1 Memories of You

"Oh my Lord, who art in heaven,

Have mercy on my soul, and hear this plea of a heart forsaken.

Oh most merciful, I pray You show no mercy.

For the betrayal of one held dearest,

Let thine wrath be fiercest.

May agony and despair be their only companion.

May eternal damnation be forever etched on their soul."

_______

For the first time, Joseph Hartwell stood smiling, staring at a pair of graves on a rainy day. 

The day of his parents' funeral.

"In the quiet embrace of God's love, we gather to remember two souls, united in life and now in eternal rest. Their every breath a hymn of piety, now they rest in His eternal sanctuary. As they walk now with the angels, let us hold dear the love they lived, a beacon of hope in our hearts forevermore."

Rows of graves stretched out as far as the eye could see, nestled between the large, rundown buildings of the downtown city. Yet, amidst this vast sea of tombstones, a notably large crowd had gathered around only two.

"The poor child's gone mad with grief," a woman glanced towards him.

"He's clearly in shock, poor thing," another guest murmured. "This is just his way of coping with the trauma."

"Heh, don't feel bad for that devil's child… just look at him grinning under his breath…"

"Martha and Robert were never the same ever since those two were born…" an uncle spat. "At least now they'll rot living alone…"

Joseph cared not for what he heard from those whispers as he calmly opened a clear umbrella, letting the downpour patter over it while thunder rumbled in the distance. His eyes remained fixed on the twin tombstones glistening amidst the gray drizzle.

He did not shed a single tear. Instead, an odd sense washed over him as he watched the mahogany caskets lower into the ground. 

Looking up and glancing around at the few guests in attendance - he saw some forbearing, some dabbing their eyes with handkerchiefs, and many glancing straight toward him with eyes like daggers. 

Devils all — their faces dark grimy silhouettes of uncouth shadows hissing in his ears like snakes. He cared not for them the same they cared not for him. Yet in this world of demons, he had his one angelic light. 

"Don't worry Nina, it's going to be okay now. I'll take care of you no matter what," He whispered, looking down at the little girl clung to his side with a gentle smile, tightening his grip around her shaking hands and pulling her in closer.

"O— Okay big brother…"

Lightning struck in the distance as the priest concluded the final blessing and the undertakers began shoveling dirt onto the caskets with methodical thuds.

One by one the guests began vacating, leaving the two siblings alone. For long, nearly everlasting minutes they stood silent looking down towards the names engraved on those rocks, before hand in hand, they took their first steps out. 

Nina sniffled, looking back one last time at the damp plots where her parents would forever rest.

"They're in a better place now," Joseph knelt down and said softly. But in his mind, his words couldn't have been more deceitful. 

'It's finally over…'

He could not help but let out a quiet chuckle. 

The streets shimmered beneath their feet as they walked home hand in hand, streetlights painting puddles with fractured gold. Their eyes traced the outlines of buildings scarred by graffiti, dark and looming with elongated shadows. Sirens pierced their ears from a distance, and the wind's whisper through shattered windows whistled melodies down their spine. 

Yet, amidst this sad yet mundane cacophony, the world around the siblings felt eerily hushed.

The peeling paint and broken shutters that edged their house were all too familiar sights.

Inside, the cramped rooms felt even smaller due to the clutter and filth. Stains splattered up the cracked, dingy off-white walls while empty beer bottles and overflowing ashtrays still crowded the small, wobbly coffee table, remnants of their father's nightly drinking binges.

Nina wrinkled her nose at the usual mess and smells, but Joseph gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and looked down towards her with a smile.

For the first time, Joseph felt the faintest sense of peace as quiet tranquillity filled their home. 

The twelve-year-old Joseph heated up chicken noodle soup for his little sister, helping her eat as she still sobbed quietly before tucking her into bed, reading her favourite storybook until she drifted to sleep.

He gazed down at her peaceful, innocent face before he left, making sure to slowly close the loud creaking door.

Finally alone, Joseph's stoic facade cracked ever so slightly.

He removed his wet, mudstained shirt and threw it in the corner of his room, revealing marks and slashes of bright red etching his flesh.

The abuse had ended, but the scars remained, scars Nina never saw. Scars that forced Joseph to grow up fast and hard. His expression turned to melancholy as he sat on his bed, head in hands, thinking back on his early childhood.

But then he looked over to the bedside table where he saw the bright yellow toolkit his father would always take to work.

