Chapter 12

Chapter 12

That evening, L's challenge was broadcasted throughout the whole Kanto region.

I watched the TV listlessly as the drama unfolded just like the anime. Light was upstairs as Lind L. Tailor collapsed, thirty seconds later L's modified voice rang out cutely despite his weird audio.

"Ah. I had to test this, just in case, but I-I never thought it would actually happen. Kira…it seems you can kill people without having to be there in person."

I stared at the screen as L stuttered in awe, interest entering his voice as he continued.

"I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't just witnessed it. Listen to me, Kira. If you did, indeed, kill Lind L. Tailor, the man who you just saw die on television, I should tell you that he was an inmate whose execution was scheduled for today. That was not me."

I felt the house freeze completely before L provoked Kira and I imagined a panda waving his arms in the air and go like,

'Come on! Kill me now!'

But even the image of panda L did not make me laugh. I felt hollow, only empty shallowness. It felt like drowning. I turned the screen off with bitterness in my heart as I trudged upstairs, throwing myself on my bed.

I can never use the Death Note.

I can't.

I...had lost the game before it even began.

Breathing in the air through my lungs, I closed my eyes and drifted into darkness.

I lay on the sofa in the living room and clamped my damp hands over my ears, trying to control the swirling emotions from Sayu's body. I wasn't crying, no, I just didn't know what to do anymore.

I came here aiming for the Death Note.

It wasn't fair.

It really wasn't.

"Haha..." A choked chortle escaped my lips as I laughed ironically at my situation.

I was so close.

So close.

What was I here for in the first place?

Why me?

Why did God have to take away everything I wanted?

I wanted a family. But I wasn't born into one.

I wanted to die. But I got reincarnated.

I wanted a family. But I had to kill them

I wanted a brother. But he would kill me

I wanted the death note. And that ended well. A sardonic grin crawled up my face.

My shoulders shook as I stuffed my face deeper into the pillow, trying to suffocate myself. Pain drowned me into the abyss of silence, calming me.

How was he so lucky?

Even as the older brother, why did he get everything he wanted?

Why was he born as the smarter one?

Why was he gifted with skills when I had to crawl and scrape the leftovers under my parent's feet from my previous life?

Where was his pain that he went through to attain those manipulation skills?

It wasn't fair.

Why could he attain things so easily?

Why did everything go his way?

Why did Light have everything I wanted but chose to follow that bull shit justice?

He had a family.

He had a life with choices.

He was surrounded with love.

He had a loving little sister.

I detest him.

He was a genius. He was a manipulator. Whatever more, he could use the thing I could never use.

He had the power.

That meant my life was literally in his hands.

A ball of fire spit down my throat as I growled out, the pain building in my chest and gnawing at my ribcage.

It should have been me with the Death Note.

It should have been me that held his life in my hand.

I should have been the one in his position!

I felt faint, lifting my bloody lips up from the cushion before staggering up the stairs.

What was the point if I were going to die anyway?

He was going to kill me if I proved to be an eyesore.

How did he get so lucky?

How?

How?

I screamed in frustration but the thumping in my chest didn't stop.

"Sayu?" I heard his airy breath above me before I snarled at his presence. I knew I was being emotionally reckless. I also knew that I was being extremely impulsive at this point. But I knew I was going to die.

Just for once...I wanted to break his repulsive facade.

I wanted his face to crack. I wanted it broken.

I smiled tightly.

"You think I don't know, Light?" My voice came out surprisingly calm, erasing all hints of my emotional turmoil from my face.

"What do you-"

"You like being in control." I purred, prowling closer towards him as he took a step back in with a gaze of caution and something more...tantalizing. I had cornered him back into his room, pushing him down as his weight sagged into the bed.

"But I do too," I whispered daringly and straddled onto his lap like a cougar. My actions had stunned him completely as I saw him freeze like a marble statue. I giggled childishly while watching him with cat-like eyes.

"So much that I want to kill you." I hissed dangerously into his ear like a snake. He flinched as his gaze sharpened dangerously red.

"I want you dead," I repeated furiously. "But I can't. Even if I wanted to, I can't."

I hate you.

I loathe everything you have and will take from me.

It was the first time that I saw him struggle so questionly as he tensed and relaxed his jaw without looking away. I felt a sense of victory over his flustered appearance, drunk on content like wine. Heat blazed in between us, sending electric bolts down my spine as he touched my neck, gingerly brushing my long strands of hair that were no longer in a ponytail. I instinctively gasped and my heart thudded in anticipation, his eyebrows furrowed and his gaze lingered on my face intensely.

Both of us felt it.

And it was drawing us towards each other.

The thrill of a touch.

The risk and desire.

My cheeks were now flaming red and burning on my face across a hundred degrees. I had not expected any of this to happen.

It felt like we had unknowingly crossed an invisible line that was almost impossible to return to.

My eyes flickered to his alluring lips, unconsciously biting my own as I tasted the blood from earlier. His eyes followed my action, turning into another darker and deeper shade of colour.

Ah...I wanted to feel his heat so badly.

So badly that it started to hurt.

Leaning forwards, my hair spilled over my shoulders as I placed my forehead against his, shuddering and inhaling slowly, memorizing his scent. He smelled strangely like musk.

Before I could control it, Light pulled my shirt downwards, crashing our lips together. I immediately tried pushing away on instinct but his other hand forced my head in place, gripping on my hair as pain shot through my skull. I felt his entire body stiffen beneath me as if he did not realize what he did himself.

We both flinched in shock without parting before he closed his eyes and nipped me softly while pushing me closer into him. The taste of iron filled my senses and my elbows weakened, leaning my frame onto his as his hands slipped off my head and tightened around my thin waist.

