He F*cked Up

(Kairo's POV)

I got chills as I recalled what I thought.

'Nothing could go wrong'

That's a flag...

SH*T!

'Goddammit, now I gotta prepare for a disaster...'

I got off my bed and walked towards the village, planning to notify Garp of some stuff.

I arrived at the village and told him, "Garp-san, I raised a flag, so there will be a disaster coming soon."

Garp looked clueless and asked me, "What the hell is a flag?"

"Nothing you need to know, just know that a disaster will be coming to Foosha Village."

"Then prevent it, you stupid bastard!"

"The problem is, I don't know what the disaster is."

Garp gave up trying to tell me to resolve the disaster ahead of time and instead told me to prepare for it.

"Goddammit..."

I muttered out loud, and I decided to leave Foosha Village for a while.

I flew out of Foosha Village and landed near the Capital City.

I thought, 'Why not visit the Capital City?'

Then I flew over the walls and landed in an alleyway.

'Now... I'll have fun!'

I decided to have fun, as I should, on my vacation.

I visited different restaurants and stores, trying to find some souvenirs.

Eventually, the day turned into night, and I was preparing to fly back home to Foosha Village.

Then, on a mystical twist of fate, I somehow arrived at a brothel when I kept on walking for a little bit more.

I just realized something.

Rocks D. Kairo has been a virgin for 5 lives.

Rocks D. Kairo has 'lived' for more than a millennia and he's still a virgin.

'Pathetic, Rocks D. Kairo! How the hell are you still a virgin after 5 lives???'

This time, I was determined to lose my virginity.

I walked into the brothel with a brave face and booked a room.

I waited in the room for a few minutes before an 'attendant' came to me.

It was a wild night.

It was there, the 5-Lives-Virgin, lost his virginity.

...

I woke up and left the brothel as fast as I could.

I was excited due to me losing my virginity after 5 lives.

I was excited at that fact, but I calmed myself and flew back to Foosha Village to the Disaster House.

I laid down on the Disaster House and started preparing for any type of disaster that would happen.

Ironically, the thing that I wasn't prepared for is the thing that I feared the most, hidden in the back of my mind.

2 weeks passed just like that.

There were no disasters happening to Foosha Village, so I went to the Capital City and checked any places that I visited.

Eventually, I landed at the brothel.

There, I found my attendant, who was a beautiful woman.

There were signs of another life in her belly, it felt eerily familiar to me.

At that moment, I knew, I f*cked up.

I have impregnated someone.

'F*CK!!!! DO I PULL A DRAGON/GING?'

A/N: Dragon and Ging both abandoned their son.

I was debating if I wanted to pull a Dragon/Ging, or do I raise him like a normal dad.

'Nope. Not possible. The kid will be hunted down just because he's my kid.'

I wanted to abandon the kid, but I had to take responsibility and at least be there for his birth.

I approached my attendant and she remembered me because of our wild night, and I asked her,

"Would you like to come to my house? I'll provide food, shelter, and anything needed for you and the baby."

She accepted, knowing that she was already pregnant and life in a brothel wouldn't be healthy for a baby.

'It seems like she actually cares about the baby, but goddamn, knowing my luck, she's gonna die during childbirth.'

We walked back to the Disaster House, and I helped her get anything she needed.

A year passed just like that.

Garp was going to bother me, but he sensed that there were 3 life signs, and he realized that I impregnated someone, causing him to make fun of me for weeks.

I also notified Dragon, and the look on his face when I said I got someone pregnant was priceless.

Garp helped me find a doctor to help the attendant, whose name I learned was Arietta, give birth.

Eventually, a year passed, and Arietta's due date was here.

I let the doctor in Foosha Village do his job, while I, Dragon, and Garp waited outside.

"Man...why did I have to get someone pregnant?"

"Your lust."

"Your stupidity. Bwahahahah!"

I sighed after not getting a decent answer and decided to just give up on this.

After 8 hours, the doctor finally came out.