"It's really over…" 

His grin once again returned as he twisted, looking up at his blackened, injured, trembling hands remembering the night prior. 

Finally, after years under their "care", he and his sister Nina could breathe free air unsoiled by the stench of liquor and cheap tobacco. 

He stared out his window at the rain turning to snow. "Things will be different now," he whispered into the darkness, grinning wide from ear to ear.

The first step was over, but this was only the beginning…

"I must take care of her… No matter what…"

______________

The days following the funeral were a whirlwind for young Joseph. Though freed from his previous shackles, new ones promptly came to take their place. 

The responsibility of self-reliance and caring for his little sister quickly set in.

He had no other relatives, at least none willing to take them in, nor did their poor country's laws prohibit them from living alone. Life had abruptly turned into a game of survival. 

Yet despite it all, Joseph prioritized Nina's needs above all else - preparing her meals, walking her to school, helping her with homework. At night, he soothed her nightmares, even sacrificing precious sleep to ensure she felt safe.

Having been forced to mature beyond his years, he managed their finances, budgeting every cent from the small inheritance while seeking work to support them. Yet no one would hire a twelve-year-old.

As bills piled up and their fridge emptied, Joseph grew desperate. He began picking up odd jobs just for scraps of cash and food. Cleaning storefronts, delivering papers— anything to provide for his precious sister.

But it wasn't enough. The electricity shut off. Debt collectors called daily. Eviction notices piled up.

Yet through it all, Nina kept smiling. She ignored her grumbling stomach and ate whatever scraps Joseph could provide without complaint. At night, she even sang softly to comfort him when she thought he was having trouble falling asleep.

_____________________

One stormy night, thunder boomed and lightning crackled as Joseph lay wide awake, staring blankly at the water-stained ceiling, book in hand pondering, when suddenly, he felt a slight nudge poking from his side. 

"I thought you were asleep… Did you have another nightmare?" He turned his head, seeing Nina's shivering figure curled beside him.

"Mhm…" She slowly nodded.

There was a long silence before she finally spoke.

 "Joey… Did Mommy and Daddy hate us? Was… Was it my fault?" she asked softly. 

…

There was another long silence as Joseph inwardly scowled under his facade of shock.

'How could such a thought be instilled in her head!?'

He had to choose his words carefully. "Yes, they did yell sometimes. But it wasn't your fault, Nina. Or mine." He struggled to find the right words to explain it to her; even he didn't fully understand why their parents were the way they were, or why they inflicted such torment upon them day after day. "They just...had a really hard life, and didn't know how to handle it."

"Is that really true?" She sniffled.

"Yes, of course it is! I'd never lie to my precious sister!" He put on a smile and ruffled her long, blonde scruffy hair. 

"B— But if that's true… Why do Uncle and Aunty hate us… They won't take us in…"

He shook his head "They're too poor. It would never work,"

"No one wants to… You work so hard to keep us safe but it's not fair… You're still small…"

"Life's not fair…" He sighed "But there's nothing we can do about it other than move forward. If there's, a problem you find a solution. Sitting and crying or complaining won't solve a single thing. That's something me and you know all too well ever since we were born no?"

"Yes…" She sniffled.

"But look at it like this!" Joseph abruptly rose laughing out of bed. "We are poor, our house is crumbling, we are orphans! Sure, but who cares? Look at us! We're happy no? Happier than any of those good-for-nothing pampered rich kids no!? As long as we have each other, we can survive anything!" 

Sombre stillness overtook the room as the two stared at each other before Nina finally stood.

"Thanks, big bro… I'm glad I have you. You're the bestest big bro in the whole world…" She squeezed him tightly, a stream of waterworks staining his shirt. 

"And you're the bestest little sis ever, Nina. I'll always take care of you, no matter what." He hugged her back, fighting the tears stinging his eyes.

*Grrrrr*

"Sorry Joey, I'm getting hungry." Nina chuckled, looking down with reddened cheeks. 

Joseph's heart sank knowing their cupboards were bare. "Sorry, we don't have any food left for tonight. But don't you worry, I'll get groceries first thing tomorrow morning!" 

She just smiled up at him sweetly. "That's okay, big bro! I don't mind. As long as I have you, I'm happy."

Nina's words hit Joseph like a punch to the gut. He squeezed her hand gently, a lump forming in his throat

"Sometimes I wish I could do more..."

