Learning control,kinda

I was hoping that the appearance of my quirk would rid me of the headache I suffer from almost every day. Sadly with the appearance of my quirk the headaches are more frequent and intense as I try to deal with the constant onslaught of voices in my head. It's hard to discern my own thoughts from those of the bodyguard standing guard outside or the woman doing her daily jog. It's bad enough that I can hear these thoughts, but on top of that I can feel the emotions behind them. It's enough to confuse me when I'm doing something that does not require me to actually think. I suddenly have to remind myself to pour the milk in my bowl of cereal, can you believe that?

While my parents try to find something to help with my on all the time quirk I try to learn some semblance of control. I figure meditation was the right way to go and quickly learned that by clearing my mind I'm just making more space for everyone else's thoughts. I spent that night wondering why my bodyguard is constantly thinking of the colour blue. What's so special about blue? A couple of nights later I went back to meditation, this time with a plan. I let the thoughts enter my mind and this time I tried to push them out one by one. I thought it was a good idea, it sounded like a good idea and it seemed logical. If I can remove stray thoughts I can block them out completely at some point. That makes sense, right?

Yup, that makes sense.

Did I succeed? Not really. Forcing thoughts out of my head felt as if I was trying to push a literal wall, in other words, it was exhausting and brought with it a headache. I didn't expect to succeed on the first try so I continue this for a month. I did it at night mostly since my days are spent studying, playing some sports with my dad and visiting many support companies in an effort to find something for me. A close friend of my mother offered to make something herself so one out of four weeks had me in a lab being tested. I did not understand half the things she said about my brain waves, but I think she figured something out. It's safe to say the woman made progress, as did I. I'm not sure on what attempt I succeeded, but I managed to force a single thought out of my head with amazing success. My head hurt like hell after that, but it was an achievement.

I had gone to my mother's friend with this news, I told her everything about my attempts. Lucky me she said it could work although she is not sure if I'll be able to unconsciously block out stray thoughts. Even if I manage to do it manually she was concerned about the exhaustion and headache the attempt brought.

She encouraged me though, so I continued. That woman is really nice.

One month later and here I am, running laps around my backyard with my father watching the show. This man has the audacity to just sit there, chips in hand and thoughts all but polite. He was mocking me, knowing I am very much aware of his thoughts. And he's so loud too, somehow having the ability to scream in his head.

"Would you shut up!"

"What do you mean?" He's grinning like an idiot, another insulting thought invading my mind. "I haven't said a word, Zen"

"You know what you're doing!" I shouldn't be yelling while running. I'm tiring myself out for no reason. He's just aggravating and he knows it. He's doing it all on purpose.

I just have to ignore him. If I focus on my own thoughts I might drown out his annoying words to some degree.

𝐴 𝐵 𝐶 𝐷 𝐸 𝐹𝐺 𝐻 𝐼 𝐽 𝐾 𝐿 𝑀 𝑁 𝑂 𝑃

Why is he singing the alphabet?! This childish bastard!

"I'm telling mom!"

~~~~~~~~

Rose is used to returning to the most confusing scenes and is not at all surprised to find her husband lying on the floor receiving a beating from their angry five-year-old. Zena is kicking him in the gut while yelling accusatory words at him. She has no idea what he had done but she's sure he deserves everything their daughter is doing to him. She couldn't help but smile as he yelled in pain, obviously faking his sufferings to appease his daughter. While they have their moment in the living room she makes sure to put all the groceries away before getting to work on dinner. She had spent the entire day at the lab helping her friend construct a device that would do the work of blocking thoughts for her daughter.

"Mom" Zena kicks her father one last time before going to her mother with an already pleading look on her face. She only did that when she desperately wanted something, knowing it would be hard to get. "Do you think you can get me a martial arts instructor?"

"We talked about th-"

"I'm talking to my mother"

Rose had to hold back a laugh at the absolute look of hurt on Vincent's face at Zena's cold response. She knew to keep a serious expression lest her daughter find something to be mad about. From the way Zena is looking at her she could tell she knew of her amusement.

"You think you're ready for something like that?" Of course she does, she's asking for an instructor.

"Yes, I do" Zena huffs out a breath in exasperation. It is times like these that had her acting her age and it was reassuring to both Rose and Vincent. "And isn't it better I learn at a young age? Children are very adaptable you know. And I'm super flexible and training will make sure I don't lose this trait as I age right? And did I mention that it's better I start young?"

"Yes you did, twice" Zena has a point and Rose is not one to ignore her child's request. Vincent on the other hand is obviously no fan of this request, but she can talk to him about it later tonight. Zena is right, learning at a young age is a good idea so why not? In fact, Rose knows a good instructor that specializes in teaching young children.

"Yes!" The child's celebrating when her mother hasn't even said anything.

"I haven't said anything yet"

"You thought it"

"You're agreeing to this?"

Zena grins at her father in victory. She told him her mother would agree and she had told him that she's old enough. Kids start training at a dojo at her age or even younger. If she works hard enough she can have a black belt by the time she's twelve or even sooner.

"Yes, I am" Rose smiles at her husband. It appears to be the loving smile of a wife but to those experienced in the language of wives, its true intent is as clear as day. This smile is the one used when there is no more talking, no more arguing. Vincent knows this better than anyone as he doesn't say anything else on the subject, only casting a defeated look on his grinning daughter.

"I'll get you an instructor and work this into your schedule by next week, okay?" Rose promises with a kiss on Zena's forehead. The young child is grinning from ear to ear in undisguised joy.

"Thank you so much!"

