Chapter Eighteen

Once he was far enough away he sat down, cradling his head in his hands. Replaying that moment Doug had barreled into her. Something inside him had strained, a wall he had always taken care never to mess with before.

For a brief moment he felt like he could see on the other side of that wall, and it terrified him. The worst part wasn't that he had beaten a man unconscious who was for all intents and purposes defenseless to someone his size and with his ability.

And it wasn't that he had been willing to keep hitting the man after he went limp. It was that he had actually held back, the hatred in him had been so strong in that moment he had the desire to feel the man's throat collapse beneath his grip.

And she had seen it, she had glimpsed inside his darkness and she had flinched. But why wouldn't she, he hated that part of himself, didn't he? 

He told himself he did, that it disgusted him. But honestly when that feeling came on it was like an old friend. Like when you pull your favorite blanket fresh and warm out of the dryer and wrap it around yourself.

It had been a comfort to him in the years when he was being bullied even though he hadn't acted on it back then. Not out of fear of being hurt, no it was the fear of what he wanted to do to them.

But the knowledge that he had the ability to return the violence to his abusers had kept him from withdrawing completely, that and Danielle. He stood up and kept walking. As he did he found himself at the DART rail station.

He chuckled humorlessly, he hadn't been here since that day. It seemed like fate that this was the first time he'd been back. He sat again and wondered if not for Danielle's influence and friendship, would he have turned out like Anthony and his brother?

Just another bully who terrorized people weaker than him. Danielle's number popped up on his caller id. He answered the phone, realizing it wasn't fair to her to ignore her.

She started talking before he could say anything. "Cooper, you there?"

Nothing for several seconds. "Yeah, I'm here."

He heard the relief in her voice. "Tell me where you're at?"

"I'm at the rail station."

She didn't say anything for a moment. "What are you doing there?"

"Just thinking."

"About what?" He couldn't help his eyes getting misty when he thought about how pathetic he must seem to her.

"How much of a loser I am?"

"You're not a loser."

He looked around. "You do realize you've had to tell me that far too many times over the years for it to be a coincidence, right?"

"I'm coming to pick you up."

He shook his head, if only for his own sake. "Maybe you shouldn't."

She sounded hurt as she replied. "Why would you say that?"

"I'm not a good person Danielle, I know you think I am and you keep telling me that. But the truth is sometimes I get so angry, I feel like I'm not even human.

"And I don't do anything about it but ride around on my damn bike, trying to outrun my problems and train how to be better at being violent. When really I should probably be lying on a couch somewhere getting my head shrunk. That's not the kind of person you should be around."

"Coop, he started it, you just reacted."

"I saw how you looked at me."

There was no pause. "What?"

"After Odys pulled me off him. I saw how scared you were, I did that. I thought learning how to fight was worth it because it meant I'd always be able to keep you safe. But I made you afraid of me and—."

She blurted out. "You would never hurt me."

Just then her headlights illuminated him. She hung up the phone and put the explorer in park. She jumped out and walked up to him. He stood up as she approached. She stood in front of him, seeing how he still avoided looking right at her.

"I wasn't scared because you beat him up or that you'd hurt me too. I was scared that you might go too far and do something you'd regret. Or you'd get arrested, I was scared cause I thought I was gonna lose you again."

He didn't say anything, she motioned towards the car. "Let's go home."

He walked with her to the car and climbed in without protest. He felt like a monster, but knowing that her fear was out of concern for him caused even more guilt. He'd let her look after him if it made her feel better he told himself. He didn't say anything the whole way home.

* * *

They pulled up in front of his house around nine-thirty. He removed his seatbelt and hesitated. "Thanks." He went to open the car door and step out.

"Where do you think you're going?" She said it all sassy like.

He still wasn't in the mood for joking. "To bed?"

Danielle shook her head. "I was promised a movie."

He looked at her incredulously, how could she want to watch a movie right now. "I'm tired, I'd like to just curl up in a ball."

"That's fine, you can do that while we're watching the movie."

She looked like she wasn't gonna take no for an answer. He nodded in acquiescence, climbing out. She followed him up to the door and waited while he fished out his keys.

When they walked inside, she looked around nostalgically. "This takes me back."

"When was the last time you were over here?"

She looked at him, then away. "Oh I think I might have helped your grandma move some stuff a few times."

That wasn't a lie, more of an obfuscation. She'd helped Tonya often when she stopped by to maintain things, mostly when Christine was out of town. She thought it might sound weird if she took credit for dusting his room this whole time.

She clapped her hands. "Okay, popcorn, drinks, and some kind of chocolate." She smiled and moved towards the kitchen. He followed after her and watched as she went about scouring for the necessities for a proper movie night.

Finally she noticed him staring. "Hey buster, this is your house, come on get to finding."

"I haven't been here for years, I don't know where anything is."

