8 Ch.8: Love breathes jealousy

:: Raziel POV ::

Quinn didn't stir even after we arrived at my house. I gently picked her up and carried her inside. She mumbled something incoherent but when I whispered soothing words in her ear, Quinn quieted down and burrowed deeper into my chest.

Having her in my arms felt right. Quinn wasn't petite or short but curiously she felt fragile, easily breakable. I softly placed her on the center of the bed before covering her with thick blankets. Quin sighed, content, and I sat on the edge of the bed watching her sleep.

Seeing Quinn on my bed didn't seem odd. I could have deposited her in another bedroom but once I entered the house, I didn't want to take her anywhere other than my room. Quinn looked small, curled up like she was, her light colored hair was in perfect contrast with the dark sheets I usually favor. I lightly touched her cheeks, taking care not to disturb the cuts and bruises marring her beautiful skin.

"Who wants to hurt you, Quinn?" I whispered, gently tracing the soft line of her jaw. "What is it you're hiding from me?"

Syrath came at nearly dawn. He looked worn and tired but otherwise unharmed. He told me the ones who were following us were mostly faeries. They weren't much for physical combat but they were adept in using fae magic. This gave Syrath and the werewolves a bit of trouble.

Syrath would have gotten home sooner but like me, he thought it best to circle around the city before coming back to make sure he wasn't followed. After our short talk, he went to the usual room he occupies, to rest, and I went back to watching Quinn sleep.

Early the next day, I was in the kitchen preparing breakfast when Quinn woke up. I scanned the table making sure everything was in order. I didn't know what she liked so I cooked and prepared a variety of food she could choose from. After the incident last night, I felt like a hearty meal was in order.

I heard Quinn make her way to the bathroom but afterwards she seemed uncertain on what to do next or which way to go. I could hear her shuffling by the doorway and, curiously, didn't move away from the room.

"I'm in the kitchen!" I called out. A few seconds later, Quinn was before me, rumpled and sleepy but looking a lot better than she did last night.

"Morning," I greeted. "I'm sorry I wasn't in the room when you woke up. I thought you'd know your way around the house by now."

"Ah, it's my first time here…"

I turned in time to see her blush. But I don't understand. If I've been seeing Quinn for the past three years, then there has to be a time when she would come over and spend time with me here. Trance or no trance, my home would be the first place I'd want to take my mate to.

As if sensing my confusion Quinn awkwardly looked away and said, "You always come to find me and I always call Syrath to pick you up once you're rested." She swallowed hard, trying to level her slightly shaky tone but it still came out raspy and a bit pained. "I-I didn't want to i-invade the privacy of your h-home. I've done e-enough despicable things. I didn't want my p-presence p-polluting the sanctity of your h-house." She stuttered.

I bristled at her words. I know she didn't say anything I haven't implied or said in the fit of anger. But to actually hear Quinn say those things about herself, out loud, made my skin crawl. How could I have done it to her? I was angry and I felt betrayed but I had no right to make Quinn feel that low. It's no wonder she's prepared to bolt.

I eyed her closely as realization slowly dawned on me.

Quinn knew I'd reject her. From the moment she realized I wasn't acting consciously every time I came to seek her out, Quinn knew I'd leave her if and when I found out the truth. She knew I'd blow everything out of proportion and I'd blame her for it, even if it wasn't entirely her fault.

Quinn anticipated the anger I'd feel once I realized they were keeping the truth from me. This explains why she didn't fight back when I lashed out at her, when she didn't respond to every hurtful thing I said or done. Quinn realized I would reject her and she prepared herself for it!

My chest felt tight at the knowledge that despite knowing she'd take the blame and bear the burden of my hatred, Quinn still allowed me to stay near her. Quinn didn't stop my actions or showed any indication she regretted anything after it's all done.

Quinn took great care of me when she could have sent me away. She'd been gentle and kind. She worried and loved me despite the fear and the knowledge that in the end, given half the chance, I would abandon her.

I did exactly what she anticipated! I left her, in a fit of rage, the moment I found out the truth. I said things I did not mean and did horrible things that I now regret.

What was Quinn feeling as she held me in her arms? What was going through her head every time she kissed me? Did she feel pain each time I came to her knowing she'd eventually let me go? Did she cry alone, thinking no matter what she did or how she felt and whatever she desired had no effect on what would happen between us after I snapped out of my trance? How much pain did Quinn have to endure for my sake? How much of her soul did she have to cut in order to keep mine intact?

