tended to get interrupted and the instigating Ashikabi often ended up separated from his Sekirei. People had learned to keep their heads down fairly quick, especially after an e-mail from MBI had gone out, informing people that the Sekirei Plan was officially canceled.

Of course, the more combative Sekirei hadn't liked it and the ones like Chiyo, Yūna and Hatae outright hated it, so there was the occasional problem from that direction.

He had tried everything he could think off to get them to calm down, but nothing had worked. Talking to them had been useless, they would obey his orders but otherwise had no interest in conversation. Attempting to take them on a date had been a disaster, they just kept looking for threats so they'd have an excuse to kill someone. He'd even been desperate enough to try having a tak about feelings and telling them that he loved them, but all he'd gotten was an uncomprehending stare.

It made him want to pull his hair out. Everything that he knew about Sekirei told him that those things should've gotten them all giggly with happiness, but those three apparently cared only for fighting and killing. With no fighting and no killing happening, they'd been pacing liked caged tigers, glaring at everyone and everything all the damn time, even each other.

Then, mere moments ago they'd apparently convinced themselves that some random old man that had given their whole group the stink eye for their mode of dress was a threat and lunged at him with intent to kill. His shouted command to stop had gone unheard and he'd been convinced that the geezer was done for.

Sanada could not in all honesty say that he was caught completely by surprise when the horned blond had appeared and killed them. He hadn't seemed like the type for half measures on their first meeting either.

What surprised him was the speed of his response. He'd only just barely lost control of them and now they were dead. Obviously Naruto had been expecting it to happen and had been watching for it.

"Hey there Sanada." Naruto greeted as if he hadn't just killed three of his Sekirei.

"You killed them." The biker responded numbly, still reeling from feeling the bonds break.

"Had to be done I'm afraid, they were beyond saving." The horned blond said unrepentantly.

"Did you even try?!" Sanada raged.

"I did." Naruto confirmed. "I failed. They've had this problem their entire lives and it was being fueled by their Sekirei core. The only way to fix it would be to completely wipe their minds and start over and even then it would probably happen again eventually. Better to just kill them than to try fixing them while turning them into blank slates over and over again."

Sanada deflated at the explanation, clearly seeing that he had tried. Turning them into mindless drones was no better than killing them, possibly even worse and he knew that they would have hated having that done to them.

His other three Sekirei came to stand beside him, which he knew was both a show of support and so that they could protect him in case things turned hostile. Not that he had any hope of them being able to win a confrontation with this particular threat.

"I have a proposition for you." Naruto said after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah?" Sanada asked disinterestedly. Chiyo, Yūna and Hatae might have been batshit crazy but they had been his and it hurt to lose them. He wasn't in the mood to listen to any offers.

"I intend to create an empire in another dimension where the Sekirei will be safe from people who want to use them. Since you're their Ashikabi and you genuinely care for them, you're welcome to tag along."

"What?" The biker asked dumbly, wondering if he'd heard right just now.

"You heard me."

"You're crazy." Sanada finally said after a full minute of silently staring at the horned man.

"No, I'm a god." Naruto answered with a grin.

"A god?" The biker asked sceptically.

Rolling his eyes at the predictable response, Naruto teleported the five of them to the Moon, making sure to keep a bubble of air and warmth around them.

Sanada and his Sekirei yelped in surprise and stared around wildly

"Where are we?" Kuzuri asked curiously, staring at the barren surroundings with fascination.

"The Moon." Naruto answered blandly. "Congratulations on being people thirteen through sixteen who have walked on the Moon and the first ones to do it without space suits."

Sanada had looked around wildly for a good bit longer than his Sekirei, being the only one that really understood the impossibility of the situation, but now his gaze was fixed on the sight of Earth, hanging in the void of space.

The next moment they were back on Earth and both Ashikabi and Sekirei fell to their knees at the sudden pressure of gravity. They had of course noticed their own lightness while on the Moon, but suddenly being heavy again was a lot more disturbing.

"You have some time to think about my offer, but don't dally too long." Naruto said, bringing the conversation back on point.

"Right, okay, I'll do that." Sanada muttered, feeling very shaken up by his brief trip to the Moon. "Not too sure about having you as Emperor, but I'll think about it."

"Do keep in mind what will happen once I'm gone." Naruto warned.

"What would that be?" Sanada asked warily.

"There will be nobody left to protect the Sekirei, even MBI isn't likely to keep doing it. They will be hunted, captured, experimented on and probably forcefully impregnated. Once they discover that the offspring of the Sekirei don't share the power of their mothers, they will eventually be killed to tie up loose ends."

Sanada's hands balled into fists in anger at the mental imagery conjured by that diatribe. He would like to claim that he would be able to protect them, but he knew that he couldn't and no matter how strong his girls were, they couldn't defend themselves from everything.

"And you know this for a fact?" He asked tensely.

"I know people and I know how paranoid governments operate." That was exactly what most Kage in the Elemental Nations would have done and it the world leaders on Earth were much the same. In this case even worse as they had no personal power of their own, making them all the more greedy.

"You're not really giving me much of a choice here." The biker muttered.

"Only the illusion of it." Naruto agreed, amused. "I'm hardly going to abandon even a single Sekirei to that fate when it is so easily within my power to stop it."

"Well aren't you just a stand up guy." Sanada muttered again, this time with more sarcasm.

Without any warning, Naruto suddenly blurred with speed and all three Sekirei cried out in shock as they felt their bonds break.

"What the hell?!" Sanada shouted in anger at the perceived attack.

"They should have the ability to make their own choices too and they can't do it as long as the bond is influencing their decisions. Don't worry yourself over it, I'm doing this to every Ashikabi to see if they are really a good match for their Sekirei or not. I'll restore the bonding later if they still want it, except for Shijime, who is too young for it and should grow up first."

"Give us back our wings!" Kujika yelled angrily, echoed by Kuzuri and then they both attacked him.

Naruto didn't bother defending himself and let their attacks hit, only to fail to do any damage at all.

"I'm not stopping you from staying together you know." Naruto pointed out, completely unruffled. "Just give it a try and get to know each other without this silly bond forcing you to love him. You might find out that he annoys you, or you might find that there is more depth to it."

With that he vanished, leaving two very put out Sekirei, one Ashikabi who was both angry and contemplative and another Sekirei that was sniffling and crying at the loss of the bond.

Sighing in an effort to expel most of his irritation, Sanada went about the business of calming down the twelve year old Sekirei and convincing her that everything was alright. He couldn't even blame the horned bastard for severing their bonds in light of his reasons. Especially not Shijime's, he'd thought that having a twelve year old girl 'love' him was more than a bit creepy himself.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"So, when are you finally going to pay Miya a visit?" Karasuba asked as she deflected one of Naruto's attacks. "Not that I'm complaining about all the sparring we've been doing lately, but I'd like to see this empire of yours."

