Salad Massacre in Another World

This was a 10 minute writing challenge about a salad isekai:

I never thought it would end like this. Crushed by the weight of a giant salad toppling over my head. Goodbye. My family, friends that I never had, and, yes, even you romantic partner that doesn't exist, I'll miss you all.

…

Wait. What's this?

I thought I was dead, but it looks like I've been reincarnated into another world. It's a classic setting. Dropped off in the middle of some shady alleyway, bandits approaching me and asking for my money. One of many typical starts for an isekai hero.

"Hey kid, that shirt you have on looks pretty hot. Want to take it off?"

Perverted bandits. The worst kind of bandits. But there's no reason to panic. They'lll give me enough time to sort out my thoughts and figure out how this world works before they start charging at me. That's just how it is.

Let's see. System! Appraisal! Status!

Ok there we go. Turns out status is the magic word. It would take too much time to describe the whole status screen, but the most important thing is that it says "Salad" at the bottom of the "Skills" section. I wonder what it does.

Time to try it out.

"Salad Attack!"

"Hey boss, what is that kid doing?"

"Uh I dunno, but it's making me offended for some reason. Let's get him!"

Suddenly, a giant bowl of salad appeared in front of the bandits.

"What is this? A giant bowl of salad?"

"Boss, it looks kinda delicious, I'm going to try it."

"Be careful henchman A, it could be a trap."

As the stupid henchman ate my salad, a notification popped up in the upper right corner of my head.

"Explode the salad?"

Yes. I do indeed think that I will explode the salad.

BOOM! The dude who ate the salad has exploded into tiny meat chunks.

"Congratulations! You can now add 'Mysterious Meat' as a topping to all of your salads."

"What the hell was that! We gotta get outta here!"

The bandits are trying to escape, but nobody can escape from my salad. This feeling of slowly sprinkling the blood of my victims as seasoning for my delicious salads. Nothing can beat this. I think I'll spend my time in this new world as a… chef. Yeah, a salad massacre.