Chapter 45

I felt as if there was a double meaning to it. One was unbelievably seductive and the other was downright dangerous.

I wanted to move away but he twined his arm around my waist, pressing my chest to his. "Where do you think you're going?"

His voice was so deep I could feel my chest vibrating. A tingly feeling spread through my limbs and the butterflies in my tummy went on a rampage.

"I- I..." But nothing came to my mind. It was as blank as a white sheet of paper.

He leaned in and captured my lips in a hot searing kiss. My knees went soft and I melted against him. He deepened the kiss by prying my mouth open and diving his sweet hot tongue in. I moaned, clutching his shirt tighter.

Oh how I've missed this.

Ryu kissed me until we both ran out of breath. I was panting heavily as we pressed our foreheads together.

I suddenly recalled the reason I came then jolted out of his hold.

He was shocked at the sudden movement. "What's wrong?"

I exploded. "What's wrong? That's what you say? What's wrong? You refused to pick my calls for two days Ryu! Two fucking days and I come here and you just grab me and start kissing me! Who gave you the fucking right you fucking asshole! Jerk! I hate you. Don't talk to me"

"Baby don't cry" he said softly, taking a step towards me. It wasn't until he said that I realised I was about to cry. Fuck I was truly hurt okay!

I took a step back. "Don't touch me". My sight went blurry with tears and a few escaped down my cheeks. I sniffled and wiped them away. "How could you do this to me? Do you know how worried I was? I was hurting and you ignored me. I wasn't eating properly and I couldn't sleep"

With each word, tears ran down my face and I couldn't control them. I was angry, sad and ashamed. How could I be crying in front of him like a little girl? So shameful. But I was hurting so much I couldn't keep it in.

Ryu looked torn. Like everything I said punctured his heart.

"I really like you Ryu" I continued. "My feelings aren't fake. I might be a jerk but I have a heart too. I have feelings".

I turned my back to him as I said the next words. "If you don't want me, just tell me. I'll leave and never speak to you again. I-"

Ryu embraced me from behind, cutting me off. His clean scent wafted around me, making me want to burrow myself into his arms but I fought it.

I can't be weak!

"I'm sorry baby" he said softly, near my ear. "I'm so sorry. Please don't cry. It hurts to see you cry"

I pursed my lips but said nothing. He wiped my tears with the back of his hand. "After we left the principal's office, I thought you would come with me but you left with your friends. I mean, I was hurt too but you took Toshiro to the infirmary. I was angry and jealous. He had other people to take care of him. Yua, Sakura and Haruto but I only had you and you left with them"

I gasped. "B-But you said I-"

"I told you not to defend me" he said. "I didn't tell you to leave me alone"

I realised that I was also at fault. Big time. He wasn't mad at me for what happened in the cafeteria. He was mad because I left him alone. Fuck. I twisted around in his arms so I could face him. I then said in a tiny voice; "I'm sorry. I didn't realise-"

"Shhhh" he pecked me on the lips. "It's okay. I'm not mad anymore. The anger left the second you ran out of your car to me"

I smiled and placed my head on his chest, closing my eyes as that suffocating feeling dispersed from my heart. Everything became peaceful once more.

Damn. I recalled my words from earlier. If Ryu actually told me to leave, I would have gone crazy. He's like the only thing keeping my sanity intact. Being with him is escaping the whole shit with Aera. I feel less guilty and burdened. It's like all those problems never existed.

Ryu is my breath of fresh air. My only escape.

I can't afford to lose him.

If I do, I'm afraid all hell will break lose.

********

It was 2am in the morning when I shut down my laptop and laid back in bed after hours of surfing the web about gay sex. More specifically, anal sex and to be honest, it still freaked me out.

I read a lot on Quora about men sharing their anal sex experiences. 80% of them said it was mind blowing. The best kind of sex there is. They even mentioned something about prostate orgasm. One of them described it as 'heavenly'. I still had no idea what they were talking about or how they could enjoy something like that.

A penis in the ass should hurt as fuck. Hell, anything in the ass should hurt. How could they get it in and make it pleasurable at the same time? I want to be close to Ryu in all ways. Every single way. I wanted to give him all of me.

Especially before I leave this world completely. He deserves that much.

I had invited Ryu over but he had to go to work. He had a night shift at the restaurant which didn't end until 11pm so I had to go back home alone.

I called him a while after midnight and he sounded exhausted so after a quick phone call, he went to bed, promising to come over some other time.

I wanted to talk to him longer and I also wanted to see him but I understood how tired he was. It was even evident in his voice.

Yua and Sakura came over in the evening and we watched a couple of movies then they left. I was glad they did. I didn't want to spend more time with them than necessary after knowing Haruto and I are gonna speed up our plans.

With the huge amount of anger I had accumulated in the beginning, I had no idea I would feel different when it comes to them. The anger had surpassed any feelings I had for them so I was ready to destroy them without feeling a shred of guilt.

But now... things were different. I had Ryu. Just thinking about him makes me happy. When I'm around him, every negative emotion disappears without a trace. Every single one. I was starting to feel like my old self. The person Aera fell in love with.

I swear, I'll find the person who leaked her pictures and videos. I'll find whoever it was and make their life hell. They'll wish they were never born. I'll make them suffer in a way that they'll wish for death but I'll never give it to them. They will rue the day they were born.

Enough of the dark thoughts though. My eyes fell on my laptop and an idea popped into my head.

Maybe I should try it out.

Fingering I mean...