I gave her no choice and cruelly blamed her when all this time Quinn was selflessly doing it all for my sake! I felt anger burn inside me. But I was not angry at Quinn, I am angry at myself! How could I have been so stupid?

"Raziel?" Some of my feelings must have shown on my face because Quinn had a worried look on her face. The color that was on her cheeks just moments before have now faded. Quinn cautiously took a tentative step back and my heart instantly fell.

I don't know what she's seeing but I could guess what she's thinking. Quinn believes I don't want her here, that her presence in my home and sudden reminder of our past, angers me. How do I explain? What should I say? Where do I start?

I took a step forward and Quinn took another unconscious step back, away from me.

No! NO! This can't be happening. No, please…

I tried to reach for her but before I could, Syrath called from the other side of the room. "Quinn…"

"Syrath!" Quinn cried out and ran towards my brother, flinging her arms around his neck. Syrath laughed and wrapped his arms protectively around her. Then Quinn buried her face on the hollow of my brother's neck and cried while Syrath whispered comforting and soothing words in her ear.

I turned away from the sight of them together, wrapped in each other's embrace. I suppressed the intense need to hit or break something. I could taste flames and smoke in my mouth, my whole body was burning. It hurt, seeing them together like that. But I have no right to complain. I did it. I drove Quinn to the arms of my own brother!

:: Syrath POV ::

I saw the look on my brother's face the moment Quinn ran into my arms. I intended to give them time alone, when I heard them talking. But when I sensed Quinn's sudden withdrawal, I got out of the room and called for her.

For the past week, I formed a certain bond with Quinn that even I don't wholly understand. At first, I only wanted to help her. After everything that she's been through, I figured Quinn shouldn't be left alone. I visited her house and spent most of my time with her.

At first, Quinn was unresponsive, she just sat there quietly like the world ended. Perhaps for her, it did. Then slowly, I noticed Quinn started anticipating my visits. She was still quiet and detached, but Quinn started to respond to me. Afterwards, I strived to spend as much time with her as I could. I noticed that my presence calms her. My aura seems to comfort Quinn and I am glad for it.

For the past days, Raziel has been trying to pry information about Quinn from me but I blatantly ignored all his attempts. I was mad at my brother for what he did. Quinn didn't deserve all the animosity because at the end of the day, the reason why Quinn did what she did was to protect Raziel. And my dumb brother is too hotheaded and blind to see that.

When Raziel burst into Quinn's office last night, looking lost and worried after seeing Quinn's battered form, I felt confused. Quinn told me the mating call stopped resonating between the two of them. That the resonance, somehow, got cut off. We're still trying to figure out the reason for the sudden loss of the resonance but our best guess has to do with the fact that Raziel rejected Quinn.

And since the rejection was made, there was no reason for my brother to be at the club or anywhere near Quinn last night. But when Raziel appeared like he wanted to tear my arms off while it rested, innocently, over Quinn's shoulder, I figured there was more to Raziel's feelings than a resonance from the mating call.

I wasn't sure about Quinn's feelings because after the truth came out, time and again, I felt her stepping back and distancing herself from Raziel. I can't blame Quinn though. After all, this time, she has to protect herself.

"You're a sight for sore eyes." I whispered to Quinn, burying my face in her hair. Frankly, I was terrified for her last night. Those faeries meant to do serious harm. I don't even want to think what would have happened if Raziel and I weren't there to get her out.

Quinn cried harder and held me tighter. "I'm so glad you're safe!"

I was more than glad she's safe. But those people would come back for Quinn and they are not going to stop until they get what they came for. And from the look of things, they want Quinn's head. Why?

I gently pulled away from Quinn and looked her in the eyes. I wiped her tear stained face with my fingers and smiled. "You wouldn't get rid of me that easily, lady." I joked, lightly touching our foreheads together.

There's an undeniable connection between us. I felt it the first moment I saw her cry over my brother's unconscious form, two years ago. When Quinn shyly admitted she loved Raziel, I felt a twinge in my heart and even now, I could feel it.

Whatever it is that's going on between us, I wouldn't question it or think deeper into it, at least not yet. Quinn is vulnerable at the moment and she could break with any kind of pressure. For now, I feel like I'm all that's holding her together.

