1 Mistakes We Made

It wasn't Snoke.

It was the first time Rey had really let herself think about those last moments on Crait, when she'd slammed the control panel for the Falcon's entry ramp, forcibly cutting off her view of Ben. She had known he wasn't really there kneeling in front of her. Whenever their bond connected them, she could see and feel her surroundings, but everything became laser focused on him. She shouldn't have been able to see him like that, not with Snoke dead. She shouldn't have been able to see the utter betrayal, longing, and grief on his face as he looked up at her…

She tried to block her thoughts like she'd done ever since the Falcon broke atmosphere on that day, carrying the pittance of the Resistance that was left. She listened to the roaring of the waterfall just yards away from the tree she had taken respite under outside of Theed Palace. Being in the Mid Rim, and apparently the home planet of General Leia's birth mother, Naboo was the closest place that Leia had thought the Resistance might find shelter and aide.

Rey had thought Takodana and Ahch-to were probably the most beautiful places she would ever see. She had been wrong. The sheer splendor of the Naboo capital was something Rey never could have imagined, and was utterly overwhelmed by. The Queen had welcomed them into the palace willingly (and secretly, of course), and the General had been in negotiations every day since. Rey busied herself helping Chewie make repairs to the Falcon and getting to know Rose and Poe, who were never too far away from Finn.

Finn. It was so good to be with him again. Seeing him on Crait, healthy and whole, embracing him just like when he came for her on Starkiller Base, felt like being reunited with family, and she knew he felt the same way about her. They both grew up with no one, after all. She counted it as a miracle that they had found each other.

Sometimes though, when she watched Rose take Finn's hand, or Finn brush an unruly strand of hair out of Rose's face, she couldn't ignore the aching pang of emptiness that seemed to be ever present since…since…It was at those moments when she found the most comfort in Poe.

She and Poe had immediately bonded over their shared adoration for BB-8, but she had a feeling that Poe immediately bonded with almost everyone he met. His easy smile and sense of humor could put almost anyone at ease, and he'd regale her with stories and jokes until she was laughing so hard that the emptiness she felt almost went away. Almost.

After a lifetime of solitude, Rey thought she would never get tired of being surrounded by people. Not just people, but friends. It was still something of a novel concept to her. Then, today, it all just became…too much. Rey could no longer pretend everything was all right, could no longer pretend that she was all right. She made her way out of the palace, following the roaring of one of the many waterfalls on the side of the cliff until she found this tree.

She didn't know what kind of tree it was, but the branches seemed to drape towards the ground, their tiny little leaves creating a miniature cave of foliage. She parted the branches, and once their delicate curtain had closed behind her, she lowered herself onto the ground, closed her eyes, listened to the white noise of water crashing down hundreds of feet, and just let herself think.

She was such a fool.

Rey should have listened to Master Luke. How could she have just gone to Ben without any sort of plan? All because of a vision she had seen when their fingers somehow managed to touch across the galaxy. She had felt them, warm, and calloused against her own, and then suddenly she was standing beside him. Fighting beside him. Being in complete and total balance with him.

It had all been a cruel joke of the Force. She had felt all those things, fighting beside him in that throne room. Her heart had swelled with hope as she grasped her lightsaber after the fatal blow, his eyes searing into hers, seeming to say that he did all this for her.

After the battle, when he rose to his feet and threw down the guard's weapon, she knew he would come to her. It was inevitable. Like two magnets of opposite polarity. The intensity of it scared her and she wasn't ready for it. Then she remembered…the Resistance, Finn, and she turned from him.

When he didn't respond to her pleas to stop the attack, she turned and saw him walking, as if in a trance, towards Snoke's throne. It was then that she knew that she had lost him in that moment to the power of the Dark Side. And she knew, on some level, that it was at least partially her fault. If only she had let him come to her before she turned away, then maybe...

She was so lost in her regrets that when she opened her eyes, she jolted because Ben was right above her, looking down just like he had on the Supremacy. As she scrambled to her feet, she wondered briefly that if they were able to touch through this bond...could he kill her through the bond as well?

Then she took in his appearance, and her fear faded. Yes, he was angry. Everything from his clenched fists to the grinding of his jaw conveyed that, but his eyes...She couldn't help the tear that trailed down her cheek as she saw the deep hurt in their sorrell depths.

