7

CIBIN- 1914

Have you ever seen the inside of a mill in your life? I saw it, maybe there will be no mill on earth in a hundred years, but if you are nine-faced like me, I recommend you to see it. The windows of the mill are very close to the ceiling and are very small, so you can be comfortable inside, no one can see you easily; it is bent. The walls seem to collapse on you at any moment. Crop sacks stacked on top of each other in a corner. FLOOR filled in white sacks APPEARING... and the fragrant scent emanating...

Around the cornerstone in the middle, fine particles are constantly flying around, and on the other hand, there is a scratching sound in the environment. Here we had our first union, togetherness in this dusty noisy environment. While I was with Apo on flour sacks in the dark mill, accompanied by a flickering candle flame, I was now cursing myself for not coming into this world as a woman. he won't be in my life i tried my best to win him back, i stole candy secretly from my mother and even got my hairs while grazing the sheep, all i wanted was if he didn't want me, i have no hope anymore. i'm getting married tomorrow and i can't do what you want from me.. i can't waste my wife just for my own pleasure, i didn't know she would get this low. ..that means his only purpose from the beginning was to be with Satenik. At first, when I made a covenant, Apo was pleased and said that you have become like a real wife, every time he touched me, my soul would leave me, it was like entering a woman's body, what wouldn't I give to be in Mary's place! To be abandoned! it was difficult at first, it went to my strength.. ta k until that night..

I bought it until I didn't have one of my little yellow hairs that night, I took the duvet on my warm bed in the mill and closed my eyes to go to sleep, I felt the thick planks sway, the tiny windows above closed and only walls remained, the thick walls started to come over me and suddenly I felt a man above me. he had strong arms and he was on me, strong arms that I could not see.. Here was my first night with the man who took the place of Apon. I felt its presence at night. Sometimes Satin said why does she take her hair like snow, after that night at the mill, I was no longer interested in Satin, every time she came to me, I couldn't raise my arms, people around started to say have a child, Satin started to say you're like a wife, Apo is satisfied with his life. greet Our conflicts... I didn't know who to tell my troubles to, I didn't think they would believe it, neither our pastor nor the imam of the islams ... There was only one person I could share my secret with: Abdullah.

We met in their barn just like in the old days, he misunderstood me and he thought I wanted to be with him again. When I explained the situation, he didn't make a mocking expression, he didn't have a panicky facial expression. And there is even a pedophile, Alpine, one of the pedophile demons haunted you the night you lay hairless to look bright to me! These things have always happened to you because of me, my brother, we need to get you educated, but if we go to Hocasya, the rumors will go away. Let's meet at the mill tomorrow night, I will come to you with the ablution and the Qur'an. You take the Bible and we will read it together.

The next night we sat in the cafe until late, then the two of us went to the mill; it was close to midnight, we always looked back, we passed the cemetery of the Muslims before we reached the mill; Apo was muttering with his hands outstretched as he passed, with the light moonlight, the kerosene lamp in our hands could only go one step further. The door of his mill opened with a creak;

"He's haunted you here, isn't he, Iblis?" So we'll try to expel him here again, God bless you, brother, said Apo., and then, hanging the cloth bag in his hand down its hanging ropes, he untied the tie that his mother had fastened with a needle, through the small windows above the mill. A little bit of moonlight hit his face, Apon, at that moment I shuddered suddenly his face was chalky, as if there was no blood, my poor friend ...

He was limp from the distant howls of wolves and the sounds of owls.

Then he started to read in Arabic. As a child, he used to go to the mosque early every morning, Apo, we used to go swimming in the lake when we got out of there, and the continuation of the little frictions by diving to the bottom of the lake would turn into fiery back and forth movements either in the barn or in this mill. what did he read I asked,

- Kul e'uzu birabbinnas

Melikinnas

divine

Min şerrilvesvâsilhannas

Ellezî yüvesvisu fî sudûrinnasi

Minelginneti vein how

he paused after each sentence, as if he was suffocating, I thought the phlegm was stuck in his throat, when I approached to hit his back, I saw the red color in the small pupils; he gestured me to approach with his hand, then again in Turkish, taking deep breaths and coughing less after each sentence;

In the name of Allah, the Most Gracious and Merciful.

Say: I take refuge in the Lord of men,

to the ruler of the people,

To the god of the people,

From the evil of that sneaky whisperer.

It is he who whispers delusions into people's breasts.

Both jinn and humans

now the hodja said let's go to the master's tomb and light a candle, Apo. The tomb was on the hill behind the mill, for some reason, after his prayer was over, his breathing improved, his face got a little bit of color, but I couldn't understand the small red dots in his eyes. When I bent over the flour sacks, my groans and breaths mingled when Apo opened his manhood behind me and came in hard, I would watch our shadows to get more aroused, and when I looked at his shadow, it would be from the light plays in the mill, his nails grew like a lion's claws; his hands were very long in front of me as he pressed my shoulders. I had a helpless, poor shadow. Of course, there was the concept of jinn in my belief, if I had to give you some information;

We didn't just have sex that night, maybe that demon or whatever his name was might have gotten inside me. These demons can be brought out of the person they enter; "Exorcism" certainly existed in Christianity; their sexual approach to people (sex), their support of false worship (religious) and their persecution of people (sadism-violence). There were warnings about getting involved in activities related to demons, such as approaching them in hopes of getting close to them.

In the Christian belief, jinn are powerful beings, they deceive people and use some people as mediators. Accordingly, what this psychic says may be true if these jinn are telling the medium the truth. Because the Bible states that the demons lie like Iblis. They can also harm people, so the Scripture says to stay away from anything related to them, any form of spiritism. Iblis is the same personality as the devil, I had heard from the priest that jinn were haunting women until now, but I did not think that a genie could be a pagan. Islams would get angry with me, look at what they said! and they would close the subject as if I came from ancient Greece. Actually, it was in our belief to expel the genie. Exorcising (commanding demons to come out of people) was practiced by various people in the Gospels and the Book of Acts: by Jesus' disciples as part of keeping Christ's instructions (Matthew 10); by others using the name of Christ (Mark 9:38); by the children of the Pharisees (Luke 11:18-19); By Paul (Acts 16) and some exorcists (Acts 19:11-16).

It is understood that the purpose of the exorcisms of Jesus' disciples was to show Christ's dominion over the demons (Luke 10:17) and to prove that the disciples were acting in His name and under His authority. This event also revealed their faith, or lack thereof. (Matthew 17:14-21). It is clear that the act of exorcising demons is important for the service of the disciples. However, it is not clear what role exorcism actually plays in the discipleship process.

Interestingly, there is a change in the war with demons in the last parts of the New Testament. The instructive portions of the New Testament (Romans to the end of Judas) talk about the activities of demons, but do not deal with their exorcism, and believers are not counseled to do so. We are told that we must put on the weapons of God to stand against them (Ephesians 6:10-18). We are told to stand up to the devil (James 4:7), to be mindful of him (1 Peter 5:8), and not to let him into our lives (Ephesians 4:27). However, we are not told how to get him and his demons out of others, or even to think about such a thing.

The Book of Ephesians gives us clear instructions on how to be victorious in our lives in the battle against the forces of evil. The first step is faith in Christ (2:8-9) which puts an end to the rule of "the ruler of the kingdom of the air" (2:2). Then again, by God's grace, we must shed godly habits and put on godly habits (4:17-24). This does not require exorcism, but a renewal of our thoughts (4:23). After a few practical instructions on how to obey God as children of God, we are reminded that there is a spiritual battle. This war is fought not by exorcising demons, but by certain weapons that help us to stand up against the demons' tricks (6:10). We stand against demons with truth, righteousness, gospel, faith, salvation, the Word of God, and prayer (6:10-18).

As the Word of God is completed, Christians seem to have more weapons to fight the spirit world than early Christians. The role of exorcism has largely been replaced by evangelism and discipleship through the Word of God. Because the New Testament methods of spiritual warfare do not include exorcism, it is difficult to determine what the instructions were for doing such a thing. If such a thing is necessary, it is obvious that it is best to expose one to the Word of God and the name of Jesus Christ. The Alpinarian felt an "object" on the night when he had removed all the hair from his body in order to be more attractive, sure about this object, which was certain to be male. And if he wasn't, was the object he felt on a human or animal or a spiritual being...

