The Vow....

It was crazy to think that I was that one in hundreds that might have learned more than the average girl. It was crazy to think I was the best at it. Although I had a winning advantage, I became the total opposite of the inevitable. I just wanted to live right.

You have to understand that I had grew up with these stone engraved morals bestowed upon me through daily teachings from the church. My conscience often got the best of me. At this time I was still living for others. I was now in my own apartment with this man. And now that years had passed, I was engaged to be married. Can you believe that shit? The funny part about it is my fiance had no clue about my escapades. I had to leave my teenage wild life in the rearview for the moment. It felt like I had accepted the simple family life. I stayed very down to earth with it all. During the day, I was this goofy girl that was now dating a guy with whom I had given children. By nightfall, I was working hard on third shift and partying harder the nights I had off. We kept alot of company. That kept me occupied and content. But when u live mostly inside your head, who you thought you would be, eventually metamorphosizes into depression.

Depression is nothing but a wake up call. It is real good in reminding you everyday that life as you know it, is completely different from any childhood dream you may have cooked up. It had a hold on me. Having company kept my mind at bay. He was there but the well was running dry. You can be with your significant other all day and still feel lonely. That's where we were after 6 years. At this point it was me just trying to live right for the kids. I can honestly say I wasn't happy in this relationship. Maybe it was because I knew the things I craved were a distant memory, faded into the black abyss. He wasn't approving of my need for women nor my thirst for exploration. He most certainly wasn't sharing. Maybe it was because I knew deep down he was miserable too. Eventhough things were rocky I stayed faithful. Eventhough his friends tried making advances a few times I held my ground. I kept my demons hidden. Some misdirected deed of his own would soon be the reason to mine resurfacing.

We were living together and chilling with our mutual friends on a regular basis. We would sit around all day joking around, drinking, smoking, and having therapeutic conversations from sunset to sunrise.

Everyhing was kosher until information came knocking at my door. As I carried that second child, I watch and waited for all the undercover disrespect he gifted me to finally rear its ugly head. Now, the confirmation of my unsettling intuition, was staring me right in the face. That confirmation was a side chick. She was a distorted image of me. It was like trying to see a clear reflection of yourself in a smeared mirror. It was strange. She reminded me of myself just smaller waisted with a lighter complexion. It had finally boiled to the surface. We didn't even care enough for us to tackle it and move on. Although I considered it, I had option B. This option would require me to buckle down and understand single moms exist. I had to also rationalize with myself. Booting him out the door would be a little elementary. Well that's what I thought, months before his infidelities surpassed his then, faithful reputation. To think, I was suppressing my thirst for excitement the faithful way while he was gallivanting with various neighbors of the apartment complex. The hurt came from knowing all of our daily company was witnessing these shenanigans. The decision now was so obvious.

I was infuriated at the years wasted. I promised myself I would never let this happen. When I was growing up I watched my mother be the perfect hardworking parent, nurturing mother and supportive wife. I now notice I tried to mimic her often. I admired who she was. I also noticed how none of it ever stopped a man from hurting her. I witnessed my own father lie, cheat, fight, and even steal from her. She never gave him a reason. It was simply because he could. I watched her marry. He just treated her like property instead of his better half. One day my sister and I witnessed the ultimate disrespect one man can give a woman. We sat back sad faced as we noticed the salty water streams flow down her fair complected cheeks. It was nothing like I had ever seen on the soap operas. That sound of a hurt cry from the pit of her stomach, was vibration, that would shake your soul. This was real and she didn't deserve it. I was so angry knowing I couldn't soothe her pain. I looked at my sister and said, "Sis, let's promise each other we will never let a man treat us like that. We will always get him first. And if he does hurt us we pay him back." She nodded her head and locked her pinky with mine. The flashback of a sibling's vow to one another just added fuel to this fire. I couldn't break this promise. I was sick of men treating women like trash. I had to make an example out of my ex. Since he wanted to make me look stupid I would show him how to do it properly. I wanted him to feel my hurt from HIS gut. After this, I'm certain he would think twice in his next relationship.

Since I was being made a fool of he had to pay. I decided to completely throw the highschool sweetheart bullshit out the window. Now that it's over, I am single, no longer pregnant, and in my own space making my own rules. He now had to watch from the outside. Make no mistake, I was mad as hell. One thing I noticed about myself is when I'm mad, I'm vengeful. But at this moment, I'm still hurting.

Sulking in my own darkness is what came next. I turned to Tequila through the nights alone. That bottle was my second love for many nights to come. Within the next three months, every ora of decent moral fiber that I may have possessed, slowly began to diminish. I had lost baby weight, self restraint and all beliefs of love. I was scourned, looking sexy, and ready to set fire to the city. Every emotion, built up sexual enigmas and all of it in between was ready to be unleashed. Like before, I had to rebuild a team.

The company we had were his and my mutual friends. It only seemed fitting to make them the new circle. I could seek my petty vengeance and have some fun at the same time. Orin was an original but he was still around and it made it more comfortable to know I still had someone to understand the method to my madness. There was Tanisha she was a stud. We like to joke often and call her the Shane of the group. She had the power to not only fuck up women's sexual orientations but their whole mental as well. Ladies went crazy for her. My cousin will make many appearances throughout this story as well. She was the shit. She was my partner in crime majority of the time. It only seemed fitting to introduce Killea now. She was so similar to me I understood her like a second nature. There was also this young guy that visited my house often during drinking sessions. His nickname was Escobar. No, he was not of Hispanic decent but he had a certain charisma that could attract the universe. People that closely knew him were the only ones allowed to call him Aja. His name rang bells throughout the streets. We will get to him eventually. And ofcourse after months of alone time I finally had a new beau. This man was dark skinned and had a short cocky stature. Everyone knew him for his flawless victories around the city. We will call him Knuckles. We will get to him at a later date too. Nevertheless he was understandably OK with what was about to occur. That made him alright in my book. We also had Kinnly. He was funny and goofy as shit. Eventually he would also gain a different respect for the one his homie screwed up with. We were back and stronger than ever. We enjoyed our nights getting liquored up and playing music. The guys would sit and freestyle battle while the girls would dance and laugh until our tummies ached. Now that the team is assembled it's time to go have some drinks with the new members of the team.