"You tried to kill me," his baritone voice shook with betrayal.

"No, I didn't. I was trying to escape you."

It was true. If she had wanted to kill him, she had ample opportunity to do so after she woke up from the force blast that was her lightsaber splitting in two. She had looked down at his unconscious, too vulnerable form and knew that the safest thing for the galaxy was to kill him, but she couldn't. Instead, she had brushed his sweat-damp hair from his forehead, clipped his lightsaber to his belt, collected her lightsaber pieces, and left to help her friends.

Doubt flashed through his eyes, and that stung, but she held her head up high and hoped that it conveyed her sincerity. Some of the tension in his body uncoiled, and his fists finally relaxed, his long fingers, surprisingly not in their gloves, extended. He let out a small exhale and closed his eyes to process the information. She wanted to go to him, hold him in her arms and tell him that she cared, but she couldn't. He was now the Supreme Leader, head of an order that was trying to destroy almost everything she loved, but as she watched him process the news that she didn't want him dead, it became one of the hardest things she'd ever done to just stand her ground.

When he opened his eyes again, she saw the same emotional exhaustion that she felt in her chest. "Why did you leave?"

"You know why."

"The Resistance," he spat it like it was a bad word, and the anger coiled back into his body.

"Yes."

"Can't you see how pointless the Resistance is? Supporting a government that's failed not once, but twice?" he inquired vehemently.

"It's not about the politics, Ben. It's about the people."

He sneered, "The traitor." She could hear the jealousy in his voice.

"Yes, Finn. He was my first friend. The very first person to give a damn about me that I can remember. He's now the closest thing I have to a family. And there's your mother," he flinched, "but it's not just about them. I could never join a group that killed billions of people to get what it wanted. Not even-" she swallowed the words before she would regret them, hoping he wouldn't notice. He did. He always knew when she was holding back.

His gaze darkened, and his large stature loomed over her as he stepped into her space, "Not even what?"

She swallowed and couldn't bring herself to raise her gaze to his eyes. His proximity did strange things to her that she hadn't experienced before. It was as if her entire body was electrified, tingling with the intensity of what she knew now was attraction. It was somehow terrifying and exhilarating.

The touch on her chin caused her to let out an involuntary gasp as he raised her face to meet his eyes. She saw the same wonder reflected back at her that this was even possible. They shouldn't be able to touch like this, but they were, and it sent intense sparks from where his fingers touched her skin all the way down to her toes. Rey didn't have to question if he felt it, too. She knew he did.

Ben's gaze quickly turned from wonder into, dare she say it, desire as he leaned in close enough that she could feel his breath as he said, "Say it."

Instinctually, she wrapped her hands into the quilted fabric of his tunic and drew him just a tiny bit closer, never breaking eye contact as she said, "Not even if it meant being with you."

He engulfed her, lips crashing into hers. She had a brief moment to wonder how they had come to this place, where they were enemies in everything but this. Then she was consumed.

Ben's kiss was just like the man himself: passionate, domineering, possessive, and all-encompassing. His tongue demanded entrance into her mouth, and she gave it to him. He tasted surprisingly sweet as he flicked her tongue with his own, and suddenly she needed him closer. She slid her hands up his chest and wrapped them into his thick hair, so soft against her fingers, simultaneously pulling him down to her while his arms wrapped tightly around her waist, bending her back.

It wasn't until her back was against the trunk of the tree and one of his hands slid up the back of her shirt while the other lifted her leg to wrap around around his waist as he pressed his desire against her, she knew things were completely out of her control. She didn't like being out of control. So she took authority the only way she could think of in the moment. She sucked his bottom lip between her teeth and bit down. Hard.

Not hard enough to draw blood, or she would have tasted it, but it was enough for him to pull back. Their eyes locked, and she saw his blown pupils and his hair turned even more wild by her grasping hands. He was panting just as hard as she was, and she knew then that he would do anything she asked in that moment if it meant he could touch her again. It was a heady thing, to feel so incredibly wanted, and she rocked her hips against him and decided that she really liked the feeling of friction that caused, so she did it again.

He actually growled as he lowered his head down to her neck. Rey angled her head to the side as he started trailing wet, sucking kisses along her throat until he reached the apex of her neck and shoulder. She gasped as he returned the favor, teeth pressing hard against the the skin there, and it felt good.