He used to eat at least three parsley every day to make his breasts grow, the village elders said that parsley was a milk maker for women; maybe it was the most suitable method for the soft fat masses to be absorbed instead of the muscles gradually disappearing from his body, his only dream was to have a more oval body and Abdullah Alpinarian's admiration was his attachment to her, even she wanted Meryem to think more about herself, Alpinarian, but at the mill she still shuddered as she thought of the mysterious red color in her eyes. While she was praying by the thin candlelight that pierced the darkness, the words had become frightening in the dark, like the vampires or werewolves of Transylvania lined up in her throat. On the other hand, Satenik was waiting impatiently for the wedding day, however, the most important issue for Alpinarian was to persuade Apo to go to the barn again, he did not attract much attention in the street with three married people anyway, Alp was sometimes even upset that there was no Islam, because the sincerity of an Armenian and a Turk drew attention; however, de facto solicitation. He had a holy book that said, "Kill the two men who do it where you see them!" she would have to, every hug would be a duty, even when she was with SAten, she would adore Satin and think about what she wouldn't sacrifice to be like her, to be hugged by a man's strong arms and to feel the hard and warm masculinity inside her as she was lifted up and down like a baby. ..

Alpinarian had experienced this with abdullah and was ready to sacrifice everything to relive those feelings; even satinik...

Armenians always had a privileged position in the Ottoman Empire. In the history books freely taught in Armenian schools where the Ottoman coat of arms, sultan's signature were removed and replaced by the independent Armenian, Hinchak and Dashnak coats of arms, the oppression of the Turks against the Armenians was mentioned in the schools and the poems of the Armenian poets that revolted the nation and the youth were hung in schools and schools. Even when it spread openly among the people, churches and schools became a warehouse of weapons and ammunition, and as a result of these, small uprisings started in various places from time to time, the state did not intervene effectively, not to resort to coercive measures against all these events was a tolerance, a freedom of conscience. The center of gravity of the Armenian events was the uprisings that the committees had started. However, Armenian events took place before the committees were established. Among these events, the Zeytun Incidents, which took the government to such a level that it took radical measures, draw attention.

Zeytun is a small town in Kahramanmaraş today. The revolts in this region started in 1782 with the uprising of the Armenians, who were uncomfortable with the excess of taxes and the way they were collected, and lasted for many years. The biggest revolts in the region took place in 1895.

The aims of the uprisings of the Armenians in this period were as follows: To ensure the immediate implementation of the reform project determined by the 61st article of the 1878 Berlin Agreement and to break the oppressive rule of Abdulhamit II. They also had a secret and most important goal, which was to establish an independent Armenian State.

- In 1890, Armenians brought weapons from Russia and they were used in the Sanasaryan school and churches.

The news of their acquittal was received and upon this, the soldiers and the police wanted to search, the committee members, who were aware of the situation, opened fire, an officer and two soldiers were wounded and a policeman was martyred. Clashes escalated and two soldiers on patrol were also killed. As a result, the uprising was suppressed and guns and grenades were found in the churches.

- While the service was being held in the Armenian patriarchate church in Kumkapı, the members of the Hinchak Committee took action. Revolt leaflets were distributed. And these were also read from the podium. With this declaration, which included the wishes of Hinchak, the patriarch was asked to be taken to the palace, to Abdulhamit. Collided with soldiers on the way. Blood was spilled. Artin Cangülyan, one of the ringleaders of the Kumkapı church turmoil, was sentenced to death for inciting Armenians against the state. But Abdulhamit commuted Cangülyan's death sentence to life imprisonment. Cangulyan was later pardoned by the Ottoman government. And it was used by the government against the Armenians in the Armenian events.

- In the first days of 1893, the Armenian revolutionaries wanted to spread a rebellion movement in Anatolia and thus to make the European states accept the existence of the "Armenian Question". This time, the Hunchakian revolutionaries wanted to create the feeling that the Muslim people also participated in the uprising. The signature of the Patriots and Muslims Committee was visible under some of the stickers affixed to the walls of the mosque. There were also harsh words against Abdulhamid in these labels. Armenians attacked postal drivers in the area, committed murders and engaged in robberies. With the beginning of the rebellion movements, publications on "Armenian Massacre" were started in Europe, especially in English newspapers.

- Sason is a district of Siirt province today. In 1893, the Armenians cut the taxes they paid to the state in the region and fired the officers and gendarmes who came here with swearing. The government sent troops to the region. In the clashes that broke out, Armenians lost 5 and tribes killed 4 people. Upon these events, the Armenians evacuated their villages and settled their families in safe places in the mountains. They placed their provisions in wells they had dug underground. They rebelled against the government with daggers, machetes, swords and axes. They tortured the Turks they captured by gouging out their eyes and cutting off their ears. They attacked women, they killed pregnant women by disemboweling them. Muslim Turks were circulated in the streets by wearing crosses around their necks. The Ottoman Government took action to suppress the rebellion that emerged with the provocations of the British. Since it was understood that the villagers had settled their families in safe places in the mountains, there was no harm in the villages being shelled, and half of the 5-6 hundred bandits who had been hiding there were killed.

- The Hnchak propagandists sent from the Hinchak committee, headquartered in London, to revolt, told the people of Zeytun to take up arms and attack the surrounding Turks, military forces and important towns, and reported that the necessary weapons and money were being sent by the committee. Upon this decision, riots broke out all over the place. Two thousand unarmed and four thousand armed Zeytun started their attacks. The district governor and 50 officers, 600 privates and commanders were taken prisoner. The captives were later killed by the Zeytun women. The general purpose of the Zeytun events, as in other events, was to invite foreign states to intervene, to accelerate the collapse of the Ottoman Empire and to ensure Zeytun's independence.

- 1895. The Armenians in Istanbul, who were criticizing the attitudes of Abdulhamid II and England and France, would raid the Port of Ali and in this way, they would make a big event and attract the attention of Europe to the Armenian problem and allow them to intervene. Armenians started to march on Bab-ı Ali in September 1895. The events escalated when military measures were demanded against the march. Abdulhamid II was against the use of military units against the demonstrators. Istanbul remained in anarchy for three days and blood was shed from both sides.

- 1896. The Armenian committees were stronger in Van than in other places. They brought here a large amount of weapons and ammunition via Iran and the Caucasus. As a result of the Armenians' revolt in Van, 340 Muslims died and 260 were injured. Among the Armenians, there were 219 dead and 59 injured.

- July 21, 1905. An assassination was made on Abdulhamit II by Armenian committee members in Yıldız. Nothing happened to the sultan, but the explosion caused the death of 26 people, mostly soldiers, and the injury of 58 people.

After the proclamation of the Constitutional Monarchy, the political and revolutionary committee members had to end their work and, as the guardians of the constitutional monarchy, tried to restore the country and raise it economically. The committees apparently decided on this, too. After the declaration of the Constitutional Monarchy, Armenian Committees working in Europe, political criminals, fugitives and vagrants poured into Istanbul.

Armenians benefit from the rights of freedom, justice and equality brought by the Constitutional Monarchy and fully protect their political rights.

they have. The committees apparently agreed and united with the Ottoman community from the outside, but in reality they tried to achieve independence and to develop Armenian ideals by using all means. Armenians opened libraries and clubs in Istanbul and other provinces, and by establishing village clubs and reading rooms, they aimed to raise future generations in terms of thought. The books that were put in the libraries and read to the public were the worst works that insulted and insulted the Turks. The committee teachers suggested that the Turks took the Anatolian provinces from the Armenians and that it is a duty of citizenship and nation for every Armenian to try to save their ancestral homeland from the Turkish yoke.

The freedom brought by the constitutional monarchy revealed the following result for the Armenians: There is no place for two different religions and two different nations in this country. Anatolia, especially from Çukurova, Eastern Anatolia will be either Muslims or Armenians.

Although the committees promised, they turned to these targets before the first year of the Constitutional Monarchy and started rebellion movements in various regions.

