Pirates and A Delicate Flower

"So... what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Unsurprisingly, Russell's attempt at conversation didn't go over too well. In fact this whole day had not been going well.

And it all started with the fact that he'd crawled out of his small teepee to be confronted and captured by a group of scar-faced, uncompromising pirates.

"Look ye what we 'ave 'ere boys!"

.....

Dialling 999, sir what seems to be the problem?

I'm being attacked by pirates, gruff, mean looking pirates lead by a flat-chested waifu with a cute anime style voice!

The number you have dialled is unavailable, please try again after the beep...

Beep!

.....

"What shall we do with him, Captain!" One of the burly specimens of what happens when one visits the gym way too frequently asked the woman, gruffly.

"Let's make 'im walk the plank!" A wall-eyed gorilla grinned, revealing many yellow teeth behind his thick lips.

The other pirates all turned to glare at him, but didn't bother to point out that the plank sank along with the ship and all their ill gotten booty. As one, they turned back to look at the weak, blond haired man still on all fours at their feet. Aka, Russell.

"Ain't we a little short 'anded now?" The woman Captain pointed out. "We'll take 'im with us. We need a good dog."

"Woof..."

The System cum Seagull flapped about in panic as it's 'King' was tied up with vines and dragged away. It squawked, apparently losing the ability of speech in its panic. Suddenly, there was the sound of gunfire.

The Captain and most of her men covered their ears belatedly before turning around angrily in the direction of the 'Gorilla'. Sure enough, the ape-man was standing with a smoking pistol in his thick fist, chuckling; "hur, hur, hur!"

"Idiot!" The Captain screeched at him, her octaves reaching the kind of notes opera singers liked to show off with by breaking glasses with voice alone. "What was that for!?"

"It fort it looked tasty!" The man licked his lips and continued to chuckle.

"If it looked tasty then it's fine to kill it," the Captain said, redrawing her sword as she said so, "but at least do so over land! How are you going to eat it if it's sunk into the ocean, you dumb ass!"

Sure enough, there were just a few white feathers bopping up and down on the ocean waves below where the seagull was last seen.

"Oh..." The man scratched his head with the end of the pistol. Russell couldn't help look away, not wanting to witness the possibility of the gorilla blowing his own brains out due to his stupidity. If he had any brains to begin with.

As it happened, one of the man's crew mates clearly thought the same and confiscated the pistol.

The System lost, Russell could only hopelessly allow the pirates to drag him to the second island where a few of their surviving crew mates were. Sure enough, they'd found the second village and were making use of it. Or rather, they were rebuilding it. Russell was unceremoniously tossed into one of the mud huts, a door made of bark closed, loosely covering its entrance. It did not fit well, so Russell could easily see a large pirate guarding the door, basically preventing his escape. His escape and that of the other occupant; a pretty, fragile flower of a young woman with a rounded face of milk-soft skin and large, terrified eyes. Her body was shaped like an hourglass and every-time she inhaled upon a sob, her generous bosom expanding, stretching the fabric of her frayed blue cotton dress. She truly invoked protective feelings to rise up within a man (along with other things).

Russell couldn't help but gulp several times before finding his tongue. It was in his mouth.

"So... what's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?"

The girl looked at him and sniffled. Russell couldn't help but stare at her until the pale green object dangling at her nose disappeared, returning to whence it came from. He blinked hard trying to erase that image from his memory, unfortunately, once the image of a flower has been tainted in the mind, it is really difficult to see it in all its original glory again. For example, take the chrysanthemum...

She took a handkerchief from the long sleeve of her dress and dabbed her eyes in a genteel manner. "Those black-hearted pirates, is it not enough to torment me with their insinuations and lusting eyes, they lock me in this mud hut with an idiot! Oh woe is me!"

"Oi!" Said idiot couldn't help but protest, but the girl did not seem to hear him, continuing on with her melodramatic speech.

"Am I being punished due to sins I committed in a previous life?" She glanced towards the heavens or rather, the rotten, straw roof. "Firstly to lose one's mother at a tender age, then to suffer the machinations of my stepmother, who coveted the dowry left to me by my mother. Her pillow whispers twisted my kind father's mind until he saw me an eyesore and sent me away. But she could not let me live and sent mercenaries after me, who sold me to flesh traders. It was only with quick wit that I escaped! But the ship that I hid upon set sail, their destination the Empire, for their's was a vessel carrying tribute. The lowly me was caught and thought to be a spy or thief, I was to be tossed overboard for my crimes, only the ship was attacked by pirates!

"The pirates wanted the tribute, but they had been led astray; the ship was a decoy! In their anger, they killed many and captured those unable to resist wanting to sell them as slaves! Instead, on route to an underground auction, we were hit by a ferocious storm! The heavens saw no difference between pirate and the innocent, many drowned as the ship sank. But that was not my fate! Instead, I lived, to travel the cold night, damp and miserable on a small rowboat with the surviving pirates until we came across this island that could only be considered as deserted. They locked me up inside this filthy place, with no food and no blanket to stave off the cold. It seems my life will soon come to an end... I only wish I could have sought revenge upon my stepmother before I die..."

She glanced through her long lashes at the man in a provocative manner, but that man's eyes were slightly dazed as he stared towards nothing in particular. She coughed to clear her throat, then coughed again.

Finally, Russell's attention was caught. "If you are sick," he began and she battered her lashes at him, the calculating look in her eyes not visible in the dim light inside the hut, "stand over in that corner, I don't want to get it."

"Bastard!" Her voice became ugly and uncouth as did her previously pretty face. "You're so mean! Can't you at least sympathise or something?! This delicate flower is lowering herself to speak with you!"

"And? What am I supposed to sympathise with?"

"My backstory, of course!" She retorted, patting her ample bosom until it jiggled. Russell was mesmerised for a brief moment before he snapped out of it in the next.

"What backstory?"

Her expression became even more twisted and she grabbed the collar of his linen top. She was much stronger than she looked, lifting him a little from where he sat. "You weren't listening?"

"You called me an idiot," he pouted, admitting he'd been sulking deeply after the small insult, but not admitting that he was trying to think up a witty retort for the entire time she'd been prattling on about... whatever it was!

The girl released his collar and he unceremoniously fell to the ground. "I'm doomed!" She began to wail again and Russell's couldn't help but look away, feeling slightly awkward.

"Y-you know," Russell began, the helpful tone of his voice giving the girl a tiny amount of hope. "You should... um... well the bogie dangling from your nose is really gross, could you at least clean it away?"

Russell's face met with a fist.