"Our plan is to leave right after we have that talk with her, so I can't actually do that until Takami decides to come along." Naruto answered, blocking a combination of attacks while he spoke. It was a more relaxed spar than normal, so having a conversation while fighting was no hardship.

"What if she decides not to go?" Karasuba asked.

"She's not going to do that, but I don't want her to feel like I forced the decision on her. I want her to be happy with her choice, not bitter and resentful." Naruto explained. "But I'll go talk to her anyway.

The Black Sekirei snorted, thinking that he was overcomplicating things. What did it matter what mood the scientist was in as long as she did what she was supposed to?

Karasuba was not much of a people person.

"Just screw her brains out then, that seems to be your solution to most things." She finally suggested.

Naruto grunted in amusement, smashing his blade against Karasuba's hard enough to make the Black Sekirei slide back from the force of it. "Same problem, though I'd like to do that for its own sake either way, Takami is pretty hot."

"You're such a horndog." She responded with a smirk, shaking her head in amusement.

"You didn't seem to mind yesterday." He leered.

If ever accussed of blushing, Karasuba would deny it vehemently and then kill whoever had suggested it, but she did in fact blush just then. Just a little bit.

"Shut the hell up." She scowled and attacked him much more viciously than before.

"Make me." He deliberately mocked, batting aside her attacks and venturing a few of his own in return.

Karasuba growled and increased the pace of her attacks even further.

They didn't talk any further fore the next twenty minutes, instead focusing purely on swordplay. There was nothing special about the area that Naruto had created this time, it was just a perfectly flat, featureless, grassy meadow.

Naruto preferred the battleground to have more character, but Karasuba liked flat ones that allowed her to focus completely on her opponent.

The Black Sekirei knew that he'd provoked her like that on purpose. The whole point of taking it easy was so that she didn't get all hot and bothered by their fight. Which was now already happening because of the fast paced combat.

With no distractions and no environmental hazards, Karasuba had already sunk into a state of hyperfocus where she was at her most dangerous. She had very nearly defeated Yume in this state and that particular Sekirei had won their battle only because she had a truly incredible power. Being able to call on the 'element' of Light as well as somehow simultaneously being a Fist Type had made the Sekirei of Fate far more powerful than she should have been.

The side effect of this state was that she was getting incredibly wet without even noticing it.

Naruto did notice though, as indicated by the grin on his face. This was the entire reason that he'd provoked her in the first place after all. Karasuba was an odd woman as far as arousal went. Absolutely zero interest in anything sexual most of the time. No matter what you anyone tried, she would stay dry as a desert, but give her a good fight and she would gush like a firehose. Freud would have just loved her.

Naturally this meant that the only time she had ever really experienced arousal had been during her one and only serious battle against Yume. Miya had refused to spar with her seriously even when they had been on good terms and everyone else was too weak.

So when Naruto had come along and started giving her the challenge she craved, her body had been going into overdrive every time they fought past a certain level.

He had no idea how she could function even halfway normally with the way she was, but it ceased to be strange why she always seemed so tense. Either her body worked very oddly or she was subconsciously suppressing anything sex related, either way it meant that she only unwound during a challenging battle.

That was actually why she had orgasmed so hard that she'd knocked herself out during their second fight, she had a lot of backlogged tension to work out.

They'd gone all the way after their fight the previous day and Karasuba had remained hypersensitive then too, screaming herself hoarse from the pleasure she'd felt and then falling asleep with a silly grin. That was the cause of her embarrassment over the matter, she found it hard to believe how easily she lost control of herself.

Well, Naruto hadn't really expected that he would be giving Karasuba stress relief by giving her a good fight, getting her horny as hell and then screwing her into unconsciousness, but it was certainly a better way to do it than trying to play psychiatrist. Karasuba had a myriad of problems, but her constant sexual repression and the resulting tenseness accounted for many of them. She was always quite mellow and relaxed for a day or two after these fights of theirs and even managed to get along with people without too much issue.

By the time that their battle had hit the forty minute mark, Karasuba was greedily gulping down air and her legs were slick with her own juices.

At this point, Naruto had decided that it was time to move on to a different kind of battle and smashed the sword out of her hands.

Before Karasuba could react he'd already tackled her to the ground and was busily ripping her clothes off.

The Black Sekirei continued trying fight him off despite suddenly becoming aware of the inferno burning between her legs, but was met with no success when he pushed himself between her thighs and quickly ripped off her hopelessly soaked panties.

His own pants were disposed of far more easily, as he could simply will them out of existence and he was slowly sliding into her the very next moment. She started screaming in pleasure as soon as she felt him pushing into her and dug her fingers into his back and her teeth into his chest reflexively. She was already shuddering from her first orgasm by the time he was fully inside her.

Giving her only a short moment of rest, he started slowly thrusting into her, once more making her screaming restart, while her legs locked around his hips and clenched as hard as they could.

Ten minutes later, Karasuba was worn out from multiple orgasms and was just giving out weak moans every time he filled her. A drawn out sigh of pleasure escaped her when she felt a flood of warmth filling her and her legs finally unclenched. She felt completely spent and it was glorious.

"I wonder if you'll ever stop being so hypersensitive." Naruto mused, still staying inside her for the moment.

Karasuba merely hummed and enjoyed the sense of boneless exhaustion. Truth be told she would prefer things to stay the way they were. They would fight, then he would tackle her to the ground and fuck her while she tried to fight him off until she was too tired to resist anymore. Some people would probably consider it rape since she wasn't exactly willing at the time, but that was just because her combat mindset didn't dissipate immediately. She would be pissed if he didn't do it, like he'd done a time or two before.

There was nothing more to it than rage and lust and power and that was how she liked it. She cared nothing for love or children or anything like that, she just wanted to be challenged and to feel the sense of peace that came after being fucked like this.

Before he'd come around, she hadn't slept well most of the time, habitually only getting four or five hours of sleep per night, sometimes even less. She'd run away from him when she realised that she'd slept for a solid ten hours after their second battle and the orgasm that had knocked her out. The familiar restless tension had returned swiftly after that and she hadn't been able to understand why that was.

Naruto had explained his theories to her, but she didn't really care. She just knew that she didn't have to worry about him suddenly vanishing on her the way that Yume had done and he was a far better sparring partner than the Sekirei of Fate in any case. On top of that, he never judged and wasn't afraid to screw her to bonelessness during the short window of opportunity when she could enjoy it. After that she got to have a nice, long, restful sleep and woke up feeling better than she could ever remember feeling. Of course, the tension would return soon and she'd be back to her irritable self, but that just meant that they got to do the whole thing all over again.

