I dont want to lose

"A new world? What are you smoking and can I get some of it?". Spencer joked. Obviously not enjoying this old mans humor.

"I'm serious kid. I will introduce you to a new world.". The old man replied seriously while staring at him.

"OK ill bite. What NeW wOrlD are you talking about?". Spencer retorted with a sneering tone.

"The world of Martial Arts and MMA.". The old man replied seriously once again.

"What? come again?". Spencer bewilderingly asked back.

"Alright, ill ask you a question. What is martial arts to you?" The old man probed.

'What is martial arts to me?' Spencer repeated the inquiry in his mind. He also questioned if this old man was still all up there mentally. He knew when someone was mentally unstable due to the few outbursts of mental instability he suffered from in the past.

Taking a few seconds to organize his thoughts he eventually gave his response.

"Martial arts is an entertainment activity for those who wish to see people beat each other up for money right? I guess it is pretty entertaining to watch though Haha." he answered with a snide.

"WRONG! YOU F*CKING DOLT! ENTERTAINMENT ACTIVITY! ENTERTAINMENT ACTIVITY HE SAYS! THE F*CKING NERVES ON YOU!" The old man yelled furiously.

ignoring Spencer's confused and fearful expression which his outburst caused, the old man spent a few seconds to calm himself and continued.

"Listen kid, Martial arts is a ceremony. A ceremony you hear. Where two people go head to head with each other with their own strength to try and beat each other in a contest of strength, wit and intelligence. It is exhilarating to watch and be a part of. The violence of beating each other. The thrill of outsmarting each other. The euphoria of victory. The feeling of standing victorious over another person who has dedicated themselves to the path of martial arts and watching them on the ground while you stand in the spotlight is unforgettable. It is something that cannot be found anywhere else in this world.". The old man gaze turned impassioned and quite honestly crazed and was about to continue his sermon before he was interrupted by Spencer.

"OK, ok I understand. That was my fault. Now can you please get to the topic of why this involves me?" Spencer answered with a bitter tone.

"*cough* *cough* Alright ill spare you from the rest of the speech. Back to your question of why this involves you." The old man paused.

The old man gave Spencer a determined stare he'd only seen in anime and movies.

"I'm going to turn you into a monster." He said.

"....What?" Spencer, who at this point became so confused he thought he was hallucinating.

"Turn me into a monster? What in the flying f*ck are you talking about old man? Should I go ahead and call the psychiatric hospital to come and pick you up? Also what makes you think I want any of this?". Spencer said seriously as he peered at the old man.

"SHUT IT! IM SERIOUS!" The old man angrily yelled back.

"I will turn you into a martial arts monster. You will join matches and pummel your opponents into submission. I will turn you into a being that will be feared as a monster by fellow martial artists and hailed as the greatest and most gifted fighter that ever graced the martial arts stage in the eyes of the audience.". The old man then followed up. He stared at Spencer with an infinite amount of seriousness that sent shivers down the back of Spencer's spine.

Spencer was confused. More than confused he was scared. This old man was definitely insane. He felt a need to quickly call someone to come lock the old codger up before he was harmed. He cautiously answered back.

"Martial arts monster? Me? Do you see me you blind old fool?!!? I can barely harm a ten year old child the way I am. And you want me to go ahead and just jump straight into martial arts like some peerless prodigy?! ILL DO IT! ILL REALLY CALL THE MENTAL HOSPITAL ON YOU!!" Spencer screeched at the old man.

The old man shot a look back at Spencer which held the question of 'Are you a retard or something?'. Spencer noticing this gaze shot back again.

"What? why are you looking at me like I'm some retard?"

"Because you are.". The old man replied.

Spencer froze staring at this increasingly annoying old man was ready to lash out but he was interrupted.

"Anyway ignore all that for now. I can still see your not all mentally sound. Yesterday you were on the verge of breaking down and ending it all and now you're here, the literal next day having a sound argument and joking around with me. And I never said I was going to throw you straight into the martial art scene straight away. You're way to young and unskilled for that. You'll need to train for at least one year before your body and get into a suitable shape before even learning martial arts, but don't worry about that and leave it to me." The old man added to his previous remark.

"Oh.". Spencer mumbled.

"And don't go insulting me. I know my mental health is terrible and physical health more so. I just have a couple of questions. Firstly why me and how do you know I will want to do this? I know I'm not great hell, I'm worse than the average person in all things. I'm not overly smart, its difficult for me to learn anything at school, my physical health has always been weak. Secondly I've got quite a few other problems in my life as you may have gathered during my outburst last night, whats going to happen then?". Spencer questioned.

"For your first question, lets just say I have a gut feeling. Second question leave it to a later date and Ill sort it out, don't worry about it." The old man replied.

"Well, what about....."

Spencer then bombarded questions at the old man like a rapid fire machine gun without giving him a chance to talk. Cutting the old man off every time he tried to speak or answer a question, hoping to annoy him enough to leave him alone.

'My life has been a living hell since my childhood. I don't think Ill be able to leave my shell and enjoy it. It hurts to much. Just let me die in peace. I've done enough. I'm too tired' Suicidal thoughts continually swirled within Spencer's mind threatening to drag him down into the abyss of depression.

As time passed on the old man grew increasingly annoying and a number of veins on his temple flared up.

'THIS F*CKING KID'

"SHUT UP PUP!" The old man then lost control of his temper and bellowed. His voice echoed throughout the floor of the gym, startling Spencer so much so that he tumbled and landed on his backside.

