A Bitter Pill to Swallow

Matthew

The popcorn tasted like cardboard. Every rustle of fabric, every whispered laugh, seemed amplified in the darkness of the cinema. My eyes kept darting towards Cereus, who sat beside me, and a stranger who occupied the space beside her.

He was tall, with messy brown hair that flopped over his forehead as he leaned forward, engrossed in the movie. My stomach clenched with a primal possessiveness I loathed. Was his hand brushing hers as he leaned forward? Is he trying to hold her hand? My knuckles went white gripping the armrest.

I forced myself to focus on the screen, but the action sequence unfolding in front of me felt like a cheap imitation. My mind was a battlefield, replaying snippets of doubt whether the guy was hitting on Cereus since earlier, and if he was in fact hitting on her, then how she was responding to him. Was she flirting back with him? Or is she trying to make it clear to that bastard that she's my girlfriend now? What is happening?

Half an hour into the movie, I stole another glance. This time, her brow was furrowed, a flicker of annoyance crossing her face. Was it the movie? Or something I was doing? Maybe my constant scrutiny was making her feel uncomfortable.A cold dread settled in my gut. The familiar paranoia, the green-eyed monster, was rearing its ugly head again. This wasn't supposed to happen. Therapy was supposed to fix me, not send me down this self-destructive path."Uh, sorry, Cereus," I mumbled, my voice hoarse. "Nature calls."Before she could reply, I was already out of my seat, fleeing towards the dimly lit corridor. The cool air felt like a slap in the face, momentarily clearing the fog of possessiveness from my mind.Reaching the bathroom, I locked myself in a stall. In the harsh glare of the overhead light, I pulled out the small, amber vial from my pocket. One pill, swallowed with a grimace. The bitter taste filled my mouth, a stark reminder of the fragile control I held over myself.Stepping out of the stall, "Stupid, Matt," I hissed at my reflection. "She's your girlfriend. You're supposed to trust her! Get a grip."The anger, the self-loathing, were old companions. I knew the routine. The pill would dull the sharper edges of the paranoia, but it wouldn't erase it completely. It was a constant battle, a war waged within myself.I splashed cold water on my face, trying to wash away the guilt and shame. After ten minutes, I went back to the hall, rejoining Cereus. She asked, "Hey, all okay?" her voice laced with concern. And I replied "Yeah! Of course, all okay, don't worry, let's enjoy the movie. Sorry for making you worry" while it felt like a churning knot formed in my stomach, twisting as if someone had just punched me there.I reached for her hand, my touch hesitant. Placing a soft kiss on its back, I met her with a remorseful gaze. I squeezed her hand gently as if the warmth of my touch could convey my apology to her. As we held hands, I could feel my mind sobering up, as we both started to concentrate on the movie playing before us, trying to enjoy the rest of our first date.