The world wasn't such a bad place after all, and she didn't want to see it burn anymore.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Takaaaami-chan~."

Takami sighed in irritation at the sing-song greeting from the blond menace that was currently squatting on her ceiling in clear violation of the law of gravity. The only thing that was actually obeying gravity was his stupidly long, shiny, tangle free and luxurious looking hair, which hung nearly to the floor.

And no, she was not jealous of that hair, even if her one attempt to grow out her own had been a disaster of tangles and irritation.

"What?" She asked monotonously, barely bothering to pay attention to him. Getting angry at him had so far done nothing but amuse him, so she'd resolved to treat him like the pest that he was.

"Have you decided to become my favorite mad scientist yet?"

"No."

"But why not? It'll be fun, I promise. I'll give you evil aliens to experiment on and you'll be able to participate in the conquest of the galaxy~." He sing-songed again.

She looked at him in exasperation and just stared at him for a while before answering." You know that you're really not making me feel better about the idea of going along with this insanity of yours?"

"I'm just being honest and it's really not as bad as it sounds. Think Alexander the Great and his idea of spreading the advanced culture of the Greeks around the world by conquering it, just less doomed to failure." Naruto counter argued.

Well alright, Takami had to give him points for not trying to sugar coat his intentions, make excuses or justify anything. It was one of the few things she liked about him. "And how exactly is your idea of conquering the galaxy less doomed to failure than Alexander the Great's idea of conquering the world? Do you have any idea how big the galaxy is?"

"For one thing, Alexander wasn't a god" He pointed out, grinning. "and he had no idea how big the world was, while I have a very good idea of the size of the galaxy, better than you even. For another, I've got all the time in the Universe to do it. Lastly and most importantly, I am too damned awesome to fail."

"How humble of you." Takami replied snidely, though inwardly she had to condede the point that he apparently did have all the time in the Universe. He was certainly not afraid to waste it in any way he could find, including annoying her.

"To quote my wife, 'humility serves well those who wield it well.'."

"I don't think your wife has a very good grasp on the meaning of humility." She deadpanned.

"You can say that again." He agreed with a snicker. "Her ego probably outmasses the Solar System."

Takami looked at him oddly at that blunt declaration. "You know, most people wouldn't be dumb enough to talk about their wife like that behind her back, especially if she's a goddess."

Naruto blinked at her in confusion and responded most eloquently. "Eh?"

She rolled her eyes and used a more simple sentence so that he wouldn't get confused. How someone this dense got to be so powerful was actually a rather scary thought that didn't bear consideration. "Isn't it a bad idea to be insulting your wife behind her back?"

"But I wasn't insulting her." He said back, puzzled.

"You said that her ego outmasses the Solar System." She said incredulously. "How is that not an insult?"

"It's not an insult because it's the truth and she likes having a gigantic ego. If she didn't like it, then she wouldn't be so arrogant." He tried to explain. "I mean, is it an insult to call a fat person fat? Or to call a prostitue a whore?"

That kind of logic sounded very warped to Takami, but then again, the horned duo were a couple of very warped individuals.

"In polite society, yes, it would be insulting to call a fat person fat or to call a prostitute a whore. It's rude to point out the obvious or to call a woman a word that has been used as an insult for as long as anyone can remember, even if that is what she does for a living." She told him dryly. "Is it so hard to use a more polite term?"

"Hey, don't give me that political correctness crap." He retorted with an eye roll. "A fat person has no reason to be insulted if someone calls them fat, because that's what they are and prostitute is just another word for whore so it really doesn't matter which one you use. That's like saying that calling a stone a rock is impolite."

Takami sighed and rubbed her forehead. He might have a point, but that really wasn't how things worked.

"Besides, I'm rather fond of whores. In fact, some of my best friends growing up were whores." He continued, fondly remembering his sexcapades through Konoha's brothels.

"That explains a lot." Takami muttered to herself. "But we're getting off topic. Why are you even here? Weren't you going to give me time to think about your offer without badgering me to accept?

"Well you see, I'm sort of done with almost everything. Mikogami is hiding under his bed in mortal terror of my wife, most of the really violent Sekirei have been killed and I've already killed Higa and the MBI adjustors that I had a grudge against for what they did to Akitsu and a few others. The only important thing left to do is have that talk with Miya and leave this world, everything else is just playing around."

"You, you were the reason that ten of my scientists suddenly vanished?!" Takami burst out angrily, having wasted a good bit of time investigating those disapperances.

"Yup." He answered cheerfully.

"And you just killed them?"

"Well it was a bit more involved than that, but they did all end up dead in the end, yeah."

"You are really not making me feel better about the idea of working for you." She repeated, getting off her chair and pacing around the office. "Is that how you intend to rule this empire of yours? Anyone that annoys you suddenly disappears? Is the police force going to be your personal goon squad that shuts up anyone you don't like?"

"Don't be so dramatic." He answered amusedly. "I may be a hypocrite on more than one count, but I wouldn't do that. Xanna is a lot quicker to take offense than me and even she wouldn't do something like that. We both know that supressing the people you rule is not the right way to go about it and both of us want this venture to succeed."

It may not be for the same reasons, but that wasn't the point.

"I find that kind of hard to believe." She muttered. True enough, he was extremely laid back and any insults thrown at him were taken with a grin and often returned with gusto but no more than that, but she was still uneasy. Totalitarian regimes didn't exactly have a great track record.

Not that democracy was doing what you might call a spectacular job as a form of government either, but at least all the power wasn't held in the hands of a single person. Or two in this case, since Xanna and Naruto would rule together.

"Empire doesn't have to mean tyranny you know." He rumbled into her ear, making her jump since she hadn't even heard him get off the ceiling and creep up behind her.

She tried to step away but he grapped her by the waist and kept her still, while he continued speaking into her ear. "A hereditary seat of power quickly becomes corrupt because people born into power are often the worst possible choice as leaders, but this won't be a problem for us."

Takami wanted to protest the compromising position, but he held her firmly, hushed her protest and continued speaking. "Consider this, immortal rulers who didn't need to leave things to possibly inept children and who had no reason to abuse the power of their position because they had so much personal power that the position of rule worked more to constrain than empower."

Takami could almost see the grin that had to be on his face because of the little shiver that went up her spine just now due to his breath tickling her ear and neck. Annoying, perverted lech with far too good of an idea of how to push a woman's buttons.

And damn him for having an undeniably excellent point. Most empires and kingdoms of note had not truly fallen because of outside forces, but because their leadership was left to lesser men who had driven them into the ground. An empire ruled by immortals who couldn't be tempted by the power for the simple reason of already having too much of it and who were impervious to any attempt of assassination or other means of unseating them could accomplish a lot.