It was a sacred purpose for the Armenians to resurrect Cilicia and gather some of the Armenians here. After the Constitutional Monarchy, Austria, Bulgaria, Serbia, Crete movements and internal revolts were a good opportunity for the committees. It is the Armenians' goal to make an uprising by taking advantage of the turbulent situation in Turkey and thus to ensure that the Cilicia region is handed over to the Armenians by interfering with the foreigners. For this purpose, a large number of Armenians from different provinces were brought into the vacant land, and they were placed in Armenian houses in the towns in a cramped manner. According to the official records of the government, 12,840 guns entered Adana immediately after the declaration of the Constitutional Monarchy. Armenians started shooting training with these weapons in front of the government and prepared a gang of 200 people. With this gang, the Armenians started events in Adana on March 27, 1909. The Armenians passing through the streets of Adana by car randomly shot bullets, and when two Turks died, a conflict broke out between the Turks and the Armenians.

While the Armenian committee members said that 30.000 people died against Europe regarding the events, this number is 10.000 according to the official declaration of the province and 1000 according to the La Turquie Newspaper.

In the 1st World War, the reconciliation states placed great hopes on the Armenians. They planned to use this community, which they had used for their political interests for a long time, against the Ottoman Government. Armenian volunteer regiments were established and they were sent to the Caucasian and Iranian fronts, especially to take revenge on the Turks.

During the war, the states of reconciliation, by helping the Armenian committees as much as they could, not only deported the Armenians to the front, but also wanted to cause revolts inside by giving plenty of money and ammunition.

After the declaration of mobilization, Armenians started to cause events and rebellions in Zeytun, Kayseri, Bitlis, Muş, Erzurum, Erzincan, Elazig, Yozgat, Sivas and Van. We can briefly summarize what the Armenians did in these regions as follows:

- Attacking the Turks who came to their village, killing them by taking their money

- Attacking officers and gendarmerie units

- Attacking the government house, martyring the gendarmes

- Participating in the mobilization and taking up arms at first, then crossing the enemy's side and attacking our soldiers with our weapons.

- Cutting telegram lines

- Forcing Muslim youth who want to go to the front to stay with their families

- Spying on compromise states

It is possible to determine the aims of the committee members who brought out the Armenian events that took place during the First World War as follows:

- Arming every Armenian citizen neighbors Turks against the Turkish army and government

- To assign every Armenian from far and near to the revolution to be started, depending on the situation.

- Not joining the government's call for mobilization

- Those who supposedly participated in the mobilization will flee with the weapons of the Turkish army and form gangs within the country or volunteer units in the service of the Russian army.

- After all, when the victorious states sit at the table for Turkish peace, they will get the reward of these aims; the greatest support for independent Armenia will be received from Russia. When these events are examined in chronological order, both before the Second Constitutional Monarchy, the oppressive administration of Abdulhamid and the first world war caused the tension to increase constantly. Now, friendship and friendship were replaced by grudge and hatred, the events in Maraş and Sason caused reflections even in the village of peace, which hosts two communities, in Cibin; even if Hasan was not "hanging out" as often as before, there was a possibility that his heart would be broken due to the increasing tension. He also talked about going to Lebanon, and he thought it was wrong to build a home under these conditions. Even though there was an atmosphere of peace in his pocket, the tension outside had negative effects on people. Some of the Armenians in his pocket were called good Christians who were devoted to the church of love.

Good Christians, who had strict rules about life, work, chastity and mercy, were vegetarians. They avoided the material world as much as possible. The purified Christians were Christians, but they rebelled against the Catholic church by writing the Bible in different languages.

The uprising of the purified certainly fed the protestant reform movement. The purified did not believe that Jesus would be resurrected, but the disciples believed in reincarnation. As a result of the Catholic attacks, the purified buried their treasure, which still remains a mystery. The order extended to Anatolia thanks to those taken by Ottoman sailors while emigrating to the world.

SATINIC

-CIBIN-1914

They say I'm crazy, listen in the village, when the townspeople see me walking in my torn clothes or by the fountain, I hear them call me a witch, the priest collects his clothes and quickly walks away from me, there are only fifteen of us in the village, I feel so lonely trying to serve Jesus. My feet took me to the pasture where the two little boys were herding the herd. With the inner strength guiding my feet, I took a few more steps and sat on a stone by the roadside and cried for all the purified ones who ever lived.

"What do you think of marriage, Satin?" said Meryem.

what did he think of marriage? it depended on the situation, whether it was for himself or for someone else.

"It's time to find a husband for you"

Satin never acted in haste, and her movements, where the smell of peaceful happiness and shyness emanated, was completely under control, as were her thoughts. For Satin, she had to be a good woman "perfecta" and obey very serious oaths, but she was not empty towards Alpinarian, but she did not understand that she never left Abdullah. Satin thought about her ancestors for a moment…

She thought of the girls whose Bibles were translated into their mother tongues, who were burned because of the slander of the priests who coveted her chastity, often not recorded in the birth records. Satin believed in transmigration and felt that something sharp had to be done to avoid this fearfully anticipated fate.

A perfecta should have been in seclusion rather than continuing to live among the evils of the world. Satin thought of the great treasure of the Cathars (purified) buried on Montsegur hill; the two hundred good Christians (purified) trapped in the castle resisted the Pope's army for six weeks, but the purified ones, who were secretly swinging from the castle at night before the castle fell, were lost in the bushes. The good Christians were forgotten when the church made new enemies after the purified. Now they began to avoid the church but their Islamic neighbors.

Muslims took the place of the cruel Inquisition in the thirteenth century, the tension started to increase constantly, the rumors that all Armenian subjects would be sent to the south due to the assassination attempt on the sultan reached the ground, Satin was planning to reach Lebanon without losing the treasury plan that has been passed down from generation to generation for centuries since the Middle Ages. Montsegur hill was the guarantee of the existence of the purified. It was that treasure that would allow them to worship in their own churches in Armenia. With a sigh of satin, she tried to refocus her attention on the task at hand. She was not as good at sewing as her sister Baiona. Her fingers seemed to be huge. It was not only her fingers that didn't work, but her mind, which was preoccupied with dreams. On the other hand, Baiona, who was older than her, made loops like the footprints of fairies. It was like the painting she created. Dreams come true with her needle. Satin dreamed that they would come out of the cloth and walk around the house telling her hopes. Baiona had skillful hands. That's what everyone was saying, Satin was laying her napkin sadly beside her raw cloths and surveyed the room. It was a nice cool place. Inside were a few carved high chairs and two patterned rugs hung on the wall: one depicting Jesus meeting at the well with the woman to whom he offered the immortal water of life (ab-ı life water); the other depicting the sacrifice of Isaac, and Abraham always As it was, he raised his pale hand and turned his head towards the angel who came to take his knife, and on the side was a horned ram hiding in the greenery.

Satin could often stare at these stories for hours, but today she turned uneasily once again and caught the thin pillar dividing the grove and meadow seen from the window. She was supposed to be a boy riding a horse in the fields. stories had to be written!

He imagined it like the goddess of hunting, which is a combination of z.

Leaning through the satin window, she felt the soft air on her cheeks and wanted to scream and sing, to hang her body from the walls of her adobe house. Despite the purified people who said that you would not come back in lower forms after you were born as a human, she would perhaps want to return to life as a bird in a creation. It was as if she thought she remembered to fly. Flying was his act; watching the stars at night, he dreamed of diving into the strong winds of the mountains. He left the window and sat down just at that moment, when his cousin Almaz came in. His aunt Almalia, now sixty-three, had given birth to six children. He wore plain long black most of the time. Even as his hands were wrapping the rope and prayers were running through his mind, his eyes slowly turned around, trying to make sense of what was happening around him. Each fall of the dirt meant that the Master's Prayer was finished, he paused on the threshold to finish it; The cousin, on the other hand, was young and beautiful, wearing a rose-patterned skirt, even her small steps were cheerful.

"This is the way to happiness," said the mother silently, throwing her light into the hands of breaking.

-To be Perfecta?

yes if you choose. If you choose to be a friend of God"

Satin grimaced, of course, when she broke with earthly life.

"He's getting taller," said the mother, pointing her daughter to Satin; the cousin was angry at their talk, as if she wasn't here and couldn't hear what was being said, she would have liked to have a beauty like Baiona with shining golden hair with honey-colored eyes.

"Satin, some girls get married when they're younger than you," said the cousin, adding that every girl needs a man to protect her.

Satin bent her head towards her handiwork, not wanting to be a spinster all her life, meanwhile she wiped her nose on her dress.

"No, no! you should wipe it on a napkin, not on your clothes," said the cousin; there is someone you like, right?