They looked through the cupboards together. Coop found a couple of root beers in the pantry, and half a bag of chocolate chips for baking. There weren't any bags of popcorn, but there was a jar of kernels and the old air popper they'd used when they were kids.

They made two bowls of popcorn, one with butter and some ranch powder for him, and one with the chocolate chips melted and poured over for her.

"Isn't your mom gonna wonder where you are?"

"She's over at Paul's tonight, and she made the very proud declaration to not expect her back before the morning."

Coop chuckled, as they made their way into the living room Danielle went toward the stairs. Coop looked at the living room couch then back at her. "Where are you going?"

She was already on the second step, turning back to look at him. "To watch a movie?"

He cocked his head, pointing at the living room. She shook her head.

"You said you were about to fall asleep, I'm not trying to drag you up the stairs."

"I can just sleep on the couch?" She brushed it off.

"Nah, come on, we'll do like when we were kids."

Alarm bells went off in his head. When they were kids they would put a movie on and then she would hide under the blankets at the really scary parts.

When she got especially frightened she would hold his hand or bury her face in his shoulder. Eventually she developed more nerve. Last time he checked it was only ghost movies that wigged her out.

He reluctantly followed her up the stairs. When they got to his room he was unsure of what to do. They set their drinks down on his two bedside tables, she grabbed his controller and went about selecting one of his streaming apps.

She looked to him as she thumbed through the choices. "What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't know, a slasher movie sounds good, what about you?"

She bit her lip as she looked at one of the choices. "Oh, this one, Thirteen Ghosts."

He pictured a great big sign in his head that said 'ABORT' in huge bold letters. She selected it before taking off her jacket and throwing it over the back of his computer chair. Then she climbed on his bed. She was sitting on the covers, so at least he wouldn't have to worry about that. 

The movie was beginning and she grabbed a handful of popcorn and popped it in her mouth. When he didn't get into bed she looked at him, stopping mid chew.

She swallowed and then said. "Are you expecting an invitation?"

He shook his head, walked to the side of the bed and sat down. She had already settled into a comfortable half sitting half leaning back position. He sat upright next to her, grabbing his bowl of popcorn and snatching a few pieces.

When the first ghost came on screen she didn't grab his hand. She latched onto his arm and buried her face in his side.

Somehow she managed not to spill any popcorn. He looked down at her wide eyed, but she was still too busy not looking at the carnage on screen to notice.

Before he knew it he was leaning back against the pillows as well. She had become a permanent resident of his side now. He finally managed to relax from the drama earlier.

"Why did you pick a haunting movie when you're terrified of ghosts?"

"Your job is not to speak, your job is to shield my eyes from them when they appear on screen." Almost as soon as the words left her mouth flinched towards his arm, expecting a jump scare when none came.

He busted out laughing, she looked offended. "What's so funny?"

Through the laughter he managed to blurt out. "You're such a chicken shit!"

While laughing he shifted his body away from her. His side had become her security blanket so she latched back onto it and pulled him back down. "Where do you think you're going?"

When she did he rolled back towards her, toppling over and ending up half off her and half on top of her. Neither one of them said anything, the sounds of the movie clear in the background. Both breathing a little harder from the exertion.

Coop placed his hand on the other side of Danielle to push himself up. When he did she grabbed his arm. He stopped again, hovering above her. She shifted her body a little bit, worming her head into the pillow more.

Coop was playing every scenario in his head, all he had to go off at the moment was what he felt and saw, and knew. Right now he felt her hand fluttering on his bicep, he saw her bite her lower lip with her top row of teeth.

But at the end of the day what he knew was that she was not his girl. He was busy daydreaming while she was nervously wondering why he hadn't moved yet.

He quickly returned to his side, turning his gaze back to the screen. "Sorry." She was still looking at him, after a bit she looked back to the screen as well.

She mumbled, softly. "It's okay."

She decided to be brave for the rest of the movie, and by brave that meant she resorted to merely closing her eyes and yelping during the scary parts.

After another twenty minutes she looked over and saw that Coop had passed out. Once she noticed she ignored the film and started watching him sleep.

Noticing the way his nostrils flared and his chest rose as he breathed in and out. She reached out and brushed her fingers through his hair. When she did so he subconsciously leaned into her touch and sighed.

She smiled so wide she thought her cheeks might split open. She turned onto her side so that she could rest her head on her hand and observe him.

Eventually he shifted in his sleep. Finally finding a comfortable position he nestled into the blanket and a low rumble came from his throat, content in his new spot. She watched him a while longer before rolling onto her back and turning her attention back to the movie.

When she did so though she also scooted herself over, close enough that their clothes were brushing against each other. She thought about setting an alarm to remind her to go home, but didn't wanna risk waking Coop. She told herself five more minutes and she'd slip out to let him sleep.

She had only planned to rest her eyes for a moment, but Coop's breathing was so relaxing to her ears she ended up falling asleep as well.