It all came down to whether or not she could trust them to put an honest effort into it. Though she supposed that it would make minimal difference in the end. If she accepted then she'd be there and if she didn't she wouldn't be, but that was all.

There was always the chance that the both of them were severely overestimating their ability to raise a great nation from the ground up of course, but she had a feeling that they weren't. From what she understood, Xanna was very old, which would count for a lot. As for Naruto...well, he'd proven to be frighteningly charismatic and capable.

"I'll go with my children." She finally decided, trying to ignore to very solid chest she could feel brushing her back.

"You're going with me then." He purred so close to her ear that she could feel the vibrations of his voice, the grin on his face practically audible.

"You don't know that." She argued. Her children were both adults that could make their own decisions, so she was strongly resisting the urge to talk to them about this. At least for the moment.

Not that she'd had loads of free time to do it anyway, what with having to take over Minaka's job as well as her own.

"Yukari can hardly wait and has been nagging me to hurry up already. She's excited about the idea of living on another planet and possibly experiencing space travel."

Takami resisted another shiver and admitted to herself that she wasn't surprised by what he said. Her daughter was by far the more adventurous of the two and would naturally be excited by what he was proposing.

"As for Minato...well, I can be very persuasive and your son has no real ties to this world as well as being laughably easy to influence."

Once again, an unfortunately good point.

"Why are you so hellbent on bringing me on board anyway?" She asked instead of commenting on what he'd said about her children. Privately she'd already resigned herself to going with him.

Naruto started placing light kisses on her ear and neck even as he answered her question. He'd also long since started using his thumbs to work two pressure points on her back that doubled as low strength erogenous zones.

"Because I like you Takami-chan, you're smart, sensible and your focus isn't as narrow as most scientists I've met so far. Your talents are wasted trying to pull MBI out of the hole that Minaka has driven it into or doing damage control on his stupidity. It doesn't hurt that you're very easy on the eyes either."

Her eyes flew open at the last sentence and she jumped away. She hadn't even realised that her eyes had drifted shut or that she'd leaned her neck to the side to give him better access. She also became aware that her panties were uncomfortably damp and that her heavy breathing had less to do with surprise than arousal.

He's been seducing me and I didn't even notice until it was almost too late. She thought to herself, knowing that it was not entirely true even as she was thinking it. She had been perfectly aware of what he was doing, she'd just been certain that he couldn't get to her that way, that she wasn't that easy to seduce. Apparently she'd underestimated him.

That was the only thought she had time for though, as he rushed at her the very next moment, picking her up and pinning her to the desk with his body.

Takami gasped in fright and tried to push him off her to no avail, all too aware of the rock hard erection she could feel pressing against her core even through both of their clothes.

"Get off me." She whispered, chagrined at how little force there was behind her own words.

Naruto didn't listen and leaned down to give her neck another kiss, scraping his teeth gently over the skin while he was at it. "If you want me to stop, you just have to say 'Naruto, I want you to stop.' In a clear voice."

Takami steeled herself and spoke. "Naruto, I waaa..." What was intended to be a firm sentence ended up trailing off into a pleasured gasp when he hit the exact right spot on her neck and pressed his groin into hers more firmly. She did manage to finish her sentence with a groan after a second. "...stoooop."

"That didn't sound very convincing." He murmured wickedly, trailing a claw down her blouse with deliberate slowness and rather enjoying the sound of it ripping.

"Stop." She said again, this time much more firmly, still pushing her palms up into his chest in an ineffectual attempt to push him away.

"Better, " He complimented. "but you'll have to say the full sentence if you wan't me to take you seriously."

"Naruto, I hnngh-" She was once more interrupted by a push against her throbbing-with-arousal nether regions, with another claw being trailed down her blouse which served to reduce it nearly to ribbons. He went back to her neck right after, further rattling her.

"Your neck is pretty tasty." He rumbled to her and used his teeth to rip off the tie she habitually wore. Annoying things, he'd never understood what the point of a tie was.

"Stop...it!" She gasped out, struggling to force down the rampaging arousal he was inciting in her.

"You know how to stop me, but if you really wanted me to then you'd have no problem saying it." He told her and ripped her blouse off outright, leaving her in just her bra.

"You're not...letting me...speak!" She grunted out while trying to push him off and cover her chest at the same time.

"Lies, "He rebuffed, easily grabbing both of her hands in one of his and pulling them away so that he was able to slice the bra off. "you're not letting you speak. The smell of your arousal is getting stronger by the second."

Takami was somewhat ashamed to admit that yes, she was getting more and more aroused. His obvious attraction to her and forceful approach was making it hard not to be aroused despite her mixed feelings about the horned menace. He was a supremely annoying pest, but he definitely knew know his way around a woman.

"I'm forty one years old." She finally said, though not exactly sure why she'd picked that of all things. Maybe as some kind of repellant, despite being intellectually aware that he probably already knew that bit of information.

"You say that like it's a bad thing." He chuckled and leaned down to grab a nipple with his lips.

Takami gasped and automatically arched her back at the touch, coincidentally also pushing her nipple even more firmly into his mouth. Then she groaned when she felt him doing something very pleasant to it and barely noticed when her lab got also got shredded.

She definitely did notice when he started cutting away her pants though.

"This isn't right." She whispered, grabbing the hand to prevent it from completing the pants shredding.

"You think too much." Naruto declared with authority and ripped her pants off.

Takami yelped at suddenly finding herself in nothing but her panties, socks, shoes and what remained of her pants and lab coat. It did shock her enough that she got her wits about her though.

"Naruto, I want you to stop." She was inordinately proud of how steady her voice was, even if it was still more than a bit breathy.

The horned blond froze and then looked at her with a raised eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes, really." She confirmed.

"Really?" He asked again with a faint note of incredulity, still pinning her to the table.

"Yes, really!" She insisted, a bit more snappishly this time.

"Wow, I think this is the first time I've been rejected at this late stage of a seduction." He said to himself in a tone of wonder. "I don't think I like it much, but damn if I don't respect your determination to not have a good time."

"Are you going to get off me sometime today?" She ground out, starting to get a bit irritated.

"Just a second, let me give you a little something." He said and pressed himself against her more firmly, to the point where she had no wiggle room whatsoever.

"What the hell are you- OH!" She started to ask with a flushed face at how traitorously good it felt to have his solid body pushing into her like that, but was once again interrupted by something that felt very good, though this time it wasn't a sexual good.

She could feel some kind of energy flooding through her, an energy that made her feel fantastic.

"There we go." Naruto proclaimed once he was done and rose to give her a bit of space.

"What did you do?" She asked in a tone of wonder, still feeling a bit dazed from whatever he'd just done.