"Alpinarian," he replied without hesitation, as if waiting for a great opportunity to say that name.

"I'm always watching her, but she's not even aware of it," said Satin to her cousin.

Alpinarian was a young man with broad shoulders and narrow hips. He couldn't give SAten.Once, Alp wrestled with a group of Islams, trying to drag each other on the ground until their elbows were bent, and sweat and oil dripped into each other.

Satin was standing at the barn door, his heartbeat was accelerating as the group approached. He was nailed to where he was. He couldn't move. As Alpinarian approached, he felt that his voice was hoarse and something knotted in his throat. He thought he was going to faint as his knees trembled. Alp; At that moment Alpinarian had to take support from the mud brick wall where the particles were thrown out;

"Satin is here, my little Satin, how are you today?" he said.

He was stunned, he didn't know what to say, he tried to say something, but his voice was completely gone; he could feel the sweat dripping down Alp's breath from his muscular shoulders, "I'm neither yours nor small, what dare?"

However, Alpinarian started to walk away laughing and did not hear the answer given in this low voice that came out with force. He left Satin in front of the barn shyly with red cheeks. He gathered his skirt and crossed the stone arch, not aware of why and where he was running. He ran all the way to the river and lay down on the grass. she was angry with herself for wanting to be in her arms so much, her sobs increased when she realized how far she was from being a "perfecta". She dipped her feet into the cool waters of the Euphrates.

that night she dreamed of Satin Alp hugging her and pressing her sweaty body against her white and soft skin.Baiona was sleeping next to her,he was both her brother and childhood friend.The two girls were sleeping so close that their legs were tangled and their breath was mixed.

"Baiona!"

"Baiona, are you awake?"

-"Huh."

-I want to talk to you ."

"What?"

"I'm ashamed, Baiona"

Baiona sat up on her elbow, sleepily staring at the white reflection falling on her brother's face in the darkness.

-"Why are you ashamed?"

"Come near me; I'll tell you in your ear, I like the Alpinarian."

"Are you aware of this situation?"

"Actually I like Arogil too; let's talk about this in the morning"

"Baiona, tell me she likes me too, I need to hear it"

As innocent as a longing dove, Baiona had already fallen asleep. Satin was on the other side of the bed.

she had a real woman at the end, a woman who wanted her man madly, she felt wet inside, she was burning with longing. When I saw the Alpinarian, I should make my heart fly and send him a wave of love. I should look directly into his eyes, she sighed; Satin.

The next evening, the singing session in the village square ended early.

"Anyone want to walk?" said Alpinarian

They started walking, thinking that they were as happy as two puppies playing and running under the satin starry sky. It was a beautiful weather. Alp, hugging Satin with one arm, pulled her towards him.

"Come here. I want to show you something," he whispered.

-"What is it ?"

"Do you want to be satisfied?"

He took her with careful steps into the secret and dark labyrinth formed by the fragrant olive trees. The bushes were a little above. Satin was uncomfortable but excited at the same time. Alp kissed her on the lips with one hand pulling on her dress while the other was holding Satin's hand. When she touched the man's skin, Satin's breath stopped. She had never touched this part of a man's body before. Alp, who guided her hand, was moaning with the groan of his caressing fingers. The organ between the fingers was getting bigger, it wasn't stupid or a child Satin, suddenly that crazy thought came to mind, how could this huge tool sink into a girl?

Alp had begun to kiss her neck now;

"Don't stop!" said the alp.

She guided him again with her hand to reaffirm her command. Her lips met as she rubbed the man's body against hers. Suddenly she felt wetness on her hand, something gushing out onto her hand, her dress, and the grass.

Swaying and trembling on her feet, Alp remained wrapped up a little more and Satene cleaned her manhood with her handkerchief. Suddenly everything changed. The previous excitement was gone. now she wanted to cry. Had he sinned? Had God seen him with the huge tool in his hand? Had father, son, and holy spirit approved of love?

Satin sat quietly for several minutes. She was praying silently while moving her lips. She suddenly made up her mind, got up from the chair and called out to her daughter.

"Get up, you're leaving."

-"What do you want to say?"

-We are going to confession to the priest. By the way, you should know that Baiona will wear your silver dress.

Satin felt a pang of conscience in her heart.

-"Satin, wait!",

Baiona was running fast across the courtyard, almost begging.

"I don't want your dress"

"There's nothing you can do, come in now," said Satin.

At that moment, Satin's heart was telling her that she had been betrayed. She felt sorry for herself. She wondered if the suffering of anger also shaped the words of the Holy Spirit.

The seromoni was short lived, and Satin was a clean girl again.

The next morning he saw her first neighbor, although the woman was so short that she didn't have to avoid the beam, she ducked into the little shelter and got rid of the mud of the courtyard. She kept her hands on her stomach and looked around. small, he hurried over the clean mats I bought for my bed and the stones I had collected for the stove outside. I was annoyed with him looking around, so he left the wooden bowl and turned the contents upside down and started to rummage in my bag. I wanted it to go away.

I squatted and took a spoonful of the soup. The soup was good. My hunger was like a sleeping beast in its cave; I sipped it slowly. The lady was standing next to me.

"Very nice" I said

I crossed immediately, and then I picked up the bowl again; thank you for picking up my son yesterday, the neighbor said, talking about his little boy who fell while playing ball.

"Will you come to dinner with us tonight?"

I thanked him and left the courtyard.

Cibin-1914-

SATINIC-

Well, you're right, I cried a lot. It was very difficult for me to confess.

Come on, cheer up little girl. Things aren't as bad as they used to be anymore.

Is it so important that the priest warns me?

The village priest used to take my hands in his hands."Remember, my child, everything changes, the wheels of good revolve around evil and the wheels of evil turn around good. But Jesus Christ made a condition for us. We may be in pain, but we will not be alone in our suffering. A spiritual knight always helps us. "

I was only fourteen years old, but I did not tell this thought to the village priest, but I can share it with you. I did not want to make any covenant with God, as our father watched the crucifixion and death of his only holy son, as with Isaac and Abraham. He had to be resurrected after death.

What was the purpose of his crucifixion? God can make a deal with humanity to get the attention of the fathers, but this agreement does not fulfill our terms.

It is not included in what we need to know as God's holy sight.

A mouse ran happily through the thick grass at the edge of the bushes, like a tiny sparrow with newly sprouted wings. I thought it was a mouse rustling in the grass, but it was a bird. The bird or mouse was free after all. Suddenly, among the green grass, my eyes met yellow and red flowers. These colors maybe it will be the color of free Armenia in the future, but I think my life will not be enough, yellow, red and blue sky color for example.

For a moment, I felt the grass swaying slightly in the wind, spreading the green color around, and at that moment I felt that I was not alone on the road. There was a woman coming towards me with a basket full of eggs. There was a woman in the distance behind her, two people walking into the field with scythes on their shoulders. As the men walked, it was as if they were performing monotonous work movements. their shoulders were swaying. They passed in front of me while I was sitting on the stone. When they passed me, I stood up and pointed the stick in my hand; I began to walk behind them. As the pastor said, if I was a good Christian, the great Jesus would follow me in my steps; as I had done many times before, I could do it now. As I prayed for hours in blessed words, I was amazed at how the meaning changed with each repetition and the relief that filled me. The word "our" was expanding from the various green grasses around to the rough road and to our great lord. Even if God sends his son to death, my arms were opened towards Him as a child opens for his father. .Heaven is now It was standing inside me, not somewhere in the sky, but in the smell of mown grass among the trees.

The road forked ahead. While I was waiting to decide which way to go, I made a hollow in the ground with the stick in my hand. In the west, the sky was descending as if the clouds had turned gray. The storm was coming. I got rid of the panic that appeared in me. I changed my feet and waited at the "Y". Here in the small fountain was the crucified Christ, the great Jesus with bleeding hands. I had heard that there was a saint in Italy with a stigmata placed on his palms. After his body decayed, his grave was opened and the nails were removed. The saint was sleeping peacefully with a sweet smile on his face. People believed that these nails were healing.

With the poke of the "perfecta" in me, I turned to the left and remembered the friends of God. There was no symbol of our great lord's hanging and bleeding body.