"Do you want breakfast?" Raziel said, dragging me away from my thoughts. I felt Quinn immediately tensed. I ran a soothing hand on her back and took one of her hands in mine.

I quietly led her to the table, where Raziel had a considerable amount of food prepared. I don't know what got into him but from the look of the food on the table, my brother's been awake and has been cooking for quite some time.

"Wow! This could feed an army." I said, trying to break the tension in the room. I pulled a chair for Quinn and sat myself next to her.

I could feel Raziel's varying emotions, in thick and heavy waves, from where he sat across from us. I'm surprised he hasn't hurled anything breakable on the wall or tried to set me on fire. And he hasn't stomped out of the room in rage either.

Raziel is putting up a good front but jealousy really doesn't look good on my brother. Nope, not flattering at all!

I tried not to smile as I arranged food on Quinn's plate. After spending time with her, I pretty much knew what she liked to eat and not. I gave her a reassuring glance and motioned for her to try and eat.

:: Quinn POV ::

I'm relieved that Syrath's safe and unharmed. I was worried sick about him staying behind last night and although I slept most of the night, I was haunted with dreams of him getting hurt or worse.

I don't know how I'd have survived the past few days without Syrath's help and I'm glad he decided to stay with me through it. Perhaps it was due to his knowledge of everything that happened or just because he is Syrath, but his presence brings me peace.

At first, I couldn't look at him without seeing Raziel through him. It was weird because for brothers, they don't look alike. Except for their blue eyes, tall and athletic build, the two were as different as night and day.

Raziel, with his fiery temper and personality, was like fire. A burning blue flame ready to scorch and engulf you whole. He has this way about him that makes you feel nervous and excited at the same time, like being with him is like touching something absolutely forbidden. There's a chance you'd get burned but you'd still want to hold and keep it close.

Syrath, with his stable personality, has a calming effect on people, like the clear blue skies or the ocean. He looks at you and you can get lost in his gaze without having to worry if you'd drown. He heals you. Maybe it's his innate trait but once you allow yourself to drown in him you emerge clean, almost brand new. He has a way with soothing words and he doesn't push you too far, he just allows you to flow.

I know it's wrong to depend on Syrath too much. But honestly, he didn't give me much of a choice on the matter. I'm glad he never left me when I badly needed someone to be there. Sometimes I can't help but wish Raziel would feel or act the same way towards me. But that's just wishful thinking on my part. Raziel was done with me the moment he found out the truth.

I saw the look on his face when he realized I was invading his home. I shouldn't have brought it up. I should have pretended I knew where I was and what I was doing. But Raziel looked normal, normal like when he was in one of his spells, and for a second I thought he looked almost happy to see me at his home.

I should have kept my mouth shut. Hopefully, he believed me when I said I've never been to this place before. But it doesn't matter, not really. I'll be out of here in no time and Raziel won't have to see me ever again.

After eating I volunteered to clean the kitchen. Syrath stayed with me, reading a newspaper, while Raziel excused himself and went to another part of the house.

"I have to go back to my apartment to pick up some stuff before I leave." I said, wiping my hands on a dishcloth and turning to face Syrath. My bag is ready, all I need to do is pick it up and I'm set to disappear. "My ship left this morning but I think I can easily find another to take me out of Saints' Isle before the day is out."

Syrath folded the newspaper slowly and carefully, not taking his eyes off me. His face it's usual, unreadable mask. I tried not to squirm, feeling like I've done something I shouldn't have.

"You can't be serious!" I jumped at the sudden sound of Raziel's voice. I thought Syrath and I were alone. I didn't notice Raziel standing by the doorway.

Syrath calmly stared at me and asked, "You're still thinking about leaving?"

I shrugged. At this point, my choices are limited. Leaving is the easiest way for me. It's cowardly but after what I've been through, I think I'm entitled to a little cowardice. I'm tired of fighting and being strong. I just want to run away and hide until I can fight and be strong again.

"It would be best if I do." I answered without looking at both of them.

Raziel advanced further into the room and snarled. "Best for who?"

I could feel anger surging through him from where I stood. I guess I have that effect on Raziel. All I ever do is irritate him.