"Healed your lungs from all the damage you've done to them over the years and washed out all the other poisons, so try not to start smoking again. Oh, and I also reversed your age back to eighteen because I feel so sad for you and all the fun you're missing. I figure that I might need the extra time to seduce you fully and that it would help if you had teenaged hormones."

Takami growled, feeling pissed off at the fact that he was still intending to seduce her and grabbed for something to hit him with. This happened to be her phone, which had somehow managed to stay on the desk all this time. As soon as she had it in hand, she hurled it at him with all her strength.

Naruto had clearly read her intentions, as he grinned and threw himself out of the window in a move that would have been suicidal for anyone else considering that they were on the top floor. He also made a strange 'wubwubwubwubwub' sound that Takami found terribly familiar for some reason that she couldn't quite place just then.

Takami found herself lying on her desk, in the highest room of the tallest building in the city, with a broken window and wearing only what amounted to a sopping wet pair of panties.

Naturally, a cold breeze drifted inside and rapidly caused goose flesh to pop up everywhere and made her nipples harden even further.

Shivering, she sat up and wrapped her arms around her in a feeble attempt to conserve some warmth when she heard the rustling of paper. Looking up, she found a piece of paper floating in the air in a clear violation of common sense.

With a sigh, she took it, knowing exactly who had left it there.

I didn't actually make you younger so that I'd have more time to seduce you(I'm sure I'd have managed soon enough either way), I did it so that you could do science for me longer.

Takami grabbed a lock of her hair and stared in shock at the rich black color of it. It hadn't quite hit her earlier when he'd said that he'd made her eighteen again, but seeing that her hair was back to its original color instead of being silver really brought it home.

She did a few jumps and stretches next and was astonished at how much more energetic she felt.

Takami knew that she had aged remarkably well aside from her hair going prematurely silver, probably from dealing with Minaka's crap all the time, but no matter how well someone aged, they still aged and aging had side effects. A hundred little irritations that she hadn't even registered were suddenly gone, making her feel as if she could run a marathon.

Next, she inspected her body visualy, finding much to her delight that her skin once again had the characteristic elasticity and smoothness of youth. Even her breasts and butt were visibly firmer. She guessed that she must look like Yukari, which brought up the odd realisation that she was physically the same age as her daughter now.

Self inspection done, she continued reading the note.

I was going to make a fountain of youth joke after I gave you a thick creamy filling, but now you ruined it. That actually kind of hurts. Why you gotta be mean like that?

Takami sighed and rubbed her head in irritation. She wasn't really surprised that he'd had a crass joke prepared, but why did she get the feeling that he was more upset over not getting to use it than over the fact that she'd resisted his advances?

Unconsciously, her mind conjured the image of him thrusting into her hard, her own gasps sounding harsh and breathless. Then a cry from her and a growl from him as he discharged into her, filling her to overflowing with his thick, hot, sticky-

Shaking her head forcefully to clear the erotic image, Takami scowled as she realised that she now had the hormones of a mature teenager, coupled with the sex drive of a middle aged woman that had been on a dry spell for over a decade.

"You sneaky bastard." She muttered angrily and returned her attention to the note.

P.S. Have fun sneaking around in your soaked panties and trying not to get seen.

"Son of a bitch!" The de-aged scientist swore, but then remembered that this used to be Minaka's office and the loon always kept several of those ridiculous white cloaks around.

Unfortunately, opening the closet revealed only an empty space, with a cheeky looking smiley face sticking its tongue out at her.

"Feels like I'm back in college." Takami muttered, resigning herself to the fact that she was going to have to somehow sneak her way to some new clothes, but until then she'd have to improvise some cover with the rags that used to be her old clothes.

She'd have called someone for help, but she had unfortunately hurled her phone out the window in her effort to hit Naruto. There was supposed to be another office phone here of course, but she had a feeling that Naruto had disabled that easy solution too.

Then it suddenly also hit her that none of the employees were going to recognise her anymore.

"Definitely just like college. Shit."

Sighing, she read the last line of the note, becoming much confused at the nonsensical question.

P.P.S. Why not Zoidberg?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Minaka was dreaming.

The corridors all looked the same, he could hear the zombies catching up to him.

He desperately needed to find it, but it eluded him at ever turn, always out of reach.

After an age of running that could have just as easily been a minute, he finally found his prize. It was the Die of Power, but this one was special. Though twenty sided just like all others, all twenty sides had 18 written on it.

Greedily he grabbed it and rolled, waiting tensely as it bounced around on the dais.

"Come on, come on!" He urged it.

After an eternity of bouncing it finally stopped, proudly displaying the number that he had been waiting for so desperately.

18

Amaterasu-chan!

"YES!" Minaka cheered in victory.

ERROR 404: Amaterasu-chan not found!

"NOOOOooooooo...!" Minaka wailed in despair.

Back in the real world, Minaka jolted awake and felt his eyes tear up. After a minute, he mastered himself and forced down his despair, returning to his worktable where he was attempting to rebuild Amaterasu-chan.

"The fates are cruel to have separated us so and now they taunt me even in my dreams, but I will not give up. We will be reunited Amaterasu-chan!" He proclaimed, trying to make himself believe it.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Elsewhere, Naruto chuckled at the distress he'd caused the nutcase with the fake dream.

"I know I'm being a dick and kicking a man when he's down, but somehow, I still don't feel bad about doing it."

He was just about to leave when he sensed an approaching presence. He rolled his eyes when he discerned that it was Homura and judging by the amount of malice that the Fire Sekirei was putting out, he was intending to make a barbeque out of Minaka.

Contemplatively rubbing his chin, Naruto decided that Homura would be just as good for giving Miya a message as Uzume. He'd been intending to ask the chesty Veiled Sekirei to tell Miya that it was time for that dinner conversation, but it didn't really matter in the end.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Homura was going to do it, he was finally going to do it. After years of impotent rage directed at Minaka, he was finally going to burn the bastard alive and he planned to enjoy every second of it.

There was absolutely no reason to hold back anymore. Minaka didn't even run his own company anymore and the protection that he'd once provided to the Sekirei had been taken over by Naruto. There wasn't even anyone that could stop him anymore now that the Disciplinary Squad had gone AWOL.

Oh, how he was looking forward to it. He could almost imagine the madman's screams as the fire consumed him.

"Damn bro, those are some nasty thoughts you've got there."

Startled, Homura instinctively hurled a fireball in the direction of the voice, only realising that it was Naruto speaking after it was already underway.

It hit him right in the chest and exploded, leaving a few tiny fires burning on his skin and hair. Oddly enough, they weren't doing any damage, just burning.

"Cute." The horned blond deadpanned and extinguished the small fires.

"What do you want?" Homura demanded without apologizing. "I'm kind of in the middle of something."

"Yeah I know, you were about to give Minaka a tan, but I'm afraid I can't let you do that."

