1 Chapter 1: Lost cause

2:00 AM, Sarah Anderson, Master Bedroom.

As soon as I fell asleep, I found myself dreaming immediately; such a scene that reminded me about one of those sappy movies that normally only couples would go see to the cinema. It was safe to say that all brokenhearted knew it too well.

My dream-self was walking along the beach with sandals in hand, body bathed by the warm colors radiated from the sunset, and feet caressed by the freshwater when the waves would break up on shore. Curiously, I was seeing everything as a bystander, one not visible to the eye.

"Mmm..." I let out a groan, delighted with the feeling of its touch. It sent a warm sensation through every once of my being.

I had a very simplistic handle dress on my body. It had no ruffles or pleats nor even any kind of adornments. It was simple as it could get; made of silk and medium length, covering only my legs up a few centimeters above the knee. Its color represented very well the sea. The top of the dress had by color a snowy tonality, which made me instantly associate it to the foam of the waves and, from the waist down, the color darkened little by little to the most beautiful blue sea air tone, thus mirroring, all the remaining water of the Ocean. In short, all of it was in a degradée style. Its frills flew freely in the air but, strange as it might seem, there was no need to be constantly holding it steady since the soft wind's gusts that pierced through me were not strong enough to make it fly up wildly and show more than it should. I closed my eyes and inhaled the salty air, absorbing all the freshness that wonderful place provided. "Ahh-h..."

As I reopened my eyes and blinked consecutively to focus the view, a pair of hands slid in between my arms and surrounded my waist, pulling me back slightly. Before I knew it, I felt a pair of wet lips being compressed against my neck several times.

I stopped; with eyes focused on the sand, I could identify the presence of two different silhouettes being cast on it. One clearly belonged to me and yet, the other one, I was not sure who to associate with. Comparing them on a quick notion, the mysterious shadow was significantly higher and more heavyset than mine.

I turned my head to face the mystery figure, stirring in the embrace, one that remained unchanged and motionless for the time being. The man who stood before me was wearing brown pants and a white shirt open, exposing his chest in full. My gaze remained locked in his as his in mine; his amethyst eyes always allured me and held me captive in its depths ever since the very first day I laid my brown-hazel eyes on him. His name escaped my lips with astonishing naturalness. "Erik..." I said, my eyes expressing delight.

Not a word said, and yet there he was. Erik drew his hand to my face, his thumb gently stroked my cheek like he always did. For once, I did not act crazy and ran away like a flustered girl, instead, for the first time, I accepted his touch and allowed myself to indulge in that sentiment. The feel of his hand was warm and reassuring, my heart was starting to flutter. I rested a hand on the crook of his neck and sighed, gazing up at him tenderly. We exchanged knowing glances but, he treated me like a complete stranger. My pupils narrowed and the frown between my eyebrows deepened. It was strange not seeing his flirtatious smile nor hearing his usual flattering words. Still, it certainly wouldn't change the fact that, physically, he was Erik. And, as much as I tried to see underneath all those layers, that man did not look anything like him.

His expression had me worried, he wore a more distant and unattached expression. If he didn't love me, he wouldn't care, right?

The question lingered in the silence between us. The only sound audible in the mediations was the waves crashing and crumbling in the sand. I looked up at him with an inquisitive look. He seemed strange, he had never acted that way towards me. He was always so kind and caring, wary of my well-being all the time. So, what changed? Why the cold shoulder? Then, everything became crystal clear. My hand dropped down alongside my body. It was my fault. I brought that attitude upon myself and, I deserved it for all those times I pushed him away. I closed my eyes and tried to think clearly, while at the same time an excruciating pain ravaged my heart.

I had begun to convince myself, bit by bit, that I had lost him for good, that my way of doing things, meaning that my shy and panic-stricken personality, had driven him away, and I feared that meant forever. I continued to pity myself in my head, making myself feel miserable with my own words that, I never realized he had pulled his hand away from my head. At last, when I re-opened my eyes; I watched the waves crashing at the shore as I found myself once again standing alone in the middle of the beach, hat, and shoes in hand.

My body was slowly brought to consciousness. I absentmindedly sat on the bed, eyes brimming with tears; they strolled down my cheeks like a little river or stream of liquid water 'runs'. "P-Please, no..." I stammered, wiping the tears from my eyes. This couldn't have been the truth... Did I really had lost Erik, as that dream showed me earlier? Or was I just misunderstanding things? I shook my head. It had been just a dream... or rather, a nightmare... an awful one... I sighed and let my body fall back on the bed again. Feeling helpless, I pulled my legs up, until my whole body completely filled the bed, and curled up in a fetal position. I closed my eyes and cursed at myself. "Goddammit. I'm such a lost cause..." And, with those words stuck in the air around me, I fell asleep once again.

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