Some people, including Muslims, believe that our Lord did not die on the cross. I don't know what to believe. I see them as a person who believes in Alawism, which is a sect. it was underused, the grass covered not only the bumps in the middle of the road, but also the ruts caused by the cars. I noticed that the air was starting to cool and a trail appeared against the gray clouds gathering in the sky. I shuddered at the thought of spending the night.

Up from the bottom of the road came a carriage and a farmer, pulled by a gray horse with its long white tail rubbing against its muddy heels.

-You look tired as you climbed the hill, he said, looking at me. I looked at him too. Thanks to your kindness, I would like to rest my feet for a while.

"It's good to get one's feet off the ground," I said, quietly climbing up the hill, using the time to look around and collect my hair and wonder why my heart was singing uncontrollably. I realized you were as rough as a cook's hands. He was like a sausage on my lap.

Broken nails were filled with filth and her skin was burning red. She remembered for a moment that the hands of the nobles were cleaned with milk in the Middle Ages. We used to comb our hair with Baiona, paint our lips, and put on our milk-colored gloves and dance in the courtyard.

Alpinarian

cibin(Saylakkaya)-Taurus Mountains /1914

"After the assassination of the Sultan, according to der-saadet, we are no longer a loyal nation," said Arogil, while rolling up his tobacco.

"Did you hear the last edict?"

He turned to the people in the coffee house. All of the people in the village cafe were Armenians, some of whom were bubbling hookahs and others sipping their coffee while slurping.

"Every boy over the age of fourteen and every girl over the age of twelve will take an oath of allegiance to the Islamic faith; this oath will be renewed every two years, without exception, boys have to attend prayers every Friday, without exception. None of the Armenians will be a doctor, even if they work in obligatory conditions. While the patient dies in the hospital, there will be no Armenian doctor with him."

A scene came to life in my head, "I had healed the little boy, I was with the dead woman. And now I got up from the stone where I paused to rest and walked leaning on my staff. I was running away from the soldiers of the Sultan, whose breath I felt on my neck."

This short play of the Arogil did not receive enough attention, but what he was about to tell would almost cause indignation.

- "No one will read the Bible in their mother tongue; the Bible written in Ottoman will be read."

Everyone looked at each other, frozen in surprise. One elder spoke;

"But who is supposed to receive God's Word?" he asked.

"We will not surrender!" cried Arogil. Right there I promised myself that I would fight alongside him for the rest of my life. I could die for him, and yes we would not give up!

For more than an hour we spent time repeating and debating the laws. These prohibitions tightened the tyranny of oppression. We would refuse to denounce our friends, cousins, and wives.

"The devil SHOULD BE NO ONE OTHER THAN THESE ISLAMS!"

"NOW ANY PERSON CAN EASILY APPROACH THEIR LAND BY NOTING THEIR NEIGHBOR OF JOINING THE REGULARS.

I felt a thrill of wild joy as Arogil wrapped his arm around me and hugged me. He and I could have fought together and loved each other.

"My brothers!" said Arogil; the dashnak gangs are waiting for our support, the value of freedom will only be understood when it is lost, I would rather fight and die like a man than stay here and be the dog of the Ottomans, be ready in front of the cemetery half night with me, they will come and take us over, are you ready to fight for an independent Armenia?"

The crowd had vehemently approved, having done it again with Arogil, using his persuasion to the fullest.

It took twenty days to walk to the Taurus Mountains. For the first time, Alp was so far from home, not only from home, but also from Apoya now, in fact, their friendship ended after he married Meryem, and the friendship that ended in time forced them to leave. While walking, he couldn't help looking at the beauty of the scenery. trees...

As he walked, he looked up to see the snow capped mountains in the distance, and the beauty struck him.

On this long walk, Arogil was telling him about the pure, especially about the legendary bishop of the pure.

This bishop was so mature that he did not even need to sleep. He had been living in a cave on the top of the Taurus for twenty years. It was said that he did not speak during this time. It was very difficult for him to return to daily life after this life.

Arogil told the legend that the legend was a little man with tiny and shapely hands and feet.

An invisible wave of greeting would spread. People wanted to fall at his feet. The legend had such a kind and sincere sincerity that when you met him, one thought that he had been waiting to meet and talk to you all his life. The presence of the other person made him so happy!

it was because of his smile and shining eyes, but everyone knew that it was his visions that set him apart from the others. His foresight was strong. He knew a truth that he did not know. I wonder what this truth is.

It was impossible not to be affected by the view of the mountain that stretched upwards from the plain like a finger. The giant cave, which would be their place in their next life, had a large entrance; it had two or three separate entrance doors. One of them was wide enough for an oxcart to pass through. This was the "SAFE MOUNTAIN", which could not be contained.

Leaving the guards below, Alp and Arogil swept along the winding path. They were pulling themselves upwards, holding on to the undersized pines that grew everywhere.

The nostrils were filled with the smell of pine. The trees curled up from the rocks with their roots as lean as a snake and ready to tangle at their feet. ALPINARIAN had to watch every single step as he climbed the mountain.

Now, out of breath and their chests heaving rapidly, they stood in front of a large boulder to take a look around. Below was the town of Zeytun. The cultivated land had medicinal herbs on every stone protrusion that appeared between wooden or stone huts.

The huts leaned against the walls of the castle like children and protruded from the height of the hill into the sky.

-Let's meet "LEGEND", said Arogil, he said.

The man leaning on his wand wore a leather jacket with copper-colored hair and blue eyes. Before he reached the courtyard of the cave, Legend eyed the two men

later

-COME CLOSER!"

he said to Alpinarian, pulling him towards himself enough to feel his breath,

He said, "Stay away from those who have JINN in you!"

Arogil hollowed out a piece of bread and filled it with stew and handed it to me.

-"Beautiful"

"Hmm," he replied. It was almost dark. We were having dinner in the cave when the first star was shining on the night stand.

"Are there wolves in these mountains?" I asked. After all these years, I was afraid of wolves, although I had never seen them.

"Sometimes in the winter they come down to the villages," said Arogil. "The winter is hard when the snow is thick and they can't find food."

He was chewing his bread slowly.

"I once heard of a monk taming a wolf. Do you want to listen? His name was Francis; birds were fed by the man's hand. Once a wolf came to town in search of food. The townspeople wanted to kill the wolf, but the monk said that the great God forbade us to kill." .

"We went to the mountains to kill the Turks, but"

"We kill for free Armenia, not to be a slave to Islam," said Arogil.

-"Don't interrupt, listen to the rest of the story, the monk told the townspeople that he tamed the wolf. While the wolf was looking for food in the village, the women broke into their houses shouting and locked their children behind the wooden window shutters. The wolf wandered slowly through the village, swinging from side to side. They gathered together with their knives and nets when the monk came. He raised his hand and the wolf bowed before him like a house cat, bowing his head and kneeling.

Then the holy monk took the wolf's head in his hand and told him that it was wrong to eat the children and animals of the villagers, and that God and the townspeople would always protect him if he stopped this habit. The wolf understood this and lived like a faithful dog in the town. The townspeople fed him.

"You wouldn't have found anyone to do that in Halfeti," I said after thinking for a minute or two.

"Feeding a wolf," said Arogil, and shook his head.

"Once upon a time there was a brave knight who was a nice, big and loyal hunting dog. This dog was famous for his kindness to his master. He had a gray coat and strong teeth. The knight married and his wife soon gave birth to a strong and healthy baby. One day, the knight and his wife went hunting. While the dog was on watch by the cradle, what did he see? A WOLF!

A wolf came out of the forest and started a fight to his death. When the knight returned home, the cradle was turned upside down, there was no baby, the dog was smiling at its owner with blood in its mouth, the knight decapitated the dog in one go and was still trying to drag towards him to lick his master's hand, while the knight was watching the animal that killed his baby. Tears began to flow. Then he suddenly heard a sound in the bush under the trees. The baby was happily sucking on his finger, and next to him was a wolf carcass.

How, isn't it a sad story?"

"This is a story about acting without thinking," I said. After thinking for a while, I asked, Who leaves a baby alone with a dog?

"It's just a story," said Arogil. It was night and the stars were winking at us; we had walked from Halfeti to the Taurus and joined the Dashnak gang; the stars covered the sky as close and cold as grains of gold like grains of sand.

"It's time to go to bed," said Arogil. Meanwhile, I took my knife in my hand and always kept it ready with me when I went to bed.

Another day: it's time to hide my knife.