"You're protecting him now?!" Homura asked in outrage. "Do you have any idea what he's done?"

"I know more than you." Naruto pointed out.

Homura was about to give another scathing reply but was cut off when they suddenly found themselves in what looked like a Buddhist shrine, with Naruto already sitting cross legged in the middle of the otherwise empty room and gesturing him to do the same.

Warily, Homura sat down. "Where are we?"

"We are nowhere." Was the serene reply.

"O...kay, why are we nowhere?" The Fire Sekirei asked, confused.

"Why is anyone anywhere?" Naruto asked back with the same serene tone.

"Is this another one of your games Uzumaki?"

"What is life but a great game?"

"Why did you bring me here?" Homura asked irritably, getting annoyed by the serene tone and pointlessly enigmatic manner. He really wished that Naruto would be his usual blunt self, but he seemed to be in the mood to play around and be cryptic. He had a feeling that it would be over faster if he just played along.

"You have questions and I have answers, give me your questions to my answers."

"Right, why did you stop me from killing Minaka?"

"He has one final purpose."

"The only purpose he has left is to die." Homura muttered angrily.

"Such is the final purpose of all mortal beings." Naruto agreed serenely.

"Then why stop me from killing him?" The silver haired Sekirei asked in surprise, having not expected that Naruto would agree with him.

"It was not I who prevented it, but the most powerful force in the universe."

"And what would that be?" Homura asked sarcastically, being of the opinion that it had in fact been Naruto who had done the stopping.

"Irony." Naruto's face finally cracked into a grin when he said this, though he quickly suppressed it. He didn't want to ruin the mysterious vibe he'd been building up. Granted, there was no need for it, but he felt like messing with the Fire Sekirei.

"You've got something planned for him already." Homura accused suspiciously in a moment of insight.

"You have more questions." Naruto stated in a blatant deflection.

Sighing in irritation, Homura nevertheless went along with it. "Uzume told me that Karasuba was actually being...a lot less scary than usual when she saw her. How did you do it?"

"How did I do what?" Naruto asked, directly for a change.

"Save her I guess." Homura awkwardly elaborated. "I thought she was a hopeless psycho."

"What the eyes see, the mind believes." The horned blond said, switching back to enigmatic serenity.

"So you're telling me that appearances can be deceiving, is that it?"

"Some things cannot be seen with the ken of the eyes, only known with the kan of the mind."

Homura sighed again at all the pointless mystery. "Alright, I think I got this one. It took some thinking to figure her out right? To find out what's been eating at her?"

"A snowflake cannot survive in a storm of fire." Naruto said unhelpfully, but in a tone of serene agreement.

"A snowflake isn't exactly what I'd call Karasuba." Homura muttered and decided to just leave that alone. He had no idea what it was supposed to mean and Naruto was liable to just keep throwing metaphor at him if he asked again. "So, how did you save her?"

"Is a pool of tainted blood cleaned by pouring into it a cup of clear water?"

Homura's face creased in confusion as he tried to decipher that one. It seemed to imply that Karasuba hadn't been saved, and yet Uzume had clearly told him that the Black Sekirei had been no more threatening than Miya on a bad day. Mind you, that was still very threatening, but it wasn't the same type of I-want-to-see-you-bleed type of threatening that Karasuba was so well known for.

"So you're still working on it?" He ventured cautiously.

"If the path is walked with purpose, then the destination matters not."

Homura sighed yet again. This was getting really old, really fast. "Can you just stop that and talk normally."

"Yeah, sure. Why not?" Naruto said with a shrug and stood up.

Homura faceplanted heavily at the sudden reversal.

"Just like that?! First you drown me in metaphor and then you just drop it because I ask?! What the hell?!"

Naruto was unruffled by the Fire Sekire's irritation and merely shrugged again as he gave his answer. "Actually, I ran out of metaphors."

Homura faceplanted again.

"Why...did you even do all this?" He ground out once he picked himself up, struggling to keep his temper down.

"I remembered how fun it was to be cryptic during our first meeting and decided to do it again. Though I was planning to use it some other time once I had more metaphors built up, but oh well." Naruto explained.

A few deep breaths later, Homura was feeling something aproximating calm and could speak without grinding his teeth together. "Okay, fine. You've got something planned for Minaka that is probably going to be ironic, Karasuba is a work in progress and you're just as annoying and crazy as ever. Anything else?"

The last part was said sarcastically, so Naruto's affirmative nod surprised him.

"I actually wanted to ask if you could tell Miya that Xanna and I are done with our work and that we would be honored to accept her dinner invitation if she would still have us."

The Fire Sekirei looked at the sincere looking horned man with vast amounts of incredulity and suspicion. This sudden respectful attitude practically reeked of falsehood after the way that Naruto had baited Miya. It would have been less suspicious if he'd done just about anything else.

Still, it wasn't as if he could actually do anything except deliver the message to Miya and perhaps warn her of this new weirdness that Naruto was concocting.

Looks like the long awaited and dreaded meeting would finally take place.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OMAKE, yet again.

"I thought you said that you left India without doing anything?" Takami asked dryly.

"How did you know I was in India? I could have gone to Nepal for the Hinduism." Naruto pointed out.

Instead of answering, Takami called up a news article on her computer.

Man in India beaten to death in broad daylight for attempted rape. Police unwilling to arrest perpetrators as the action was done at the command of newly emerged deity.

"Ohhh, that." Naruto said in a tone of realisation. "Yeah, I did say that all women and girls should be treated well and protected and that rapists are the scum of the Earth. I guess they took it pretty seriously."

"No shit, what would possess you to tell them to do something like that anyway?" Takami asked irritably.

"Well, I came across a bit of news about on the TV about a rape happening somewhere in India and it just sort of came out." Naruto shrugged.

"Do you have any idea what you've just done?" The silver haired scientist asked in disbelief at his devil may care attitude.

"Accidentaly prevented a rape and made sure that decent people aren't unjustly punished?" He ventured in a questioning tone, wondering if that was what she meant.

"No you moron, you just gave people carte blanche to execute any rapists, suspected rapists and maybe even people mistreating women on the spot without needing to fear the consequences. All they have to do is is say 'my god told me to do it!'" She snapped. And that wasn't even going into the inevitable abuse of that particular excuse.

Naruto scratched at his face, looking confused. "I don't understand the problem."

"The problem, "Takami ground out, irritated by his denseness. "is that you've completely invalidated the system of law in every state that practises Hinduism WITH ONE SENTENCE!"

The last part was said in a roar.

He stared at her in contemplation for a while and finally just shrugged as if it was no big deal. "Meh, the system of law on this world is way too limp wristed anyway."

Takami made a strangled noise of rage that sounded kind of like a drowning dog and extended her hands towards him as if to murder him.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OMAKE the second.