He finally put together that Spencer was trying to put him off and leave the gym to go die.

'Like ill let you leave. I need you to become a monster. I need you to pull THAT bastard down and smash his head in. No way will I let you run away from me. I can save you and you can complete my goal. It's a win win situation. Ill give you everything and you'll complete what I want to do. Plus you're 50 years to early to try and deceive me. hehe' The old man mused.

Spencer finally noticed the old man had caught on to his trick. Before he could open his mouth though the old man beat him to it.

"YOU THINK YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND JUST DIE RIGHT??! YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOU, YOU CAN GO AHEAD AND DIE?! YOU THINK THAT BECAUSE YOUR PARENTS NO LONGER ABOUT YOU, YOU CAN GIVE IT ALL UP?!!? WRONG PUP! TOO BAD FOR NOW BECAUSE NOW I'M HERE". The old man once again cried out with a voice so loud it caused ringing noises to appear within Spencer's ears.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK WILL HAPPEN WHEN YOU DIE HUH???!!". The old man then stared and questioned Spencer. His gaze trying to bore a hole into his brain through his eyes.

Spencer, noticing this look in the old man's eyes, dropped his head and stared at the ground. He grew silent.

The old man then came in front of Spencer and crouched.

"HUH?! ANSWER ME YOU CUB!". Yelling into his ears. He continued.

Spencer didn't respond.

"AAAAANNNNSSSSWWWEEEEERRRRR MEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" The old man yelled again.

"I....do...don...dont...kn....kno...". Spencer mumbled in a weak voice while staring at the ground. His meticulously erected mental defense was on the verge of being broken, exposing his broken psyche to the world, something he dreadfully feared.

"LLLLOOOOUDDEERR!!!!!" The old man didn't relent.

"I DONT KNOW!!! OKAY!!! I DONT KNOW!!!!" Spencer raised his head starting into the whites of the eyes of the old man and bellowed in an equally loud voice towards the old man. His eyes grew dull welled up with tears. His defenses were cracking.

"I don't know what happens when I die but why would I care?!?!??! huh why would I care?!?! Ill be dead its not my problem!" Spencer then continued, yelling at the old man as the negative emotions in his heart reappeared and poured out.

Seeing that Spencer finally answered his question, even going as far as yelling at him, the old man quietened down, staring at the now crying Spencer he took a few moments gather his thoughts.

'If I want to turn this unconfident, meek and whimpering cub into a something that can be called a fighter I've got to get to the root of the issue. I need to show him that I can help him overcome himself. I need him to see the light.'

He then lowered his tone and continued his verbal assault on Spencer's mental defenses. Pressing further and further into Spencer's psyche.

"Ill tell you what happens. YOU LOSE. You lose everything. They will laugh at you. The people who attack you will laugh at you. They will laugh at you! You will become a joke to them. Your parents wont care, your siblings wont care, your teachers wont care. Maybe, just maybe they will hold a superficial ceremony and funeral for you. Mourning your loss to the public while not giving two flying f*cks once their behind their curtains. Then they will forget about you. Never caring about you again!". The old man attacked Spencer's weak point.

"Do you want to know what happens when you lose kid?" The old man inquired.

"I said do you want to know what happens when you lose?" He repeated. His voice seemed to chill the room.

"Wh...wha....what?". Spencer's meek and soft voice reached the old mans ears. He sounded so delicate. So soft. He sounded as if one more second would completely destroy him forever.

"They win". The old man replied.

'They win?' Spencer repeated.

"They win. They win over you. They existences show you're a loser. Its plain and simple. You lose. They win. After you die they wash their hands and forget you. I WILL REPEAT MYSELF, THEY WIN". The old man followed up screaming at Spencer.

'They win. Those bastards win. The bullies who attacked me win. The classmates who watched me win. The teachers who did nothing win. My parents who ignored me win. Everyone wins but me. I...I.....I...lose. I lose everything.' Spencer thought to himself. A spark was ignited within him, he slowly seemed to have found the light. It was faint but it was there. Calling out. Calling out to him. The cage he erected around himself was cracking more and more and the more of the light was seeping in.

The old mans voice brought him out of his thoughts.

"Now kid, I'm going to ask you a serious question. Do you want to lose?".

'Do i want to lose?'. Those words echoed throughout his mind. Repeating endlessly. They were like drills drilling into his brain to find the answer. Spencer's eyes grew brighter and brighter by each passing second. He asked himself.

'Do I want to lose?'

He asked himself again. The spark grew within him grew brighter.

'Do I want to lose?'

Again. The spark grew within him grew brighter again.

'Do I want to lose?'

Again. The spark grew within him grew brighter again.

'Do I want to lose?'

And he reached his answer. He didn't want to die. He just wanted to be like a normal child. He wanted friends to laugh with. He wanted a girl he could share his love with. He wanted parents that could be proud of him. He wanted it. As these thoughts came to a stop in his mind.

Bang. The dull grey cage that surrounded him shattered. The spark within him grew into a raging inferno. The light flowed unendingly from the outside trying to purify him. His eyes grew bright once again like in his childhood. The fire within him raged and grew hotter and hotter. He wanted to let the world know. To know his answer. To show that he was not going to accept losing.

So he did.

He screamed out to the world. To the old man in front of him. He screamed out for himself.

"I DON'T WANT TO LOSE!".