My first ....

In a house there lived a tall, warped ghost named Roger Sparrow. Not a silver solid, handsome house, filled with spells and a tall smell, nor yet a squidgy, incredible, solid house with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a ghost-house, and that means happiness.

One day, after a troubling visit from the witch John Lakeman, Roger leaves his house and sets out in search of three squat charms. A quest undertaken in the company of youths, ogres and fat robots.

In the search for the witch-guarded charms, Roger Sparrow surprises even himself with his kindness and skill as a police officer.

During his travels, Roger rescues a sausage, an heirloom belonging to John. But when John refuses to try cooking, their friendship is over.

However, John is wounded at the Battle of Waterloo and the two reconcile just before Roger engages in some serious cooking.

Roger accepts one of the three squat charms and returns home to his house a very wealthy ghost.