"Really, Uzumaki? Really?" Takami asked in exasperation. "What, did you get bored of poking fun at religion and decided to move on to national stereotypes instead?"

"I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about." Naruto assured.

"Then I suppose it wasn't you that left a giant, black stone dildo aimed at the White House that squirts out oil every so often?" She asked pointedly.

"Why would you think it was me?"

"It might have something to do with the fact that you left a note on it that said, and I quote 'Enjoy the oil 'Murica, from Naruto.'".

"Those are slanderous claims of a slanderous nature." He asserted.

"There is a picture of you posing on top of said dildo." She stated flatly.

"Clearly someone is trying to frame me."

"Clearly, because you're so easy to impersonate." Takami said with immense sarcasm. "Moving on, I see that you've also changed Japan's weather pattern the other day so that it was raining octopi."

"Even the weather bows to the power of hentai." He said sagely.

"Finland also experienced some very odd weather phenomena when it started raining vodka all over the country."

"You can't prove a thing, maybe they just had so much booze that enough of it evaporated and fell down as rain."

Takami didn't bother telling him that this wasn't how rain worked and instead moved on to the other evidence that pointed towards him being the culprit. "I suppose you'll also argue that the fact that the vodka rain never crossed the border could occur naturally?"

"You suppose correctly." He confirmed with a grin.

"Then how do you explain that the entire country was hearing the song 'Vodka' by the Finnish folk metal band Korpiklaani for the entire time, all of it without any visible source?"

"Magnets?" He offered helpfully.

Takami sighed and moved on.

"And you also seem to have randomly decided to murder an imprisoned rapist that was convicted for multiple counts of rape and was about to be released, and then doing a piss poor job of making it look like suicide."

"That wasn't me, that was murder by suicide with malicious intent. That shit happens in prison."

"Then you decided that the Netherlands were a bit too flat and raised a bunch of hills that look like breasts, complete with nipples."

"Good times." Naruto reminisced fondly, not even bothering to give painfully thin excuses anymore.

"You also created a lot of vagina shaped land formations all over the country."

"Well they are called the Netherlands, I figured they needed some nether regions."

Takami put down all of the reports on her desk and looked at him with a sort of resigned irritation. "Why are you doing this to me? You do know that I'm the one that has to listen to people whining when you do these things?"

"Why do you even still give a shit?" Naruto asked, perplexed. "I already told you that I was going to go back in time and tell Beni to keep her new boobs quiet, so nothing that anyone does is going to matter soon anyway."

Takami opened her mouth to reply but could come up with no compelling argument against that. She had already decided not to think of the fact that if he had or did actually go back in time, then the current situation would not be happening. Temporal mechanics gave her a headache.

Without warning, Naruto appeared behind her and started massaging her shoulders while whispering in her ear with a deliberately overdone sinister tone. "Just relax Takami-chan and let loose. Haven't you ever wanted to mock the hell out of some religious idiot and then cackle madly at their impotent rage?"

He knew she did, because he'd read her mind. Just like it was nearly impossible to avoid running into an intolerant atheist at least once in your life if you were religious, the reverse also applied. Takami had indeed run into a religious i diot, several of them even. It had happened way back, in the United States when the still fairly new MBI had been presenting some of its innovations at a convention. Being Minaka's secretary, Natsuo had also been there with his at the time still alive boyfriend. The Westboro Babtist Church had apparently decided to cause a scene over it and made the whole thing uncomfortable and irritating.

"That's just childish." Takami said, trying to sound angry and shake him off, but enjoying the very relaxing shoulder rub far too much to put any real heat into it.

"There's no need to be so uptight Takami-chan, nobody will ever know that you gave in to your baser urges, not even you." Naruto continued.

Takami bit her lip. She really shouldn't stoop to that level, but it was so damn tempting to blow everything off and goof around until the horned menace decided to finally fix the world.

Naruto was persisten though and eventually her resistance crumbled under the mellow feeling the massage had given her and the desire to get back at all the people whining to her without any good reason.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Where are we?" Takami asked in confusion at their sudden change of location.

"Topeka, Kansas in the United States, the titular HQ of the Westboro Baptist Church if you want to be precise." Naruto answered.

"How did you know that I've got a grudge against these people?" Takami asked warningly.

"It wasn't that hard to look up that little incident you've had with them." Naruto lied. He didn't want her getting all huffy over a little mind reading when there was fun to be had.

She was mollified, but still gave him a few suspicious looks.

Paying no heed to the looks, Naruto started monologuing. "The Westboro Baptist Church, a place where narrow minded morons gather to use religion as an excuse to legitimize their groundless hatred of homosexuals. They are tolerated because the USA, just like most of the world, has a policy of religious freedom, a much too lenient one in cases like this. Attempts have been made to make them see the error of their ways, but this predictably failed because arguing with an idiot is pointless, you just get dragged down to their level and then defeated because they have more experience at being an idiot. Fortunately, this same quality of bullheaded stupidity also makes them exceptionally good targets because they are almost guaranteed to react explosively."

Takami snorted out a laugh at the last part, as well as the documentary style narrative that the entire short speech was delivered in. "So what are you intending to do?"

"We are going to provoke them and then possibly make them shit their pants."

"Wait a minute here, I just agreed to come watch while you did your thing, I never agreed to help you do it." Takami verbally backpedaled.

"Don't be such a scientist Takami-chan." Naruto scolded. "Do something instead of just observing, it's fun."

"But I am a scientist and I'm telling you that I don't want to do this!" She insisted.

"Do you also grunt about the scientific method when you have an orgasm?" He asked with a leer.

That comment earned him a look of flat irritation that completely failed to make him feel repentant for saying it.

"Anyway, right now you are not a scientist." Naruto continued. "Right now, you are the Chief High Priestess of the Church of Yaoi and Yuri and you are going to spread your message of boy on boy and girl on girl love to these filthy heathens."

"You cannot be serious!" She said incredulously.

"Don't worry," He assured. "I'll be here in case they bring out the pitchforks."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Takami wasn't exactly sure how he had managed to convince her to do it, but he had in the end managed it. She suspected that he had somehow drugged her since she'd felt a bit lightheaded during one of his arguments.

Either way, Naruto had provided everything that she could possibly need for her 'presentation', including yaoi and yuri hentai and a movie theater sized split screen to display both at once on. Though the yuri scenes also had a good amount of shemale action, but you could hardly avoid that in a hentai. The obnoxiously loud volume at which it had started playing, right outside their building no less, had predictably gotten their attention very fast.

Much to Takami's hidden relief, she hadn't actually gotten the opportunity to do any talking, which had always been something that Minaka had taken care of in the past. She'd always disliked public speaking and that was when she wasn't deliberately provoking people to violence. Or talking about such an inane subject for that matter.