"You already do so much big bro! How about I try and help you for once? Can I get a job too? One like yours Joey?" Nina asked excitedly.

"Hahaha! You're very strong you know that?" Joseph laughed and ruffled her hair once more as he watched her eyes turning to stars.

"Is that a yes!?"

"It's a no, kiddo," Joseph spoke to her dismay. "You're only eight. Just focus on school. Let your big bro handle the jobs for now. But there is one thing you can do for me."

"What's that?"

"Keep that beautiful smile of yours shining bright. And never stop singing your sweet songs. That's all I need." 

Nina beamed and threw her frail arms around Joseph in a big hug. "Okay Joey, I'll smile extra hard and sing extra loud every day, just for you!"

"Deal! Now you go to sleep! It's getting late and I don't want you to be late again for school!"

"Ah— okay—" She quickly nodded.

Only by Nina's smile and glowing spirit did Joseph find the motivation to push forward. 

"Hey… Joey… The name Joey is getting boring now… Can I call you Jojo!?"

"Please don't…"

But that was when one freezing night, returning home after yet another unsuccessful work-day, Joseph noticed a strange silence. 

No gentle singing, but instead the rattling whisper of the winter wind filled his eardrums.

Looking at the creaking door to his room, an odd sensation wrapped around Joseph's heart, one that he thought he'd never again feel. Images of shadowy, hand-like tendrils beckoned him to come closer, but at the same time screamed at him to run away.

Yet there was only one choice.

Wiping the sweat off his forehead, he walked, gradually raising his hand forward…

He took a deep breath.

As he slowly pushed the creaking door to the room wider, a thin slice of moonlight slipped through the gap, its path unconsciously traced by his shaky gaze. 

The soft glow flowed from the creaking window and cut through the darkness, casting an eerie light that finally landed on Nina's face.

His eyes grew wider, and the grip on his thumping heart tightened to the point of nearly bursting.

There she lay shivering, eyes clenched shut, tears streaming down her hollowed cheeks. Her nose ran as muffled sobs wracked her tiny, curled-up body as her thin, skeleton-like arms tightly clenched her concave stomach.

Joseph's feet were glued to the floor, barely supported by his quivering knees. Never in his most harrowing nightmares had he pictured his sister in such a state.

Innocent Nina, who somehow always found light even in their darkest days now clearly consumed by pain and anguish. Her spirit was as sunken and shaken as her sob-wracked body.

Joseph fell against the door frame, gripping his thumping chest as though all the air was sucked out his system in one fell swoop.

'No…'

How could he have failed her so completely? He was supposed to be her shield, her sanctuary. Yet, the very light he swore to protect had seemingly been snuffed out.

'No…'

How long had she been hiding all this misery from him? For his sake?

He slowly took off his jacket, draping it over Nina's trembling form

He had promised to protect her. That everything would be okay. But in the end, those were nothing but empty words. She was worse under his care than that of even his good-for-nothing parents. The mere thought made his stomach turn. 

"No… no… no… Where is her smile… Was it all for nothing… Bring it back…" Was all that consumed his mind, reeling as he stumbled away and burst out the front door into the cold blackness of the stormy dark.

That night felt like an unforgiving eternity. 

The winter wind bit through his worn t-shirt and froze him even through his wool mask as he ran through the snowy blizzard of the downtown streets. Yet his own pain barely registered.

"Bring it back…" Those words he mumbled were the only thing keeping him conscious.

His steps were far from aimless. He had a goal in mind, and that was when he saw it glistening in the darkness like a beacon.

It was a store that Joseph would always pass on his commute to work.

Looking around, he expected to see not a soul, for who would be crazy enough to walk around in the middle of a blizzard? But to his surprise, there was one; a tall figure leaning on a lamp on the other side of the street smoking a blunt.

Evidently someone crazy— he doubted they would intervene so he paid them no heed. 

He took a deep breath, tightening his mask. Without allowing himself to hesitate, he picked up a loose brick fallen from nearby construction.

Slowly, he walked up to the dark storefront and peeked through the clouded windows with eyes gawking.

His heart pounded against his ribs and sweat dripped down his neck despite the winter chill.

Gorgeous jewels glittered inside; even the cheapest item would solve all his worries.

To destroy anything that threatened to extinguish Nina's inner light—that was now his sole purpose. No matter the cost, for her sake, Joseph would obliterate all hardship from her life.