1 Chapter 1

Growing up wasn't really easy,because I grew up in a home where there was no affection,growing up I knew my grandmother because mum was out there making a living for me...they separated from dad at a very age,quite alright I remember seeing dad around until months passed and I stopped seeing him...

I would see mum or spent time with her in the night mostly she would find me asleep and wake me up just to say hi....I took time to get in primary because the funds to surport my education was not enough and,Dad was not seen anywhere around.

IT was a family of 9 and only my grandfather was working to provide for the whole family..I had, boy friends and never girl friends despite that I was a really quite persons until now,I did not think talking was necessary when the voices in my head were louder than the people around me.

One night I waited so long for mum to come back because she would usually find me sleeping ...as usual she was late I thought to myself,"I should sleep, unfortunate I could not because I was beginning to wonder where she goes or if she is okay I was only 5years by then...she came back and woke me up to but I was too tired from playing so it was for a short period of time... A kiss on my forehead and I slept...as soon as, I decided to relax I heard her weeping,I tried to see what was going on but I was too tired.

The next morning I found her smiling like nothing happened last night..she knew I saw her weeping but I could not ask...I told myself to let it go.

I realize that somethings in life don't have to be taught or explained,maturity doesn't happen off age; it comes with experiences in life. so does pain which demands to be felt....

 I would mostly let go of how it felt feeling like a looser or nobody cares about what u do,I was very young all I knew was yes God exists. I didn't have my faith or courage as I do now.

 The environment,used to be a very noisy place. come to the house it was war!!every time one gets drunk its as if they would hold a grudge against each other..(A PEACEFUL HOME IS A HAPPY HOME).

No peace!!!now imagine the abusive language they would use...u would hear different types of insults slamming doors!!!,it was a war room.

We fear to ask because u will be labeled as mean,rude or u "sound crazy"towards things that are clearly seen....whats your definition of love.?,but my definition is Love is willing to sacrifice and die for u(John 3v16)tells us how Jesus died for our sins that was love..

   But do u know(1Johnv16)?...

.(1John v16)says,"This is how we know what love is:Jesus Christ laid down his life for us,and we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers....would u die for the person u love?? yep!!!!that was mum. In as much as she was not seen to warm my bath or hearing a, "good morning" she ought to put her life for me!!!.....

We feel loved and cared for when we know that our significant other is thinking about how to give us the most pleasure.....

And maybe that's why I would easily brush it off knowing she was always by my side but one should get this;"u maybe loved and not feel loved" why?its being tormented by the actions that are supposed to speak louder than the words..

So the days,weeks,and months continued and honestly the slight spark between me and her started to fed up because "feeling loved"was a once in a while thing. I started getting used to my grandmother and Aunties because I would usually see them.

In my next chapter I will talk about how families are the big impacts to our lives and how quickly it affects your mental stability.