On the down side, she was now being chased by people with a variety of melee implements and even a few guns.

Under normal circumstances, the WBC wouldn't resort to violence because they were afraid of the repercussions, but these were not normal circumstances. With the world going to hell in a handbasket, they were being a lot bolder with their actions.

Fortunately, Naruto was true to his word and was nearby. She wasted no time in rushing next to him, while the group chasing her came to a screeching halt at the sight of his horned self.

Naruto cut through their fearful whispers by speaking in a thundering voice that made even Takami jump, having not expected it. "Who dares refuse the message of my High Priestess and attempts to do her harm?"

The impromptu lynch mob flinched and suddenly looked like a herd of deer in front of a truck. They didn't quite manage to get a word out before Naruto continued speaking.

"You will know the price of this insult!" He roared at them and raised his hands in the air portentously. "The skies will rain fire and the seas will become as blood! All creation shall tremble before the burning standards of Hell and your wretched, stagnant souls will finally be MINE!"

Naruto's overly dramatic posturing was punctuated by a fireball coming from the sky and crashing into the house and a bunch of sinister looking black wraiths appearing from burning portals, moving slowly towards the mob. The wraiths were harmless actually, but they didn't know that.

Very quickly, the area was completely empty of human life and both of them were snickering at their panicked escape.

"Alright, I'll admit that was fun." Takami admitted.

"Told you it would be." Naruto teased.

"One thing bothers me though..." She trailed off.

"What?" He asked.

"Did you practice that speech or something?" She finally asked.

"Nah, stole it from two different old video games and combined it together." He waved off dismissively but continued cheekily. "I'll give you cookies if you know which ones."

"How do you even have time to play video games with all the crap you get up to?" She asked in disbelief.

"I'm a god woman." He said back in exasperation. "Time is one of those things I have an infinite amount of."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

OMAKE the third.

Xanna stared contemplatively at the field of scorched corpses and destroyed vehicles, wondering what to do next.

Once her initial fury at being insulted by that little pest that considered himself a 'Warrior of Allah' had subsided, she had concluded that these so called 'Islamic extremists' were rather one dimensional and dull. But still, they had declared a holy war on her after the first two dozen or so people she'd killed and she did pride herself on finishing things that she started.

If anyone were to ask her, this was just another group of power hungry twits that were using religion as a cloak for their evil, but that was neither here nor there.

Right now, the issue was what to do next?

She knew of Naruto's intention to go back in time and prevent any of this from happening, so she didn't really need to bother with restraint like she'd been doing so far. A bit of a pity that he hadn't thought of it sooner really, as she would have transformed into the Ten Tails just to see their reactions.

Ah well, another time maybe. She had actually been considering just destroying the entire planet as a way of cleaning up the mess that Naruto had started, but she supposed that time travel worked too, even if it was a bit silly.

Xanna was actually rather perplexed by the three major monotheistic religions of this world. At first glance it would seem that all of them were nearly identical, with only the outer trappings and rituals being different, so it confused her as to why there was so much tension between them. Shouldn't they be able to relate more to each other than to the various atheists of the world?

Then again, the idea of slavishly worshipping some invisible entity in the sky because that's what someone wrote in a book was also quite confusing to her.

In the end she just put it down to regular human stupidity. If shinobi could make war on each other for centuries without even a good idea as to why they were doing it, then the people of this world were certainly capable of much worse by dint of being more populous. Human intelligence was after all, inversely proportional to the size of the human population in any given area.

She was actually rather disappointed with the two religions that she'd gotten. At least Naruto had gotten himself declared a god in one of his, but what did she get?

She got sceptical bearded people who refused to believe her when she said she was a goddess and violent bearded people who insulted her and declared war on her when she did the same. What was the deal with those silly beards anyway?

Humans. She snorted derisively.

Granted, she hadn't bothered with the angelic image when she'd declared her godhood this time, so maybe it had been too much to hope for that they'd see past her horns.

All this bias against horns was another oddity that made no sense to her. They were a sign of her divine majesty and she'd received them when she'd ascended past her demonic status! It was completely backwards of them to think she was a demon because she had horns.

An idea occured to her then. An idea that perhaps she had been emulating her husband and his crude methods a bit too much. After all, if these people were so hellbent on believing in an invisible god, then she might as well give them one.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The city of Jerusalem, a place that had been fought over so many times that it was actually rather funny if your sense of humor was twisted enough. It was one of the oldest cities in the world with a history spanning millenia. Due to its location and status as being considered holy by Christianity, Judaism and Islam it was a natural hotspot for controversy.

None of this was of any importance to Xanna whatsoever, aside from the fact that it was a prime location for stirring up trouble.

The inhabitants of the ancient city stared in mind boggling confusion as a bush somewhere close to the city center suddenly started burning with a flame that shifted color from red, to yellow, to blue, to green, to purple and back to red.

There was much stupefied staring before someone finally did something. Naturally, since this was the modern age, that something ended up being to pull out a phone and recording it, but it was something!

Xanna waited for about an hour so that a sufficiently large crowd had formed before proceeding with her plans. By this point, 'experts' had arrived to determine what was actually going on, though how anyone could call himself an expert on bushes that burned with multicolored fire without actually burning was beyond her. It wasn't as if this sort of thing occured regularly.

Either way, once the crowd had grown in sufficient numbers, she spoke in a thundering male voice. She'd have used her normal voice, but everyone seemed to be expecting a thundering male voice to issue forth from the bush and they were more likely to believe it was their god speaking if their own thoughts were confirmed. Basic human nature.

"Hear my words my children and learn my wisdom! I have seen the rampages of the horned ones and come to give warning of how they may be stopped."

Everyone went silent as the voice issued forth and leaned forward with a bright fervor in their eyes, eager to hear the words of what they thought was their god speaking. Even people who weren't jewish were getting in on it. By now, Xanna's rampaging was known worldwide and many feared that they were next.

"To the land of Japan you must send a great tithe of ice cream! You must do this to appease their hunger, or else the Horned Lord will come for your wives, daughters and even your mothers! Or you if you happen to be female. Act now, or all is lost!"

With that final urging, the bush fire died out, leaving a perfectly healthy bush behind, from which a line of greenery spread as if the fire created life instead of consumed it.

The watchers stared in stupefication at the divine command they had been given, not understanding the logic in stopping two demons by feeding them ice cream.

Meanwhile, Xanna chuckled to herself and wondered if there was a way to measure how gullible humans were by the amount of ice cream they sent to Japan. They should have known that something fishy was going on thanks to the somewhat odd phrasing she'd deliberately used, but she doubted they'd pick up on it. Of course, she had painted Naruto as an even bigger pervert, but he'd agree that it was funny. And he would also like it.