Arogil had taken the guns to the higher caves. First I looked all over the cave and felt the happiness of waking up to the new day while I was standing and breathing the fresh straw scented air. At that time I thought of Satinik, thinking of someone other than myself for the first time in days. The strangest thing is that I am preoccupied with the future rather than being stuck in the past. I looked first at the black stones on the threshold, then at the view. Above the clouds stretched out like running sheep or the reflection of foam on the crest of the waves. Above the clouds lay a skimpy milky sky. On the slope of the hill was a beech tree. The roots of the tree, plunging into the ground, were clinging to the deep. In the muddy spot between the roots. it's just a few moments for me to dig a hole and shove my little book, protected by green rag, well into the roots knotted in this hole.

After filling the hole with mud, stones, and straw, I placed the wet grass neatly around the covered hole. When I took a step and looked from afar, the hole was not visible.

"Where have you been?" said Arogil

"Nothing, I just wanted to take a walk"

"A walk?

"I just wanted to see the fields below from here, that's all"

Arogil studied me silently. I could tell he was thinking about the lie I was telling, and he knew I was lying too.

"If you must know, I went out to look around. Now I'm back for buckets of water. I want to take a bath if you don't mind."

Arogil ran his tongue between his teeth in thought for a few minutes. What did he really know about Alpinarian? He knew that there were a few purified people in the village, but he didn't know whether he was a member of this sect or not, and there was no need for separation when there was a unit to attack the Turks. The whole village knew that he was very good friends with Abdullah. Could Alp work for the Turks in the gang?

It was necessary to watch him carefully in his first actions.

"Alp!" said Arogil as he cleared his rifle;

-Do you have any idea why we are in the caves of the safe mountain overlooking the town of Zeytun?

ALP looked with blank EYES.

-"No," he said, with the air of wanting to cut the conversation short;

"This is where our first armed rebellion against the Ottomans took place," said Arogil.

-"When our grandfathers killed the governor of Varosha, they sieged the town for 7 months and massacred them, and we will avenge those days on August 30th!"

2014,Eskişehir/TURKEY

NECIP

I have no hope anymore. I have to forget the past. I'm tired of playing the role of a husband alone with a 19-word farewell letter one morning, and I'm tired of writing unanswered letters...

The strange thing is that the psychological state I'm in is the same as the mood of the hero of the book I'm reading, maybe I've told you this is my secret talent, the talent that the spiritual entity that appeared on my sister who was hanging down from the 4th floor in my childhood - a gift she gave me without expecting anything in return...

It was as if this spiritual being was formed by thousands of small soap bubbles; there were perfect circles, and it would perhaps make more sense if I said that each circle - just because it was not superficial - was filled with bubbles.

Suppose the person you love leaves your life one day without any explanation, here is the new hero I started to live with, Galip, someone who earned his living as a lawyer in the eighties, a lawyer who lived in the past, who did not give up on his childhood love, and finally managed to become the second husband of this beautiful girl, what kind of feeling does being second actually feel? This unfortunate hero, who reads until the morning, suffers from insomnia and watches his wife while she sleeps and thanks God for being in her life, goes on a journey with his wife leaving him. Thanks to him, I became the hero of many books, but it was difficult to be an abandoned husband-who knows, maybe this difficulty is a result of being abandoned in my real life. The most important feature of our book, which is ideal for getting to know the Istanbul of the eighties, in my opinion, is your feelings and understanding when you read the same page at different moments. Changing your relationships according to your psychological state, it's like a 500-page poetry book!

Vathek is a pocket book that will be finished in half an hour for me, for some reason, which the author states that he always reads fondly.

The Turkish equivalent of this word is that it is a "picturesque" book, the art of painting with words, as the author stated, which is different from the book that I found absolutely boring at the first moments when I started reading the same sentence a few times and left it unfinished.

Of course, the same question comes to our minds. What impressed you the most in the book you read? The moment the car fell into the water and the fish eggs that took a place and sheltered in the moss-covered seats are beautifully depicted. If you are interested in the lying subject of our book, which is the main subject and the false subject, you can read the first and last chapters and reach the conclusion. After all, the beautiful woman who left does not return to her home. And our story comes to an end. Then what's the point of reading the four hundred pages in between?

At this point, the real plot of the story begins. A man reliving his past is sometimes revealing the effect of Yeşilçam on people between the lines of the book, in which you returned to university life and sometimes to the Ottoman empire in the complicated days before the coup. You don't have to be rewarded!

I think everyone who browses the pages of the Black Book is curious about Saim's magazine collection, and I am also curious about the story of Ahmet Yılmaz.

Is this story entirely a figment of the author's imagination, or is it all or part of it taken from another source? I think this would be the first question I would ask if I had the chance to talk to the author. Some sentences in the book impressed me a lot. I remember the moment I dripped jam on the cover; I am reliving that moment. Another picture that comes to mind is the basement filled with mannequins by Master Bedii.

While I was writing these lines, another picture appeared in my head of plastic dolls that open and close their eyes, sold in Aladdin's shop.

Dark-type men who suddenly buy these plastic dolls one night...

Were these dark-type men wearing long coats and carrying a huge cigar in their mouths and a fedora on their heads, or were they unbuttoning two of the top buttons of their shirts and putting their hairy breasts in people's eyes, pressing the back of the shoes into their egg-heel pointy-toed shoes that acted as slippers, squeezing their smelly feet in one hand and waving a rosary lightly on your shoulder? Were they the men who made someone succumb to gravity?

This spirit creature that gave me talent has given me a new surprise; my dear friend "grandmother" with whom I spent my youth is back, he left this world on April 17, 1994.

I said, "Welcome, grandma!"

It was so nice to see him again after twenty years, but it was so sad that he didn't recognize me. Actually, it wasn't wrong. My thick curly brown hair, which the comb had difficulty in advancing, disappeared with a hocus-pocus. I told what happened while I was gone, sometimes I gave good news, sometimes I gave bad news, I gave news that would interest him from afar. I stated that his physics teacher, whom he resembled to a turkey (turkey), died, but there were still survivors despite the passing of time. On the same day, one year after Özal my dear friend who passed away did not wish well that day, that is the day the President passed away, but he was surprised that the shepherd of Isparta Sulo was still alive, I kept the worst news for last, as he repeatedly stated, when I told him that his favorite child - my uncle - had cancer He stayed, his thick glasses looked as if they were going to fall to the ground, it was obvious that he was sad. I tried to reassure him that the treatment was successful, the disease progressed very slowly, I didn't need to mention them as he saw his first daughter and second son "on the other side", he was already assigned to separate his second son from this world. I told him that he left this world years later.

I used to see him alone in his dark hut as usual in my dreams. After death, the soul comes to our world for a short time from the hereafter and we see our relatives who have passed away before in our sleep. In the first years when I lost my nephew, I dreamed of him. As a result of the loss of a ten-year-old child, it caused me to have post-traumatic behavioral disorder and this disorder opened the door to sleepless nights. The author, who fell into the grip of the disease called the first light of the morning, reads and writes until the first light of the morning and leaves himself tired in the warm arms of his beloved wife towards the morning. The best proof for me that the author is a picturesque writer is the first page of the book. is to read It is as if the young lawyer Galip watching his beloved childhood love is happening right next to us. Who knows, maybe I draw beautiful pictures in my novel, which tells about my grandfather, whose real name is Andre, was brought up in a Muslim family and changed his name, and tells about the innocents who were deported, the Armenians who formed a gang and started a rebellion. The important issue, of course, is relocation. This issue has been written many times in its centennial year, and both sides tried to prove its rightness. In my opinion, it is a debate without a winner, and when I decided to write the story of my grandfather, who passed away at this late hour of the night without knowing his family, I only had two pictures of him and an Arab I have a collection of information consisting of official documents written with letters. Maybe my only helper in this matter is the spiritual being. The ability to live the books I read The spiritual entity that allows me to meet with the dead, who gives me the opportunity to use my right to "change" whenever I want, if only for once in my life.

-"You can change it, just once, remember!" said the spirit entity. His face was like unused white paper like his body, he had no eyes, nose and lips, but looked human from afar.

"What is the moment you want to change in your life, Necip? "

You're in high school, do you remember your classmate who always looked down on you?

