A Trial Of Victory And Failure

"Grandmother, do you not know about this history about the General who was slain by his wife-Empress?" Mei asked the old lady. Unlike me, she's pretty driven about history and I do not waste time to know why.

Grandmother laughed and then looked at me before answering. "Of course, I do know a lot of things about it,"

I watched Mei as her face enlightened while her cheeks are stuffed with food.

Murmurs coming from my cousins' mouths echoed through the room but I chose to just listen to my sister and grandmother's conversation.

"Tell me more about it, ahma!" she said bubbly.

"Why of course, my dear. What do you desire to know about it?"

Upon hearing that, she held her chin, as if assessing her curious questions that is yet to be answered.

"Well, according to our history class, the Empress Luo Yi of the Zhou Dynasty married their army's General but I always wondered if it's real love or something else," she began explaining.

Grandmother laughed again heartily, but still creepy to my ears.

"Back in the days, dear one, the royals- even the highest noblemen marry by force to continue its bloodline,"

"Hmmm… Is it something like an arranged marriage these days, ahma?" Mei asked back again.

"Hey, stop talking when your mouth is full, Meimei!" I scoffed when those words came out of my brother's lips.

"You sound like a grandma, Ms. Zhen Li," I said jokingly but my brother, being himself, only threw me dagger eyes.

"Now, now, stop fighting, you two," Grandma said before returning her attention to my oblivious sister. "But yes, dear one. It's like a marriage for convenience,"

My sister nodded joyfully, as if finding closure to her long-time queries. "So maybe that's why the Empress killed the General because she didn't want to marry her," she concluded.

I scoffed again, thinking about how ridiculous and nonsense their conversation was. I don't exactly remember a lecture about that topic when I was her age but hearing that now really convinced me how stupid history is.

Grandmother laughed and again, glanced at me meaningfully.

Being under this dark, old, and peculiarly quiet roof is enough to send shivers down to the tips of my fingers but adding it to this old hag's toothless smile is now too much to bear!

Her conversation with my sister continued as the night deepens and I refused to listen to it further. I grew to be more afraid to go to my room so even if I was bored, I kept tailing Zhen wherever he goes.

"I heard this place has a huge library!" Chen said before drinking his glass of wine. Sitting on the same table as them at the backyard, with a wine on my hand, I watched the stars while eavesdropping to their conversation.

"Yeah, I heard. I wanted to go there but I haven't asked ahma which door yet," Zhen said.

Ling bursted into laughter. "Oh, you are one nerdy cousin, Zhen," he teased.

I watched my brother's face from a calm one to an irritated expression. "I'm not!" he said defensively.

"You are, Zhen. Don't deny it," I seconded before sipping on my wine.

My cousins laughed at my brother who was now beyond piss at our chosen description of him.

Growing up, I watched him as he get fond of books and encyclopedias. He's driven to his studies very well for it feeds his lifetime curiosity so calling him a nerd is a fact.

"With being here, away from the urban and signal, I guess books are the only entertainment here," Min who doesn't drink, and probably the remaining sane among the five of us, said.

"I do not object, Min and I must admit, it's pretty boring," Chen replied.

"I guess it's a good opportunity to be engaged with new things, though," Zhen agreed with Min.

"Well I guess, it's pretty nerd-like like Zhen and Min," Ling added.

"Tsk. Stop it with the nerd thing, Ling!" my brother protested.

As their conversation surfaced on books and as the hands of the clock became more and more challenging to stop, I closed my eyes as I felt a mixture of tipsiness and drowsiness.

Wrapped in a red ancient wedding dress, I could barely see my hands from its golden hem.

Although the big clothing restrained me to see any part of my body, I could feel bandages wrapped within my torso and as well as my hands and without moving any of my muscle, I watched the blood dripped from the tips of my fingers.

It flooded the floor within seconds and the smell of both perfume and a slain body surfaced the whole bedroom.

Not so far away from me was a shiny sword with remnant of someone's blood and as I watched it lie so peacefully, a teardrop escaped from my swollen eyes.

My mind was blank but the memories of the event that just happened were so vivid within my eyes, as if I was watching a movie directed by fate and its time.

But above all that I am witnessing, I couldn't leave my heart unnoticed as it thumps in an unfathomable pace. Though I could hardly tell if it acts out of rage or mere sadness, or something else.

Hearing nostalgic footsteps from afar, I lifted my gaze upon the open yet curtained doorway and before I even get a chance to see who it is, I opened my eyes.

Sitting properly, I placed my wine on the table as I caught my hitching breath out of panic.

"Sis, are you okay?" Zhen asked, concerned of my sudden reaction.

"Were you dreaming, Huang Jia? It's not yet a minute since I saw you closed your eyes," Chen added as he poured me a glass of water.

I smiled at him and sipped on the cold liquid as I tried to forget the scenes that just flashed in my mind.

The familiar weird and sick feeling I had before resurfaced. I didn't want to think of the nightmare I had days ago since I am close to losing my mind if I do.

I know I just have to think it was just the same nightmares I had in the past but someone kept whispering in my mind that this is not just an ordinary nightmare.

Like it was some pages from a book that I am tasked to stitch back. Or some fragments of a picture that I am obliged to glue together. It was as if a trial of victory and failure.

Then I remembered Meimei and grandmother's conversation. The wedding dress, the blood, the timeline, and the smell of a dead body; if I think about it, it all connects.

It wasn't just an ordinary nightmare. It was like I am seeing the events of the past I just heard from my relatives.

I'd like to think, again, that it was a coincidence but I couldn't just ignore the thought.

"I'm okay and I wasn't sleeping," I said, as a matter of fact.

"But it looked like you just woke up from a horrible nightmare, cousin," Ling teased.

Glaring at him, I stood up, determined to get some sleep. "Stop being so nosy, Ling," was the last words I said before heading upstairs.

"Hi sis! Do you need anything?" Mei closed the book she was reading as soon as she saw me enter her room just next to mine.

I just hummed in response and plopped myself in her bed. "Wha- hey, what are you doing?"

"I'm sleeping here, you dummy," I said, eyes closed.

"You have your own room, you know,"

"I know, Meimei. But it's so creepy in there!" I whined.

"Hmmm… Well, yeah, you have a point,"

I opened my eye as I peeped the book she was reading and eventually regretted when I realized what it was.

"Why are you so interested in history, anyway?" I asked.

"That's also my question I've been dying to know too, you know," she answered, not taking her eyes off from the texts.

"Books about history," I winced. "a horrible combination. Why do you have to spend countless hours in reading countless words and all you ever talk about there is the past?" I blabbered.

"It depends on the person, sis. You can say that because this isn't your line of interest but this is mine," she said bluntly as I scoffed to her Zhen-like words.

"You're right. I'll never understand you and Zhen, anyway,"

"Oh and from the painting I saw of the Empress Luo Yi, it was as if she's someone I know in this lifetime," she shifted the topic.

I abruptly opened my eyes, taken aback from her words. Maybe it was just an overstatement.

"First, you've taken deep interest in history and now are you telling me you're beginning to believe reincarnation?" I mocked.

"I didn't said it wasn't like that!" She said defensively.

I scoffed again. "She looks like someone you knew, huh?"