Chapter 49

Seeing Sara in that state brought back the memories I had tried so hard to bury in the deepest parts of my brain. After months of hallucinations and nightmares, I thought I was finally free. I let out a bitter laugh. Free my ass. I was so stupid to think I could escape those. They're a part of my fucking punishment for not taking care of her as well I should have. For not defending her enough. For not keeping her alive. If only we never went to the party. If only we never got drunk. If only I never slept with her that night. None of these would have happened. She would still be alive. I would be able to see her smile, to hug her, to fucking love her as I should.

Now my life is fucking shit. Everything is all just fucked up.

And it's all my fault.

I got up, flushed and then washed my face at the sink. Rinsed my mouth with mouthwash then took a quick warm shower.

I felt better after that. I changed into a pair of black sweatpants and a plain baggy white shirt then made my way downstairs. I was surprised to find out it was just 9pm when I checked my phone. Mrs Osamu must have already cooked dinner but I wasn't hungry though.

I guess Haruto dropped me off around 3pm or so. He told me to take care of myself and blah blah blah the usual. Our friendship was a bit strained due to all that shit about Ryu. We both needed space to think things through.

Well he wasn't the one I wanted to see. It was Ryu. My Ryu. I didn't give a fuck about what Haruto said. I know Ryu better than anyone.

I felt really bad for telling him to leave but I couldn't risk him getting angry and exposing us. I dialed his number but he didn't pick. I tried it two more times but it gave the same result. What could he possibly be doing? Working? Eating? Sleeping? He didn't even call to ask if I was okay. Does he not care anymore?

I sighed and flopped unto the couch. Does he not like me anymore? The thought brought a pang of pain to my heart. Is he angry? Should I go see him? What if I do and he shuts the door in the face? What if he yells at me and asks me to leave? Could I take it? Nope. I definitely couldn't. It would break me entirely. I really really like Ryu. I like how I feel around him. Safe and secure. Cared for. Wanted. Warm. Happy. I feel wonderful. I forget about revenge and Aera. I forget the entire world. I don't want to lose him.

I picked up my phone, thinking of calling him again when the bell rang, indicating someone was at the mansion gates. I groaned. Fuck I'm not in the mood to see anyone right now.

I knew it wasn't Haruto, Toshiro, Yua or Sakura for the security was programmed to let them past the gates after a face scan. Couldn't be my parents either. They basically own the house. This person must be new.

I used my phone to check the security cameras and was shocked to see Ryu standing there. He came! He really came!

I immediately granted him access then ran upstairs to make sure I looked good. I quickly washed my face then ran a comb through my hair, making sure it was nice and smooth. I then sniffed my current shirt. It didn't stink but I changed into a new black shirt andand sprayed a little bit of perfume. I hoped black looked good on me because he really likes the colour.

My room was okay since Mrs Osamu always cleans it and I hardly make a mess unless I'm mad but I sprayed air freshener in all corners of the room and proceeded to spray it in all parts of the house he might enter. Like the kitchen, living room and hallway. I did all that at lightening speed and still had time to spare for the cameras showed him still walking towards the mansion. It's really really big and to walk from the gate inside is annoying. I wonder how he felt.

I waited until he was right at the entrance, about to ring the doorbell, then I whipped open the door and flung myself into his arms. He was shocked judging by the split second I got to see his face but he hugged me back tight. So tight I couldn't almost breathe but I loved it. I loved it so fucking much. I missed his sweet calming scent. I missed being in his arms. I missed him so much.

"I'm so glad you're okay" he whispered to me, rubbing circles on my back.

"I'm so glad you came" I said, nuzzling my face in his neck.

He chuckled. "That's pretty obvious"

I couldn't help but smile. "Shut up and carry me inside"

And he did. He carried me all the way to the living room and sat down on the couch, making me straddle him. I didn't want to stop hugging him as clingy as that sounds but I didn't give a flying fuck. I breathed in his scent while playing with his soft dark locks.

"You're so touchy tonight" he teased. "Did you miss me that much?"

"You have no idea. I thought you were mad at me"

"Oh I was actually" he admitted. "But then I thought about it and I realized that Haruto has been with you for years. He's your best friend as he clearly pointed out and you needed him at that time"

"But I needed you too" I said as I pulled away so I could look at him. "Yes he's my best friend but you're my boyfriend. I shouldn't have asked you to leave. I'm sorry"

"It's okay. I got mad and I nearly exposed us. I'm sorry too. I was just really worried about you". He cupped my cheeks with both hands then pecked me on the lips. "You're so cute". He started to pull on my cheeks and muzzle our faces. "So so cute"

"S-Stop!" I tried to peel myself away but he held me down with one hand and started to plant open mouthed kisses all over my face. I couldn't help but laugh as he kissed me everywhere. Eyes, nose, forehead, cheeks, lips, everywhere on my face! "I'm not a baby! Stop!" I whined even though I was clearly loving it.

He completely shut down my protests by kissing me on the lips. It wasn't a passionate kiss like he usually does. Instead, it was like a soft caress. The kind that was sweet and tugs on a person's heartstrings. I never thought Ryu could be so sweet.