"Four-eyed Necip!" Secaeddin appeared in front of me saying, he had curly hair, big teeth,

He humiliated me by saying, "Necip was blowing in the classroom!" even though I didn't do it, I didn't know who did it, does he have to say these words in front of my first love?

"He humiliated you, he deserved it," said the spiritual being.

-"Yes she deserved it, but I didn't want it to be like this!"

"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?"

You started a fight with him, you are right in front of the chalkboard in the middle of the class, your classmates formed a circle around you, watching carefully, as it was a moment that should not be missed, somehow you stayed behind for a moment, and you threw a punch you didn't know where,(Necip has returned to the class in high school years, blackboard and Mathematics formulas written on it) even though he called you four eyes, the left glass in his wire-rimmed, thin-glass glasses broke with your fist and bled his left eye. After the fight, he went to Ankara for treatment, Secaeddin, long journeys, long expenses, despite everything, you caused vision loss in your eye, the years in front of a young person -almost -you caused him to live with one eye! 'Perhaps you would like to use this disposable right at another time,' said the spirit entity.

How would you like to use it when you live far away from the city center on the days you live in a quiet country house?

-I didn't know that he would die that night, he was cheerful all day" said Necip (he started to cry)

--"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?"

The hospital was too far from your home, you lost it on the way, maybe you could have made a change in your life, instead of living in the forest like a secluded convent nun, you could live in the city with people – close to the hospital – so that your ten-year-old nephew would not bleed to death until he arrived at the hospital," said the spiritual entity.

"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?"

The room had now turned into a room in the country house, a little girl with heavy bleeding in front of the door… Necip continued to cry.

"Will he live then?"

"It's totally up to you, at least it will still be alive when you reach it."

-Didn't you hear the doctor, he said that there is no chance of survival in sudden bleeding a week after the surgery; -even if it's three in a thousand-

"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, do you?" said the spiritual being.

You are in the exam that determines the spouse you will live with for the rest of your life, and you have the right to change it, think about the great gift I gave you! Instead of living as a miserable candidate for academics as you are now, -like Sücaeddin and your other friends- you choose a comfortable life in the exam, you choose a comfortable life, your family will be proud of you in every environment.O You can be the sole heir of the rich family.

The room had turned into a classroom, while the teachers in charge were walking around, Necip was trying to answer the Mathematics questions at the back, believing that if he came out with a question paper in front of him, Dilek was smiling next to him, the only thing he had to do was to lie to his family in order not to lose this smile. They would end it with marriage. Dileğin would keep her past a secret, and she would not tell her family about her deceased first husband, but she failed and lost, she chose Neslihan as her spouse candidate.

- "Don't decide to get married without being sure," said Dilek

-"You can change it, you don't want to suffer for the rest of your life, right? You can change the turning points in other people's lives if it will affect your life," said the spiritual entity. I suppose you don't want to go to prison for a traffic accident?"

Necip remembered his prison days, his first day was troubled, he first met Arif Baba, who was mentally unstable. He asked why he fell and how long he was going to lie down while Arif Baba was hitting the concrete pavement with his rake. he would often repeat the same question, where is your original hometown? The driver man must pay attention to four things, son, he said, one insomnia, two carelessness!

"Why didn't you pay the compensation?"

I said I didn't have money, I added that the numbered days go by quickly, he kept raising the rake often and hitting the pavement hard, he was trying to remove the short grass between the paving stones, to disperse the petrified mud puddles, when my hometown was Nizip, he suddenly shouted, Bici Bici!

Islahiye, Adana, Bici Bici! He told about his angry friend, and then he talked about his sister-in-law's brothers, who often escaped.

-"Is it befitting at this age to be here?"

sometimes when talking rationally He started to raise the sky and shout sometimes at me and sometimes at the prisoners who were walking in front of him.

If it will affect your life, you can change the turning points in other people's lives," said the spiritual entity.

Dear GOKSEN;

02/02/99

Lesson hours are so short that they end by watching you. There is no time to write to Virtual Gökşen, because the truth is sitting right in front of me.

If your silence is nothing more than a sign of comfort to a large extent, manifested as a reluctance to write, I would be extremely pleased. You are trying to teach alone in that dreary village, it touches me that there is no one by your side, do you like the gift I sent you with my letter?

I wish you to use it in good days, I hope you will remember me every time you take it in your hands.

In our last short talk (3min.52sec), the restlessness and anxiety had completely caught up with you, I remembered our conversation between classes in our freshman year, many years ago. After this conversation, did we walk together or pass each other?

I don't remember; the difference between these two possibilities shouldn't be too big. Is your house nice?

You sounded like your voice was hoarse on the phone, if you look a little bit, you won't have a thing, what wouldn't I give to be with you right now to take care of you! In this sick state, you will have to read the written papers, if you spend even a minute of your sleep on this job, I will be hurt again like the day you broke and hurt me in front of my friends .You ask about my engagement status, I got engaged twice—in fact, we can say three—I got engaged once, I was on the verge of marriage, of course, this process wore me out. The first one is all in the past, it's a pleasure to watch those letters ignite while I burn them one by one!

My last fiancee is still single, there is no possibility of marriage, he lives a detached life on behalf of his family.

Looking at this topic and other things in general, I realized that maybe men suffer more, or from another point of view, they have less power to resist on this issue. Whereas women always suffer innocently, not "out of their hands" but in the real sense, which in fact maybe this again comes out without their hands. Just like the willingness to make an effort to overthrow a single cauldron in hell; even if the first one is useless and the second one works, one will burn in the hot substance flowing out of the cauldron, but hell stays in all its glory. First of all, lie down in your warm bed and enjoy the sickness. If you ask me, it's been two weeks. I am struggling with insomnia and headache attacks, there were those who suggested that I seek expert help, but psychiatrists only prescribe drugs and when I see those who use these drugs, I feel sorry for the poor!

I wrote the poem "I wish I could say" to you on the last page, every time I read it, I think of your different side. While I was working as a teacher, I spent my nights reading poetry and novels because I had to cram into the dormitory with the students. Gökşen, Do you know the story of Dostoyevsky's first work? At that time, he was sitting with his literary friend. His friend saw a pile of manuscripts on the table for months, but he received the original text only after the novel was over. The critics who came hugged and kissed him, talked about the novel for two hours. The writer, who said that that night was the best night of his life, shed tears of happiness. Where did my insomnia take me?

I will write again tomorrow; today I am writing only for myself, to have done something for myself, just to get rid of the happiness effect of your letter, otherwise I will feel its weight on me day and night.

03/02/99

When I call you, it gives me courage to talk to me, even if it is very short, will we read these letters and show them to our grandchildren years later? I have hopes that we will get married, don't you think that the feelings that I had for you when I was in the second grade continue even on the day we started life, don't you think it's a harbinger of this? It was the first day of summer school – albeit for a day. I felt that you were interested in me, you asked how my holiday was and what I was doing, you welcomed me to come to you from the back row as an ordinary event, the next day while waiting for you in the same line, I saw you waiting at the door and smiling at me, what a beautiful day!

Consider also that maybe the best times of your life were the first days of summer school, we recorded our short conversations with you on the phone.

I listen to your voice over and over, now whenever I want to hear your voice, it's enough to press a button, long live technology!

I listened carefully to his voice, that is, the conversation we had on Sunday (5 min. 33 sec) I paid attention to the changes in the tone of voice in this conversation.

In our conversation, you said that you thought I was getting married, that's why you preferred to be more "friendly" Gökşen instead of the "distanced" Gökşen in his old school days. Even if I got married, does it make no sense for me to call you and find your school and your number? That speech that fills two minutes of the conversation – the same At the time, it had a pure and proud air – it is as if you have met steel, not your heart.

If you meet someone you know and ask him how much two and two are in a careful tone, the other person will probably think that you are out of your mind, but the same question makes sense for a child who is studying in the first grade of primary school. I couldn't find you.

You underestimate the effect of your words, darling, I love you so much, I wrote your father's name on the envelope, I don't want your friends at school to read my name, I will also pay attention to the envelopes I use, the envelope will be made of straw paper - as you wish - in the last conversation I put my letter in a thin envelope. You said that you read the sentence "I love you" without extending the envelope to you. The school principal may have wondered if a father would write a letter to his daughter containing this sentence. Of course, a father can use sentences expressing his love and longing for his daughter who works alone away from home.