Placing her hands on his shoulders, she pushed him around until he was the one with his back to the tree. Rey thought briefly that it was interesting he seemed to be able to feel the tree, even if he couldn't see it, before she latched her mouth to his jaw. Tentatively, she reached down and rubbed the length of him through his pants.

His involuntary buck encouraged her to caress a little harder and she ever so gently nibbled on his ear before surprising herself by whispering, "Take off your clothes."

She stepped away and he was only too happy to comply. It would register later how ridiculous it was that every article he removed simply vanished as he let it go, but she was too lost in her lust to take note of it now. Then he was standing naked in front of her.

As she reached for her belt, she suddenly felt nervous again. Was she really going to do this? Rey had never done anything like this before. There had been a few trader boys that managed to steal a kiss from her over the years as they stopped for supplies, but never anything more than that. The current situation was so surreal, Ben was who-knows-where and right here, and also very very naked.

She distracted herself from her anxiety by taking him in as she undressed. Her eyes trailed along the scar she gave him, the ruggedness of it marring his sensitive face just enough to make it look sexy. Rey saw the blaster bolt scar on his abdomen and felt a little surprised that he had chosen to keep that one. Finally, she took in all of him as she finished disrobing. When her eyes met his again, she was surprised to see an embarrassed flush, and she couldn't help the wave of tenderness that overcame her at the thought that maybe he was just as inexperienced in all this as she was. His eyes scanned along her body, and she'd swear that he got even more erect at the sight of her, if that was even possible, so she went to him.

They both let out a collective sigh at the feeling of skin on skin, and they spent the next few moments just running their hands along the other. She traced the the scars that had fascinated her as she undressed, and skimmed her hands along the ridges of his abdomen. He trailed his hands up her stomach to circle her breasts, then smoothed them around to her back and down to cup her ass, pulling her closer.

He groaned as he felt the wetness of her arousal when it brushed against his thigh, and she gasped at the feel of his velvety hard cock against her stomach. His head lowered, and she almost complained at the distance it put between them until his tongue flicked her nipple before he took it into his mouth and rolled, and then it was her turn to moan. He did that for a moment longer before switching his attention to the other breast, and then she was suddenly overtaken by the inexplicable desire to taste him.

Gently, she put a hand on his chest and pushed him back against the tree. He reached for her, but she shook her head and he stopped. She knelt down before him, but there was nothing submissive in the gesture. In fact, she felt incredibly powerful. Rey had the Supreme Leader quivering with desire merely from the stroke of her hand.

Rey decided that she really liked the hiss of his breath and the way his abdomen tensed when she replaced her hand with her tongue and traced the length of his shaft from base to tip. She liked it even more when he cursed as she met his lidded gaze and put him into her mouth. He tasted different than she had expected, less strong and just a little salty, and as she swirled her tongue around the peak, she tasted a little bitterness as a bead of moisture leaked from his tip.

His eyes were molten as he reached behind her head to thread his fingers through her hair, and while that felt nice, she could feel that he was trying to take control of the situation again. She used the hand that wasn't wrapped around his base to swat his hands away because no, she was in charge here. His hands flew back and nearly clawed the trunk of the tree, and his head flew back with a loud moan of complete surrender.

She took him deeper into her mouth and started a slow rhythm and let out a contented humm when she swore that she could feel him expand even further in her mouth, but that seemed to be a breaking point for him. Ben put his hands on her shoulders and gently, but firmly, pushed her to an arms length away, which for him was a fairly significant distance.

Ben took a few deep breaths to steady himself, and Rey huffed in frustration as she reached for him again. His grip tightening on her shoulders stopped her just long enough for him to say breathlessly, "Rey...if you don't want this to end right now...please…"

"And if I do?" she said as she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. His eyebrows flashed in brief surprise, almost as if he liked watching her do that.

He lowered himself down onto his knees in front of her and pulled her in to kiss her again. The kiss was just as passionate as the first, but less desperate. One of his hands gently tugged the band out of her hair, and she sighed into his mouth as his fingers massaged her scalp. His other hand smoothed down her body until it slid between her legs and rubbed a slow circle over what she found to be a deliciously sensitive spot.