I moaned and wrapped both my arms around his neck, closing my eyes to focus on the sensation of his lips. Heat bubbled up into my stomach causing me to actively rub my body against his.

This was forbidden.

At least in this body.

We both parted with short breaths, his misty eyes staring back into mine as he leaned forwards again, sending me into sheer bliss. I smiled through the kiss, feeling the fluttering in my body push me onwards, trying to melt with him. We were both clumsy and desperate yet it suited us. Both of us felt so left out from the world, but for the first time, we felt complete. A throaty growl left his throat as I bit onto his lower lip.

This is wrong.

This was very very wrong.

My stomach twisted into a knot as the only sounds that echoed through the room were our gasps and breaths. I felt his hand travel up the back of my shirt, feeling his fingers trail up and down my spine as if entranced with my skin.

I pushed him away with my last remaining consciousness, panting for air.

"Light," I groaned airily and arched my back as his hands trailed dangerously low to the pants I had on. "Stop, this is dangerous."

"This is too tempting," he agreed quietly, forcing his hands to stop. I felt a wave of disappointment before shaking my head.

"Ah, shit. What did we just do?" The dizziness washed over as I blinked rapidly, heaving my chest up and down.

"This stays between us." He murmured softly into my ear, sending thrills down my spine again.

"Dammit, Light, and I told you to stop." I narrowed my eyes before I leaned in, this time initiating the contact. Both of us were improving rapidly in our skills at kissing, testing each other and trying out different ways to pleasure the other better.

Something blazed in my head as a warning after Light forced open my mouth, completely dominating me.

Wait...since when was Light so soft?

Dread filled my body like lead as the face of Misa Amane flashed through my head.

Oh, fuck no!

He was trying to shackle me like he did with her!

I bit his lip roughly drawing blood as he jerked away as I gasped with fury, licking away his blood that was painted across my lips.

"Do not, manipulate me, Light." I spat out harshly and jabbed a finger in his chest. Oh, how I wish I had a dagger right now. Light's face flashed with surprise before darkening into a growl of irritation.

Was it because I called him out on his little plan? Or was he actually feeling accused by my assumptions?

But it did not matter.

Because whatever he did just right then made me furious, yet I played this to my advantage.

I yanked his collar and hardened my gaze.

"Even if I knew about that eerie little notebook of yours, I wouldn't even be able to touch a single hair on your face." I snared out with so much hatred that it nearly shocked myself. I never even had so much for my past parents.

His eyes flashed red instantly, pushing himself up with his elbows and stared at me with threat.

"So you did know." He said, wiping the blood away from his mouth with his thumb.

"Another rhetorical question? I thought your little Shinigami would have already laughed too much and you had cracked out the formula." I smirked sarcastically as one of my fingers twitched, wanting to wring his neck in my hands. The urge was so thick that I could literally see himself pushing him down as he struggled, blood and nails digging into his skin.

"But you can't see him?"

"Am I supposed to?" I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

"He's in your face right now." Light copied my action before I screeched and fell off the bed from picturing Ryuk's red eyes and mouth grinning at me.

"What in the hells? Oh damn all of it, I can't even see him anyways!" I threw up my hands and stood up, dusting my pants.

"You didn't touch my Death note." Once again, his question sounded more like a statement.

"I didn't," I confirmed, jutting my hip out. "If I did, you would have already killed me by now."

"But you knew the rules to the note."

I rolled my eyes.

"Light, we are much more similar than you can imagine. Well, too bad I have freaking Aphantasia! So thank the god, that I am literally no threat to you." I pinched my nose bridge, feeling a massive headache rising.

He pursed his lips together as if sincerely considering my words.

"You came into my room knowing that I could kill you." He eyed me emotionlessly forcing me to cackle before sitting beside him on the bed.

"Kill me! I'm here! Do it now!" I waved my hands in his face, imitating L quite badly. He got it though, closing his eyes before opening them with fury.

"What were you thinking?! Do you actually have a death wish?!"

I blinked blankly at him before leaning on his shoulder.

"Playing the caring brother, aren't you? Well, to answer your question, I don't really feel like living." I sighed, feeling him shift his weight to support me after he had flinched. He closed his eyes with a heavy sigh before massaging his temples.

"I can never get used to you calling me out." He pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling loudly with exasperation.

I felt his jaw tense before forcing it to relax again. Silence enveloped the room as we sat there together, both of us calculating the future.

Well...he hasn't killed me yet so...

"Why do you want to die?" He quietly asked.

I turned my head around, staring at him with disbelief.

"Are you being serious right now?" I murmured before answering him.

To be honest, there were numerous reasons. But at this point, I saw a way to survive.

"...I'm bored."

Something buzzed in my chest as I continued, ignoring whatever expression he was giving me.

In the anime, Light had the same reason before believing such a supernatural childish thing as Death Note. In a way, I was trying to force him to sympathize with me.

"I've spent years playing the stupid loving sister, and when I finally saw the myth of Death Note, I was intrigued. Then with all the heart attacks and your holing up in your room, coupled with how you literally screamed like batshit in the middle of the evening and laughed like a psycho, all the things just fit together like," I took both of my hands and intertwined them together.

"That."

"You heard me?" One of his brows arched at my explanation.

"You never noticed that my room is literally right next to yours and our walls are super thin?" This time it was my turn to raise my eyebrows as the words flew out of my mouth.

He seriously didn't know, did he?

"And then, I found out I had Aphantasia. End of story." I shrugged, noticing the increase of conflict in his eyes.

"That's not enough to conclude that I had the note." He narrowed his eyes at me. "You're not telling me the whole story."

Whoot, he actually bought it!

"What did I tell you, Light?" I leaned into him a bit more before grinning maliciously.

"I'm confident that I'm the only one who knows you in this world."