~~~~~~~

I have the greatest mother a child can ever ask for. This woman is amazing and truly unmatched. No one can match her in a million years, not a single person. Even my father does not compare to her. Comparing them is like comparing a queen to an ant. Okay, that is very much uncalled for and needlessly rude to the man who spends every day with me. I'm just happy to finally get an instructor. Martial arts training is vital no matter what path I go down. This world is as dangerous as it is fun, something I have taken the time to acknowledge. From the villain vs hero fights taking place on the streets to the potential self-harm from an uncontrolled quirk to the prejudice those without face. This world is as bad as the one I left and this time I won't let life slip through my fingers so easily.

As the days go by I'm seriously considering attending UA. Yes, I've joked about being a villain, well they were in no way jokes, but I've reconsidered. Like I said I'm very much aware of this world and all its dark corners. If I was one of those dark hero type of people I would side with the villains, but I am not. I understand that this world is not fair and never has been since the appearance of quirks, even before then. Overhaul makes a good point with that, but he went about it all wrong. Stain makes a great point as well. Most new heroes only care about the money and the fame, even the power if we look at Endeavor. Katsuki himself bragged about becoming the best and most rich hero in the future, showing exactly what Pain was talking about. There are less and less heroes out there actually working for the people. While I'm not the biggest fan of All Might I will acknowledge the fact that he cares for others and truly wants to save others. That's all I'll give him though.

I was trying to make a point but now I'm too focused on the people I want to punch in the face.

I believe what I am trying to say is that by becoming a hero I can work on making a change. That sounds super cheesy now that I think about it. Things do need to change so why not put my best foot forward? As a hero, I will have more influence over people, which means people will listen to me. If All Might told people to lick the dirt, they would, I bet they would.

Izuku would, that idiot definitely would.

If I ever meet him...no when I eventually meet him I need to work on getting him out of that fanboy faze.

If I was nerdy Deku's childhood friend he would not have went down the path he walked. If I was there he would've developed some backbone, learned to fight, learned to believe in himself and realize that just because he's quirkless does not mean he's powerless. I would tell him that he needs to get over Katsuki and whatever friendship they had, grow a pair of balls and stop being a wimp.

But I'm not his friend, so I can't give him my five-star advice.

All I can do is wonder if my being here has influenced him in any way. Does my presence indeed cause ripples or am I just some background character of no importance? I would like to think otherwise, that perhaps my being here has caused some lasting difference. Maybe he's different in this world, maybe he has a quirk, maybe him and Katsuki are still friends, maybe just maybe he has some backbone.

Oh well, I'll find out when I meet him

When I indulge in my random thoughts I don't notice those of others. When I stop for a moment their presence is annoyingly noticeable to me. Would I be able to constantly drown everything out if I constantly distract myself? Instead of exhausting myself by forcing those thoughts out, perhaps I can just distract myself. But it has to be natural, as natural as my thoughts come to me. How do I do that?

"I have a lot to work on" I collapse onto my bed, already tired of the day and ready to go to sleep. Maybe I should ask for some headphones tomorrow. Music should count as a natural distraction. Who in their right minds can listen to music and not mentally sing along? And I still need to choose my main creative activity. I'm stuck between music, drawing and writing. I like to write but I also love to draw and I'm crazy about music. Why can't I invest in all three? My mother did not explicitly say that I need to choose. She just asks what I would like to take as hobby. I can have multiple hobbies, can't I?

Tomorrow, I'll tell her tomorrow.

Tomorrow is Friday. Fridays are soccer days which means I'll have sore legs tomorrow night. Weak little body of mine.

𝐼𝑡'𝑠 𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑒 𝑝𝑚, 𝑔𝑜 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑍𝑒𝑛

How does this man know I'm still awake? If it was my mother I would understand, that woman has some sixth sense or something. Dad on the other hand is sometimes a bumbling idiot that is somehow a professional all heroes want working for them.

He does have a point though. It's nine and I need sleep. My mornings start early and I will not be happy if I wake up feeling like a zombie.

So sleep it is.