"Maybe just a little longer," she gasped against his mouth, and she could swear she felt him smirk as he lowered her into the grass. His fingers continued their slow circles and Rey closed her eyes and decided to just enjoy the feeling of his lips and hands on her.

"I've been…"he placed a light nip on her earlobe, "wanting to…" he trailed kisses along her collarbone and down between her breasts, "taste you…" his tongue dipped into her belly button, "ever since I saw you on Takodana."

Her eyes flew open when she felt him spread her legs apart. He hooked one of her knees over his shoulder, and used his other arm to grab her hip and pull her opening closer to him. She met his eyes right as his mouth latched onto her and that felt better than she could have imagined.

She had to stifle a loud moan with her fist as his tongue lapped between her folds. Soon, his tongue was replaced with a finger while his mouth went back to tantalizing her clit. The sensation started to create a wonderfully torturous tension to build and her hand reached down to tear at the grass, but she found the hand that Ben wasn't using to drive her wild was braced there instead.

A second finger entered her and she gasped because the stretching sensation was a little painful. His hand turned underneath hers and slid along until his fingers were threaded through her own. The rhythm he set with his hand soon had her toes curling and back arching as she pressed herself closer to the ministrations of his mouth and fingers. Then, his fingers curved inside her and he hit this spot and the tension that had coiled up burst in a sudden rush that sent fire all through her body and her grip on his hand tightened as she cried out her release.

His mouth found hers, and while she could taste herself on his lips, the kiss was slow, surprisingly gentle, and almost...no...she wasn't ready to admit that yet. When the kiss ended, Ben brushed her hair out of her face. She met his searching gaze with her own. Rey didn't know what he was looking for, but he seemed to find it. Smoothing a gentle caress along her cheek he said, "I've never wanted anyone like this before you. I don't think I've ever wanted anything as much as I want you, Rey." She could feel his tip as it lined up with her entrance.

"Except power."

The words are out of her mouth before she realized it and their painful truth rang clear through the air between them. She watched as he froze and the words registered. When the hurt and shame flashed through his eyes, he started to pull away, but she wrapped her legs around his hips and clasped his face between her palms, refusing to let him tear his gaze away from hers, "No. I want this. I want you," she lifted herself just enough to place a gentle kiss to his lips, "Please don't leave me again."

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against her own. She didn't know what he was feeling, but she gently caressed his cheeks with her thumbs. When he opened them again, his gaze was beseeching, asking for her consent. She gave a small nod granting it, and then he was inside her.

She couldn't help the cry of pain as he thrust into her, and he immediately stopped. His large hands brushed her forehead as she clamped her eyes closed against the burn of her body stretching to fit him. His lips grazed hers in a kiss.

"I'm sorry," he ever so gently pulled out and then eased himself back in. His kisses moved to her cheek, her closed eyes, and her forehead, each with their own "I'm sorry" as he slowly got her body used to him with each thrust getting just a little deeper. After his careful ministrations, the burn had faded to a mere twinge and she started to feel the pleasure of him filling her with each thrust eliciting a small gasp from her lips.

Experimentally, she tried meeting his next thrust with one of her own and it felt incredible. It obviously felt good to him too because he moaned her name. His head buried into her shoulder and his pace increased, which she matched.

That tension started to build in her core again, and she wrapped her legs tighter around his hips, allowing him to go deeper. She revelled in their symbiotic rhythm and ran her hands down his back. The raking of her nails sent him over, and he cried out. The feel of him pulsing inside her sent her spiraling, except this time when she did it was so much more. She felt completely in tune to everything around her, that euphoric balance. The ecstacy became too much, and she unwound with his name on her lips.

Afterwards, they entwined themselves around each other. His arms embraced her and she had her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as she traced small circles on his stomach, their legs were still entangled. Neither of them knew how long this would last. It had already been the longest their bond had connected them, and Rey could feel it slowly slipping away. He must have too because he placed a kiss to the top of her head and his arms squeezed her ever so gently as he said, "I made a mistake, not choosing you."

She used his chest for leverage as she raised up to lean over him. She kissed him, and it was sweet and gentle and everything they both needed it to be. When she broke the kiss, she caressed his cheek fondly.

"Mistakes can be fixed."

Then he was gone.