#14

"Is she going to be okay? What happened who brought her here? What happened nurse?" A familiar voice almost yells frustratedly. "Calm down ma'am she is fine just a minor panic attack..." I actually remember that part. "And the boy that brought her here left because he has something to do." Who was that? "Ohh..." My mom muttered. I sat up "Oh there she is awake." The nurse said with a fake smile probably tired of my mother's yelling and questions I mean who wouldn't be? "Are you okay? Where does it hurt? Answer me Car are you okay..." I cut her off "if you actually gave me a minute to answer yes I'm fine I'm okay nothing hurts." I said and rolled my eyes scanning my surroundings I identified the room as the school's nurse office judging by how small it is and the bed in it. "Don't get sassy with me young lady." She growled. The nurse called her to some paperwork in the principal's office.

It was the first time in months almost a year of me having a panic attack I only have Kyle and Mama now. Ryan and Lilah replaced me. My thoughts were cut off by a frantical Lilah and a squirming Gemini behind her. "Oh my god Xaé are you okay? Oh my god." Still dramatic as ever. "I'm okay Xaé it was a panic attack nothing serious." I shrugged nonchalantly. "But I thought those were over?" She asked with wide eyes. "Yeah I thought so too." We sat in awkward silence. "Does this mean you forgive me?" I ask her. She blinks looks confused for a second and scoffs. "Not a chance princess I don't think I ever will." I felt my heart break all over again at her words blunt like that? I felt my eyes glisten with tears. "No Xaé don't you dare do that. Don't even dare okay? You brought this all onto yourself." She said and once again dramatically walked away after a few tsk's.

I felt like screaming I felt like crying my lungs out I felt like dying but no I couldn't do any of that. I can't lie when my mental states takes a turn for the worse I have suicidal thoughts but that doesn't mean I'll entertain them no I have Kyle to think about. I want to be the cool sister who will buy his kids present and ship their fav toys from across the world. I want to be his best man I want him in my life and want me in his. I want Mama to be able to take my children to South Africa if they misbehave before she dies. Death is painful but also inevitable we can't avoid the topic we actually can but it'll still happen especially when people approach old age.

After mom signed whatever paperwork we went home she requested to talk with me but I gave her vague answers and she immediately knew it included Ryan whatever I was going through and she left me alone to continue her shift at work. "Hey sis open up." Kyle yelled banging my bedroom door. "It's opened." I said and it opened. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I didn't come at the infirmary we were taking a dran difficult quiz how do teachers come up with these algebra questions? It's like that genius dude came back to life." I laughed at my brother I fail to understand how his mind works like now he can talk about two different serious situations and still whine and joke in one sentence not that his jokes a re funny. "Shut up Kyle." I said with a chuckled surprisingly he shut his mouth and stood there with a pout. "You actually shut up? Wow!!" I said feigning surprise. "Hey I'm being lenient on you because you are traumatized or whatever you know nothing can shut me up." He says huffing "Debatable." He glared at me I laugh.

"How are you X?" He asks sitting next to me on the bed. "I'm good bro it was a panic attack nothing serious. I don't how many times I said that today." He laughs. "Yeah but what caused it it has been almost a year since your last one?" And that all it takes for me to sob like the wuss I am. "Lilah divorced me..." he gasps dramatically I roll my eyes "... Ryan ditched me for a new girl I think they're already dating." He Huff's and hugs me. "I always knew he was dick." I can hear the scowl in his voice. "You like him Kyle." I deadpan he shrugs. "Hey a man's allowed to change his likes and dislikes." I chuckle. "Why did Lilah leave you?" He asks. "I don't know also she says I ditched her for Ryan I can't wrap my head around that I mean I always invited her for our sleepovers hangouts and study sessions." I breath out. "Did you ever think she never wanted to be included? She wanted for you to have time for both of them? Separately? Like do a sleepover which is most like a sex session but we're not on that with Ryan and also with her on different days? Alone with her? She wanted her best friend her only bestie not her and Ryan's bestie but I doubt the latter." He said. "Stop thinking anything romantic about me and Ryan. We aren't and never will be." I said with a scowl. He shrugged. "All I'm saying is Lilah felt excluded and you eye fucking Ryan constantly infront of her didn't make it any better." I punched his arm lightly. "Violent small woman." He cried with a pout.

"So what movie do you want to watch?" He asked after barging in my room with snacks. "Ohhh Korean movies baby!" I cried excitedly. He groaned. "You only get a pass because I'm trying to make you feel better." I jumped up and down. "Childish."

"Ugly."

"Mistake"

"Adopted."

"Wuss"

"Virgin."

"As if you're not." I huffed and crossed my arms. He looked down sheepishly. I gasped. "Don't tell me who was it how was it." He shook his head in disgust "Eww no I'm not about to discuss my sex life with my older sister. I will scar your Virgin eyes for life. I will break you." He said and attempted to leave I jumped on his back from the bed. "Hey! Leave me alone bitch!" He cried. "No not until you tell me her name." He froze like went still. "Yeah about that." He said and sta down and turned to look at me with a flushed sheepish look. "It's not a she...well not exactly." My eyes went so wide they almost bulged out of my eyes.

"I'm gay Xaé."