"I'm sorry, your wife has passed during childbirth."

He said with a sullen face, but I kept my face emotionless and asked him, "The baby?"

"He's fine. He's just resting for now."

"Alright Dragon. I'm gonna pull a Kairo."

"???"

"Garp-san. Please take care of my baby. I'll do you any favor you need."

"Bwahahahah! Secure me a lifetime supply of rice crackers!"

"Easily done."

I left my baby, who I've named Laiser, (I named him after Raiser. That bastard helped me awaken Conqueror's Haki and my devil fruit) with Garp.

'I'll pull a Kairo and visit him once in a while like a distant uncle.'

"Kairo, is it really alright to leave your baby with my father?"

"Dragon, at least I'm not pulling a Dragon and abandoned my baby."

"??"

Dragon looked weirded out, so I brushed it off and looked at my baby for a while.

"You know what? I'll take care of him until my vacation ends."

I snatched the baby and I walked towards the House of Disaster, but not before picking up baby supplies.

I regretted my decision for months.

Little Laiser crapped and peed himself everywhere in the house, then he cries whenever he doesn't get what he wants.

I ended up using my power, one of the most powerful devil fruits in existence, to become a clown.

I moved things around and entertained him with my power, turning me into something a little more than a circus performer.

One day, I left the house to get some food, and a wolf foolishly invaded my house.

Laiser slapped that little bastard to death.

'Ah sh*t. This is a Big Mom flashback...'

Well, he inherited my genes for sure.

I decided to take a huge gamble and put him under x2 gravity.

It seemed like he could crawl around like normal.

'I hope this doesn't stunt his growth or something'.

Then, my vacation, unfortunately, ended.

I left my baby with Garp, but not before securing him a lifetime supply of rice crackers.

Then, I left for the New World.

...

There were not a lot of changes, but there was one major change.

He conquered the Grand Line.

He found One Piece.

He, Gol D. Roger, has become the Pirate King.

It was all over the news, the World Government painting him as a corrupt pirate who kills and loot innocents.

'What a bunch of fools.'

I visited places that I haven't been to in a while, starting with the Orphanage.

It seems like the enhanced gravity helped the children grow.

When they saw me, they were enthusiastic to show off what they've learned.

There was 1 special kid, who was Laia.

She had a lot of potentials, that much was clear to me.

I decided to let her grow in the Orphanage a little bit more before taking her with me.

Then, I visited Kiosen Island and met Fuji there.

"Hello, Fuji-san!"

"Yo!"

"It seems like you've learned Haki in the time that I've been away."

"It was nothing special. I've always been able to feel it, it just took me some more time to use it."

"Are there any news of your promotion?"

"Ah yeah! I've been promoted to a Rear-Admiral!"

"Congratulations! Do you have access to higher class documents?"

"Nope. Need to be Vice Admiral before having access to those."

'I see. I guess that's fair, considering my and Dragon's betrayal.'

"Anyways, I'm gonna change the gravity to x30. Are you ready?"

"Wait! No, don't do it!"

I crushed him under x30 gravity, and he tried to get up.

He could barely walk, and I encouraged him, "Fuji-san, if you don't adapt to the gravity soon, the animals will eat you!", and then I walked away.

I was sailing around for a while, and that's when I encountered the person that started me on my journey.

She was arguably the most important person in my life.

Vice-Admiral Tsuru.

She saw me and prepared for a confrontation with me.

I debated if I should drop a meteor on her ship, but I didn't do it.

I needed a good relationship with Garp.

I ignored her and kept on sailing, and I would've, until one of the ships in her fleet fired at me.

I saw that she wasn't on that ship, so I sunk it.

She got furious at that, and she headed for me at full speed.

'Ah sh*t. Who leaked information about me? Is it just my luck?'

At that moment, I realized that I was extremely close to a Marine branch.

'No sh*t she's here because of that?'

Anyways, I called Garp and told him of the fast-approaching Tsuru.

He replied...