Just before I woke up this morning, I had a dream that Murat had returned from Bosnia and you would meet him, you would laugh together at the memories that will remind you of that innocent love you had in high school, your years in Marmaris. You told me. (fortunately, the effect of the dream is severe in the first minutes, but then it passes quickly). Yes, I just had a bad dream. One wakes up from such a dream only when it ends, you can't get rid of it before it, it holds you tight. You came to the meeting place first, actually you didn't seem clear, I don't know why you Murat You were a bit white and ghostly next to . You opened your arms, but not to stretch, of course - it's shameful to stretch while eating cake! - you were ready to hug him, it was a ceremonial gesture, right after you came to me on the street, you looked at me with contempt. Just like you looked at it in your classroom, when you talked to Murat on the phone and said "I love you" to him, then he threw it at me. It was one of the humiliating glances.

I don't remember what we talked about in my dream, only the first sentences remained in my mind, "Did you have a lot of fun, Gökşen?"

- "It's none of your business, we'll go to the beach after the cake, in Marmaris"

Those were the first two sentences, we all (you, me and Murat) arrived at the nearby station, we were standing in front of the big train schedule, you were constantly showing me the station names, by the way, I had a chance to look at you, I looked at you in my dream as I did in school years. Actually. Your appearance didn't matter to me, you didn't look like yourself, you were much darker, your face was fuller, (you can't be so cruel with your full cheeks anyway) The fabric of your outfit was the same as the fabric of my jacket, in my dream.

We sit side by side, you push me, but not angry like in real life, but friendly (in real life, when I sat next to you in the first lesson, you would immediately change your place and leave me alone in the row) I was very unhappy, not because you pushed me, but because you and Murat will get on the Marmaris train and swim there. Then I walked away hopelessly.

When I woke up and inhaled the smell of feet mixed with a sharp smell of breath, I said to myself, thank God, it was a dream, my roommates were in the sweetest place of morning sleep, snoring a little and blowing a little, the chemistry student on the bottom bunk slept with his socks on, as always, on my pillow telling him that I had to wake him up early. He had left a note.

I remembered the short walk I took with you, it's nice to even write it, I promised to buy you a soda on the short walk I took with you, you bought plain soda and I had fruit juice, but I don't know how, we encountered a production error that was left half filled. What did your best friend Anıl drink? I don't remember. When a person is sleepless, he remembers the past more strongly than when he fell asleep. I can't bear the pain I feel when I remember the times you hurt me. Whenever I write to you, I can't sleep before and after it.

p happens. When I'm not writing, I'm just tired and slow.

I beg you for mercy, luckily there is no law forbidding me to write to you, at least for now, but I don't want to think about what I'll do if you get married one day. , trembling on the verge of exploding , i feel like i'm going out of my mind with sadness but i don't know what it is, why i'm acting this way . . . it's quiet , it's dark , I snuggle up in my top bunk bed and I can't help it. It's an explosion and it goes by, like a smoker's seizures during quitting, The forces that created this seizure of writing are constantly shaking me, before and after; my life, my existence consists of this threat, if it ends, I'm finished, this seizure is my way of participating in life, it's as natural as closing my eyes. Wasn't this threat there since the day I met you?

Will I be able to get out of this business by saying, "Here it is, I will choose a suitable wife for me from now on and I will be happy"? When you get bored slowly, you say "Yes, I will continue this disgraceful life", just like him.

If you equate what I'm doing now with what I've done before, you're right; I can always experience the same thing. The only difference is now that I've gained experience, I can't wait for the screws to be tightened enough to force confession, instead I start shouting as soon as they hit my temples. I can tell you all kinds of truths about myself in a way that I can't tell anyone else. .I live because of your gaze.

10/05/2015

I was wandering around the city this Sunday, I was so bored, I sat on the bench next to a tree, watched the people walking around, when I got bored of this job, I started writing with a pen and paper. I learned that you did not come to your family this weekend, you chose to stay in the village, your mother answered the phone and told that it is difficult for you to go on a trip every week, so you will come to Eskişehir every fortnight, in addition, she said that she will spend this weekend at home eating popcorn and watching movies with your fiancee. I don't believe what your mom said, she says she got engaged to get rid of me, a few days later I called back and asked if she was really engaged, your mom said she wasn't kidding, I didn't believe it again, I didn't want to believe it when my classmate told me that he saw you at the bus station and there was a young man in a lieutenant suit next to him tall in uniform When I saw you waiting in front of a young man, I believed that what was told was true. People sometimes want to challenge the whole world, they wish that what everyone knows right is wrong, mine was a similar mood. Your back was turned to your fiancee, you were waiting for someone, I couldn't see his face, At the beginning of your career, you were a young officer, you finally decided to marry a soldier like your father. Your engagement was short, you got married, you had a daughter, years later, you were walking hand in hand with your daughter, who was half your height, on a rainy day, you suddenly started running to avoid getting wet, so did I. I saw you running towards me for the first and last time in my life because I was coming from the opposite direction. You were running towards me holding your daughter's hand. It didn't matter to me that I got wet in this spring rain, so I was walking as slowly as possible. I had a hard time getting to know you when you came across me. I knew you worked in the east for years, but eventually the compulsory service was over and you came back to Eskişehir. Years ago, if I found enough courage to translate foreign books for the lessons you had difficulty in understanding during your school years, I would have succeeded in giving it to you. Some translations would have remained with me, and this letter will remain with me just like those article translations. I wish you happiness in your life with your wife and daughter.

who always loves you;

Necip.

-Do you remember the letters you wrote, Necip?" said the spiritual being. I have the right to change it, even if it's only for once in my life, but I don't want to use it, it would be deceiving myself, Gökşen didn't love me in real life, she won't love me anymore. I have a family to go back to the past. I don't want to be treated like a cheating gambler. The spirit entity keeps doing the same thing to me.

It tells what, if an event that will affect my life is happening in someone else's life, then I would have the right to change that person's life. Who could this person be? This is the same question that has been bothering me lately. The spirit creature introduced me to this person, but my name is Satenik KIRKIRYAN. What can I do with an Armenian woman?

I asked the spiritual being, how would a person who lived a hundred years ago have an impact on my life, he was born in Satin Halfetinin Saylakkaya –then called Cibin –village, he was a beautiful girl, married to Alpinarian from Cibin, like him, from this marriage a blue with curly blonde hair named Andre. they had a baby with eyes, they looked like a very happy family; however, Alpinarian had a relationship with Abdullah, who had given his soul to demons and evil jinn, Abdullah deceived him and entered into a relationship with his wife Satin. They entrusted them to Lebanon and set off for Lebanon, but Meryem was burning with the desire for revenge, while raising little Andre, she abused him every day after he reached puberty, little Andre could not find anyone to tell about his sexual abuse of his own mother's intercourse with him, she closed in, Mary finally did she realized the mistake, she caused a sinless baby to get depressed and have identity confusion. She explained that her real name is not Abdullah, her husband Abdullah is not her real father, she is not her own mother, and apologized to young Andre. All her youth, when they were alone with the aim of washing him, he had played with little Andre's masculinity and made him ejaculate, poor Andre boy. At an early age, his birth mother had received practical sexual education by a woman he knew, but the surprises did not end there for Andre, while little Abdullah (Andre) was drinking tea with an old friend of his father's Armenian return, in the village cafe, the old man suddenly took the floor;

"God forgive me, my son, don't be angry with me for saying this, I used to go to the village bath with your father a lot, it's up to you how much you believe what I say, my child," he said, sweat drops accumulated on his forehead, he continued,

"While your father Abdullah and I were bathing, I stopped washing for a very short time and watched him, I don't know why I did this, I don't know why I came to this age, maybe God or God ordered it so, your father's feet were looking at the basin, not me. Forgive me for telling you," he said.

This person, who came to the world as a Christian Armenian named Andre and said goodbye as a Muslim Turk named Abdullah, is your grandfather Andre, the son of SAtenik." said the spiritual entity. It is entrusted to your Turkish neighbors, I give you a chance to change this, if you use this right, Satin and ALp will agree to take Andre with them and leave the village, and without being harassed by little Andre Meryem, he will grow up without the son of Abdullah, who sold his soul to the jinn; he will live as a Christian, marry and become your father. "Of course you will be a Christian, not the Islam you are now," said the legend.

-Taurus-1914

-Alpinarian-