63 Chapter 63

I suddenly felt Yua move too close. So close that anytime I moved my arm, it brushed her left boob. Like, what the hell. She didn't seem fazed by it but it freaked me out. As I've said lots of times, Yua is like a younger sister to me and honestly, I couldn't picture myself having sex with any girl anymore.

Anytime I thought of sex, all I could picture was Ryu on top of me. My hole would continuously clench. As if it was missing his fingers. Ah I wonder where he is. I wished time would move faster so I could go already. Maybe I should go to his house.

Ugh I wouldn't be watching basketball practice if Toshiro hadn't begged me to wait for him and give him a ride home. Well, I did take one of his cars because of our bet that time and he said the other was faulty. They really should buy him another car. I have tons and there are some I've never even used before.

I was glad Yua and Sakura decided to stay so they could keep me company. These days, I detested staying alone.

"If you ask me, I think Haruto is just jealous" Sakura said.

"Huh? Jealous of what?" I asked.

"More like jealous of who"

Yua scoffed, shaking her head. "You're so clueless sometimes"

I groaned. "Are you two gonna explain this whole shit to me or not?"

Sakura giggled. "It's kinda funny frustrating you. You look like an angry kitten. So cute". She raised her hands to pinch my cheeks but I lightly smacked them away. "Just tell me jeez"

And who the fuck is cute? People should also stop comparing me to a fucking feline. The only person I'll take that as a complement from is Ryu. No one else.

Yua burst out laughing. She kept touching my shoulder or chest in the process. I scooted to avoid it but she just moved closer even more. I sighed and gave up. She's so touchy today. Was it her time of the month? But I don't girls act like this during that right?

"Well, I believe Haruto is jealous of Ryu. Though i don't see why. He can't even compare to Haruto" Sakura stated. I wanted to argue but she continued; "Can you remember that day at the infirmary when he said you spend more time with Ryu? And when he also said that you relied on Ryu after that whole shit with Sara and not us?"

I nodded, not getting her point. "Elaborate"

"I think he was trying to tell you that, why go to a stranger when he's there? The person you've known all your life. Your best friend. Why pick Ryu for comfort instead of him?"

I gasped as realization dawned on me. Oh fuck. I'm so stupid. Since when had he felt this way?

"We all know how protective Haruto gets when it comes to you. He treats you like a brother" Yua said. "He's expecting you to treat him the same. I mean, if Sakura is in some kind of problem and she asks some other girl for help instead of me, her closest friend, I'll be mad too. Like, why are we even friends if you can't come to me? That's like, questioning your trust in me. Besides, ever since you started hanging out with Ryu, you've neglected him. You two used to hang out the most. If you weren't at home, you were in his house but you guys barely meet up these days"

Shit. I should have known. Have I really been paying more attention to Ryu and neglecting Haruto? But... Ryu isn't just some other guy to me. It's not Haruto's fault though. He didn't know that.

"You haven't been hanging out with us too and you hardly attend any parties. We also haven't had our usual sleepovers or dinners in weeks. I miss you guys"

"Me too" Sakura said, giving me a sad smile.

Hmph. Like I give a fuck about how they feel. I hung my head low. What a stupid stupid friend I've been. Not to the girls but to Haruto. My one and only true friend.

"We've grown quite distant Aito" Yua said to me. "Things are not the same anymore"

I didn't give a shit about her at the moment. All I knew was that I had to fix things with Haruto. I sent him a text, asking him where he was. My fingers were crossed, hoping he would reply. Minutes passed with no reply. I thought he wasn't going to text me back till I heard my phone ping.

Haruto:

I'm at the cemetery.

*********

"I always think about how life would be if she was still alive" Haruto said. He was sitting before Aera's grave with a bouquet of roses in his hand. I sat beside him on the grass, not saying a word. "The three of us. We used to have so much fun. Can you remember the first time we shoplifted?"

I smiled as I recalled the memory. "Yeah. Poor old Mr Sasaki. We stole many bags of chips and almost destroyed his shop while trying to run away when he brought out a gun"

He smiled. "Dude I nearly peed in my pants. I thought he was gonna shoot us for real"

"Oh my God. You were that scared?" I asked, surprised. He nodded. "I was shit scared Aito. Didn't you see how I was shaking afterwards? I even called Aera a bad influence"

I couldn't help but laugh. Experiencing it was funny but hearing Haruto admit it was hilarious. "Oh I remember now. You even cried"

"How could I not? It was scary. And then he called the cops. I thought we were gonna spend the rest of our lives in jail. Honestly, I had made up my mind to confess and drag you two down with me but our parents stepped in and saved our asses"

Oh my God. I never knew he was such a scaredy cat. I mean, I was scared too but not that much. I knew our parents would never let anything happen to us.

Haruto sighed, fingers caressing the rose petals. "Those were such happy times. Where did things go wrong?"

"When we entered this God forsaken high school" I answered. "They take pleasure in people's misery. A whole school full of twisted psychos"

"We're part of those psychos now, aren't we?" he asked. "We framed the guys that harassed Aera in school and got them sent to Juvy. Miss Park is in jail and Jennie was humiliated and expelled. I, however, do not feel a shred of guilt. Does that make me a monster Aito?"

Does it? I decided to answer truthfully. "I don't know"

"Neither do I. Sometimes, I feel we're making them suffer to make ourselves feel less guilty for not being able to protect her"

I sighed and hugged my knees to my chest. "I feel that way sometimes too. But... they deserve it. Aera's never coming back. At least, they're still alive"

He nodded. "They are. What are we gonna do though? After getting them all"

I already knew my own fate. I do not deserve to live either. "What do you have in mind?"

"I don't know" he answered. "I really don't know. That's one of the reasons I can't lose you". He turned to look at me and I gasped. Haruto was crying. "I can't lose you Aito. I just can't. You're my best friend. The only one who knows how much pain I'm going through. You're the only one who knows and understands me. The only person I can rely on. The one who's got my back no matter what. But Aito, Ryu is taking you away from me. He's separating us. Don't you see it?"

Not this again. "Haruto, Ryu is never gonna take you away from me. We're best friends for life. Nobody can ever take your place in my heart okay"

He turned away and went silent for a while. I didn't know what else to say so I kept quiet too. I just hoped that he would let go of this hatred for Ryu.

"There's something I want to tell you Aito" he finally spoke after a long time.

For some reason, I dreaded whatever he was about to say. I felt like what would come out of his lips would somehow ruin our friendship. Half of me didn't want to listen and the other half wanted to. Knowing Haruto, my only choice was to listen. He had avoided me for days but replied my text a while ago which meant he had sorted out whatever was bothering him and was ready to spill it all out to me.

I sighed. "I'm listening"

He turned to me and took my hand in his, staring right into my eyes. Okay... this was a little awkward. I calmed myself down and looked at him expectantly.

He spoke; "I'm gay, Aito"

What?

I blinked.

"I'm gay and I'm in love with you"

...

...

Fuck.