I was hoping Raziel wouldn't hear about my plans to leave but now that he did I guess there's no other way around it. I can't risk anything, especially not his and Syrath's safety. It was clear from the events of last night they'd get involved whether I wanted them to or not. This is the best time for me to leave. Raziel would be fine now that the mating call has been severed. And Syrath would be alright.

"Those people won't stop. They'll keep coming after me." I'm tired of having to explain myself all the fucking time. But these two would demand the truth and the earlier we finish this conversation, the earlier I could leave. "I won't put anyone in danger by staying here. So I'm leaving."

"You can't use magic. Tell me, how are you going to defend yourself? And where will you go? Do you know someone who can help you or hide you? Enlighten me, Quinn, because you can't be that stupid to trade the safety and protection we could provide for you and run straight into danger!" Raziel snapped irritably.

"I don't need your protection! I've been alone and on the run long before I met you. I can do it again!" I snapped back. I gasped when I realized what I just confessed.

Syrath still hasn't said anything but from the look on his face I could tell he's with Raziel on this one.

I took a step back, thinking of some way to retract what I just said or to make it sound less than what it is. But Raziel was in front me, grabbing my arm, before I could even blink.

"You've been running for a while now, haven't you?" It wasn't really a question but he wanted the answer to come from me, so I nodded. I mentally sighed knowing I cannot talk my way around this. I'd have to tell them something they'd be satisfied with.

"We were chasing you all over the place. I thought you were just fond of moving or you were messing with me. But you were in danger all this time and I…" Raziel murmured incoherently. He looked dejected, almost worried. But that's impossible. Raziel told me he didn't want me. His mind couldn't have changed in the course of a few days!

"I'm sorry for dragging you into my mess. I didn't mean to." I said, remembering something I nearly forgot, something that could help me convince them to let me go. "Now you know how serious the situation is, you have to let me go. I can erase your memories of me. I can make it seem like you've never seen or known me. You can go back to how you used to, before you met me. I'd be gone and you won't even realize it. I can make you forget just promise to let me go. I should have done this long ago. It's really for the best!"

Raziel's hand tightened on my arm and I tried not to cry out. He looked like he wanted to hit me. I thought he'd let go of me but to my surprise, he pulled me closer. Raziel leaned down so our eyes were leveled with each other.

"No." Raziel sounded so calm it was almost scary. There were sparks in his eyes that weren't there before and I swear, I could almost taste flames and smoke in my mouth. "You will stay here and we will deal with the situation together. If you try to leave, I will drag you back. I would shackle you to the wall if that's what it takes to keep you safe. And if you attempt or even think of erasing my memories of you again, there'd be hell to pay. Do you understand, Quinn? Do not test me!"

Raziel let go of me and I staggered back towards the kitchen sink. Raziel turned on his heels and left the room presumably to cool his temper. Syrath looked at me sadly and stood up quietly before heading towards the front door.

"Syrath?" I called out. He looked upset and I have the sinking feeling I'm the reason for it. "I..."

"Give up on leaving, Quinn. We're in this together. I promise, we won't let anything happen to you. You have to believe us. Raziel and I, we can protect you." He said slowly. "I need to meet with Orion to see what he found out. Stay here and please, don't do anything stupid, okay?"

I nodded and gloomily watched him leave. The only friend I have, the one who'd seen me at my worst and still stood by me, is now disappointed with me. Why can't I do things right for a change? I thought leaving was the best option for everyone but they don't seem to think so. I don't even want to think of what could happen to them because of me.

I suddenly felt sick. I bent over the kitchen sink and heaved the contents of my stomach. Lately, I haven't been keeping down anything I eat. I often get sick and dizzy.

I held on to the kitchen counter until my head started to clear and slowly made my way to one of the dining chairs. I rested my head on both my arms and waited for the world to stop spinning. I felt tired, like something is sucking the life out of me. I breathed in and out deeply, warding off the nauseating feeling in my stomach.

Why won't they let me go? It's dangerous for anyone to be with me right now and no matter how strong they both are, we have no idea who we're dealing with and accidents could happen!

I thought of sneaking away while their backs were turned but, for sure, I wouldn't get far. Raziel wasn't making empty threats. If I go against him on this, I better hope he won't find me because if he does, as he said, there'd be hell to pay.

I sighed and tiredly closed my eyes. For now, I'll just do what I'm told. There's nothing left for me to do but wait anyway.