When a girl says..

I looked away....my heart was beating non-stop.

Jackson asked again, "Baby..? Is everything okay?"

Still holding onto his shoulder, sitting on his lap.. I finally had enough courage to look up at Jackson....

Me: "Baby.. I'm sorry..."

Jackson smiled. "For what?" He asked.

Me: "For stopping you.. I'm sorry.... I'm just.....I'm just not ready..... & I know you're probably disappointed right now because we stopped.... but I just can't right now... I don't want you to think, I don't love you because I won't.... because I love you so much.. I really do, like gosh, I love you so much. There's no words out there to explain, you're so amazing, kind, nice, gentle and everything... it's stupid right like why won't I? like stupid that I just won't do it...I know.. and I'm sorry.. it's just I really don't think I can' -"

Before I continued rambling on, Jackson placed his finger on my lips to "shh" me.

I stopped rambling and looked at Jackson. Our eyes locked and he smiled.

J: You silly girl. It's okay. I love you too.

**He pecked me on the lips (a quick kiss)**

J: I love you very much too baby. So, don't worry. I understand and it's okay. *Jackson brush the hair out of my face.

Me:..... really???

Jackson smiled. "Yes really."

Me:.... so you're not mad.. or disappointed...?? Please don't be.... *my eyes started to water*

Jackson chucked, "you dork, ahha, it's really ok." He wiped my eyes.

J: Baby, don't think too much. Just know, when a girl says "no," it's a no and so don't worry. I'm not going to force you. I understand. You're not ready and it's okay. Don't be sad or worry that I won't love you or will treat you differently because of this. I love you, for who you are, not for making love, your body etc. No. I love you, because you're you. You're silly, smart, beautiful, "odd", loving and everything. You're all I ever wanted... so don't worry. When a girl says "no," it's a no.

I hugged Jackson right after he said this and I let a few more tears out..

Me: "I'm sorry baby... just not now...."

Jackson embraced me and patted my head. "You silly girl, I love you no matter what."

I pulled back from Jackson and we kissed.

Jackson and I then smiled and locked eyes.

J: It's getting late baby, let me take you home before your family worries.

I nodded.

Jackson then dropped me off at home, walked me to the door, kissed me goodnight and drove back home.

As I went inside and into my room.... I kept thinking.....

Did he really mean it....? Or... was that just something he said.... Are things going to be different now.... Will he still love me??.....

Continuously stuck on thoughts..... I got ready for bed and called it a night....

I hope you'd still love me Jackson...... please don't be one of those people that only love for the sex...... please don't be like that... because if you were..... What am I going to do... My heart will shatter.... my world will be dark.... and I don't even know..... All I know is, I love you Jackson.. I love you very much....